I'm thanking Jerry Kapstein in my liner notes.

This Hanley Ramirez picture (which looks like total crap here) was given to me by Bob from work. It says "to Jim" on it, even though my name is Jen. Apparantly he has trouble hearing. Anyway, it's from the Pawsox Hot Stove day this past January. I didn't line up for a Hanley autograph, so Bob did it for me. My friend Kayla and I watched from the sidelines and it was great. Also, Kelly Shoppach was totally drunk during his Q&A. Classic.

The best part is that the ubiquitous Jerry Kapstein is in the background of the Polaroid. I saw him there that day and I couldn't believe it. I was reading the Don Baylor book and he gets mentioned in that one ( he was a superagent at the time ). He has popped up in several baseball types of books I've read. And everybody loves him, myself included.

One more thing: I have a real problem with the Pawsox web site. You would think they'd have news regarding their 2005 roster... like, say, Juan Perez going to the Mets. I find it reprehensible that there is absolutely nothing there in the way of team updates! Dare me to e-mail them and say that? I think I will!


Juan Perez signed by Mets

From Mets.com via the Mets Geek blog:
The New York Mets today added five players to their 40-man winter roster: Righthanded pitchers Brian Bannister, Anderson Garcia, Henry Owens and Yusmeiro Petit, and lefthanded pitcher Juan Perez. In addition, the Mets outrighted outfielders Ambiorix Concepcion and Todd Self to Norfolk (AAA) of the International League.
Perez, 27, signed a minor league contract with the Mets on October 28th after spending the 2005 season with Pawtucket (AAA) of the International League in the Boston Red Sox organization. In 40 games, he was 4-5 with a 4.50 ERA (31 earned runs in 62.0 innings pitched) with one save.

I'll have to go back and look at some old scorecards and see if I can find any great pitching performances by J.P. I heard he was a nice guy, great with the kids, etc. Best O' Luck, Juan! Have fun in NY!

PS: Trying to find a picture of Juan Perez the baseball player is like trying to find a Mike Johnson that works in insurance.


"My Wife Loves Kapler"

There's a thread on theremyreport.com entitled "My Wife Loves Kapler" which is mostly page after page of Red Sox player / personnel photos accompanied by admiring (and sometimes lecherous) comments by females. I'm not condemning it at all - how could I slag it when I have been through several pages of it and added some of the better photos to my own desktop folder? If you harbor secret, dirty thoughts about Alex Cora or have ever called Adam Hyzdu "Hyzdu-Me" or maybe wanna see what kind of car Trot Nixon goes to the park in, I suggest you check it out.

There're a few pictures of our late great GM T. Epstein. He's not cute. I never thought he was cute. He's a dork who has committed several fashion offenses which include:

1. overuse of hair gel
2. wearing the same ugly polo shirt through half of spring training
3. wearing what is commonly known as a "mock turtleneck"

And strapping on a guitar with your crappy band at HS/CM and hanging out with Bill Janovitz? Okay. We all know you're BFF with Eddie Vedder, Theo, but you are and always will be a Yalie suit.


Buying Red Sox tickets from a scalper

I used to buy tickets from scalpers pretty regularly. Now, I would only do it as an absolute last resort. I either a) use other means ( and there are many ) or b) watch the game on TV because I don't give a shit anymore.

I am going to pass on a few words of wisdom: scalpers are not your friends. Sure, they may call you 'buddy' or 'kiddo', but don't think for one minute they're not gonna try and sell you seats inside a stainless steel freezer unit for $350.

If you're seriously gonna buy the tickets from some red-faced guy in windpants with a gold chain as thick as my arm, consider the following:

1. Make sure the date is correct on the tickets
2. Make sure the seats are together, as in, "the same row" or "not separated by five sections"
3. Watch the thumbs! When Shady McScrubberson is showing you the sweet, sweet Yankees tickets, he may be hiding the "OBSTRUCTED VIEW" part of the ticket with his big fat thumb!
4. You CAN haggle a little. Don't be afraid to offer less than what the tickets are being offered for.
5. Ask to see the seating chart or have one with you. THEY ALL CARRY SEATING CHARTS!!! DO NOT JUST ACCEPT HIS WORD THAT THEY'RE 'GOOD SEATS'.
6. "Behind the dugout" is much, much vaster area than you think
7. If the price seems too good to be true...
8. "I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm selling these tickets real cheap because I've been here since 10, I'm tired, I just wanna go home..." LIES!!!!
9. Never,ever buy tickets for the section known as "BENCH".

All of these tips come from experience, and yes, I have been scammed. Teach your children well.

This could be anywhere. This could be everywhere.

I hate when you travel to a different city and you're staying in some motel and you look out the window and there's an interstate, a Burger King, a Home Depot, a parking lot.

I was looking for corresponding pictures for "boredom" on Yahoo and I kept seeing these beautiful pictures of things like parking garages, colorless business offices, potted plants, rental cars, motel room art, beige carpeting, stuff like that. The webpage was crackpot.org but I couldn't access it.

It's disappointing when you get to go to a different city for once and you're faced with the heartbreaking anonymity of shopping plazas and 6 lanes of traffic and no sidewalks. See also: Seekonk, North Attleboro, Warwick.

It's even worse that I work in a place like this.


"Why you so big on that guy?"

Ugh, I hate the way these pictures come out.

Anyway, I could be posting about Golden Gloves and ROYs and Cy Youngs, but if you're relying on this blog for that kind of information and commentary, please put down the bong.

This picture reminds me... in 2004 when the roster photos came out, every guy on the Red Sox had a mole on his neck. And it was like... the mole stayed in one spot while the players' heights and neck length difference made the mole wind up on different parts of the skin. I dunno.

It also reminds me of seeing McCarty pitch in the Red Sox first home game and then months later in their last game of the season in Baltimore.

There's been hardly any baseball news and I'm dying. Also, Sean McAdam never wrote me back. I'm completely crushed.


You're so far away from me

See if you can guess which Red Sox player is circled in this photo.


Jenks Park and Stanley's

Screw it.

I originally only wanted my location to be just "RI", but I gotta represent.

"Well, I'm looking for an apartment... anywhere but CF."

Screw you.

You only wish you could have what I have.

And screw you, CFPD, for taking out your feedback section.

I'm keeping it real.

PS I love the big clock picture in this entry. I used to have a camera and I used to take pictures. See?

Sean Paul and Sheryl Crowe

The worst thing about going to spring training is that once you go, you want to go every year. Forever.

The best thing about ST is everything.

I love this picture from 2005 spring training, which I was unable to attend. I love seeing the kids: Machado, Shoppach... and the AAA guys like Dave "Ice" Berg. I was really, really sad about missing it all. But the whole scalpers with Yankees tickets was a bit much.

Blag is a Skin Poppin' Slut

Last night was the big Dwarves show at the Living Room! And it was great! I forget sometimes how riveting they are live, but when the lights went out I was giddy and excited!

Do you know what happened? HeWhoCannotbeNamed was kicking it old school, what with the wrestling mask and nudity and devilish smile. And he received fellatio right there on stage! And I missed the entire thing!!

Know what else happend ? HeWho mauled the breasts of a young lady that was going berserk up front, sort of making herself part of the show. I guess she was not down with that, because I saw her walking away from the stage, talking on her cell phone. And after the show was over, the cops showed up, trying to get backstage. I think at that point, HeWho had made himself scarce. I don't know if they arrested anyone.

They played "Is There Anybody Out There?" amongst other things. I'm vowing to attend more shows... even if the acts are local and in all likelihood, crappy.

PS Winter beers are here! I bought some Harpoon Winter Warmer and had a couple Winter Hooks at the show. The only thing better that winter beer is summer beer. I'd also like to take this opportunity to tell you that Sam Adams is hardly any better than Coors. I never drink it.

The best of Tele-Times?

On November 15th, the following comment appeared in the Tele-Times section of the Pawtucket Times newspaper:

"... Recently, there were several messages in Tele-Times about the empty rectory on Newport Avenue. The pastor has since announced from the altar that these messages are not true, that he lives in the rectory. I beg to differ. I know he lived in lower Lincoln, on the east side of Lonsdale Avenue, for four or five years. I saw him there three or four times. Then about six months ago, he sold that house and he and his friend moved to Cumberland. I've noticed that since they renovated the church, they've eliminated the confessionals. Maybe the reason being his will take confessions up at his new home in Cumberland. I will take a ride up there, and would love to hear his confession! Recently, the Vatican announced it will not allow any more homosexuals in the priesthood. I wonder what they will do with the ones they have in there now? ..."

The comment is signed "Concerned Parishioner". What it seemingly boils down to is CP alleging that his / her pastor is living in sin with a man.

Well, now Santa Claus is upset. The guy that plays Santa every year to raise money for the Times' Christmas fund was so pissed about the allegation that he wrote a letter in which he stated "I was so offended by the comments that I was going to cancel my appearance...The reason I was going to cancel was because of the enormous lack of judgement on the part of The Times for printing such hurtful and slanderous remarks."

Furthermore, there was a letter that ran simultaneously in the editorial section written by Richard Blockson, general manager of the Times. He writes, in part, "Moving forward, our staff will be ever cognizant of anything that does not comply with our policy, which states 'The Times reminds Tele-Times readers that it will not print lewd, vulgar, or slanderous calls.'"

He does not apologize for printing the contents of the call.

Usually, I find Tele-Times to be hilarious for different reasons. The whole slanderous allegation angle is awesome! You really have to read the entire contents of Santa's letter and its allegations of anti-Catholicism and religious intolerance.

I only hope this doesn't suck the fun and life and crankiness out of Tele-Times.


Mayor Mae Knott

Okay, I'm officially baffled by the "simulated press conference" that's currently on ESPN. A guy named Steve Philips is playing the Astros GM. Tomorrow he'll play the Dodgers GM. I'm assuming this is some kind of recreation of the GM meetings.

And while we're on the subject, how much fun would it be to go to the GM meetings? You think those guys don't PARTY?!


I'm taking the next bus outta here

Well, I couldn't help myself. I bow-wowed my grandmother's dog and took her for a long walk... to the park. Past the park. Had I had an earlier start, I may have taken her to Fenway by way of Brookline and the man-made lake park. But I don't know, I'm kind of bored with Fenway.

One of the minor league teams I saw this year was the New Britain Rock Cats, the Twins' AA affiliate. The weird thing about that was they had a sponsor on their uniforms. This would be the first time I saw ads on jerseys. Very strange. Nice park, though.

McCoy looked great, still and expectant. I'm not big into baseball mystique and romanticism at all. I hated Field of Dreams. But it's killing me to think that they're playing baseball in Arizona RIGHT NOW.

There was a time in my life where if blogs existed, I would have been doing show reviews instead of game summaries and musings. But I'm old now and today's music is just a bunch of screaming and yelling.

There's a little stadium tucked away behind the factory, next to the prison that I've never seen the inside of. It's the real deal.. .scoreboard, lights, bleachers, you know. But every time I went to check it out, nothing was going on and the gates were locked. I think they're playing high school football there these days. A lot of people think this city is disgusting, dangerous, drugged, ugly. And I'm not anti-suburbia for the sake of being an urban snob. But come on. If you can't see the heart and charm and life here, you're stupid.

Next: there's a tiny boxing gym I've seen once, somewhere offa Washington St. It's old and tough and no one knows about it and I so very badly want to peek inside the door and see Mickey and Rock sweating it out.


Dear Doug Mirabelli

I swear this story is true.

2003 ALDS: Boston v Oakland. It was that extra inning game in Oakland. As you all know, those west coast postseason games can kill you. And when it comes to extra innings, forget it.

So I went to bed before the game was over and I swear I woke up from a dream and though, "Oh my god... did Derek Lowe come in as a reliever?"

Sure enough, he had come in. Just like I dreamed. That ALDS damn near killed me... I was fetal when T-Long was at the plate and he was called out looking. Then Lowe said "SUCK IT, OAKLAND" and Tejada had a meltdown over it and "Are you Scott" Hatteburg ended his friendship with sweaty, slutty Derek.

To summarize: Derek Lowe is a sweaty, pothead dirtbag and I never liked him.

Just one more night and I'm coming off this long and winding road

I'm watching Game 3 of the ALCS and having some Molson ( Canadian, of the wacky rear label variety ) and I Fucking Miss Baseball So Much. Just watching Javier Vazquez snap his glove closed on the return toss from Posada and the sweet, springy weather of the past week...

Also, Theo did not renew his contract. I think he wanted more money.

I love how Varitek said he text messaged Theo after he heard the deal had been done.
Probably something like, "Congrats, dude." Because baseball players are stupid and not at all interesting.

I still can't upload pictures for some reason. Thus, the completely drab appearance.