davey jones' locker has cowboy boots in it

David Hunter Jones was born in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, in 1984. He is a brick shithouse at 6'4", 240. Jones went to Florida State, a notorious party college, where he majored in business. Of course. He missed quite a bit of time with an elbow injury, which was misdiagnosed by FSU coaches. He was collected by Boston as an undrafted free agent in '05, which he was happy about because he was NOT FUCKING GOING BACK TO FSU, BRO!!!

Jones is a left-handed reliever who attacks the strike zone, which is my favorite kind of reliever. (I like 'em kinda ugly, too... no good relief pitcher is handsome.) He's more effective against righties, so there you have it. Jones split 2008 between Portland and Pawtucket. He was added to the 40-man roster last November.

Jones played winter ball this season: first, in the Dominican... then, in Venezuela. I'm sure he sees it as a job, but damn, how I wish I were there. If I showed a Venezuelan a picture of a scraper, would they even be able to identify it? Do they sell them in the Dominican? I could drop it from a helicopter, like a soda bottle, and they would marvel over it.

Check out this mostly non-serious interview with HJ.

By the way, Palm Beach Gardens is a planned municipality, crammed with golf courses and gated communities. It looks pretty ridiculous. On the other hand, Hunter Jones is a sexy bitch and a for real bad-ass and will hopefully be THE MAN this ST.

Go, team, go.


spanish for "the niño"

The first Pawtucket poster night I attended, I asked Abe Alvarez how to say "catcher" in Spanish. I might as well have asked him to borrow fifty bucks. He was a total bitch about it and I thought it was hilarious. Alejandro Machado was so much nicer.

And so it came to pass that IL Repeat Offender Carlos Maldonado will be on the PawSox roster. Probably. Which seems to me like Kottaras or Brown are suddenly expendable, tradeable, posable and huggable. They are Baked Potato People.

Amongst all the Varitek hugger-mugger, I read about how some of Tek's value can be derived from his leading and mentoring and otherwise aiding young catchers. To this I say, are you kidding me, Tuco?

What incentive does Varitek have to do this? Is it a contractual condition of some kind, or is he expected to do this out of the kindness of his heart? Don't they have staff to handle this crap? If I were Varitek, I wouldn't even talk to the kids in spring training. Even if a young catcher approached me, I'd say, 'CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?!'

Think about this: You've been at your job longer than almost everybody else. Some new kid comes in and your boss asks you to show them the ropes. Like you don't have anything else to do. And it's so tedious and annoying trying to train some new kid, going over and over some crap that's simple and obvious to you.

That shit is not in my job description and I am not getting paid to do it. So if I were Jason Varitek, I wouldn't even go there. NOT MY JOB.

Welcome to Rhode Island, Carlos!

the mets would like some of jon switzer's purple berries

Mets pick up Lefty Jon Switzer and Kyle Snyder and will probably keep them both alive. They are leaving. We don't need them. We still have Mike Tejera and Hunter Jones. I'll be getting to Jonesy in a couple of days, see?

Chip Ambres is returning to Pawtucket. I'm unduly excited. And I'm annoyed because I HAD an insta-snap of Ambres and I opted not to scan it due to its poor quality.

Please enjoy this photo of Kyle Snyder and his giant memere shoes.


Virgil Vasquez has moved twice without leaving his home.

First he was Pawtucket bound. Then he was released and claimed by the Padres. And now they've gone and let him go. I want him. Let's go get him back!

In a related story, former PawSox great Luis Figueroa has been signed to a minor league contract by the Angels. Figgy was a nice guy, if a little... rakish. God bless him.

What's that you say, mother? Boston needs a catcher?

Let's see where they've all gone:

Alberto Concepcion: 12th round draft pick for Boston in '02. Concepcion spent a couple of years in Portland. He got into 5 or 6 PawSox games in 2006 but released during that off-season. Played in the Marlins organization last year but has yet to appear in a big league game.

Sandy Martinez (Boston, 2004): Martinez appeared in three games for Boston but never got a hit or anything. He is currently 38 years old and hasn't played in the majors for four years. Another guy who last played in the Marlins org.

Jim Buckley: Was actually drafted 25th round by Boston in 2002. Split 2005 between Portland and Pawtucket. Appeared in a few PawSox games in '06, was released that June, and went on to play indy ball for the Somerset Patriots. Retired.

Jeff Bailey: Stopped catching in 2006-ish because it felt funny or something. Probably cannot be coerced to return to that position.

Ken Huckaby(Pawtucket, 2006): Uh-oh, he's a free agent! Huckaby was released by the Royals in May of last year but hasn't been in a major league game since 2006.

Corky Miller (Pawtucket, 2006): Still getting work! The White Sox have signed him to a minor league contract. Corky Miller will never die.

Then there's Kevin Cash, David Ross, and that other guy. I should probably do a little more Jim Buckley research, don't you think?

Craig Breslow is sending his love down a well.

Craig Breslow founded the Strike 3 Foundation in 2008. It's for childhood cancer research. Breslow was moved by his own sister's successful battle against cancer.


I don't know if CB wrote the copy himself, but you have to wonder if all this was necessary: "This winter, when the impulse to give back became overwhelming, so too did the impetus. I recalled with a familiarity all too real, the morbidity that permeated our house when my sister, at age 14, was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. But I remember with even more vivid clarity, the euphoric response to the declaration of her being cancer free after treatment."

Sorry, slow news day. Umm... Abe Alvarez is playing winter ball in Puerto Rico and not performing that well. At least he's got sunshine.

Devern Hansack is freaking out.

Hansack's applied for his work visa and should be in Florida by now, somewhat ahead of schedule. Enjoy this interview with one worried righty. It's in Spanish, but if you know a little you should be fine.

If not, let's just say he's stressed about Boston signing people like Smoltz and Saito. He's gonna show up to ST, do his best, and probably start talking to other teams (his agent has mentioned StL). Furthermore, his agent is coming to Boston next week to meet with Cherington and Epstein to attempt to renegotiate Hansack's contract. The new terms? A lower payment if DH appears in a major league game (it's currently 400K)... BUT... if Hansack does not make the team out of spring training... if he has to spend ONE MORE YEAR in that fucking stinktown PAWTUCKET...if he's STUFFED IN THE MINORS YET AGAIN... he gets to be a free agent.

At least, that's what I think it said. I should call Mike Lowell and see if he'll help translate. And anyway, Devern Hansack is not even Latino! What gives?

Hansack is a major Nicaraguan celebrity and much more interesting than Justin Masterson.

PS I have no idea why the recent photos I've been posting are so large and intrusive. I am not doing anything differently.


Randor Bierd missed the NCIS marathon.

I guess I'll show some restraint and not mention that "Randor Bierd" sounds like a Bond villain/Martian/Croatian basketball player/Finnish assassin. (TM every other Boston blogger)

Let's get to know this kid:
1. He was born in the DR. He's right-handed and tall (6'4").
2. Pedro Martinez helped develop his change-up. Bierd has also played with former Orioles basket case Daniel Cabrera.
3. Last year during Orioles ST, Bierd bought a suit before he officially made the roster. He wanted to adhere to the traveling dress code.
4. From a Baltimore Sun blog comment: "This will be a great coup for the Orioles . We now have someone who can win for us in AAA and maybe with the parent club eventually . Beard was going nowhere with the Orioles as a reliefer and wouldn't be in the Majors this year after what he did last season . Hopefully Pie (Pa) will surprise a lot of people in baseball . He can make our outfield the best in baseball if he can hit ." Wow, someone's been guzzling propaganda!
5. Wildly unrelated, but Camden Yards sets up "ice stations" on very hot days? Well done, all!

PS Orioles fans are rolling their eyes at this trade. They've been pretty pissed off at the organization in general, so it's no surprise they're not thrilled about a AAA pitcher coming to town and possibly joining the starting rotation. I feel your pain, O's fans, and I take your troubles to bed with me at night. Andy McFail, indeed.

you'll be his, you'll be his

So, yeah, getting back to Pauley, D. (shown here in Buffalo with Hansack, talking about revolution and OZ's).

August 13th, 2005 was the first time I saw this kid, He was starting for the Sea Dogs of Portland, facing the Norwich Navigators (now the beloved Connecticut Defenders!). On this momentous occasion.... well, I think it was a thunderstick giveaway?

Pauley pitched four innings, giving up six runs on seven hits. He was relieved by Charlie Zink! WHAT. Zink was very sloppy in his two innings, giving up five earned runs.

Craig Hansen also pitched for Portland. At that time, he was exciting and potential-stuffed and THE FUTURE. It seems like so long ago...

For Norwich, starter Chris Begg went seven innings and only gave up one run, and RBI single by Jeremy West. Holy crap, this game is so crazy... Hanley Ramirez in the lineup? SHELDON FULSE?!

Portland lost the game 12-1. Hey, at least it was sunny and I was on vacation and you were stuck at work with those crazy people you work with. You=suffering, me=sunning.


Bye, pitchers! Bye!

David Pauley has been traded to the Orioles for reliever Randor Bierd. During Pauley's 2006-2008 career in Pawtucket, he started 60 games and won 22 of them (he lost 13).

Pauley's PawSox career ERA would be 4.47. In 2006, he started nine games (50 1/3 innings total) at McCoy and somehow gave up 60 hits in those games... so, what? 1.192 hits per inning?

I'm going to look at DP's 2006 games. Tomorrow.

Bartolo Colon's been signed by the White Sox.


Sunday Sore

The following is a series of insta-snaps an associate of mine loaned to me. I have butchered many of them so I could remove the innocent youngster who posed with all the jocks. I'm kicking it off with the big timers. The lesser known but more precious Pawtucket Kidz will follow. I love them more.

Most of these were taken at McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket, RI.



(Car shown may not actually be operated by Kyle Snyder. Contact your local dealer for details.)

If I'm not mistaken, that's CZ's ride.

Gabe Kapler Scouting Report


Mark Bellhorn is excited.


He might have 2.05 OZ of humility at this point.

Could he BE any more obscure?

he made us so proud

retired, moved to rhode island

The cutest thing in the parking lot.

That was great!

i miss these guys


Notes from the PRSHSP

I have never seen it so crowded at the Hot Stove party! I think the entire state of Rhode Island crammed themselves into the park just to get a gander at Lars A. And by gander, I mean "free autograph". I avoided that whole mess.

1. RJ has glasses, Zach Daeges seems nice, I bought more tickets HOLY CRAP WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!!!

The Pawtucket Red Sox are going to have "Star Wars Night" on May 3rd. I do not know what it entails but I cannot miss this.

That's all I got. I'm going to a basketball game now. G'night!


Jonathan Papelbon is a college graduate.

Former PawSox greats Javier Lopez and Papelbon have both filed for arbitration. The hearings will be sometime in Feb, I think before the 20th.

Pretty boring, right? Well, according to the MLB Collective Bargaining Agreement, there are six criteria considered when making a decision:

1. the contribution of the player to his team
2. the length and consistency of his career contribution
3. the player’s past compensation
4. comparable baseball salaries
5. the existence of any physical or mental defects on the part of the player
6. the recent performance of the club (including but not limited to league standings of the team and attendance)

Seems pretty reasonable and routine. Papelbon might be in trouble when it comes to number five, though. I think he is functionally retarded. I'm almost not kidding. It makes me angry to think he's got a college diploma and I dropped out. Clearly, there is no way this kid passed on his own merit. Furthermore, I refuse to believe that JP is more intelligent and educated than I am.

Javier Lopez is a tougher case to argue.

If you're fascinated and prepared to handle charts, graphs, and formulas, check out this economic professor's paper on the subject.

it's cold out... but hold out and do like i do

First of all, there is more than one Ryan Braun in baseball.

Secondly, the cold weather has turned me to Providence hockey. I've kind of accepted my fate as a Blackstone Valley Canadian. I am also going to attend my first ever Boston Bruins game in a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow: Red Sox Hot Stove, then PC/Marquette basketball. And if I have time, I'm picking up a Butt Gripping Pillow or two.



no one's last name is "Kuffs"

It's no secret that I do not like George Kottaras. I can give him credit, at times, for clutch hitting and stuff... not easy, considering he's kind of a tool.

But, no, he does not need to be in Boston. Sure, you can look at his numbers and say, hmm, okay, not bad. But there is no statistic that says yes, he's doing his job as a catcher, but he looks like shit doing it. You can have a .996 fielding percentage, but it doesn't say that the third baseman is killing himself trying to stab line drives. There's clean fielding and there's shit luck.

I have seen him play in person over and over and he is not a major league catcher. I have EYES. I have seen him hack and fumble and it is not easy for him. If he doesn't have it down by now then it's not going to happen.

Dusty Brown isn't Yogi Berra or anything but he doesn't appear to struggle as much. If I had to choose, it'd be Brown. I'm not in love with him, but he's better than GK.

David Ross is gone, by the way. I forgot to tell you that.


Sox Prospects is reporting that David Pauley has been DFA'd. So he might not be around come spring training to play golf with Zink and Buchholz. And CZ might need a new roommate!

I have probably seen this kid pitch fifty times. He was nice to the youngsters and shysters. Used to give his mother flowers and that.

Favorite Food: anything Italian
Favorite Celebrity: Jim Carrey
Favorite City: San Diego
Favorite Athlete: Ken Griffey Jr

Or who knows. He may still be around to give Ben Mondor a giant hug.

Jim Rice will encourage you to cheat, sometimes.

Congratulations to Jim Rice. I'm so glad I got to see him at the banquet a couple of years ago. I'm also glad I was there to witness his controversial comments!

The Pawtucket Red Sox are the only IL team that measures attendance by actual bums on seats, not by ticket sales. Class establishment, just like Glenn Hoffman said.


Dewon Day and a police car cake

Dewon Day has been claimed off waivers by the Devil Rays. I guess that means I won't be seeing him next Saturday, consarn it.

I'll have to focus my Hot Stove interest on someone like Mark Wagner or Kris Johnson. And at least Ron Johnson will be there.


Edgar Martinez and a police car cake

Free agent pitcher Edgar Martinez has been signed to a minor league contract by the Dodgers.

Martinez was never that great of a pitcher, but he was a good guy. I'll never forget his shaky relief appearances, his mall-rat polo shirts, and his weird hair.


this is my way of telling you everything i could never say before

Charlie Zink has been DFA'd to open up a roster spot for some outfield project with mono.

Stupid local media. Everyone really needs to focus on what's important... Zink was second only to David Purcey in league ERA, second in WINS!, tied for second in innings pitched, FUCKING NUMBER ONE WHIP IN THE INTERNATIONAL LEAGUE!!! 1.11 SUCK ON THAT PURCEY!!!!

Brandon Moss is going to try even harder.

Boston: 78 AB... AVG .295 ... OBP .337 ... OPS .799

Six walks and 25 K's

Pittsburgh: 45 AB... AVG .222 ... OBP .288 ... OPS .712

15 Walks and 45 K's

Moss missed the last 6 games of the season. An MRI showed cartilage separation in his left knee. BM underwent surgery in Colorado last OCT and he should be more than ready for spring training.

I'm sure the Pirates don't plan on sticking Moss at first base. That would be stupid. RIGHT? He'd be better off pitching - I heard he's pretty powerful.

It's interesting to see that Brandon Moss is considered a fourth outfielder, even in Pittsburgh.



I knew it would happen sooner or later - MLB would take over the Pawtucket Red Sox web site and crank out a generic version of it, just like all the other IL teams. I'm pissed.

Too many flashy graphics and ridiculous headlines. I used to hate the old site, but I grew to love it after I looked around a little. It may have been the last IL team site to use the MLB format. I'm just glad I no longer use dial-up!

In a related story, left-handers Jon Switzer and Mike Tejera have both re-signed with Boston. Both are spring training NRI's.

Jordan Brown

The Cleveland Indians have one of my favorite minor league systems. I always enjoyed the Bisons visits to McCoy.

Things are different now. The Bisons now belong to the Mets, they're changing the name of the park, and Cleveland's AAA team is the Columbus Clippers.

Point: Check out Indians' minor league talk on 'The Cleveland Fan Live', an online radio show. Tony Lastoria is handling everything and it's really good.

"THE Dooley Womack?"

Nick Green is going to get an apartment in Rhode Island in 2009. Yes, Boston has picked up this megastar and he's invited to spring training.

Please read more about this in every goddamn media outlet.
Ty Taubenheim is a free agent. Can we please get him on the P. Red Sox? He is my Favourite.

Year in Review: March 2008

1. Matt Mantei's son is illiterate.

2. Chris Carter limps around whether or not he is injured.

3. No more Rhode Island sports radio!? WHAT.

4. Lou Merloni retires.

5. Barry Hertzler is released.

Funniest thing I said: "Have a miraculous Easter!"

Dumbest thing I said: "Lincoln Holdzkom...is going to flourish in Pawtucket." D'oh!

Enrique Gonzalez: The Plan keeps coming up again

Enrique Gonzalez could be your life in Pawtucket. Gonzalez is Venezuelan (like Edgah!) and a righty with a mid-90's fastball.

In 2006, EG was in the Diamondbacks starting rotation! It didn't work very well, and he wound up sitting in the bullpen accepting his fate. Or renouncing his faith - I always get those two confused!

Last year, Gonzalez was in the San Diego organization, pitching for the AAA Portland Beavers over there in the PCL. He was awarded PCL pitcher of the week August 6-10.

Sorry, ladies! Enrique is happily married!

I found very little information about Enrique Gonzalez. I will do my best to try and find out more for you guys.

2008: The Year the Bullpen Got a Heater

True story.

It's pretty easy to sneak into the visitors' bullpen. The home bullpen, less so. But as I mentioned last year, I figgered it out and I am going to give it a try. I might need to undergo some montage-style training (speedbag, jump rope, chin-ups, running on the beach).

Maybe I'll leave some candy behind. Relievers like candy. Not the way you're thinking... I mean, relievers LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH LADIES!!!!


Randy Ruiz rudely released.

The Twins have released Randy Ruiz. I liked him, but he DESTROYED the PawSox in '08. So I hope he doesn't end up back in the IL.

Artwork courtesy of Those Twins Girls.

Year in Review: February 2008

1. I discover that David Hasselhoff's cousin once pitched for the PawSox.

2. Commenter alleges... things... about new kid Daniel Nava.

3. The International League Hall of Fame returns!

4. The Station Fire fifth anniversary.



Funniest thing I said: "You think your life is hard? Someone gave me a little glass "Birthstone Bear" figurine. It's a bear holding a heart-shaped representation of my ugly birthstone. Also, the bear has wings. And it's sitting atop a little round mirror. It looks like something you might purchase with Skee-Ball tickets."

Dumbest thing I said (regarding Van Every): "He's got the tools and he's got the talent!"

Good point, me: "[B]aseball players are not looking forward to traveling to Japan. Oh, really, baseball players? Did I hear you lamenting the abbreviated games and practices? Because I seem to recall every single other year that you said "Spring training is great but it lasts too long. You're pretty much ready to go after a couple of weeks."

See you tomorrow!

The Hedley Avenue Shuffle

Longtime Rochester/Minn. roster stuffing Garrett Jones has been snapped up by the Pirates org.

Trot Nixon's been signed by the Brewers to a minor league contract with a ST invite.

Former Pawsox great Lenny Dinardo's been signed by the Royals to a minor league contract with a ST invite.

Super position player Joe Thurston has been signed to a minor league contract by the Cardinals. I'll miss him most of all!

Flipside knuckleballer and inferior golfer Charlie Haeger has been booted by the Padres.

Matt Clement's been signed to a minor league contract by Toronto. Had this happened last year, I may have seen him. But now their AAA franchise is in Las Vegas.

I'll bet Matt Clement is now completely musclebound and angry. I'll bet he even grew a hardship goatee.


Year in Review: January 2008

1. Righty Scott Atchison could have been my favorite player in Pawtucket.

2. Jonathan Van Every fools me into thinking he's a nice guy.

3. Joe McEwing retires.

4. The 2008 Granite State hot Stove Dinner goes much, much worse than I anticipated.

5. The arrival of the Dans.

Funniest thing I said: "He (Masterson) just draws you in with his talent, which you can see right under his skin and a little bit in his stomach in the shape of a ready-to-burst alien parasite.

Dumbest thing I said: "This is probably Jeff Corsaletti." It wasn't.

Huh, slow month.

Beau Gone

Classic weirdo and talented reliever Beau Vaughan was shipped to Boston as the PTBNL for Wes Littleton. This happened quite a while ago but I am just now getting around to it.

Everyone knows by now that Vaughan was not your typical brain-dead jock clone. Of course, I didn't have to spend an entire summer working with him... I imagine schtick like that wears thin on a 12 hour bus ride. Almost like, say, Clay Buchholz and Hunter Jones playing guitar together.

Vaughan was an oldster in double-A but fit in pretty well in Pawtucket. So I'll miss him, I guess.


In a related story, blonde prostitute Chris Smith is now a (minor league) Milwaukee Brewer. I hope he likes beer!

By the way, it was Zach Borowiak who retired. Not even close, Bud. I hear he wants back in, though. Fuck that kid.

It's great to be back in this depressing city.

I used to listen to a lot of heavy metal in my youth. You may have heard of a band called 'Man O' War'. Well, this loud, leathery outfit had a song on their cassette called 'Defender'. It is epically bad and you should really listen to it if you're in the mood for a hearty laugh.

So over here we have the Connecticut Defenders, formerly the Norwich Navigators. And now we have the AMERICAN DEFENDERS OF NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!

The ADNH have replaced the Nashua Pride in the Can-Am League. And Holman Stadium is now Nokona Park at Holman Stadium. Yeesh.

Some key points:
1. The uniforms will be desert camo. There's a whole military thing going on.
2. MVP seating will cost... get this... $9.11. 11 cents go to providing care packages for soldiers abroad.
3. Former PawSox great Brian Daubach is the new manager. Dan Duquette is also involved somehow.
4. KIDZ R FREE on Mondays and Tuesdays.
5. There will be an effort to get servicemen on the field. In uniform. Pitching and whatnot. Okay?

As unsettling as all of this sounds, I may have to go check it out. Turbo-Patriotic baseball in New Hampshire! Get up on it!


You guys are really no help at all.

Many of the IL blog links you see over there are dead. I will correct this at some point. I'm not happy about this hemorrhage of IL bloggers.

I'm not just proud of hanging in there for this long, I'm god damn smug. What have I been saying all along? IT'S NOT EASY! There are no benefits or rewards. It sucks a lot of the time.

That being said, I hope to see some great new IL blogs this year. Meantime, Bus Leagues blog is one of my favorites and you should read it, too.


By the way, Lincoln Holdzkom being signed by the Pirates does not mean he's gone. The Indianapolis Indians make regular visits to McCoy, after all.

Holdzkom is never going to die.

In related stories, Joe Thurston, Kevin Cash, um... many different players have done many different things. Well, Cash is a Yankee.

Texeira is not all that, so don't cry too hard over his NYC bullshit.

Hot Stove party January 17th, starring RJ, Dewon Fine Day, Mark Wagner, Zach... or Zak? Maybe Zack. Daeges, at any rate. Kris Johnson. Noted jerk Lars Anderson. A couple of other S. Dogs.

Wait, didn't Daeges quit/retire at one point? I seem to recall some kind of snit. Or was that Bryan Pritz? No.

I love Dewon Day already! I am looking forward to seeing everyone at the park.

Returning stars: Gil Velazquez and Marcus "Piano Man" McBeth.

Try not to get too jealous, but I saw Earth, Wind, and Fire last night. I am so happy.

Let's all be happy together! Baseball Heavy is gonna be even better in 2009. More personal shots and insults and LESS statistical research! More letters, less numbers! Lots of aimless and unnecessary criticism! Useless facts! (Jeff Natale lives in Boston. What a stupid idea!) More ME and less YOU! Grainy photographs! Less food and more 70's gold! Less money and MORE unpaid bills!

AND NO MORE MANCHESTER FISHER CATS! I'm not making that drive any more. It's all happening in Norwich, CT!

I love you. Let 'er rip!