(and i knew every word by heart)

Pawtucket WINS! And a small group of people in Ohio are happy about it. Maybe Torey Lovullo had a cigar.

Here we go again, all the way from the start. Talking about Kris Johnson sucks my will to live, so let's skip to the next pitcher. Michael Bowden entered the seventh inning with a 3-2 lead and blew it. It was an RBI double by Justin Henry and an RBI single by Ryan Strieby that put the Mud Hens on top 4-3.

Dusty Brown led off the eighth inning with a double off reliever Daniel Schelereth. A sac fly by Reddick allowed Brown to scoot over to third, and then Aaron Bates hit a single. Tie game! Also, Bates is fifth on the team for RBI. Which surprises me, because I have no memories of Bates doing anything good.

Innings, innings, words, words and expressions... tied until the eleventh. Jay Sborz is pitching. (Sborz roommate in college was Matt Mildieu.) Hannahan singles, Romero sac bunts and gets to first to put two runners on with no outs. And then Ryan Shealy homered. TAMPA BAY IS SO STACKED THAT THEY CAN CHUCK GUYS LIKE THIS OVER TO ANOTHER TEAM! THE DURHAM BULLS ARE UNSTOPPABLE MURDER!!!

Robert Manuel closed the game out and he just makes it look so easy. He must be bored out of his mind.

to win back your love again:
1. Toledo starter Alfredo Figaro went five innings and gave up two earned runs.
2. Aside from Shealy's three-run torpedo, there were three bombs of the solo variety: Anderson, Brown, Hannahan. I'm guessing it was Hannahan's first Pawtucket home run. I'm sure he'll remember it forever and make a little scrapbook about it and file right next to his other scrapbooks about trips to the supermarket and his wedding.
3. This could be the funniest thing I've read all year: Toledo reliever Fu-Te Ni (pitched two innings last night and gave up a run) has an interpreter. Last night, the interpreter, Steve Xiu, played the national anthem before the game on the saxophone. You better read his story, because it's terrific!!
4. Toledo reliever Scot Drucker helped pass out socks for people who are in need. Of socks. 50 points for him!
5. Chad Paronto pitched an inning and a third and put up a sweet row of zeroes.
6. Gil Velazquez went 0-5 and dropped back to the bottom of the order. I guess his Power Tonic wore off.
7. Pawtucket left 13 runners on base.

Tonight! Mark Holliman! Come on, Mark! YOU CAN DO THIS!! Everybody loves you and thinks you dress really interestingly. Who's catching? Wagner? Wagner, make this happen!

I love you so much it's killing us both.


7.29.10 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Toledo Mud Hens - Goodbye, Farewell, Amen

Pawtucket wins, 7-0. Winning pitcher is lefty Felix Doubront, with his 5 1/3 innings of scoreless goodness. Doubront gave up six hits, all singles, and struck out five. Mud Hens starter LJ Gagnier took the loss, but was probably not happy with the offense.

Fernando Cabrera entered the sixth inning with two runners on, one out. 2009 Fernando Cabrera was an exciting closer, but 2010 Cabrera hasn't closed as much and has mostly been a setup guy. So now he's a quasi-slop reliever, so enjoy that. Cabrera got the last couple of outs in the inning easily and got two of the new kids out in the seventh. Yay and such.

Pawtucket was up 3-0 going into the eighth, which is nothing! The Red Sox need like a 12-1 lead in order to breathe easily. Scot Drucker was very helpful in that respect. Niuman Romero singled and stole second to lead the inning off, which ruffled Drucker enough to fuck with his delivery, since he hit Daniel Nava in the... He hit Nava, I don't know where. Foot? Ass? Gut?

Big boy Ryan Shealy then singled off Drucker to load the bases. Gilbert De La Vara replaces Drucker and faces Lars Anderson, who comes through with a two-run double.

The other two eighth-inning runs scored when Reddick hit a two-run single. Reddick is back and he went 3-4 with a triple.

Tommy Hottovy and Rich Hill polished off the Toledo pie and did not allow any hits between them. How's that for the start of a weird nursery rhyme?

nancy knows:
1. Catcher Mark Wagner went 0-4 with a strikeout. He was the only Red Sox to not get a hit. Tug Hulett got a hit, but he struck out three times. I try to find rage inside myself to direct toward Hulett, but there's nothing there. I save it for the popular kids, is what I do.
2. I guess Jeff Frazier can die happy: He got called up by Detroit. John Wagner's story is very nice, indeed.
3. Gil Velazquez DNP.
4. Mud Hens newbie infielder Shawn Roof comes from a big baseball family, is a good dude.
5. Also brand new from Double-A: Outfielder Chris White.
6. This blog post is about SS, but in a way it's about the Mud Hens. The pictures are remarkable! It's 'Mike Ashmore's Thunder thoughts'!
7. Detroit just drafted LJ Gagnier's brother Drew.

I guess that's it. Here come the motherfucking Durham Bulls, who probably can't wait to spill blood at McCoy Stadium. Oh, look, Kris Johnson's pitching tonight! They are gonna eat him alive. Is there an easy way to make a firebomb out of an Ellsbury bobblehead using common household materials?


edit: Um, today is not tomorrow and everyone's still in Toledo. I feel really dumb. Kris Johnson will pitch brilliantly tonight, I'm sure of it.


7.28.10 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) @ Toledo Mud hens (DET ) - The Revenge of Casey Fien

Toledo WINS! 8-5.

Winning pitcher? Toledo's Andrew Oliver, who provided a near-even distribution of five runs through five innings. Oliver gave up a couple of home runs and struck out six.

Robert Coello got the 'L' for Pawtucket. That damned fifth inning! Coello was cruising with a 5-3 lead into the fifth, but gave up a couple of singles to start the inning which certainly helped Jeff Frazier's three-run homer. Duh.

Mud Hens relievers Casey Fien, Daniel Schlereth, and Jay Sborz allowed no further PawSox running around advancing behavior and held on tightly to the lead.

Dusty Brown hit a home run and Mike Lowell hit a home run and the Plasma Center is only open on Mondays and Tuesdays and Wendesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays; Saturday and Sunday it's closed.

sleep, ryan strieby, do not cry:
1. Toledo left fielder Jeff Frazier hit two home runs and wonders if it's enough for a call-up. Casper Wells hit a solo home run in the second.
2. Gil Velazquez' hotness of late has earned him a ride up to the two-hole in the lineup. Velazquez responded by not getting a hit and striking out twice.
3. Ryan Kalish went 0-5 with two strikeouts. Hannahan was also hitless.
4. Mike Lowell went 3-4 with 3 RBI. If he's trying to impress the ladies, it's working. I certainly wouldn't mind bringing him a tray of fine nougats and cheeses.
5. Andrew Oliver = Andrew Miller? Enjoy Oliver's scouting report and other stuff here.
6. Reliever M. Bowden pitched the eighth inning for the Red Sox and gave up two runs on four hits. Whatever, it would have still been 6-5 anyway.
7. Casey Fien! Fien was claimed off Detroit waivers by the Red Sox in March, then claimed by Toronto a few days later when Boston put him on waivers. Toronto released Fien a week or so later and he was signed by the Tigers.
8. Reliever Daniel Schelereth used to have a blog. I can't tell if he's really hot or really weird looking. And his dad was a football player I've never heard of!

Tonight! Doubront v LJ Gagnier. Thank you, boys!


Baby Chris Carter is responsible.

"I heard some pitcher in Pawtucket has two kids and he's only 22. Dude, when I was 22, I was seriously pulling but I was not into being anyone's baby daddy. I have two words for you, bro: 'how is babby formed'."

7.27.10 Jeff Conine just rolled over in his grave.

10-6 Pawtucket, thanks to former Marlin Mike Lowell. And probably Ryan Kalish, who's a sex machine to all the chicks.

But not you, Mark Wagner. I don't like the looks of you or your home runs.

Red Sox starting (?) pitcher Ramon Ramirez... hold on, I almost just fell asleep. Five innings, two runs, walks and strikeouts insignificant and uninteresting. Dustin Richardson and Fernando Cabrera conspired to allow four more runs to Toledo, and divided them equally through three innings.

Robert Manuel shrugged his shoulders in boredom and disdain and pitched a scoreless ninth with a couple of K's. WHAT NOW, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BULLY?

Charlie Furbush must have had the fish, since his four innings were a disaster. Eight hits! Wow! In the first inning, Mike Lowell hit a two-run homer. In the second, Wagner did the same. Bates singled, Velazquez doubled, Kalish sac flied Bates across, and it was 5-2.

Wait, I forgot to tell you that the Mud Hens scored two runs in the first. But Lowell solo homered in the third and Kalish copy-catted it in the fourth. 7-2 Pawtucket!

Toledo did not score again until the seventh, when wicked tall Ryan Strieby hit a two-run double. And the eighth, when Ben Guez hit a two-run homer. BUT! Lowell had homered again in the top of the eighth. Why? Why did this happen? What kind of pitches was Lowell getting? I SAW LOWELL REHAB IN BUFFALO!!!!!! ME ME MEMEMEMEME!!!

To most people, this game was about Mike Lowell. To me, it was about Gil Velazquez' burgeoning hit streak. I'll bet Gil and Mike are work buds, like me and Hollie or Amanda. They do have a lot in commmon. I'll bet they talk shop. By this I mean they talk about what's under the hood, which is not a euphemism.

1. Niuman Romero went 0-4. Not a criticism, just an observation. Daniel Nava and Lars Anderson were also hitless, those lying drunk bastards.
2. Five RBI for Mike Lowell, which I'm pretty sure no one on this team has done all year. Can we get an intern to look this up? All the cool Pawtucket interns read Baseball Heavy.
3. Toledo reliever Josh Rainwater pitched three relief innings and did not give up a single hit. Fu-Te Ni handled the final two innings, but was much less effective (three runs).
4. Toledo's leadoff batter was someone named Justin Henry. Henry played second and went 3-4 with a double.
5. "Furbush wasn't very sharp. He had trouble locating his fastball, and his breaking ball was a little lazy." Hens manager Larry Parrish. (Toledo Blade)

Tonight! Robert Coello. Andrew Oliver. And Gil Velazquez.


7.26.10 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Columbus Clippers - HR Department

11-7 Columbus and SWEEP. It's not fair. All the teams with bad records have the best triple-A teams.

Red Sox starter Mark Holliman was responsible for seven Columbus runs, but let's not dwell on that. I'd rather imagine that Pawtucket's four home runs led them to victory! Gustavo Molina, three run homer? You saucy devil! GUSTAVO!!! Sexy name for a sexy catcher... Do it again!

Righty Justin Germano started for Columbus and was yanked with two outs in the sixth inning after... an Aaron Bates single? Ryan Shealy hit a homer in the sixth, but that wasn't enough? Anyway, the score at that point was 7-3 and Germano was replaced by Carlton Smith, who was no match for the Wrath of Gustavo. 7-6 Clippers... could the Red Sox be closing the gap?

But then in the bottom of the inning, Rich Hill gave up two homers, including one by Jordan Brown, still languishing in triple-A. Can someone take Jordan Brown, please, and give him a big league job? It did wonders for G. Jones!

Some other stuff happened... Bowden pitched well in relief, but you knew that because you read reliable news sources. This game was pretty much over in the first inning.

two things:
1. Anderson and Kalish also homered. They celebrated post-game with some lite beer in cans because they're bros, dog.
2. Luis Valbuena hit two home runs. Valbuena had been optioned down by Cleveland to work on his hitting. What a story!
3. Justin Germano did the Japan thing last year.
4. No Pawtucket 0-fers last night, as everyone got a hit. Gil Velazquez had two hits. Velazquez is batting .310 in his last ten games. GIL! TAKE US TO THE PLAYOFFS!
5. Yeah.

Tonight! Ramon Ramirez and Toledo's Furbush. And Kris Johnson gets the Barry Hertzler treatment and is sent down to Portland. YES!!!!!! Bring me Kyle Weiland!!!!!!!

If they do the thing where they're like, hey, Kris Johnson, we're thinking of converting you into a reliever, that means they probably hate you and you will fail in that role and they can say they tried, they tried to find a place for you but it wasn't working out... This is no longer a sentence, really, but it's a familiar scenario. It doesn't always mean they've given up on you, but in this case... I would be worried.

Of course, none of that may ever happen. Maybe Johnson turns it around in Maine and gains 28 lbs of pure Bowden-esque muscle. Candy, life is crazy.


And here's to you, Brendan Donnelly.

One of my all time favorite relievers, Brendan Donnelly, has been DFA'd by the Pirates.

And now I won't get to see him when I go to Pittsburgh.

I am taking this much harder than I should. Like TT after she found out she didn't win the lottery.

At least I have... Neil Walker?

No, at least I have Garrett Jones. I feel better already!


7.25.10 Kris Johnson sucks and I hate him and his stupid hat.

Yesterday, Kris Johnson was the losing pitcher after four innings of bullshit: Eight hits and five runs. And two walks. And 87 pitches. Columbus wins 5-4.

I am in a runaway mine cart of boredom, hurtling toward mid-summer burnout, but here goes. The heroic Ryan Kalish led off the game with a walk and managed to scoot around the basepaths to score a run. Aaron Bates hit an RBI double in the second to bring the score to 2-0.

Columbus picked up a run in the fourth, but the fifth inning is when the shit hit the fan. That's when Johnson gave up four runs without getting an out. Because he sucks and I hate him.

Clippers center fielder Ezequial Carrera led the fifth off with a single, which sounds innocuous but it's not, it's ominous. Another single by Constanza and an Anderson throwing error put both runners in scoring position. Josh Rodriguez was gentleman enough to hit an RBI single and score Carrera and TIE GAME!

After third baseman Luis Valbuena walked, Jordan Brown came to town (sorry) and POW! Double! Three more runs and goodbye Kris Johnson. Enter Fabio Castro, who I'm voting for team MVP even though there's no fucking way anyone would have the guts to give it to him. Fabio Castro makes me want to go to 8:30 mass every week.

Castro worked for three innings and the Clippers did not score during his tenure. How fucking hard was that?

Clippers starter Carlos Carrasco went four innings before being replaced by Jeremy Sowers, who wound up with the win. Reliever Shane Lindsay allowed the Red Sox to score a couple more runs, but it was just a tease and excuse me while I bash my head on my piano keyboard.

what bus crossed the ocean?
1. Ryan Kalish went 0-4 with a walk, but managed to make himself useful regardless. I have to agree with everybody (and I hate agreeing with everybody): Superstar.
2. Kason Gabbard is gone and Jack Hannahan is here! Don't worry: Gabbard will probably return to the team in 2013. Until then, I am giddy.
3. Hannahan grounded out with the bases loaded in the ninth. I don't have a problem with that.
4. This report claims that Jordan Brown's big hit was a triple, but I think that's wrong. DOUBLE.
5. Clippers reliever Shane Lindsay is Australian. Please read his story.
6. Pawtucket batters who came up with runners in scoring position with two outs and just left them there to die: Tug Hulett twice, Hannahan twice, Kalish twice, and Aaron Bates.
7. Robert Manuel pitched a tidy, scoreless eighth inning for Pawtucket. I will never say anything bad about Robert Manuel.

Tonight! For real this time, Mark Holliman. And Justin Germano for Columbus. I'm telling you, tonight they win.


Yesterday Pawtucket played two versus Columbus Clippers.

Pawtucket loses both, but here's game two: Columbus wins 5-3.

Robert Coello ate up five innings, but it wasn't too cute and he used up 98 pitches. Columbus scored five runs off RC, with home runs hit by Jordan Brown and Josh Rodriguez. Coello was tired, man.

Rich Hill and Dustin Richardson were the featured Pawtucket relievers. Dustin Richardson is very mysterious. Neither reliever allowed another run.

Jeanmar Gomez, conversely, had a great day. Gomez pitched eight innings and gave up only one run on six hits. Gomez laid out seven K's: Niuman Romero, Mark Wagner, Ryan Kalish (three times!), and Tug Hulett (twice). Not you too, Ryan Kalish!

Gomez' "relief" came in the form of an Ice Righty: Bryce Stowell. In the top of the ninth, Stowell got things off to a bright start by walking Nava and Bates. Lars Anderson singled Nava home... Stowell struck out Mark Wagner but walked Tug Hulett to load the bases.

But then Clippers manager Mike Sarbaugh did something crazy: He replaced Bryce Stowell with another reliever! Shut up! Get out! Yes, Stowell was replaced by Carlton Smith, who wiggled his way out of the game.

Gil Velazquez made the last out, in case you feel like getting angry about something like that. Damn you, Gil Velazquez!

hey, that's what i'm living for:
1. Jeanmar Gomez, here's to you! Gomez had just started up with the big club in Cleveland and impressed everybody.
2. Hitting coach Gerald Perry was ejected in the eighth for strike-zone bitching.
3. Catcher Mark Wagner went 0-4 with two strikeouts. Velazquez went 2-4 with a double. Velazquez, while not a slugger by any means, has shown a little pop lately. How pleasing.
4. Mike Lowell is with the team in Columbus. Hangin'. Doin' some guy stuff. Possibly keg stands with Chad Paronto and Tug Hulett.
5. Clippers lefty David Huff was (allegedly) supposed to get Gomez' start in Cleveland last week, but then this happened. Ha. Ha. Ha. Guess that kind of stuff happens after you get hit in the head. By A-Rod. Is there anything that guy can't ruin?

Tonight! Mark Holliman! That's great because I really like him. What I mean is, I like him. I am going to ask him out on a date! Maybe we can go to the scavenger sale... or to a wienie roast.



7.22.10 Lars Anderson is charming.

Pawtucket WINS! 5-4 in ten innings and they should throw a fucking parade for Lars Anderson or they would have been swept by the likes of Jeff Larish and Brendan Wise and Brent Dlugach.

Somewhere along the way Charlie Furbush became Charles Furbush, so I guess he's a big boy now. I suppose he did the best he could. K-Machine Furbush pitched six innings and gave up three earned runs (including a Daniel Nava home run) while striking out seven. Pawtucket's opposing pitcher was Ramon Ramirez, who is all better now. Ramirez went 4 1/3 before being replaced by Tommy Hottovy and also gave up three runs.

So the game was tied? Yes. Toledo led 3-0 until the third inning when Nava homered pretty much right after Kalish and Romero singled. Shocking, I know.

Toledo pulled ahead by a run in the sixth, when Casper Wells hit a solo homer to right center. Pawtucket tied it up again in the seventh, thanks to Tug Hulett bringing the noise. Hulett doubled with one out and was driven in by a Ryan Kalish sac fly. It's funny when Tug Hulett runs!

The game stayed tied until the tenth when the winning happened, but by then everyone probably had gone home. That is because they were giving away free jerseys and people show up early and line up a country mile for that shit. Why? I don't know. Mud Hens lefty Daniel Schlereth was pitching at the time and got spanked with the loss.

1. I know that winning is not the point in Pawtucket. I know fielding a good team is not the point. I know that no one is happy that Nava's back down, least of all Daniel Nava, but for me this is an alternate reality where the triple-A team takes major precedence over Boston and up is down and down is up. I KNOW THAT.

That being said.... YEAH DANIEL NAVA!!!

2. Starting pitchers? Who needs 'em?! Not Pawtucket, that's for sure! Who knows, Fernando Cabrera might get the start tonight instead of whoever's on the bulletin board! I hope Mark Holliman sticks around, I really liked him.
3. Bubba Bell is not dead.... he's resting.
4. Charles Furbush is from South Portland, Maine, so yay and such.
5. Is Robert Manuel made of rubber bands? Manuel pitched three damn innings and got the win.
6. Some people say Rob Bradford's remarks about scouts in Pawtucket are bullshit. Who said that? Some people!
7. Hotel McCoy? Lou Merloni Highway? You can stop now.
8. Felix Doubront was supposed to pitch, right? So what happened?
9. Legacy of brutality: Aaron Bates went 0-4 and struck out three times. Jesus Christ, that guy could use some help. Is he like getting baked with Hyder before the game?

Tonight! Everybody loves Robert Coello. Jeanmar Gomez goes out there for Columbus. Eight games in Ohio? Yes, then the Durham Bulls come and I get excited.

I love you.


7.21.10 PAW v TOL - Day Games Give Me Sunburn

Toledo WINS! 11-2. Ryan Strieby sure is tall!

Lefty Fabio Castro started for the Red Sox and definitely did alright. Castro got c-slapped with the loss and that is how the ball bounces. Castro was replaced in the fourth inning with Randor Bierd, who's looking sharp in the pants dept. but much less so as a reliever.

Bierd needed to get two outs to finish up the fourth, but instead gave up a single, a double, a home run, and another double before he completed the out-getting task. What the hell was that all about?

Believe it or not, someone did something realistic and replaced Randor Bierd for the fifth inning. Unfortunately, it was Santo Luis, who evidently pitches with his wrestling mask on. I mean, the fifth inning went well, but the sixth inning was a flurry of hits and doubles and when the dust cleared, Toledo had four more runs.

Relievers Rich Hill and Chad Paronto might as well have been Lucy and Ethel up there... the game was long lost. Hill and Paronto's combined relief allowed the Mud hens to score thrice more. Hooray, Hens!

Center fielder Ryan Kalish managed to squeeze in a two-run homer to keep Pawtucket from getting blanked. Kalish is the biggest brightest light on the PawSox. He makes everyone else look like turkeys.

Toledo starter Scot Drucker pitched five scoreless innings and got the win. Lefty Ryan Ketchner tackled the bottom half of the game, which is I guess how they roll in Toledo. Just split the game in half!

what are you talking about? i love josh reddick!
1. Josh Reddick went 0-4 with two K's yesterday. And then after the game I read an article about how he is allegedly improving. We'll see about that.
2. Lars Anderson also went 0-4. Invisible infielder Argenis Reyes doubled. I was a little concerned that Reyes might burst into flames under the Super Attack Sun, but he did okay.
3. I love Fabio Castro. He is so cute and he does a really good job. I wish he was my friend in real life. Castro had five walks and five strikeouts.
4. This game lasted 3.5 hrs. I did not stay for the whole game, which was smart because I was getting a strange, painful sunburn out in left field. Left fielder Aaron Bates got a hit...
5. So Mud Hens catcher Max St Pierre went 4-5 with a home run? It was his first home run of the season. S'eclate!
6. Peter Gobis does it again... Check it out. I should be reading the Attleboro paper. That's some good old-fashioned baseball writing.
7. Some of the kidz are coming home: Daniel Nava, Dustin Richardson, Fernando Cabrera. Ryan Shealy?

Tonight! Felix Doubront will try and win one for people like me. By that, I mean unrecognized geniuses. New kid just up from Erie Charlie Furbush will fight back. Ooooh... I do like exciting performances by fresh meat. I don't know who to root for!



7.20.10 The Toldeo Mud Hens Don't Mind

7-1 Toledo. Starter Kris Johnson took the loss after giving up four runs in the third inning. Mud Hens starter Gilbert De La Vara got the win.

Five different lefties appeared in the game: Johnson, De La Vara, Hottovy, Gabbard, and Daniel Schlereth.

This game was stupid but I was hanging and I was having a good time. The fielding left something to be desired all around. You know what else is stupid? Rehabbers who HAVE to wear their usual number and wrest it from a hapless minor leaguer. It's rehab. It doesn't count. GET OVER IT.

Aaron Bates got two hits including a double, so theoretically his spirits must be raised. Toledo's Scott Sizemore and Jeff Frazier each homered.

1. Check out these foul balls featuring Wagner, Reddick, Hermida, and Velazquez.
2. Bubba Bell got the night off.
3. Pawtucket got a slew of hits, but only got one guy across. Here are the kids who left runners in scoring position with two outs: Gil Velazquez (twice!), Tug Hulett (twice!), Lars Anderson, Aaron Bates, and Argenis Reyes. Oh, and Travis Denker showed up from the mists of 2009 to follow suit. Just for old times sake!
4. Triple-A is the true home of baseball dreck. Does Boston even really try? Where do they find these guys? What I am trying to say is, KASON GABBARD WTF?!
5. Gilbert De La Vara is a new kid in the Detroit org, selected from the independent Golden League's Yuma Scorpions. Please consult this story for more, even though it is primarily about Bill Pulsipher and his anxiety problems.

Today! Fabio Castro, Scott Drucker. Drucker? Should be a MAD game. (Sorry.)


7.19.10 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Toledo Mud Hens (DET)

Toledo WINS! 4-1. And we get an exciting mystery pitcher instead of Adam Mills!

Mister Mark Holliman was called up from single A and I am not too cool to admit that I have never heard of him before. Holliman is 26 years old, so take from that what you want. Former Cubs guy and then plucked from an indy league. How nice for him.

I enjoyed watching Holliman pitch. MH worked six innings and got eight strikeouts... but those two runs blew his chance at winning. And that sucks, because it was a failure of offense! Where the hell did Bubba Bell go? No hits for Bell last night.

Red Sox reliever Randor Bierd was responsible for the other two runs. Bierd pitched a pair of innings with his socks up high. Robert Manuel pitched the ninth inning and... no, that's it, just that he pitched the ninth.

Mud Hens starter Alfredo Figaro sounds like a dish at the Old Canteen. Figaro pitched into the seventh inning, kept Pawtucket to a measly run, and struck out ten of them. He punched out Hermida and Bates twice. He got his win thanks to relievers Fu-Te Ni and Brendan Wise. How is that not a great romance?

two things:
1. In the fourth inning, Holliman bent in a crazy fucking curve to Frazier that was clocked at 62. It was almost an eephus pitch or something. I have never seen the likes of it. Marvelous.
2. Generally I avoid linking to the big boy newspapers around here, but I liked this game story and so might you.
3. And read this Attleboro story too! Peter Gobis is great.
4. Beloved IL staple Mike Rabelo was just released by the Tigers org.
5. So in the seventh inning, I think it was Ryan Strieby who a long ball to left that was foul. Clearly. A fan in the outfield was waving it foul and it was really funny, but the umps still conferred.
6. Aaron Bates is batting .111 in his last ten games. Jesus Christ. I don't get this guy.
7. Hens CF Ben Guez has the cutest freaking roster picture I have ever seen. Sorry, ladies, Benny is married! (Probably.)
8. Doubles! Here are some doubles: Anderson, Apodaca, Lowrie, Reddick, and Velazquez.

Tonight! Telenovela star Gilbert De La Vera and Kris. Johnson. Why can't Fabio Castro pitch? I'm so over Kris Johnson's bullshit..

Of course, watch him have a dazzling performance tonight. I can never win.


Baby Chris Carter is inspirational.

"I used to be just like Josh Reddick! I mean, I wasn't born with these cannons and sick fielding ability. My advice to Josh would be to stay patient and everything will fall into place. He should probably quit smoking, too."

7.18.10 I need to speak with you, Gil Velazquez.

It's very important that I talk to Gil Velazquez. I can probably wait until poster night, but no further. I hope it's not like the whole Enrique Wilson thing, where I showed up at Poster Night to show him my very ugly Dominican vase and he had quit baseball the night before.

Or like last year, when Billy Traber never signed autographs for ANYONE, only he did it in a really smarmy way that was awesome, and then poster night came and all the autograph people were like FINALLY BILLY TRABER WILL HAVE TO SIGN, HA HA! But he'd been called up.

And then after the last home game of the season Billy Traber signed autographs after rejecting the sawhorse people all season long. One woman shouted, "We love you, Billy!"

And Billy Traber said... oooh, I kind of don't want to reveal his answer but it was really funny. I'll tell you later, I promise.

Billy Traber was just released by the Mariners. I think he will be okay.

I told you that to tell you this. Last night Pawtucket lost to Syracuse. Coello gave it all up like your mom did at Riverdale High. The game started at five and no one on the PawSox noticed what a beautiful sunset there was, or contemplated their wasted years...

love is all i am:
1. The melancholia of Bates/Anderson is dwindling, as L.A. is tumbling into a hitterish summer. WHAT NOW, AARON BATES?
2. Maybe Jed Lowrie is feeling nostalgic. Maybe he'll stick around because he wants to go to Columbus and Toledo? I was in Ohio when 9/11 went down, it was so weird...
3. Pawtucket lost 3-0. Matt Chico pitched seven innings. Romero, Anderson, and Reyes got a hit apiece and that was it.
4. Juan Apodaca has nailed base stealers 30% of the time in 2010. Last night, he allowed three and caught one.
5. Bubba Bell got the night off. Maybe he was looking at the clouds and smoking in the park... or buying Boston street maps?
6. Chase Lambin... No, I am not falling in love with him.

Tonight! Jeremy Hermida. 'Hermida' sounds like an STD. But yeah, you should totally go. And I am not apologizing for breaking format today!


7.17.10 PAW @ SYR - Argenis Reyes is windy and wild.

Syracuse wins! Finally! 9-5.

I saw Dusty Brown on TV last night! Television is his friend... he looked terrific.

Santo Luis turned a lovely night at the ballpark into a shocking, horrific, Suspiria-type bloodbath. Oooh... saturated! Pawtucket was up 4-3 and everyone was hitting and then... El Santo. Can I call him El Santo? I don't think I can not call him El Santo and I'm sure everyone else does...

Luis kickstarted the seventh inning with two singles and a walk to load the bases with no one out. And then Seth Bynum, who no one cares about, hits a grand slam. TAKE THAT, LAMBIN!

Luis was eventually replaced by the ferocious gambler Tommy Hottovy, but Pete Orr (who, evidently, only plays third base no matter what) hit an RBI single to make it 8-4. Mark Wagner, pictured at right, left the game with a knee injury.

Pawtucket managed to squeeze out one more run in the bottom of the ninth, but it was totally lame.

Chiefs reliever Colin Balestar got the win. I'm sure that makes up for a lot of things. Catcher Carlos Maldonado, who is so great, hit a home run to help his team out.

built like a car:
1. All this Syracuse business has made me more of a Nationals fan. Is that weird? I feel like I know these guys. Does anyone in Rhode Island know more about Chase Lambin than I do? I DOUBT IT.
2. Didn't Lars Anderson triple last night, too? Anderson doubled and tripled. Niuman Romero hit a home run. Someone else did, too... that tall guy who wears that stupid mallrat hat.
3. Randor Bierd pitched two innings and they were a tornado of loveliness. No hits or walks and two strikeouts.
4. Tug Hulett at third? He is no Pete Orr.

I hate major league rehabbing so much, because the player's performance overshadows everything else and I can't find any good game info. Do you think I LIKE talking about Pete Orr? I'm digging for gold and coming up with earthworms.

So there's today and then tomorrow, when Pawtucket comes home to play the Toledo Mud Hens for a few days. Last time the Hens rolled into town, they brought Dontrelle Willis along with the Caravan of Crazy. Now, they're Willis-less and feeling the great absence of HESSMANIA!!!

Should be fun. I will be there every night. Come say hello!



7.16.10 Nancy Cantor was unable to attend the SYR/PAW game.

9-5 Pawtucket, accomplished without Fernando Cabrera, who was with the big team and now everyone hates him.

Lefty Fabio Castro got the win for the Red Sox, pitching two innings. Castro gave up a run on four hits and walked two. Remarkable!

Chad Paronto, Rich Hill, and Michael Bowden combined to staple the game down for Pawtucket. I would say that Rich Hill had quite a few problems, much like Albert Brooks. Hill kicked off the 8th inning and immediately gave up a couple of singles and a walk. Outfielder Boomer Whiting got all excited by his teammates dangling in front of him, loading the bases with no outs... bang, double. Two runs score.

Hill, shaken but not stirred, then walked Seth Bynum. So, is he related to Freddy Bynum or what? Torey Lovullo had seen enough, and subbed in Bowden to get some outs. Damn it. A strikeout and a double play ending the inning. Good job, Michael.

Bowden went on to pitch the ninth inning and got two more strikeouts and allowed no further Syracuse hits.

Chiefs starter Jason Jones is not only faced with a lifetime of anonymity, he also gave up five runs before he even got out of the fourth innning. His cohort in suck, Atahualpa Severino, piled on an extry four runs in the sixth.

Pawtucket batters/rehabbers presented a rare display of power, hitting four home runs between them. Lars Anderson doubled and tripled, which was probably very exciting. Anderson tallied up three RBI as well, so write that down in your little notebook.

1. Jed Lowrie got some action in the field (but probably nowhere else, ZING!) and played third. Lowrie went 3-4 with a home run, a double, and a pair of runs batted in. He also did a little base-stealing. And yet, my feelings about him are ambivalent at best. I was always more of a Joe Thurston kind of lady.
2. Bubba Bell went 0-5 with a strikeout. Uh-oh. Bell's only batting .237 in the last ten games. Time to put on the Panic Pants?
3. There were 21 hits between both teams. Not a great night for pitching, overall.
4. Dusty Brown DH'd and hit a solo home run. Brown and Wagner secretly hate each other... If it comes down to it, I am Team Dusty all the way.
5. Chiefs INF Seth Bynum was a fan of greenies. Do they ever test for marijuana? Because that would be awesome.
6. I wasn't kidding when I said "Dead. To. Me."

Tonight! Shairon Martis!

See you tomorrow.


7.15.10 Stephanie Miner was unable to attend tonight's game.

Pawtucket WINS! 8-2.

Red Sox starter Kris Johnson powered through like six innings and got six strikeouts. That's like almost a mile! Johnson gave up one run on six hits.

Chiefs starter Luis Atilano had a few problems, especially in the second inning. Lars Anderson led off the hit parade with a single... and singles lead to five runs like beer leads to heroin. Atilano walked Josh Reddick and Niuman Romero singled, loading the bases with no outs.

Tug Hulett managed to get Anderson in for the first Pawtucket run by hitting a long fly to center. The light-hitting Gil Velazquez (.160 with runners in scoring position) surprised everyone by hitting a two-run double! Yeah? YEAH!

So that was exciting and the fans were most likely calling all their friends to tell them what they'd just seen, but NOT SO FAST. Ryan Kalish, who batted leadoff, TRIPLED. YES. I love triples more than anything else. Has any team ever hit three triples in a row? I must try to look that up! Anyway, Velazquez scores and it's 4-0 Red Sox.

Jed Lowrie batted next and he smells like Vapo-Rub. Lowrie is still not back 100% and when he saw Kason Gabbard he wondered what damn day it was. Lowrie managed to lift up a wooden bat and fly out to left, scoring Kalish. Good job, Jed. Good job. 5-0 Pawtucket.

Things started to smart a little less for Syracuse when Leonard Davis drove in Jason Botts in the bottom of the second to bring the score to 5-1. But guess what? Syracuse didn't score its second run until the eighth inning, when n00b Santo Luis hit Kevin Mench with the bases loaded... Luis had given up a double and a pair of walks to juice 'em up with no outs. Nice debut, SL. Tommy Hottovy had to come in and get dirrrrty, striking out P. Orr and getting L. Davis to GIDP. Crisis averted.

Kason Gabbard polished off the remainder of the game like a plate of ribs. Syracuse was unable to score further and had to go home feeling useless and defeated and unable to enjoy marital relations.

The Saint:
1. The Chiefs went back in time and wore retro uniforms. You can see the glory here.
2. Pawtucket scored one run in the fifth, sixth, and seventh inning. Gil Velazquez hit an RBI triple in the seventh.
3. Dusty Brown is back. Brown went 0-5, but he was in the game catching. He could have DH'd, but he did not because he is badass in secret.
4. Doubles a go-go: Reddick, Romero, Velazquez, Bell, and Lowrie all doubled. Josh Reddick has more doubles than Bubba Bell, overall.
5. The Chiefs Leonard Davis went 3-4 with a double and an RBI.
6. Atilano has seen some time in the majors.

Well, that's it for now. Syracuse is celebrating the weekend by presenting 'Hillbilly Asshole Visiting Starter Night' on both Friday and Saturday! I love New York!


Return of the Fly

Everything's returning to normal tonight. Pawtucket's playing Syracuse for the 100th time, but I don't mind because this year the Chiefs are action packed.

Hear me? ACTION PACKED! Also, Clifford the big red dog will be there.

I said I was going to keep working, but aside from posting a couple of dumb photos, I did nothing. I attribute this to being super lazy.

I am not sure who's pitching tonight (probably someone like randor bierd or Kris Johnson), but tomorrow night it's Buchholz and then Beckett on Saturday. It's a 5.5 hour drive, if you're up for it.

Guess how much I like the city of Syracuse?

Pawtucket is currently 41-49 and 4th in the IL North division, which has six teams compared to four in the other two divisions.

Other notable numbers:
1. Bubba Bell's .304 AVG puts him at fifth in the league. Bell also has the highest OBP on the team (.371). He certainly got handsome this year!
2. Aaron Bates still leads the team in games played with 84. I heard that some people hope he gets a minor injury so someone more interesting (although certainly less hot) gets a chance to take his place.
3. Ryan Shealy, who has only appeared in 18 games for the PawSox, leads the team in home runs with 12. Everyone else should be ashamed. JOSH REDDICK AND LARS ANDERSON.

Ooooh, I have a lunch appointment that I cannot miss so this will have to wait. See you soon!


Josh Reddick just got over a cold.

Oh, wow, Josh Reddick is one sexy man. I mean... just look at him!

Javier Lopez is genuine quality equipment.

I borrowed a couple of insta-snaps to pass the time in hell. Nice ensemble, J-Money. You should check out Woonsocket, you'd blend right in.

Note: Yes, that is a book of crosswords Lopez has tucked under his arm. I think those are the really easy Penny Press ones, though.


7.11.10 Hi, Chiefs. You know how cute I always thought you were.

2-1 Red Sox. Damn, Syracuse tried really hard: After starter Jeff Mandel left the game after five innings, manager Trent Jewett used a combination of five relievers to finish things off.

Josh Beckett got the start for Pawtucket in rehab. Beckett is a really good pitcher, but a questionable human being. And probably a Republican. And I'm pretty sure his lips move when he reads. I would love to convince him to use crystal meth and watch him submerge into a full-blown addiction!

Except he's someone's beloved son and that is really wrong. I'm sorry, Mrs. Beckett.

Beckett... screw that, go read about it everywhere else. Jason Botts homered off him, so that must have been awesome.

Other than that, he was ably backed by Hill, Bowden, Maxwell, and Cabrera.

A rash of singles led to Pawtucket's two runs in the first. There was no further scoring by the Red Sox for the remainder of the game.

shaking like a tremelo:
1. Ryan Kalish went 2-3 with a walk and a double. It is so great to have him in Pawtucket. I am hoping he doesn't get elevated to Chris Carter status, because that would be revolting.
2. Aaron Bates went 0-4 with 2 K's.
3. Carlos Maldonado! Please enjoy his recent interview with Mike Couzens.

That's all I got. I'm not taking a break like the rest of you maggots. So see you tomorrow, then?



7.10.10 Fabio Castro still has the ability to surprise himself.

1-0 Syracuse Chiefs. Everyone is nice to Hottovy even though inside, they are seething. Especially Castro.

Fabio Castro will do whatever you ask of him, evidently. I suppose that's the life of a player like him... Castro impressed many people with his five near-flawless innings. Randor Bierd was less than perfect during his two innings, like the sixth inning when he walked a couple of Chiefs. But Bierd struck out classy guy and major clubhouse presence/veteran influence, the venerable, lovable, huggable Kevin Mench.

But it was poor Tommy Hottovy who ruined the night for the home crowd. In the eighth inning, Boomer Whiting doubled and stole third. Hottovy intentionally walked Seth Bynum to put runners at the corners, and Chase Lambin hit the ball far enough to left to score Whiting. That is why Lambin is an All-Star. And there's your one run.

Chiefs starter Matt Chico went seven deep inside this game... three hits, a walk, and four strikeouts... YES.

1. Wait, what? Argenis Reyes went 3-4. Bubba Bell and Bates got the other two hits. All the hits were singles. All Bread's singles were hits. And Aubrey was her name...
2. A list of relievers in any given multiple-reliever game always sounds like a law firm. Last night's match was brought to you by the law offices of Garate, Bergmann, and Wilkie.
3. Wow! This woman could be my sister.
4. Please read PawSox Keith's game summary. He always does such a good job.
5. And this is only tangentially related, but worth a look. Because I said so.
6. Chase Lambin played in Japan. Interview here somewhere, Lambin's very own big boy blog here.

This aft! Fugly redneck asshole from Texas should be a big draw. Jeff Mandel starts for Syracuse. Then nothing more...


7.9.10 Pawtucket Red Wings plus Syracuse Sky Sox of Rochester

8-6 Pawtucket! I can't believe Aaron Bates wasn't benched!

Five Rochester runs belong to starter Adam Mills, including back-to-back homers in the fifth. That must have left the crowd breathless!

Rochester starter Matt Fox also gave up five runs, but he only lasted through four innings. Pawtucket scored its first three runs in the second inning, when a Mark Wagner brought Anderson home from third. Jorge Jimenez followed that with a two-run home run to right field.

In the bottom of the fifth inning, with runners on first and second, Argenis Reyes sac bunted! YES! Good work, Reyes! Tug Hulett doubled to bring home Jimenez... Bubba Bell batted next but he was walked intentionally to get to Aaron Bates. Bates hit a sac fly to score Gil Velazquez. 5-2 Red Sox!

Rochester tied everything up in the next inning, with those back-to-back homers, but Aaron Bates pushed the team ahead 8-5 with a three run homer in the seventh.

The Red Wings started eating up the deficit in the eighth when first baseman Brock Peterson hit a solo homer off Paronto, but CP sacked up and got everyone else out. Good work, lads.

come on, it's such a joy:
1. Adam Mills pitched five innings. He struck out six and walked two. And I fell asleep thinking about it.
2. I used to really like Jacque Jones. I am sorry I missed him last night.
3. Tug Hulett went 3-5 with a couple of doubles.
4. I forgot to mention the return of Mark Wagner, but it's not because I dislike him. Not everyone loves Wagner, though... Wagner went 0-4 with a strikeout.
5. Red Wings outfielder Dustin Martin made the All-Star team... of hotness! No, he made the for real all-star team... of adorableness! That, and triple-A.
6. Rich Hill and Bowden also pitched.
7. Rob Delaney also pitched and got the loss in relief.
8. WTF? A Bill Hall-Tug Hulett comparison. I will say it was written back in February, though.

Tonight! Matt Chico will confront the merciless beast that is Fabio! Damn, I love Matt Chico.


You know what I would totally hunker down and watch? A marathon of baseball highlights from every single day of the baseball season. I think it could be done in 72 hours.

I like baseball. And also, you're drunk.


7.9.10 Rochester Red Wings come to dreamy Rhode Island.

And Glen Perkins is still a lefty! 9-2 Rochester as they put up a series of deuces on the scoreboard.

Robert Coello was clearly no match for the Glen Perkins' hot dish. Coello gave up six runs in five innings, including two g.d. home runs delivered by cutie-pie infielder Trevor Plouffe. Red Wings catcher Jose Morales also went deep on Coello. I'm sure R.C. composed himself admirably.

Glen Perkins was a six-inning freak. He did allow nine hits, but Pawtucket has, at times, struggled to get runners across. I don't know if you knew that. It's almost as if their best hitters were stolen from them!

Reliever Blake Maxwell and his perfect hair allowed another pair of runs, and tough guy Tommy Hottovy coughed up the ninth run. Fernando Cabrera came in pitched a scoreless ninth and I wish I could have seen it.

Bubba Bell nearly started a honking great rally in the ninth 'cause he hit a single, but co-shitheads Aaron Bates and Lars Anderson couldn't do anything with that. Rochester is last in the division, but that's okay! The only team in the league batting worse than Pawtucket is Norfolk... yes, the Orioles triple-A team. HOW DARE YOU NOT MOUNT A COMEBACK, YOU GUYS!!

Pawtucket scored its first run in the fifth with a bunch of little singles and an Anderson RBI. Jorge Jimenez hit an RBI single in the eighth to give the Red Sox their second run. The funny thing is, Jimenez was on second and Apodaca was on first, but when Kalish singled it hit Apodaca... OUT!! THIRD OUT!!! Kalish, you were robbed. That's show biz.

you could tell i was no debutante:
1. Trot Kalish went 4-5 last night, but was only batted in once. Aaron Bates went 0-5 and he struck out four times. Holy hell. I do not think he should be in the lineup tonight. He may need a 'mental break', which is something baseball managers always say when they mean something different.
2. Does anyone have a place on Block island I could hit next week? I'll give you a Photo Star! I have a whole bunch!
3. Blake Maxwell hit Brendan Harris and Brock Peterson with pitches. I accidentally typed 'Borck' Peterson, which would be an awesome name.
4. They gave away free hats at this game, which people line up for before the game. Although I have less money than bagels right now, nothing free is worth it if it's not something you would spend money on in the first place.
5. This thing happened: "Iron Pigs pitcher Oscar Villarreal didn't like the ball and tossed it into the dugout, where the bat boy stopped it... After a conferring of umpires, because the ball was in play and timeout had not been called, Velazuez (sic) was awarded two bases, going to third base, the rule being that if a pitcher commits the crime with his foot on the rubber, it is a one-base penalty -- with his foot off the rubber, a two-base penalty." - Attleboro's Peter Gobis
6. I don't get it - This 'live from McCoy Stadium' blog post feels incomplete. Where is the rest of it?

Tonight! Adam Mills again. Sounds good to me.



7.7.10 Red Sox @ Iron Pigs - Don't mind if I do!

4-2 Pawtucket, Rich Hill gets the win.

Everybody pitch! Randor Bierd started (3 ip), then Hill (2 ip), M. Bowden (2 ip), Paronto (1 ip), and Fernando Cabrera (1 ip). Bierd and Hill each gave up one run to Lehigh Valley.

The Iron Pigs countered with a more conventional starting pitcher: Lefty Brian Mazone. Mazone gave up all the PawSox runs! Oh, no, you are not supposed to do that Brian!

Picture it: The sixth inning... Red Sox down 2-0. With one out, Lars Anderson doubles to right field and later advances to third on a single by Reddick. And then the first thrilling run gets across by way of an RBI single by Jimenez.

Gil Velazquez then steps in with his fly-swatter with two outs. You'd think you could have predicted some anti-clutch Velazquez action, but not this time, Margaret. Velazquez hit a two-run double!

Velazquez even crossed home plate, thanks to the ensuing Kalish single. Whenever I'm feeling Kalish, I have a nice bowl of Portuguese soup. Delicious!

Finally, Mazone got the hook in favor of reliever Michael Stutes, who got the final out, even though he balked, walked Reyes, and allowed a double steal. Bubba Bell was the final batter in the inning, and Stutes struck him out.

Stutes went on to have a 1-2-3 seventh, striking out Bates, Anderson, and Wagner. That must have been cute.

Pawtucket top-stepper Fernando Cabrera closed the game out. Good work, team. Loved that double steal.

teenage alcohol consumption:
1. Carlos Ruiz was rehabbing. If you click the link, you can watch some game video on the local news! PAW-tucket!
2. Did Lehigh Valley lose because Andy Tracy was not in the lineup?
3. This is just me and I'm probably wrong, but maybe Michael Bowden's gonna get traded. That's my theory. But remember, I also said Jon Lester was on the way out.
4. Chris Aguila is a n00b.
5. Aaron Bates went 0-4 with three K's. Man, is he tall!
6. Pawtucket left 10 runners on base. Remember like back in 200... 6? Maybe? And the Boston Sox would always leave runners on base and all the shitheads were bellyaching about it? As someone pointed out, THEY ARE PUTTING RUNNERS ON BASE, WHICH IS GOOD. Not everyone gets a ride home, you lying drunk!
7. Bubba Bell's alma mater is proud of him. New Orleans, eh? That explains a lot.

Tonight! The Pawtuckets stumble home and throw Robert Coello out here again. The Red Wings are in town! So go see Glen Perkins tonight. He loves all the attention.


Baby Chris Carter has clout.

"Dusty Brown is STILL in Pawtucket? Damn, that's brutal. I'd put a word in for him in New York, but I'm third on their catching depth chart and I don't want to eff that up."

The Connecticut Tigers are so talented.

Last night I went to my first Connecticut Tigers game at Dodd Stadium in Norwich, CT. It is about an hour and fifteen minute drive... excellent!

I used to go to Connecticut Defenders games here and there. Dodd Stadium is not bad, but it's the only ballpark I've been to that's crammed deep in the belly of a soulless industrial park.

No one was really at the game last night. They had two dollar lite beer drafts, though! I saw the Mahoning Valley Scrappers (CLE)! And they won... it was interesting.

If you ever want go to a ballgame, there are so many local options. this was one of them... I almost went to a Brockton Rox game! I miss those Can-Am games.

And so I am here to plan your life.

Things to do tonight:

- Connecticut Tigers again! Looks like you can dig for a remote control and win a free TV. Game starts at 7:00.
- The Brockton Rox play the Sussex Skyhawks at 6:00 at Campanelli Stadium.

“I’ve been up,” he said. “I’ve also been down. And I’ve been down. And I’ve been down. Story of my career, man.” READ IT!!!!

I left my name to turn you on.

The following people have blown town:

Joe Nelson
Boof Bonser
Angel Sanchez
Kevin Frandsen

Some new people:

Blake Maxwell
Argenis Diaz
Daniel Butler
Ryan Shealy
Rich Hill
Juan Apodaca
Tommy Hottovy

Kevin Cash:

Kevin Cash

Kason Gabbard:

More like Kason Crap-bard!

Yeah, I know Kevin Cash is in Boston, but... isn't he really in Pawtucket? Wandering around and wondering where Pauley and Zink are hiding?

Hang on:

Tommy Hottovy is back in Portland and doesn't know what day it is.

Dead or alive:

Zach Daeges
Mark Wagner


Alex Hassan
Matt Sheely
Ryan Khoury

Are you almost finished:

Darnell McDonald
Daniel Nava
Dustin Richardson
Niuman Romero
Felix Doubront
Robert Manuel

By the way, this picture is awful:

7.5.10 En tous chemins, en tous lieux...

Pigs win in all aspects, especially... okay, no, I'll be nice. 8-2, YES!

Fabio Castro started and got the loss, but hang on... Blake Maxwell? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? I feel so stupid... so many people are coming and going and half the time I'm flashing back to the Abe Alvarez era.

Also, at first I thought, isn't Blake Maxwell a position player on the Gwinnett Braves or something? Who is this Jonathan Broxton motherfucker I'm seeing?

Funny, I just looked him up and it seems Blake Maxwell was called up to Pawtucket late in 2007. Evidently, he did not get into a game. (source: Myself)

But enough about him. Let's talk about the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs Offense feat. Domonic Brown, who is probably six foot nine in heels. Andy Tracy, who's pretty hulking himself, went 2-4 with a double, a grand slam home run, and four RBI.

WHOA, THUNDER! Andy Tracy is 36 years old? No, he is not! Damn, today is full of minor league surprises!

The Iron Pigs sent Drew Carpenter to the mound to start last night... they put a note in his lunchbox that said "You make us so proud". Carpenter (or 'Carp' as he likes to be called)pitched 6 2/3 innings and struck out Gil, Ryan (twice), Lars, Aaron (twice), Jorge, and Juan. Carpenter had a no-hitter going into the sixth, but Gil Velazquez spoiled dinner with his cheesy single, god damn spoiler.

Pawtucket did not score until the eighth inning, when Josh Reddick flew out to center, scoring Shealy from third. One more run, please? Yes. Bubba Bell hit an RBI single in the ninth. That's all you get and you are going to like it.

is it hot in here or am i just fat?
1. The gamecap (ugh, I already regret using that 'word') says it was 100 degrees in Allentown. Good thing those guys aren't doing steel work!
2. Domonic Brown hit a home run, did I mention? Besides, it is pretty clear to me that you are in love with him.
3. Thomas Belmont is not an aristocrat, he is a baseball guy. Please read his D. Brown assessment... it is like staring, panic-stricken, through your spacecraft window at the immensity of the Milky Way...
4. "Lehigh Valley IronPigs beat Pawtucket 8-2 in International League game" - Does that headline seem strange? It's like... "BASEBALL GAME PLAYED BETWEEN TWO MINOR LEAGUE TEAMS IN PENNSYLVANIA".
5. Andy Tracy is old and wise: "That's baseball," said Tracy, who had two hits to hike his average to .292. "Maybe we've been putting balls in play more often than fouling them off, I don't know. Like I said, that's just baseball." - Morning Call
6. Andy Tracy and Fabio Castro... bros? "Fabio can spin the ball real well, and he left one up a little bit and I got a hold of it," Tracy said." (ibid.)
7. This one time, Fabio Castro walked by me and I said, "Hi, Fabio." I couldn't help it. Whenever else in life will I get to greet someone named Fabio?
8. Phillies reliever Ryan Madson is rehabbing and pitched two-thirds of an inning last night. Madson blew a save in San Francisco and kicked a chair and broke a toe.

Tonight! Kris Johnson, Brandon Duckworth. You got that, Smart Suzie Sunset?


7.4.10 The Iron Pigs can dazzle or delight.

6-4 Phake Phillies.

Adam Mills. Five runs, six innings. Mills entered the seventh inning but couldn't get an out.

JA Happ. 5 1/3 innings. Four Runs. Did not get the win. is not at all fat.

Michael Stutes, age 23. Pigs relief pitcher. One and 2/3 scoreless innings. Stutes gets the win.

Lehigh Valley batters combined to get eleven hits. Neil Sellers doubled twice and superstar Domonic Brown hit a two-run homer.

Gil Velazquez batted second (?) and doubled. Velazquez also made (or committed) his fourth error.

the gin in my vermouth:
1. JA is re-Happ-ing. Sorry. That was terrible.
2. Thank you, Jeff Schuler, for a nice thorough game summary.
3. "One other noticable (sic) impressive point….in the Lehigh Valley dugout just prior to the game, Brown was going up and down the dugout high fiveing and showing energy that has very rarely be seen in the ‘Pigs dugout." - Phuture Phillies blog
4. Pawtucket probably lost due to their bus being stopped, boarded, and possibly searched by Iron Pigs secret agents earlier this season.
5. Reliever Mike Stutes is climbing through the system rapidly.
6. "Stutes, a right handed starting pitcher, helped lead Oregon State to the College World Series championship in both 2006 and 2007." Excellent. - PhoulBallz.com
7. Big Andy Tracy has made the triple-A all-star team. Some other people did, too, but I only like Andy Tracy.
8. Okay, fine. Cody Ransom was voted in as well, but he's been called up to Philly. Ransom really felt like he should have been called up sooner and was kind of a dick about it if you ask me.

Tonight! Drew Carpenter v Devern Hansack... not really, starter TBA. Drive caffle!


7.3.10 Red Sox v Iron Pigs - Maybe you do remember me, but I really don't remember you.

I wish I did! 8-0 Pawtucket and THEY TOOK NIUMAN ROMERO? What is going on? Should I be nervous? Am I gonna go to the park some day and the entire team will be replaced by the Charlotte Knights?

Everybody loves Robert Coello. Coello got nine strikeouts in 6 2/3 innings. Chad Paronto and Kason G. provided scoreless relief.

Ty Taubemheim! Taubenheim was not so lucky last night. In the first inning, he gave up consecutive walks to Argenis Reyes and Bubba Bell. And then Aaron Bates homered... his seventh of the year. 3-0 Pawtucket!

Nobody scored at all until the bottom of the sixth inning when an error, a walk, and a couple of groundouts led to a run.

In the bottom of the seventh, righty Ryan Vogelsong was in for Ty Taubenheim. Gil Velazquez hit his first triple of the year to lead off the inning! Apodaca walks, and leadoff batter Ryan Kalish hits an RBI single! 5-0 Sox!

Vogelsong walked a couple of more batters (geez, control yourself!) and mixed in a double and a sac fly and when the dust cleared, it was 8-0.

And then nothing else happened, right? Yes, that's about it.

i'd rather be in canada:
1. Argenis Reyes is a daywalker. I remember him from Columbus or something.
2. Four RBI for Aaron Bates. Hip hip hooray.
3. Anderson and Reddick each doubled. Reddick had three RBI... I'm just reporting the facts, here. Lars Anderson made his fifth error... then called his roommate trailer trash during a late-night fight... he has emotions.
4. "Bobby" Coello? You don't say...
5. It was Taubenheim's first start since his promotion from double-A.
6. "The game was played at Pawtucket because of an International League rule that all league teams must play a home game on the night of their Fourth of July weekend fireworks displays." - Lehigh Valley Live
7. I seriously cannot believe they took Niuman Romero.
8. Keoni De Renne was on the PawSox for like five minutes back in... 2007? Wait... how long have I been here?

Tonight! PawSox travel to Pennsylvania for hookers and legalized gambling. Or water ice, whichever. Adam Mills, JA Happ. Should be pretty wild.


7.2.10 Guess who knocked the Yankees out of first place?

5-1 Pawtucket. The new kid, David Phelps, took the loss. Michael Bowden emerged victorious and celebrated with whole milk and scones.

God, fucking Juan Miranda. Where the hell did he come from? Juan Miranda was the DH for Scranton and of course he hit a home run. Miranda just kills Pawtucket. Want me to whack him?

Bowden pitched seven 2/3 innings and only gave up that Miranda solo homer. Bowden threw 102 pitches, 69 for strikes. So he had a really good start. Again. I would love to see more of this, but who knows?

Who's that man? It's Randor Bierd, come on! Bierd is back and he finished the game after Bowden and held Scranton to zero point zero further runs.

Pawtucket spread its runs out thinly, essentially scoring one run per inning in picket fence fashion. Bubba Bell continues to be a ferocious mash machine. Bell went 2-4 with two RBI. Apodaca also had two RBI, going 2-4 with a double. And Tug Hulett probably went home happy, going 3-4 with two doubles.

Little weaselly copycat Ryan Kalish hit two doubles? Just like Hulett? Damn, alright.

two things:
1. Both Jorge Jimenez and Ryan Shealy went 0-4.
2. Here's s good thing about Reddick: He got Reid Gorecki out at third base.
3. “I’m a confident guy,” said Bowden, who lowered his ERA to 3.77. “I am definitely having success bringing it out.” - Times Leader (PA)
4. Yeah, Peter Gobis! Check out his game story/Bowden assessment here. Good stuff.
5. Jeff Natale was sent to double-A Trenton so Miranda could get on the roster.
6. Hmmm... I hadn't really thought about this, but could Bowden be traded? "Bowden has seen his fair share of both ups and downs in his time with the Red Sox. He has been one of the highest rated prospects in the system and has pitched successfully during brief stints at the major league level, but he's also struggled at times. At twenty-three years of age, Bowden's ceiling is gradually declining from where it once was thought to be, but he still has the sort of stuff that could translate well on a consistent basis in the MLB." - Over the Monster
7. Attendance for this game was over 12,000. I would have loved to see this game, even though I avoid the park on crowded weekends/holidays.
8. "The big news last night concerns the continuing surge of Michael Bowden. Yielding just one run in 7.2 innings, Bowden has now ripped off 7.5 good starts in a row and seems to have rebounded from a rough 2009 and a slow start to 2010. Bowden’s star had clearly fallen and at the beginning of May, it looked like his future with the organization was in doubt. But he has pulled it together, pitched beautifully for the Pawsox, and now figures into Boston’s 2010 plans." - Back to Foulke
9. Official scorer Bruce.. Guindon? That's who it is, right? Anyway, did he make a mistake? "Mike Vander Woude just reported that the reason there were four earned runs — not three — on the line against Phelps is that the official scorer forgot about the dropped foul pop up by Vazquez in the sixth inning." - Donnie Collins!!
10. Mike Vander Woude. That guy knows how to party!

Tonight! The Iron Pigs! TY TAUBENHEIM!!!! JIGGA WHAT? I can't believe I have to miss Ty Taubenheim and Knight Rider!!! FML.

I love you so.


7.1.10 Imposter Run Scoring Team v Team That Is Struggling

Struggling Team WINS! 8-6. Yes, Pawtucket lost, but look at how many runs they've been scoring lately! And it is official... Bubba Bell has an armadillo in his trousers.

Kris Johnson gave up nine hits but the Yankees only managed two runs. Lefty Kason Gabbard was not a very good reliever... he jumped into the game in the eighth inning and only managed to get one out. Five Scranton runs can be blamed on Gabbard. Three walks! Three hits! And everyone was there with their families, their small children, gathered to celebrate and see some fireworks... and, you know, maybe see the home team beat the Yankees! And everything was going fine but KASON GABBARD made the children scream in agony... brother turned against brother... the fireworks lost their sizzle... oh god, there was blood everywhere...

For crying out loud. Why not just bring back guys like Chad Spann or Craig Hansen? Jeff Corsaletti or Lincoln Holdzkom? Strongly. Worded. Letter.

Okay, Ivan Nova. Great name. Nova flounced his way through seven innings and held the suddenly power-mad PawSox to three runs. Those three runs were all Bubba Bell's, as he hit a humdinger in the third inning. Royce Ring pitched a scoreless eighth and Zack Segovia was all confident entering the ninth inning with a 8-3 lead.

And then! PawSox fans' hopes were ignited when it looked like Pawtucket was gonna mount a comeback. The unreliable Aaron Bates flew out, but then Jorge Jimenez graciously accepted a walk. Velazquez singled. So far, so what? New catcher that no one ever heard of Daniel Butler struck out... two outs for Segovia!

Then Niuman Romero hit a home run! Everyone was so excited. 8-6 Scranton! Dave Miley had seen enough of Segovia, though, and brought in star closer Albaladejo. Tug Hulett was clearly intimidated and flew out to center field. Awww... That's okay. It's not Hulett's fault that he's an older version of Travis Denker.

1. Rich Hill made his first PawSox appearance and I'm sorry I missed it. I love how these miscellaneous players pop up in triple-A. Like, oh, hi, Jason Lane is on the PawSox now.
2. Tommy Hottovy took over after Gabbard crapped his pants on the mound. Hottovy is gonna be 29 in a few days. I can not even believe it.
3. Jorge Jimenez made two errors. AND THEY STAY THERE! AND THEY STAY THERE!
4. Jonathan Albaladejo has tied the all-time saves record for Scranton Wilkes-Barre.
5. Is Albaladejo a harder-throwing Colter Bean?

6. I can't stop talking about Donnie Collins! Here, Collins discusses the Yankees triple-A all-stars.
7. Kason Gabbard likes to have a good time. Gross!
8. You might as well read Dan Hoard's account of Daniel Butler's meteoric rise to Pawtucket. You won't find any better.

Tonight! Fresh double-A meat David Phelps will hopefully out-pitch Michael Bowden. No offense... I just think it would be a cute story for Phelps. Wait, you ask, don't you hate the Yankees?

Yes. Yes, I do.