Facts About Rats

Joseph Jenks was one of the first governors of Rhode Island. He died in 1749 at age 91 and was buried in Pawtucket.

So what, right? Well, he got disinterred for some reason about a hundred years later. It was then reported that JJ was seven foot two inches tall. No wonder he got elected governor! God, he must have been a freaking giant back then!

How come I never knew about this?

At any rate, it's over. No more baseball. AFL doesn't count. I'm going to move to Venezuela and get a job in winter league ball.


Well, I guess that's okay.

Congratulations STL.

And now Scott Spiezio has TWO rings.

10.27.06 The Queers @ The Living Room, Providence: manners and costumes

Big World WINS! because the guitar player looks like Frankenstein and because Frankly, they were good!

Other opening bands included Famous, some band, and some other high school ska band. Famous was really bad, but fortunately the WS was on the TV in the other room so I watched all that go down. Big World is a group of older guys from Newport and you can tell they've been there. The bass player was in Neutral Nation, okay? I'm pretty sure they sang a song about a big truck.

I enjoyed the Q's more in Providence because... well, Boston's got more of an uptight, style-conscious vibe. I'm so sorry, Boston, but let's be honest here. We're definitely not as pretty or refined in Providence. The show wasn't the event of the night, that's for sure. There weren't many people there. Live music's dead in Providence, but you knew that.

Some guy I used to work with played the drums for the Queers. And there was a fellow dressed as Santa Claus. A lot of stuff offa 'Love Songs for the Retarded'. Good show, everybody. Except you, Famous.

GN/BN: The Briefs are coming to the Living Room. Unfortunately, they are opening for The Casualties. Yuck!


Scott Jetape

I'm going to my first football game Monday night. Minnesota Vikings! Not only that, but it'll be my first time in Minneapolis. I remember driving through Minnesota many years ago and HATING it, but I didn't take into consideration that PRINCE is from Minneapolis. I'm very excited.

My co-workers encouraged me to make a sign of some kind, so I think I'll go for it. Of course, I have to incorporate "ESPN" into the sign. Generally, I find this sort of thing revolting. I'll make that sacrifice for my people, though.

This is usually the point where I'd give a shout-out to my co-workers, but they don't read my blog so fuck 'em.

never again

I'm getting way more involved with this WS than I wanted to be. I was sort of idly rooting for Detroit. Now I have an emotional stake and I don't like it.

Oh, don't worry. It's nothing like 2003. That was hard for everybody. I didn't handle that well. But the World Series can really suck you in... or suck you out.


Luke's Record Exchange

What do pentagram metalhead jewelry, Beatles memorabilia, stacks of dusty cassettes, popstar postcards, DJ equipment, creaky wooden floors, checkered muscle shirts, and Thompson Twins buttons have in common? All stuff you might have purchased at Luke's Record Exchange. Except you can't anymore because he's going out of business again.

As is usually the case, I feel like I should have gone there more. As if my occasional used CD purchases would have saved that place. I still have a metal skull bracelet I bought from Luke at the Pawtucket Octoberfest when I was... 16. It's completely awful but I still wear it every now and then. I was intoximacated when I bought it so there's your excuse.

This morning I popped in a used cassette I picked up that was labelled "Boston Celtics Play-Off BB 6/3/88". And it's the conclusion of the game. The Celtics lost. One of the radio guys is Glenn Ordway, who you know as an EEI loudmouth. Or jackhole, if you prefer.

By the way, while you're trick-or-treating you can stop by Campanelli Stadium in Brockton and have your picture taken with the mascot. MMM... smells like wet leaves.

why were you so anchorless?

Tonight's G-Night.

I only know maybe one other person who's interested in the WS, and that is my brother Phil (awesome). As much as I try to resist falling into the category of Generic Sports Fan, I enjoy watching sporting events in groups. With my peers. In my pink shirt. With my face painted.

Anyway, it dawned on me last night that I REALLY want the Tigers to win. Stupid Hippie Carpenter.

I'm heading down toward the bottom of Rhode Island today. For a while... For a while.


Arizona Fall League: outposts

Okay, so on the Peoria Javelinas we have P Barry Hertzler (he's from Rhode Island!), David Pauley, and Old Man Dinardo. Ha. Jacoby Ellsbury is outfielding this fall, too. And Nomar's brother Michael is playing second. Isn't he in the Mariners' system?

That's all I have... if you're bursting with curiosity then _____.

Hey! Isn't the Hugh Johnson Project on Deadspin essentially the same thing as a Sons of Sam Horn game thread?


Bob Feller: Three-dimensional?

After hearing a few unpleasant facts about Bob Feller from NYC JS, I decided to do a little investigating. (Many people do not know this about me: I was once a reporter/photographer for a newspaper that never saw the light of day. I never actually did any reporting/photographing, but I was hired and even had a press pass. It was glorious.)

I started (and finished) by asking Baseball Insider and Green Fly Bob OCD. I think I kind of get what Feller does: He swaps signed items with other hall-of-famers and then sells them at his museum. The museum isn't really his. It's owned and operated by a married couple in tiny Van Meter, Iowa. Bob Feller was born there.

I guess there's nothing wrong with him doing this, but Bob Feller is a racist and rude little kitten-kicker. Don't let the twinkling eyes and white hair fool you.

Is Randy Flores related to Ron Flores?


Damn, it looks cold in Detroit. Remember how Brian Daubach always wore a mock turtleneck type thing under his uniform, even in July? And now some of these guys are in short sleeves. These two things are unrelated, but I like thinking about BD because I used to love that guy.

Last night I dreamed that Tony Clark had knelt down in front of a television set at home and shot himself. Dead! I didn't see it happen. Someone told me about it. I was very shocked.

Funny how Craig Monroe is in the WS. Craig... Monroe. Well, good for him.

One last thing: Have you ever heard a Yankee fan talk about Mike Mussina and how they want him to get a ring? Well, you know what the Russians say: Tough shitsky. Mussina might not get a ring and that's the way it goes. Maybe I wanted Brandon Lyon to get a ring. Or Scott Hatteburg or something. Jesus.


IL news for rat bastards

The Devil Rays released their 1B guy, Kevin Witt, who played mostly for the AAA Durham Bulls and did a pretty awesome job there (he won the International League MVP). He sucked in Tampa Bay, though, so see ya.

K-Dub led the IL in HRs (36).

Also, IL manager o' the year John Russell is being considered to replace Buck Showalter in TX. Russell was the Scranton-Wilkes Barre manager. SWB won their division in '06. This was also Pawtucket's division. The PawSox finished 16 games out. OUCH!

In retrospect, I should have focused more on Craig Breslow. What a nice job he did.

Jack-O-Lantern Festival at McCoy

They're having a J-O-L festival at McCoy. At $12 a head, it seems wildly expensive. I mean, you're just walking around looking at jack o'lanterns.

I did go past the park recently and it looks adorable. They put the carved pumpkins in the seats so they're sort of like PawSox fans. There's even a JS o'lantern, complete with stupid hat and dark, flowing hair.

That being said, I might go. Stupid Halloween.

everyone knows it's Endy

I was at Box Seats when Endy C. defied the laws of gravity. Galvanizing! I'm glad they showed the catch a few times because I was having a hard time believing what I'd seen, partly because I'd stabbed myself in the eye earlier in the day.

It was the kind of play where everyone turns in their seat to the person next to them... and then the person behind them... and then everyone is looking at everyone else.

Fat lot of good it did the Mets, though. I felt bad for them, but I think if the Cards had lost, I'd have felt bad for them.

My eye is 100% back to normal now, but the pain and blurred vision and free-flowing tears scared me a little.


Quad Plat

Remember when you were younger and first started travelling by yourself how cool the airport was? It was so big and bustling and filled with cavernous halls and secret doors.

Then you get older and you realize how fucking horrible it is to sit in an airport. The disgusting food costs way too much, the other people get in your way, they have 100,000 magazines but never anything good, the restrooms smell bad, and no one good ever talks to you.

I just think it would be cool if somehow you wound up on the same flight as Todd Walker. And he sat next to you and totally ignored you even though you had Mad magazine and a Tupperware filled with ketchup bread.

By you I mean me.

David Silvas had some really good ideas.


No! Monday Night Football! (from "TV Party")

Yes, as a matter of fact I AM watching the '04 ALCS.

Pawtucket kids sick of that shit.

Alejandro Machado, Corky Miller, Ken Huckaby, Carlos Pena, and Hee-Seop Choi. Free agents now.

Just typing those names takes me back. Machado, I'll miss YOU the most!

Guys, I realize that Pawtucket looks like the ass-end of the Industrial Revolution, but let's not forget RI's miles of coastline and sea-faring colonialness. Don't be strangers, now!

By the way, Rhode Islanders like to trade stories of meeting people who think Rhode Island is a) an island
b) in New York
c) in Europe
d) made up

So unless Jeff Bailey is ending his year-long catching sabbatical, Pawtucket is currently receiverless. Just stick a lawn chair in there, RJ. See you in April... or March if a miracle happens.


Ken Macha (handsome) got shitcanned but good. I feel bad about that, even though it's not much of a surprise to me. I also feel bad about the A's not making it, but how can you not love the Tigers madly?

Speaking of former A's employees, Eric Byrnes. What the hell was Fox thinking? I'm not talking about his hair. Imagine him being one of your teammates and having to sit next to him on the charter jet. On the way to NYC to play the Mets from Phoenix. And he gets to talking about how moths spray this stuff that is a potential cure for cancer.

Speaking of people you don't want to sit next to on a plane, Arroyo has made it very clear that he'd like to return to Notsob. What a surprise. Again, I like him okay as a pitcher... I even almost loved him after his perfect game in Pawtucket and then his '04 talents. You know what, I'm not going over this again.

Lean Cuisine is for the weak.

It's not like I eat it every day. Or every week. Or monthly. Just sometimes. You have to disregard the cooking time on the package and bake it extra long for that golden brown crust on top. Add a mess o' black pepper and wait like 8 minutes because it comes out scalding hot.

Serves two, but just eat the whole thing. It's an entree, not a side.


auld lang syne

You know how a lot of churches have thrift stores on Saturday mornings? Well, I went to one in Pawtucket this morning (I can't recall the name of the church, but it's somewhat forward-thinking and urban) and I noticed that in the Book Room, there were some old issues of Playgirl. They were in decent condition, considering that they were from the mid-seventies.

Needless to say, I found them irresistable and bought a few of them. The churchy gent attending the shop said as I paid for my stuff, "Vintage Playgirl! I wasn't going to put them out, but then I said What The Heck. Someone will buy them."

That someone was me. They're really cool. Lots of mustaches and naked windsurfing and cigarette ads. And for some reason, Australian athletes.

silver spaceships

I don't know much about religious fervor/insanity, but I do enjoy artistic representations of it. I found these flyers in a laundromat in itty-bitty Florence, Arizona when I was at Spring Training.

skinny models

I've been hearing a lot lately about how shockingly thin many models and celebrities are. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Who cares if they want to be skinny? They're not hurting anybody.

Some people even say it causes eating disorders amongst young ladies. I think that's too broad. I always looked at magazine women as sort of ridiculous, not something to aspire to. Don't you think a lot of kids feel the same way? Not all high school students are vacuous and fashion-oriented.

The other night I took my chances on one of those bear claw novelty skill machines. On my FIRST TRY I got a prize! It's a tiny Baltimore Orioles pillow! Hope I don't give anyone a complex because they can never live up to my BEAR CLAW SKILLS!

It's what's for dinner.

When pitcher John Lackey throws his fastball, batters feel the heat. When he steps off the mound and sits down at the dinner table, his guests feel the heat, too - the heat of his Tex-Mex Smoky Beef Chili Hash. With every plate loaded with hearty, healthy flavor, this one's a big win.


Carlos Delgado made me do it.

October 10, 2006


Dear Marlins Fans,

The last few days have been surreal for me, in many ways a
dream that has now become a reality. I began to have this
dream in 1991, when I was hired as the first Minor League
manager in the Marlins organization. It has been a long but
exciting journey for me, from growing up in Perrine, to
attending and playing baseball at Miami Southridge High
School, to being drafted by the Yankees, to managing for both
the Marlins and the Braves, and now being back home in South
Florida and seeing my dream come true. I could not have done
this without the support of my wife, my children, and my
family. My parents had a dream as well, to watch their kids
grow up and be successful. They had the courage to sacrifice
everything because of their love for us, and I am happy to
know that this means as much to my family as it does to me.

I was fortunate enough to be here for the beginning of the
Marlins franchise, and I hope that you are as proud as I am
of what this organization has accomplished. Much has happened
in its short history; 2 World Series championships,
8 Gold Glove winners, 4 Silver Sluggers and 30 All-Stars.
I was in a good place in Atlanta and I was a part of some
very successful seasons, but this is the first organization
that gave me an opportunity to coach at the Major League
level, and I am thrilled to be back home.

I have much to be excited about in my first season as manager.
I am inheriting a great pitching staff with guys like Dontrelle
Willis, Josh Johnson, Scott Olsen, Anibal Sanchez, and Ricky
Nolasco. The lineup should also reap the benefits of a full
season of experience, and I expect great things out of players
like Dan Uggla, Hanley Ramirez, Mike Jacobs, Josh Willingham,
and Jeremy Hermida. I have known Miguel Cabrera since he was a
baby-faced infielder and I look forward to seeing him continue
to blossom as one of the best young stars in baseball. There
are areas that we will need to improve, but I can promise you
that this team will be exciting, will play hard and will be
competitive in a difficult division. I will do everything I
can to take this team to the next level and build on the
success that is already ahead of schedule. These young men
all have dreams as well, dreams to become champions, and
together we will work to make those dreams come true.

I hope you are excited as I am. I can't wait for Spring
Training to start and to begin working toward accomplishing
our goals. I invite you to join us at Dolphin Stadium in 2007
for a season that promises to be exciting and memorable. See
you at the ballpark!

Go Fish!

Fredi Gonzalez


sparrow update

The sparrow that flew into my apt. earlier hid behind my stove, where it was going to have a heart attack and die and decay and I would be unable to remove it because my stove is a Detroit Jewel.

But something great happened. It flew out the porch door unassisted! It even chirped a little apology.

Did you ever think you'd find yourself rooting for K. Rogers? Did you ever think you'd be clutching your little fists and muttering, "Come on, Kenny"? Did you ever think about that?

GC in effect.

People are always talking about going away for the holidays, but they usually mean Thanksgiving or Christmas. How come you never hear people talk about going away for Halloween?

So I'm going away for Halloween this year. I am packing a costume. You can try and guess where I'm going! Hint: I'm going to try and go to the Bob Feller museum.

There's a new baseball person at work.

There's a new baseball person at work. The other baseball people are happy. Now there are four of us.

10.07.06 The Queers, The Hard-ons, Toys That Kill, Meat Depressed @ TT the Bear's : graveyard

The Hard-ons WIN!

Meat Depressed: They've been playing forever, yet I'd never seen them until Saturday night. Not really my thing (they closed with a Ramones medley), but they're playing out and having a good time which is more than I can say for myself. I enjoyed the MEAT DEPRESSED banner they hung behind the drum set. Kit.

Toys That Kill: Not bad. Not memorable.

The Hard-ons: Here's the REAL story. I was expecting to see some Australian pop in two-minute segments. I'm still not sure what to make of what I saw instead. Have you ever gone to see a band that you haven't heard from in a couple of years and when they get on stage and start playing, you're not sure it's even the same band? Yes. There was some hair flying around, some guitar wizardry, some distortion, some noise... and they crammed "Don't Wanna See You Cry" in there somewhere. K, thanks!

The Queers: I'm an unabashed Queers fan. They played Providence regularly and I'd always go see them. Joe King's a great guy. It's stupid bubblegum crap but I like it. I could do a whole separate post on them, but I'll save it. Just this: "I Met Her at the Rat."

I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. Get things done.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. You spend your time doing stupid things like going to work and tossing coins and driving late at night and before you know it, October's half over.

The playoff infield in '04: Millar 1B, Bellhorn 2B, Cabrera SS (and also batting second???), Mueller at 3rd. I was watching Game 5 (ALCS) for a while last night and I was a little horrified at the treatment of Mark Bellhorn. The fans were merciless! Even in the post-season, they'd chant Pokey's name when he was at bat. Wow. Poor guy. And they hate him in San Diego, too.

None of the teams I like did very well, except Detroit. The Tigers' celebration made me cry. I eat that shit up. Conclusion: the teams I like best aren't very good.

Holy crap. A sparrow just flew into my apartment from outside. What do I do now?


9.22.06 San Diego v. Pittsburgh Pirates: spoilt

San Diego WINS! 6-2

This was it. This was my big chance to be present during a no-hitter. Most of the time, it's some random pitcher who chucks one. People like Hideo Nomo and Anibal Sanchez, right? (I know, N. Ryan, shut up.) So Mr. Highpockets Chris Young is going for it. Yeah.

But I ruined it because I turned to the woman next to me after the 6th and said, "Hey, know what I just noticed?" Yup. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

I'll tell you what, though, the park was off the chain at that point. It was one of the best games I've ever been to. And then Joe "Randy" (according to the inaccurate scoreboard) very rudely hit a two-run homer with one out in the 9th. Deflation. Exeunt all hopes.

I read in the paper the next day that Randa walked into a downtown restaurant and who did he see but Chris Young. Ha.

PS The food at Petco is furiously expensive. ONE hot dog, ONE order of fries, and ONE beer? $19.75. Yes.

because you're ugly?

Why is everyone so mean to Manny?

He's possibly the sweetest guy in O.B. And look at that swing... if you created a geometric plane from his bat-swing ellipse and drew some stars around it, gorgeous!

This has always bothered me. Especially if Ramirez misses a game and he's accused of faking an injury.


The Twins have phat D and don't you forget it.

I can't stand it when they talk to the manager DURING the game. I can't believe they'd ever agree to this.

I'm so unsatisfied.

Wow, I really did not expect the A's to win yesterday. I'm a little nervous. Barry Zito? Are you kidding me? Since when is he THAT effective?

The Padres got squished by STL. It's funny how all of a sudden, the players you love become fair game when they're opposing teams you like better. But only marginally. Am I much of a Tigers fan? No, course not. Do I REALLY hate Pujols? How could I?! And I like the A's a lot!

I think I'll do what I do during every postseason: give blood. I'm not religious or superstitious or spiritual, but with baseball, all bets are off. Somehow I feel that being an altruistic model citizen will give my favorite teams some kind of edge.

Go Minnesota.


"Somebody's gonna pay! Somebody's gonna pay!"

Papa Jack, no!

Remember that one game where he got ejected? That was nuts.

Oh, dear.

Fuck you, football.

Fuck you, football. As baseball is minding its own beeswax and heading for the exit, you come barging in from the other direction, banging the door open and knocking down baseball like the big jerk you are.

So fuck you, football.

i've been holding out so long

I haven't had a lot of time these days.

I was at my brother Phil's wedding reception Saturday and my friend B-Cat had extra Red Sox tickets so I did that. In the interest of time I drove up but didn't take "The Back Way" and so was deeply, deeply lodged in Kenmore Square almost up until game time.

So that was good. Being at times an emotional lady, I kept welling up during certain players' at-bats. Boston lost of course. I don't mean that in a disparaging way, except possibly toward myself. I just mean that the Red Sox record when I am present at Fenway is horrible. I had nice corporate seats in LF, but the weird British guy next to me had no regard for space and was sprawling into my seat area. He was also bitching to his friend about the wave.

I know that the wave is pretty stupid and that all the cool kids hate it, but I am not above participating in it. I won't say that people who sit there with their arms folded have sticks up their asses, but.

The bleachers were rollicking. I envied their spirit and volume.

Then yesterday when T. Francona lifted Trot Nixon I cried again. I can't really even think about it because I get a lump in my throat. Is it silly to get weepy over professional sports? Possibly. When I was in San Diego (because I was in San Diego) I was at their sports museum in the only section that matters... the baseball section. And they had a monitor that was showing miscellaneous Padres victories on a loop. A woman in a Padres jersey was sitting there watching the video and sniffling into her hanky. All by herself. I talked to her for a minute and she told me she was an usher at Petco. And I thought, that's me in 15-20 years. Jeez, it's practically me right now. Waah.

So long, Boston Red Sox. It was a pretty weird year and I'm looking forward to '07.