Dear Doug Mirabelli

I swear this story is true.

2003 ALDS: Boston v Oakland. It was that extra inning game in Oakland. As you all know, those west coast postseason games can kill you. And when it comes to extra innings, forget it.

So I went to bed before the game was over and I swear I woke up from a dream and though, "Oh my god... did Derek Lowe come in as a reliever?"

Sure enough, he had come in. Just like I dreamed. That ALDS damn near killed me... I was fetal when T-Long was at the plate and he was called out looking. Then Lowe said "SUCK IT, OAKLAND" and Tejada had a meltdown over it and "Are you Scott" Hatteburg ended his friendship with sweaty, slutty Derek.

To summarize: Derek Lowe is a sweaty, pothead dirtbag and I never liked him.