Drew Sutton dreams about liverwurst.

Damn, I am rusty. Do safecrackers lose their touch if they put their life of crime on hiatus? Because I'm pretty sure I can open a safe or two. I still don't want to write about Papelbon, but that has to happen sooner or later.

Good news, ladies: Drew Sutton is returning to Pawtucket! Don't get any ideas, though. Sutton is probably not down to clown, since it's family first with him. Unless the old saying is true.

Mitch Maier was also picked up by Boston. Maier is an outfielder and he's 30 and he comes from the Kansas City org. He's a brunette... A little on the scatback side but oh, sexy.

Mayhap you've never heard of Terry Doyle. Formerly White Soxy, now Red Soxy. Doyle is a righty big-boy pitcher from Concord, MA, which means he has access to some killer apple cider. Unless he's from Rhode Island, which could also be true because Ben Hill never lies.

Please also welcome relief pitcher Oscar Villarreal.

I'm opting not to get too in depth with these guys, because I've seen many minor-league signings evaporate. Scott Patterson for example. That dude with the red hair, Adam something. Bernero!

RIP Nate Spears, alleged bestie of Jose Iglesias.

2012 PawSox Annual Christmas Party

Tomorrow is the PawSox Annual Christmas Party. Arnie Beyeler won't be there, possibly because he was promoted. Does a major-league first base coach make more than a minor-league manager?

This year Ryan Lavarnway will be there, possibly because he can drive there from Connecticut. Wait, is Lavarnway from Connecticut? Why is he going? Isn't he a big star now? I'll bet he's all fat and drunk.

Tony Thomas will be there because he is wonderful.

Also Jeremy Hazelbaker and his hiked-up pants. Hazelbaker is built like John Olerud and resembles a younger version of the farmer from American Gothic. JEREMY MY DAUGHTER HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU WILL YOU STEP AWAY FROM FIELDING DRILLS AND SIGN THIS CREASED INDEX CARD?

And Santa Paws. And Santa Claus. SANTA CLAUS? I don't recall seeing Santa Claus at McCoy before. Will there also be a nun there with a collection of switches? 

My invitation also says there will be games. Is that new? It also says boldly at the top 'Looking to get into the holiday spirit!!!'

The event lasts from 11:00- 2:00. I will not be able to attend and even though it's SSDY, I am disappointed. Please go and take lots of pictures for me.

I miss you.


The woman on the last page.

I was flipping through a book about exciting finishes in Boston sports and I saw this picture on the last page:

The book was called Something Something Fat Lady, so I see why they closed with this shot.

This picture comes from the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox Rolling Rally Parade Explosion Party Featuring Euclides Rojas and Pokey Reese. But I didn't need to read the caption to tell me that, because this woman WAS DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM ME ON THE BRIDGE NEAR THE SCIENCE MUSEUM!!! And she was awesome and unforgettable in her fat suit! Crazy to think that was eight years ago. I slept over in Boston that night and woke up before the sun to stake out a spot on the route and I sure got a good one, even though it was at the tail end. And I never forgot Miss Fat Lady across from me.

REMEMBER? They had a map of the parade route and then they decided to extend it due to massive interest!

Anyone, this woman's name is Laura Lavallee so if you know her please thank her for me.


Doin' it with Dan Butler

Beefy sex machine Dan Butler has strapped on his catching gear in the DR with the Toros del Este. World's Biggest Reliever Jose Diaz is on the same team, so Butler gets to catch him. Other teammates include IL guys Josh Outman, Yohan Flande, Jairo Asencio, Winston Abreu and Wilkin Ramirez.

Who else is playing winter ball?

1. Bryce Brentz - Big star in the AFL, named to the Rising Stars game on November third. In theory, I am very excited about this.

2. Others. Sorry, my interest in this just dropped precipitously. I think I just wanted to mention Dan Butler.

The Giants won the World Series. Sergio Romo was my favorite, although I experienced curious feelings toward Bruce Bochy. He's probably going to call me any day now. Him and Mike Lowell.

Here's a jack-o-lantern I carved! It's the second one from the left, the only freehand pumpkin. I wanted it to look like it was singing, but that didn't happen.


Kevin Youkilis was on the Pawtucket Red Sox.

Chicago says nope to Youk option.

This one time I met his wife. Although I think they are no longer married? It was a work thing. She was cool and direct and although some people might call her a bitch, I like people like that.

Also through work I dealt with Scott Zolak, who is pretty much the same guy in person as he is on the radio. Loud. Abrasive. Reasonably cordial, though.

And media guy Tom Curran. He is tall. That's all I remember.

Walter McCarty, former Celtics dude. Super nice, really friendly, great guy.

Maybe more, I don't know. I know these people are kind of d-list, but so am I.

Tornado warnings for the Durham area almost ruined my trip.

Bryce Brentz played right like he was five beers deep. However, he made one decent third-out catch and seemed pretty pleased with himself as he ran off the field. I know I was pleased.

My sister and I thought this guy was cute. Something George. That's the story behind this picture. As you can see, our seats were right behind the Aces bullpen.

"Blah blah rain yee-haw! Beer huntin' tits! Dude! Porn hotsauce LIFTWEIGHTS."

Grounds crew meeting! Looks like a real sausage fest.

Love the cas guy in the background.


Chris Hernandez is tangentially involved in a conversation.

Classic Kroenke!

Andy LaRoche and some other guys. Nate Spears is number 3.

All I can see is hair.

Outside the DBAP. Some woman behind us in line talked about the concession stands in great detail, describing what each one sold and rating the deliciousness. Since I am not Southern, I just kept waiting for her to stop talking. She didn't so I just walked away eventually... "Oops, line's moving!"

Also, behind us in the beer line was a couple and the dude was originally from Pawtucket! So that was cool.

Here's a picture from the Triple-A Championship Game in Durham, NC.

I had to get a picture of man-about-town Rick Medeiros. He's talking to Alex Wilson, probably about that election rigging article.

I think I'll just put all my pictures up. I am no one's photographer, so I'm sorry... NO I AM NOT SORRY. I TAKE CANDID PICTURES THAT ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL QUALITY, OH MY GOD, SUE ME!!!

2012 Granite State Baseball Dinner

Yeah, I don't think so.

Cecil Fielder and Wade Boggs will be there. Of course, Carpenter will be there participating in auctions and being a smug douche all night. And everyone slobbers all over him. Too gross for words.

It costs $80. For charity! I think even if I did want to go, I doubt there would be anyone willing to pony up the dough to come with. I have had a good time in the past but it's just too much money for very little payoff.

Besides, has Chris Carpenter ever conquered the LARGEST CORN MAZE IN VERMONT?!


2012 Pawtucket Red Sox Uniform Numbers

Mark Prior was on the Pawtucket Red Sox in 2012. Much like the newspaper box that doesn't accept nickels, I may never get over this.

These are in chronological order, where if more than one player used the number, the last guy to use it goes last. GOT IT?

2 - Tony Thomas, who I believe won the Spirit Award.

3 - Nate Spears. Confession: When I bowled next to Nate Spears, it was the day after he'd been ejected from a game in which Dylan Axelrod pitched. I set my bowling name to 'Dylan Axelrod', totally intentionally and hoped he'd notice. Not terribly mature. Spears did in fact approach me a couple of times, but only to ask how I was bowling. I like to think he noticed.

5 - Pedro Ciriaco. I missed him so much.

5 - Reynaldo Rodriguez, after they stole Ciriaco.

7 - Josh Kroeger. La Pesadilla's back down in Venezuela, pimp-style, sucking down the Vitamin G and living la vida loca. Good for him.

7 - Andy LaRoche. Somehow landed the flawless and doll-like Heidi Watney. Sometimes he drove in runs.

10 - Jose Iglesias. Such a nice boy.

11 - Ryan Kalish. God knows he tried. Let's hope he returns with a vengeance.

11 - Jason Repko.

11 - Andrew Miller, rehab.

12 - Jonathan Hee. I liked the part towards the end of the season when he started to hit a little.

13 - Rich Sauveur.

15 - Junichi Tazawa.

15 - And then Kalish.

15 - Ryan Dent.

16 - Will Middlebrooks.

16 - Mark Prior. Why 16?

16 - Clayton Mortensen.

16 - Borck Huntzinger. Brock, even. Ha.

17 - JC Linares.

18 - Chorye Spoone. Vanished into thin air.

18 - Jeremy Kehrt. Will take his shirt off at the drop of a hat.

18 - Daisuke Matsuzaka. Rehab.

18 - Zach Stewart.

19 - Will Inman.

20 - Rich Hill, rehab.

20 - Billy Buckner.

21 - Justin Germano. Some birds aren't meant to be caged.

21 - Mark Prior again.

21 - Pedro Beato.

22 - Arnie Beyeler, world famous third base coach.

23 - Mike Rivera.

24 - Che-Hsuan Lin.

25 - Clayton Mortensen.

25 - Daniel Bard. Was so surprisingly pleasant at Poster Night that I felt bad about ripping on him all season. Poster Night has changed my mind about many players. It's such a stardust fantasy!

25 - Bryce Brentz. At the Triple-A Championship, Brentz was like that baker on Sesame Street who fell down the stairs all the time.

26 - Lars Anderson.

26 - Josh Fields.

28 - Gerald Perry, hitting coach.

29 - Alex Hassan.

30 - Alex Wilson.

31 - Tony Pena Jr.

32 - Garrett Mock.

32 - Steven Wright.

32 - Danny Valencia.

33 - Daniel Nava.

33 - Dan Butler. Should be 33.5, because he's exxxtra manly. I'M JUST SAYING WHAT EVERYBODY'S THINKING!

34 - Mauro Gomez.

34 - Jeremy Hazelbaker. Hiked his pants up more than any PawSox player I've ever seen. Does not do anything for his beanpole physique.

35 - Ronald Bermudez.

35 - Aaron Cook.

35 - Chris Hernandez.

36 - Ryan Lavarnway.

36 - Danny Valencia.

37 - Mark Melancon. 'Melancon' is French for 'eggplant', right?

37 - Chris Carpenter. Not the one who's an asshole, the other Chris Carpenter.

38 - Brandon Duckworth, who has conversations with cadavers.

38 - Nelson Figueroa. Love Figueroa, but let's face it: Pawtucket lost the championship because he pitched poorly in Durham.

39 - Jose De La Torre.

40 - Andrew Bailey, rehab. Bailey kicked ass during his rehab start.

40 - Mike MacDonald.

41 - Doug Mathis.

43 - Justin Thomas.

43 - Mike Rivera.

44 - Aaron Cook, rehab.

46 - Ross Ohlendorf.

46 - Daniel Bard.

47 - Mickie Jiang, first base coach and Girl Friday. Also held up a full-length mirror in the clubhouse so Nate Spears could comb his hair in front of it while dancing.

48 - Scott Atchison, rehab... ish?

I think I'm only missing Ryan Dent, so if anyone knows what his number was, hit me up.

This only took three goddamn hours. You can't get this list anywhere else, so you know how lovingly I created it. Glad to be of service. (Note: There may be other resources.)

UPDATE! Sitting Still Kelly hipped me to Dent's number, which was 15. She then added,  "Also when Wright and Valencia were both there but Lavarnway was gone Valencia wore 36." Which sounds like a Penny Press logic problem. Did Valencia carry a polka-dot umbrella and bring yams to the potluck? RYAN LAVARNWAY DID NOT BRING A DESSERT.



I gave baseball my heart and it gave me a pen.

Well, the NLDS and the ALDS had the worst possible outcomes, didn't they? So am I rooting for the Giants? I am quite fond of Sergio Romo, so I'll say yes. Although if the WS is Yankees/STL, then I may apply for a gun permit.

Sure, sometimes I watch the Yankees... and I want to throw up. It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Curtis Granderson is on. He's so talented.

Malcolm MacMillan went to McCoy Stadium.

Some key points from the founder of TheBallparkGuide.com:

1. "I can see visiting McCoy Stadium being a bucket list item for any die-hard Sox fan, simply because of all the displays."

2. "And just below, are the parking spots reserved for the coaching staff. Here’s the spot belonging to pitching coach and tanned asshole Rich Sauveur, for example: (photo)" - (Italics added by staff.)

3. "The box score for the [Longest] game was absolutely hysterical. Ripken went 2-for-13 and Boggs went 4-for-12, but there were some guys who had horrendous luck. It was a bad time to play center field, apparently. Rochester’s Williams went 0-for-13! And Pawtucket leadoff hitter Graham went 1-for-14. A combined 1-for-27 from center field — yikes!" - Good point. Dallas Williams, right?

4. "And then, thanks to my media pass, a seat directly behind home plate..." - Hold on. So if you have a media pass, you can sit wherever you want? Is that what's going on? Or do the PawSox reserve seats behind home plate for the media? And who is that tall, dark-haired man with the high-tech phone and the black fleece vest I always see? I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING, VESTY!

The story includes some great pictures that I am super jealous of. I think I've posted enough shots of McCoy Stadium, so here's a photo of Matt Sheely and Ryan Kalish instead:

Hey, good news! My father agreed to a brief interview so keep your eye out for that.


Kevin Thomas contemplates minor league free agency and the Rule 5 Draft.

Did you know that Brock Huntzinger was Rule 5 eligible last year? Of course you did. But I didn't, because I don't work hard enough to gather that sort of information.

Portland's Kevin Thomas recently (okay, last month) wrote about potential pitching losses for Boston. Like Josh Fields' hair.

The Rule 5 draft is December 6th, which is a date both far into the future and unsettlingly close. And then the sixth day after the World Series ends is when free agents can sign with other clubs.

I love the World Series. I am the last baseball fan standing in my family. They've all turned to football or hockey or that TV program where the chemistry teacher spends a lot of his free time in Mexico. How do you like the playoffs so far?


Derek Livernois 4-EVA

Since I am evidently the world's foremost authority on Derek Livernois, I though it would be cool to post this link to the Greatest 21 Days blog.

I meant to do this a long time ago. Sorry.

Should I try to contact Mr. Livernois and ask him some questions regarding his time with Pawtucket? I have never interviewed a player, mostly because it's not really my place. And I also don't know how to do it, like when people try to throw some crazy handshake on me out of the blue. YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE THE HANDSHAKE WITH ME FIRST, COMRADE!

Know what? It is now my personal goal to interview somebody this off-season! Perhaps I'll start with my Father, who once changed light bulbs at McCoy Stadium. That'll make him talk to me!


Jason Repko has declared free agency.

Repko truly played his ass off when he was on the PawSox. His numbers weren't awesome, but I appreciated his hustle. That's how you get promoted. You would think, anyway. Baseball isn't always a meritocracy. In fact, it only occasionally is a meritocracy.

Repko did not make a single error while he was with Pawtucket. And are you perchance Italian? You might enjoy this article which mentions Repko and is in Italian.

Also, he made a catch that the whole world saw. Except me, because I am very busy with legal documents and charity galas and teleconferences.The

In fact, here are all the cool kidz who linked to that zany bullpen catch!

1. Tonight's Forecast: Dark

2. Unathletic Mag: "Being debated as the catch of the year, Jason Repko jumps over the fence to make the grab. You make the call but this is certainly up there. Unfortunately the Sox lost that game but so what? It’s Triple A." HEY, GO TO HECK!

3. The Nosebleeds

4. Bob's Blitz

5. Outside the Box Score: "During his Major League Baseball career, outfielder Jason Repko didn't turn in any notable home run robbing catches but recently during a minor league stint, Repko might have pulled off the home run robbery of the month."

6. Awkward Sports: "Jason Repko leaped his entire body over the wall to rob Kosuke Fukudome of a homer in AAA Red Sox minor league game."

7. I doubt you can watch this conversation with Jason Repko and not think about what it would be like to have sex with him. Intimate, intimate video.

8. Hyder wrote about it. My personal hero, Steve Hyder.

9. Is Jason Repko a bicycle commuter? It appears that he is: "If you have a substantial bike commute and you ride it regularly, get yourself a bike you really like and a couple of good locks for it. If you’re putting the mileage on, you’ll want to love what you ride." Okay, no way this is baseball Repko. Sorry.

10. "One of the players that I got to talk with was Jason Repko, an outfielder for the Minnesota Twins. We know each other from his stint in Rochester. At one point, he was so impressed with my photography that he asked me to take photos of his family at his home. " - Oh, I am so sure.

11. Jason Repko's baby is way too adorable.

12. What was Repko's at-bat music? I remember it being acceptable, which almost never happens. Wait! No, I lied, I think it was a RHCP song. I hate them.

13. Damn, Gina!

That's enough, right? I'm trying to go to the laundromat and now this. And the Reds/Giants game. Jeremy Affeldt and Ryan Ludwick and Scott Rolen and so forth.

You think Repko's going to Japan?


Devern Hansack is gone and he's never coming back.

But I did come across this Nicaragua-based article that mentions him and other Nicaraguan baseball players!

By the way, if I told you that the Yankees signed a 16-year-old kid named Colby McCoy, you could probably deduce that he was not an American. But would you guess that he was from Nicaragua? 'Colby McCoy' sounds like a Texas boy. Weird. Anyway, he's Hansack's cousin.

That's all for today. Looking for a job in Rhode island. Wish me luck.



You know what? Fuck it.


I want Oakland to win.

Not just because of Brandon Moss, but that's a big part of it. Not just because of Josh Reddick. Just because.

I feel much better now.


That man was Adam Hyzdu.

Been getting a weird amount of Adam Hyzdu inquiries lately. Not sure why. All I can think is maybe people want him to manage the Red Sox?

'Bruce Springsteeen children' is also rocketing up the charts. Of course.

I should do another 'Search Term Sunday'.


Yup. That's pretty much what I expected to see.

The Durham Bulls ballpark is really nice. And, O! The beer! So many to try!

Pawtucket seemed listless and way overmatched. Game was essentially over in the third inning. Or even the second. Bryce Brentz couldn't catch, Figueroa couldn't pitch, no one seemed to be able to hit.

But there was one member of the Pawtucket Red Sox that was hella sharp, energetic, on their game, firing on all cylinders and going completely gorilla. And that was Paws. Paws came with his A-game and that certain post-season joie de vivre that is so important on the field. Superlative work, Paws!

And then it rained.

I'll be home tomorrow.


I'm not happy unless you're happy, PawSox.

So you must be happy, because I'm happy.

I just sewed up my trip to North Carolina to see the Triple-A Championship Game featuring the Pawtucket Red Sox and either Reno or Omaha. I leave on Monday. I return Thursday. I'm crazy like that.

Have I ever told you that I used to live in Reno? Long story. LONG story.

By the way, you want this? Come get it! I'm right here!


Beer'd Off Block Party Yard Sale Neighborhood Providence West Side Neighbor Fest Mustache

Once again I will be a guest judge at the above event.

So if you wanna come say hi. Maybe I'll give some PawSox Heavy shit out, like free pens or something. At the very least, let me buy you a beer.

I'll be the fatass baseball fashion victim.

I love you.

9.13.12 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Charlotte Knights - Cool in my blood, warm in my heart.

I wish I could have been there, I think. 4-1 Pawtucket, Nelson Figueroa goes six good, good innings. The PawSox win the Governor's Cup and I am so detached from it all. Me, of all people, missed it. Bummer, right?

Figueroa only gave up one run, but seven hits and Charlotte just could not deliver. I really thought the Knights were going to run roughshod over Pawtucket back home, I really did. I must tell you I like a little bit more of a fight in playoff situations. A sweep is boring. I like spit and dirt and nails. I also like Manny Machado.

Figueroa struck out fiveand didn't walk anybody. And I don't know much about center fielder Trayce Thompson but he made the last out twice with runners waiting to score.

Scott Carroll started for Charlotte, pitched 6 1/3 innings. Seventh inning, Pawtucket started crawling up his ass and he was up to 97 pitches so it was time to grab his hat and overcoat and head home. Reliever Santos Rodriguez and Brandon Kloess kept the Red Sox scoreless, but it was too late.

Here's how the scoring went down. Second inning, Danny Valencia led off with a single. Then Andy LaRoche doubled. I don't really care for either one of those guys, but okay. Thanks, Elvis. Catcher Mike Rivera, who I do like, hit a softy to left and Valencia scored. Then Che-Hsuan Lin hit a sac fly to score LaRoche. 2-0.

The Knights scored a run in the fifth inning. Carlos Sanchez hit and RBI single, which he attempted to extend into two bases, but was caught in a pickle and was eventually tagged out by Ryan Dent.

In the seventh inning, Lin reached on an error by Sanchez (I see a scapegoat emerging) and then scored when Jeremy Hazelbaker tripled. Hazelbaker's pants are insanely hiked up. He looks like John Olerud without the helmet sometimes. He's built like a wooden clothespin. But FUCK YEAH TRIPLE.

Hazelbaker later scored on a line drive single by JC Linares. Will Inman, Jose De La Torre, and Josh Fields pitched an inning apiece, putting away the Knights with little muss. And not a hit between them. Come on, Charlotte. Come on.

i know someday i'll be the only one:
1. Bryce Brentz did not get a hit, instead electing to strike out four times. WHERE'S YOUR MESSIAH NOW?

2. "The Pawtucket Red Sox haven't won the International League title since 1984, but thanks to Thursday night's victory over Charlotte, the Triple-A affiliate of the Boston Red Sox swept their way to one. Nelson Figueroa was the winning pitcher in the effort, which Pawtucket took 4-1, powered by hits from six different batters, as well as RBI from four." - Marc Normandin is a great guy, wicked smart.

3. "The Pawtucket Red Sox will travel to Durham, NC to await the champion of the PCL to take them on in AAA's Super Bowl on Tuesday night." - Thanks, Ted's Army. I'm going to ride my bicycle down there immediately.

Yeah. I'm glad everyone's so psyched about this, especially since Boston's in the sewer. I'm going to withhold further comment, because I don't want to get too whiny.

Just know that I've been doing this for a long time.


9.12.12 Pawtucket v Charlotte - It Would Be Better If

Dan Butler does stuff sometimes. Pawtucket wins 2-0 with no Gomez, no Ciriaco, no Middlebrooks or Lavarnway.

Pawtucket starter Zach Stewart pitched six scoreless innings, gave up four hits. And a walk. And he struck out four. And he danced. Like a wave on the ocean romance.

Charles Shirek was Head Righty in Charge for the Charlotte Knights. Shirek pitched seven innings, gave up both Pawtucket runs.

Dan Butler hit a solo home run in the second inning to score the Red Sox' first run. Butler also singled with one out in the fifth, allowing Che-Hsuan Lin to get him over with a double. I am officially Interested In Dan Butler, so we'll talk about him at some point.

Wait, that sounds like I want to ask him out... That's not the case. I would just like to engage in a water balloon fight with Dan Butler, is all. Fuck, yeah.

Relievers Pedro Beato, Alex Wilson, and Jose De La Torre were parfait, and to them we possibly owe this win. Zach Stewart gets it, though, so he's a lad o' pairts.

two things:
1. "That the PawSox have made it this far is somewhat surprising, given the turnover their roster has had." - Yeah, dude, not for nothing. (Mullen)

2. Please enjoy sexy beefcake shots of Dan Butler. Oh, look, here's more. This one is not a picture by someone with blazing pants, but it serves a purpose.

3. Danny Valencia also hit a double. Hee made an error.

4. "When Carlos Sanchez lofted a bloop to short center, it looked like it was going to fall in, but after breaking back, Lin reversed himself and came sprinting in to make a basket catch at the last moment. Lin looked up to see Mitchell on second base, and so tried to throw, while still running. Lin's throw was accurate, but it hit the ground about halfway to the infield, and took about 57 bounces before first baseman Nate Spears could scoop it up for the doubleplay, just before Mitchell got back to first." - Jay Miller, whose PawSox coverage is excellent.

5. "In a classy salute to the paying customers that took place afterwards, the PawSox players and coaches came out of the dugout and doffed their caps to show their appreciation of the fans’ support." - McGair. I would also like to add that Brendan McGair's opening lines almost always crack me up.
6. "PawSox manager Arnie Beyeler likes to point out that each playoff game has been the equivalent of a box of chocolates – you just never know who’s going to play the role of hero on a given night." - Exactly what I am talking about. (ibid.)

7. "Beyeler mentioned that he’s received well wishes via text from several ex-PawSox players, the list including Ryan Lavarnway, Jose Iglesias and Mauro Gomez. “I heard they were watching our game (last Saturday night in Rochester) during the rain delay (in Boston),” said Beyeler. “It’s nice that they care enough to pay attention.” - McGair killing it this wk.

8. I'd like to serve HIS purpose, if you know what I mean!

RIGHT NOW! Nelson Figueroa v Scott Carroll. Sorry, I slept all damn day. It was my turn. A win could become a win, and then Omaha or Reno. Heard the PCL is hitterish, but who knows?


9.11.12 Pawtucket v Charlotte - Not as Good

Pawtucket wins 7-2, but in kind of a bummer way because the Knights starter was injured and had to leave the game in the first inning. I mean, I'll take it, but it seems unfair.

Starter for Pawtucket was Steven Wright, who's been decent. Wright's first inning didn't look too cute, what with a few singles and a walk, and Dan Butler looking awkward, but everything smoothed out and Wright went on to pitch seven innings. Wright threw 107 pitches, but don't freak out. He's a knuckleballer. Charlotte got six hits off Wright, leading to two runs: One in the first, one in the fourth.

Charlie Leesman started for Charlotte. Top of the first, Leesman gave up back-to-back singles to Nate Spears and Tony Thomas. JC Linares hit a ground ball infieldish, first base-ward, and as pitcher and infielder converged... Leesman put the brakes on to avoid a smash-up and effed his knee up good. Leesman down, in visible agony. After a few minutes, Leesman was assisted off the field. We all felt bad about the whole thing.

New pitcher, Andre Rienzo. Danny Valencia flew out to right, allowing Spears to score. Ah, tie game.

Bottom of the third, Danny Valencia hit a two-run homer. Danny. He certainly is a handsome devil. PawSox up 2-1. Charlotte tied it in the top of the fourth, but post-season BEASTMASTER Bryce Brentz led off the bottom of the fourth with a damn triple! Brentz scored when Jason Repko reached on a fielder's choice, putting the Red Sox up 3-2.

Seventh inning, lots of bang. Ryan Kussmaul was the new reliever for Charlotte. Nate Spears singled with one out, then Tony Thomas went deep to left, into the bullpen, where the relievers do their weird home run grandma dance. Even cooler, JC Linares hit a home run immediately after that, also into the Pawtucket bullpen. Good Valentine's.

Alex Wilson once again provided stellar post-season relief in the eighth inning, and Josh Fields slayed the ninth with his heater. Ryan Dent stepped into the ninth inning for some reason. And that was it!

una vaina asi:
1. Spears, Thomas, Linares and Brentz all got two hits. Jason Repko got zero hits and was caught stealing. Is everything okay at home, Repko?

2. "Charlotte ace Charlie Leesman was trying to field a ground ball along the first-base line with no outs in the first inning when he leaped to avoid a collision with his first baseman, came down awkwardly and then did a backward somersault across the chalk line. He needed help leaving the field and was limping severely after the game." - MacPHERSON!

3. "I felt good, and I was mainly trying to just stay back," said Wright, who was only acquired from the Cleveland system on July 31, in the trade for PawSox first baseman Lars Anderson. "In the first inning I tend to start rushing my pitches. I need to stay back and keep the ball in the zone. You can look at the layoff, but almost every single start, I struggle in the first inning. Once I figure out what I'm doing, I'm okay." - Jay Miller

What, that's it?

TONIGHT! Zach Stewart and probably Charlie Shirek. So much Charlie. Just don't drag him through the cold cuts!


Top Ten Things That Suck the Fun Out of Baseball

Numbers 1-9: Writing about baseball.

10. Inclement weather.

Good morning. Ohayo.

No starter for Pawtucket yet tonight, but the Charlotte Knights are throwing Charlie Leesman out there.

According to correspondent Jack Horan, the Knights' strength lies in their pitching: "The Knights’ strength lies in its pitching staff, which tied with Indianapolis for first in ERA (3.15) in the regular season... The Red Sox will need to produce hits to overcome Knights pitching, manager Arnie Beyeler said Monday. “They really pitch very well. Their bullpen is lights out. We’re going to have to come out and swing the bats. They’re well balanced all around, they’ve got some power. The bottom line with all these playoff games is pitching.”

Did you know that the Charlotte Knights are the Triple-A affiliate of the Chicago White Sox? How could you be so stupid?

Providence's Tim Britton writes about it, too, evidently under the influence of mushrooms: "WHO KNEW GOETHE COULD SUMMARIZE THE EMOTIONS ENTERING A MINOR-LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES SO WELL? Goethe loved baseball."

Okay, what do I know? Brendan McGair claims that Steven Wright is starting tonight.

All the cool kids have now decided that they need to cover Pawtucket and stink up the press box. Yeah, thanks for this. Let me give you a piece of advice, Junior: Your music make sense to no one... But yourself.

I'll be there, too, just as I always have been.

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/09/10/3520193/pitching-takes-front-seat-vs-sox.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/09/10/3520193/pitching-takes-front-seat-vs-sox.html#storylink=cpy


9.8.12 Red Sox @ Yankees - Goodbye, Melky.

Pawtucket wins 7-1, advances in the playoffs. They're going to play Charlotte. I was rooting for the Indians. The Knights are mad tough.

Thank you, Nelson Figueroa. He was awesome, pitched eight one-run innings for the PawSox. That one run was a homer by Corban Joseph in the fourth inning. Figueroa gave up two hits and a walk and threw 118 pitches, which seems high until you remember that he pitched in the Mets org. Oh, yeah, Figueroa got eight strikeouts, too. Superlative effort.

Lefty Vidal Nuno pitched 1 2/3 innings and then had to take a powder, since it was him alone giving up seven runs to Pawtucket. Sorry, Nuno. I do feel bad for this kid. All the runs for Pawtucket came in that second inning, with more singles than Foreigner 4. So when Joseph hit his solo shot in the fourth, the result was that 7-1 final score that remained unchanged for the rest of the game.

So what happened in the second inning? Andy LaRoche led off with a single. There you go, good night.

No, what happened was Bryce Brentz and Dan Butler hit consecutive singles after that. Nuno got Jason Repko to pop up to second (infield fly rule, just ask Vee), but then Jonathan Hee hit an RBI single and Jeremy Hazelbaker hit an RBI single.

Then Tony Thomas singled! No, Thomas grounded into a force, but it scored Dan Butler. Next guy was JC Linares, who singled. Hee scores! Who scores? Hee does.

Danny Valencia was next, batting just ahead of LaRoche again. I bet people get those two mixed up a lot. Especially your mom. Valencia saw a pitch, banged it to left field. Home run! Three more runs in! And that was it. Kelvin Perez came in to pitch, got LaRoche out, ended the inning.

Alex Wilson pitched the ninth. Uno-dos-tres, five effing pitches. Who is this playoffs Alex Wilson and where's he been hiding all season? Is he real life?

two things:
1. Bryce Brentz also hit a double at some point. Post-season MVP? Maybe?

2. Only Tony Thomas was hitless. Sorry.

3. "After the game, Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees radio play-by-play announcer and team spokesman Mike Vander Woude announced that he would be stepping down from his positions to devote more time to his family." - Aw. Hyder, don't get any ideas.

4. Also: "The Scranton/Wilkes-Barre franchise will open its 24th season at the renovated stadium on April 4, 2013 against Pawtucket." - Oh, so the schedule's set, then? And will they be the Trolley Frogs or what?

5. In case you didn't know, Figueroa had been pitching for the Yankees before they released him and Pawtucket picked him up. Figueroa's a New Yorker, so the whole thing kind of sucked for him: "When a team releases you,” said Figueroa, “you put that chip on your shoulder and carry it for a little while. You always want to prove you’re not done. I knew I wasn’t done by a long shot. The same thing that worked for me for 17 years worked for me tonight.”

6. Corban Joseph is dumb: “It’s been a grind,” Joseph said. “It’s something no other team has done before.” No? No other team in the history of baseball has played without a home park? Look it up, butthead.

7. So I watched highlights of the Yankees/Orioles game last night, and yeah, that was a blown call at first. But oh my god, is it ever nice to see a call NOT go the Yankees way. I know it's wrong... But it feels so right.

TUESDAY NIGHT! Playoffs v Charlotte Knights. I don't know who's pitching. I'm mega-bitter that I won't be attending unless I can pull off a miracle. I need a field reporter!



9.7.12 Red Sox in Rochester with Yankees.

Pawtucket gets socked on the jaw in the ninth and loses 4-3. Oh, damn, that was so close.

Billy Buckner started for the PawSox, pitched six 1/3 scoreless innings. He racked up seven strikeouts and left the game with a 2-0 lead, whistling and swinging his lunch pail the whole way home.

Starting lefty for the Scranton Yankees was Michael O'Connor, who we have seen before. Like, last week. O'Connor pitched six innings and gave up two home runs: A solo home run by Bryce Brentz and a solo home run by Mike Rivera, both coming in the second inning. Why thank you, Bryce, for being such a nice boy.

So after Second Inning Homer Time, no one scored for like, ever. Then, in the eighth inning, Jason Repko singled to right off reliever Manny Delcarmen. Oh, Manny. How I loved you. Repko dashed over to second on a throwing error by RF Cole Garner. Thus unsettled, Delcarmen threw a wild pitch to Tony Thomas, getting Repko to third. Tony Thomas induced the wild pitch WITH HIS MIND, YOU GUYS. Thomas got caught looking, sadly, but Ryota Igarashi took the wheel from Delcarmen to face JC Linares. Linares tripled! YEAH! Repko scores, Jesus saves, Smokey sings!

Brace yourself for the bad stuff. Brock Huntzinger was pitching the bottom of the eighth and Gustavo Molina hit a bomb to left. 3-1. Manageable, right? So who comes in to pitch the ninth? Mark Melancon? Travis Hughes? Fernando Cabrera? Michael Bowden, even? No, Tony Pena Jr. Thanks for this. Pena gave up an RBI single to Ronnier Mustelier and it was 3-2 and Pena was extricated from this development. Pedro Beato was entrusted with two outs. He got one, but... But... Yeah, Melky Mesa hit a two-run homer to walk off with the win for the Scrankees. I am really starting to hate Melky Mesa and his PawSox-killing ways. I am not angry with Pedro Beato, but I hope Pena repeatedly steps on a rake and gets it in the mush.

how could i ever have lost you when i love you:
1. Did you know that Chris Smith got 15 saves for the PawSox in 2008? I did not. I don't remember that guy being a closer at any point, but yeah, he led the team in saves. No one cares about this but me.

2. In case you felt like throwing up: "At 10:27, Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York” began playing over the loudspeaker at the Yankees rushed to home plate to smother their hero of the night with love." - Jim Mandelaro

Geez, I guess that's it. Do you know who Vidal Nuno? No, he's not a guitar player. He's starting for SWB tonight v Pawtucket. But it's okay, we have Nelson Figueroa, who I hope can set down all the baby Yankees like Murton and Mesa. Don't make me sad, Nelson.

Paz afuera.


9.6.12 Pawtucket v SWB - Whoops.

Incredibly, Pawtucket won this game 3-2. Win goes to Scott Atchison, veteran reliever and opener of pickle jars. Ramon Ortiz was the losing pitcher, which was really too bad because only one of his three runs was earned.

Lefty Chris Hernandez started for Pawtucket and I almost immediately began to worry, as he didn't look terribly sharp. But he got the outs he needed! Hernandez' six innings included four hits, two walks, a wild pitch, and a balk. He struck out six and both runs were charged to him. On his Earned Run Credit Card, with an annual APR of 12.9%. The Yankees got both their runs in the second inning, using a couple of hits and a walk and a balk and a groundout to get that shit across.

Ramon Ortiz effectively stymied the PawSox up until the fifth. I saw a million infield pop-ups during his appearance, and you would be surprised at how enraging they are. GAH THE FREAKING SECOND BASEMAN HAS IT!!! At last, catcher Dan Butler reached second base on an error in the fifth inning and Bryce Brentz doubled him in.

But the Red Sox were still down a run, and no one was really hitting anything. At last, in the seventh inning, third baseman Nate Spears led off with a double. Bryce Brentz, suddenly a key hitter, singled, scoring Spears. TIE GAME! But even better, shortstop Jonathan Hee also singled. Brentz made it to third, but the throw in from right field was off target, and Brentz was able to make it across home plate. Ortiz OUT! Enter Juan Cedeno for one out, and big ol' Preston Claiborne for the last one. Clever voiving, Dave Miley.

Will Inman got a couple of post-Atchison outs, and then Jose De La Torre came in to close things out. And oh, lord, it was not easy. First of all, De La Torre was all sweaty and gross and spazzy. Large first baseman Luke Murton hit a single. Melky Mesa and Kevin Romine really worked the count on De La Torre, but he managed to get them to strike out. The he walked Cole Garner, it was awful. Next batter, Ramiro Pena, hit a ball deep to center... But no, Linares caught it and game over. WHEW!

two things:
1. "And if Pawtucket has bid farewell for the moment to a pair of superb shortstops in Jose Iglesias and Pedro Ciriaco--both of whom have been promoted to Boston--there's no shortage of glove at the shortstop position, as the pride of the University of Hawaii, Jonathan Hee, is doing a terrific job, including starting two critical doubleplays Thursday night that killed Scranton/Wilkes-Barre rallies." - Uh, maybe. I don't think Hee is that great a shortstop. Yeah, he got the DPs, but he's kind of graceless. (Cool story, Jay Miller.)

2. JC Linares also got a couple of hits. And he played center, which must be an act of desperation. Where's Lin? And why does Jeremy Hazelbaker hike his pants up so high?

3. Mike Scandura! "Nate Spears lofted a “nine iron” down the left field line which fell between Russo, shortstop Ramiro Pena and left fielder Ronnie Mustellier for a double. "

4. PawSox Blog! "In his last start, which coincidentally was against the Yankees and tonight’s starter Ramon Ortiz, the Florida native pitched the curve ball a total of three times; today he used it six times, with one being the final pitch of his fourth strikeout. “Not going into it,” responded Hernandez when asked if his increased curveball usage was part of the game plan prior to tonight’s affair. “It worked well tonight, and we’re here to win so we (him and Dan Butler) didn’t shy away from it. It felt good and I felt good throwing it, so we kept going with it.”

5. Peter Gobis! "The PawSox knotted the score at 2-2 in the seventh inning on two bizarre bloopers. First Nate Spears lofted a blooper down the left field line that three SWB fielders converged upon, but none could grab, the PawSox third baseman winding up on second base. An out later, Brentz took two wild swings at breaking ball pitches from Yankee RHP Ramon Ortiz, then blooped an RBI-single into short right field." That's a lot of blooping.

6. Over in the other playoffs, the Charlotte Knights are also up two games to none. Uh-oh!

7. Playoffs continue tonight in Rochester, and they have a lot of special things going on.

8. I have to admit, this Paws and Sox graphic from Masshole Sports made me laugh.

9. Last night, I sat amongst some garrulous senior season ticket holders. I was surrounded on every side, so I felt like an unwilling participant in their conversation. What's the best way to the Cape? Who pitched last night? How's your father? They talked about Arnie Beyeler as a potential candidate for promotion, which is applesauce. But if you feel like indulging those thoughts, Kevin Thomas is here for you.

10. Here's Left Field, a blog that mentions Providence's Purple Ivy Shadows and also McCoy Stadium.

TONIGHT! Billy Buckner v Mike O'Connor. A win would be nice.



9.5.12 Pawtucket Red Sox v Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees - Andy, you're a star.

Yes, it's true. Pawtucket beat the Yankees last night by coming from behind. 7-4 with home runs. Zach Stewart gets the win. Please go all the way... It feels so right...

Stewart did good, good things in the first inning, started wavering in the second, then appeared to be doomed in the third. He got up to 90 pitches in five innings and gave up four runs on seven hits. Stewart got all effed up in the third, giving up a solo home run to third basedude Kevin Russo and a two-run bomb to Luke Murton. But that was all... The Yankees would score no more.

Starter for SWB was John Maine, formerly of the Mets or something, and formerly of the PawSox for a period of time that does not exist. Maine only made it through four and two third innings, probably quietly alarmed at his pitch count going up to 104. Yes, John Maine, that's a real pickle.

The Yankees were up 4-0 at the top of the third and things weren't looking good for the Pawtuckets. But at the bottom of the third, Tony Thomas singled with one out. Doubled, sorry, he doubled. JC Linares stepped in after that and hit a home run. And then Andy LaRoche hit a home run! And so it was only 4-3, which is not at all insurmountable.

Andy LaRoche would go on to further badassery in the fifth inning, when he hit a two-run double. Uh, thanks? I should send a boo-kay, right? This was Maine's ticket to the showers, and he was replaced by Chase Whitley.

Alex Wilson picked a hell of a time to be a swing-and-miss reliever! Wilson has been so boring all season, but last night he pitched two scoreless innings with no hits or walks and three strikeouts. Where the heck did all that come from? I have never seen Wilson look so crisp. Pedro Beato came in and pitched a little bit, too. It was good relief.

Bottom of the eighth, catcher Dan Butler led off with a single. Next batter was Bryce Brentz, who hit a home run. Like a Jedi knight! No, better than that... Like a templar knight! Merciless, like Kathy Bates with that sledgehammer in that movie!

Reliever Jose De La Torre got the last couple of outs. Good game. No... Great game. How about that, Alex Speier?

two things:
1. I attended this game. I was by myself, which sucked, and the park was largely vacant. But the people who were there seemed to care a great deal! I haven't seen enthusiasm and passion like that in a long time. YAY BASEBALL.

2. And then Larry Lucchino walked by, which was crazy and unexpected and plumb crazy. Mike Gwynn appeared to be showing him around. I guess he comes down once a year, although this is the first time I have seen him.


4. "Attendance was announced at 1,518, about 1,000 more than actually present." - Yes, I would say so.

5. Repko made another crazy catch last night in center. Also, Tony Thomas went 3-4.

TONIGHT! Chris Hernandez! Not sure who's pitching for the Yankees, probably someone ugly. I have to go like right now, so bye.


Back to Taking Pictures

This is proof that if you complain loudly... And long enough... And annoyingly enough, you can potentially maybe get something you want/need. I got a camera! I feel like a million bucks, all green and wrinkled! And now I can create all my own stock photos!

Look, it's Rich Hill!

I went to Vermont!

Ryan Kalish and DAT ASS!!!!

Okay, I have to head over to McCoy for HOT! Playoff! ACTION!!!


9.3.12 I want everyone to play, including myself.

Pawtucket wins in twelve inninga, kind of, 6-4. Winning pitcher was Jonathan Hee, kind of. Losing pitcher was DH Ryan Baker, so yeah, let's get back to the countdown. And I was at this game but I had to leave it because I had to be in Boston by five and I was SO PISSED OFF.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Steven Wright, and he did really well! Wright pitched six innings and gave up two runs (one unearned) on three hits, including a home run by Darnell McDonald, who once I loved. Wright got four strikeouts and walked three. Doesn't sound all that thrilling, but you had to be there. That's why box scores are both full of information, but sorely lacking. Do you know what I want to see? A breakdown of pitches per inning. As in, Wright threw 100 pitches... 16 in the first, 25 in the second, etc etc. Is anyone else interested in this information?

(I realize you can enter the play-by-play live thing, but what a pain in the ass.)

Lefty Michael O'Connor started for the Yankees. He only pitched three innings before those five other guys had to finish the game. Pawtucket scored one run off him.

Alright, let's get to the bread on the meat of my sandwich. The game was moving along at a nice clip, so I was optimistic about seeing the whole thing and post-game and so forth. Third inning, Jonathan Hee hit an RBI single. I'd say it was Hee's game all day, really. The Yankees tied it at the top of the fourth, with McDonald's solo home run.

Top of the fifth, Melky Mesa scored on a passed ball. Melky Mesa reminds me so much of Alfonso Soriano, especially in the batting stance. So the Yankees snared a 2-1 lead, which sucked. Scott Atchison was in the house and pitched the seventh very well, then new kid Brock Huntzinger came in for the eighth and... He gave up a two-run double to pinch-hitting DH and Reliever of the Future Ryan Baker. Aw, shit.

But here's where the crazy stuff begins! Bottom of the eighth, Francisco Rondon pitching. Yeah, I don't know who he is, either, but the Yankees had a lot of whippersnaps in the game that were not on the provided roster. Second baseman Ryan Dent led off with a single. Then Jeremy Hazelbaker also singled. Jon Hee stepped in, and what a second half he's had! Hee hit an RBI single, natch, scoring Dent. Hazelbaker then scored on a wild pitch and the crowd really got into it. Rondon managed to get Linares out, but he was replaced by Preston Claiborne, who does not come from old money and summer in Newport. Claiborne's sole mistake was allowing an RBI single to first baseman Andy LaRoche, but it was enough to tie the game so sucks to his aunty.

And the game went on. Jose De La Torre came in, and Juan Cedeno... Pawtucket loaded the fucking bases in the tenth with no outs, but Valencia grounded into a 5-2-3 and Bryce Brentz flew out. Juan Cedeno was pumped, and rightly so.

Josh Fields, opponent of same-sex marriage, pitched the eleventh. DH Ryan Baker pitched for the Yankees and I was driving north at this point, but the radio guys said he had like a zero combat rating. Pawtucket could not score off this soft-tossing position player, sadly. Everyone wanted to go home but of course no one wanted to concede, either, which leads to a situation like that one Red Sox/White Sox game right before the All-Star Break that was like 16 innings long.

At last, in the twelfth inning, JC Linares grabbed hold of the reins and hit a walk-off home run. Was that so hard? Hyder's post-game guy was Hee, whose 12th inning relief game was tight. Hee had nearly nothing to say and Hyder proclaimed the interview to be unworthy of applause.

1. Slim killer Jon Hee went 3-5 with two RBI. I bowled with this guy! He was very nice. I would consider bowling with him again.

2. Pawtucket racked up 13 hits, none of which came from Andy LaRoche. Bryce Brentz got his first triple-A hit and I noticed they saved the ball for him.

3. Some things here about mysterious catcher Dan Butler. What is not mentioned is Butler's impressive jacked physique, particularly his Hugh Jarms.

4. I'm so depressed about the IronPigs not being in the playoffs. I wanted them there. I don't want to play the horrible, smelly, ugly, stupid, Yankees. A few teams in the IL had their last games of the season ruined by rain, which is so sad it hurts my heart. I want everyone to play. What will I do without the Bisons and stuff?

Well, Pawtucket's got a hard road ahead. Day off today, then Zach Stewart will attempt to take down John Maine. Good news is I'll be at the park Wednesday and Thursday. Good news for me, but not for you because I ruin everybody's lives and eat all their steak. And who knows? Maybe I'll go to Rochester.


I'm almost finished...

[Busta Rhymes]
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna (JUMP JUMP!!!!)
Don't this shit make a nigga wanna

[Busta Rhymes]
Act a fool you better watch out (Uh-huh)
Hot shit be ringin the cops out (Come On)
Street niggas is ringin them shots out

[P. Diddy]
Short circuits blacken the blocks out
Now open up the garage and pull the drops out
Rockin the fur coat bringin the blue fox out

[Busta Rhymes]
Diamonds light up the block runnin the blue rocks out (Uh)
Wylin till all of my crew knocked out (Come On)

[P. Diddy] Get yo' ass up on the floor (Huh!)
[Rhymes] Throw ya hands if you wan't some more (Ho!!!)

[P. Diddy]
Baby, we'll leave your crotch out
And peep the way we be blowin them spots out

[Busta Rhymes]
Come on, look how we got 'em ready to act out
Girl, I'm ready to give it twistin your back out (Let's go)

[P. Diddy] Drink yack till a nigga fallin out
[Rhymes] Flat on his back now watch a nigga crawlin out, talk to me

[Refrain : Pharell] + (Busta Rhymes)
I said Busta (What's up son?)
Leave them girl rollin....And it look like (Come on)
They asses is swollen (And they ass gettin big now)
But if your man baby sittin, then what you gon' say
(What we gon' tell 'em man?)
We gon' tell that nigga (Pass the Courvoisier)
We gon' tell that brotha (Pass the Courvoisier)
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Waah oooooooooooo oh!!

[P. Diddy] Girl you need to shake it off
[Rhymes] Too much hair on your chocha
[P. Diddy] Shave it off
[Rhymes] Come on, jump smack your ass and break it off
[P. Diddy] And if it's too hot for y'all?
[Rhymes] You need to take it off
[P. Diddy] In case you ain't knowin niggas we on a roll now

[Busta Rhymes]
Diddy, like we done stumbled on a pot of gold now (Come On)
Food spillin all out of the bowl now (Huh)
Money thick and heart of the fold now (Come On)

[P. Diddy] Ladies tell me if your feelin {*alright*}
[Rhymes] And are ya sure that your up for doin it {*all night*}
[P. Diddy] I Like this

[Busta Rhymes]
Listen, before you ass bent, nigga
We wreck shit and we ain't even blacked yet (Come On)

[P. Diddy]
Niggas all around and it's to rightfully shut down the block

[Busta Rhymes]
Chain the club ain't even packed yet (Come On)
Nuff drinkin at the bar hold it down wylin out
Till the club is closed down, talk to me

[Refrain : Pharell] + (Busta Rhymes)
I said Busta (What's up son?)
Leave them girl rollin....And it look like (Come On)
They asses is swollen (And they ass gettin big now)
But if your man baby sittin, then what you gon' say
(What we gon' tell 'em man?)
We gon' tell that nigga (Pass the Courvoisier)
We gon' tell that brotha (Pass the Courvoisier)
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Waah oooooooooooo oh!!

(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna

[Rhymes] To rob a bank my nigga cash rule
[P. Diddy] Bust it, let's get this money and act like a damn fool
[Rhymes] Fuck it, act stupid and jump in the damn pool (Huh)
[P. Diddy] Bone bitches and me and they man's cool

[Busta Rhymes]
Should be sayin, is what you thinked up? nigga
With me and Diddy together you bankrupted (Come On)

[P. Diddy]
Fly niggas we full of finesse y'all (Yeah!)

[Busta Rhymes]
Me and my nigga is fittin to bless y'all (Come On)
Don't talk about it, be about it
(SHUT UP!!!) Live niggas come to be around it
(WADDUP, COME ON!!) Rep to the fullest now (Huh)
These niggas ain't knowin how we gone put it down (Come On)
Cocked aim to shoot

[P. Diddy] To spray it down
[Rhymes] Steam rollin you niggas
[P. Diddy] And lay it down
[Rhymes] Niggas frontin with they thug image
[P. Diddy] And we pay them no mind
[Rhymes] I don't drink until the bottle finish, talk to me

[Refrain : Pharell] + (Busta Rhymes)
I said Busta (What's up son?)
Leave them girl rollin....And it look like (Come On)
They asses is swollen (And they ass gettin big now)
But if your man baby sittin, then what you gon' say
(What we gon' tell 'em man?)
We gon' tell that nigga (Pass the Courvoisier)
We gon' tell that brotha (Pass the Courvoisier)
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Waah oooooooooooo oh!!

(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna
(JUMP JUMP!!!!) Don't this shit make a nigga wanna

[Refrain : Pharell] + (Busta Rhymes)
I said Busta (What's up son?)
Leave them girl rollin....And it look like (Come On)
They asses is swollen (And they ass gettin big now)
But if your man baby sittin, then what you gon' say
(What we gon' tell 'em man?)
We gon' tell that nigga (Pass the Courvoisier)
We gon' tell that brotha (Pass the Courvoisier)
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Everybody sing it now {*Pass the Courvoisier*}
Waah oooooooooooo oh!!

9.2.12 Pawtucket v Scranton - I'm JC and I'm back from the dead.

Yankees win 6-2. Come on, Pawtucket, why'd you go out like that? I had a very bad day yesterday.

Starter for Pawtucket was Mike MacDonald, freshly called up from Double-A Portland. MacDonald gave up two runs on seven hits through four innings, including a hone run by Kosuke Fukudome. Okay, something good, something good... MacDonald got six K's. But even though he didn't pitch that badly, he still got the loss. Alex Wilson, I hope you're proud of yourself.

Lefty Matt Tracy started for the Yankees. He pitched five innings and gave up a run. His first reliever was Manny Delcarmen, which bums me out for some reason. I miss the Delcarmen Era in Pawtucket, is all. Adam Hyzdu... Petagine... Abe Alvarez... How long have I been doing this? Please kill me.

First inning, Yankees up and they hit three consecutive singles before an out was recorded. So that set things up nicely for Fukudome, who hit a sac fly. Which was cute and everything and scored a run, but was that really the best he could do against the Freshie? 1-0 SWB.

Bottom of the second, Tracy walked Andy LaRoche and Bryce Brentz. L&B moved up a base on a wild pitch, and then catcher Mike Rivera reached on a fielder's choice that scored LaRoche. Which is French for 'The Rock'.

So my BFF Tony Pena came in to pitch the fifth inning and he immediately hit Mustelier and Fukudome with pitches. JESUS CHRIST TONY PENA WILL YOU GO AWAY ALREADY?! I mean, they get rid of Prior but they keep this guy?! I don't know, maybe he's a swell guy who brings in a box of donuts every morning and helps people fill out their forms. Anyway, at some point smugly handsome catcher Austin Romine hit a sac fly and it was 3-1.

I forgot to tell you that Fukudome hit a solo home run in the third. In a way, Mustelier and Fukudome deserved the HBP.

Sixth inning, Delcarmen was shaky, nabbed the first two outs with little fuss but then walked Repko and then Nate Spears wound up hitting a line drive RBI single to center. So then it was 3-2 and that's not so bad, is it?

Yeah, not so fast. Wilson pitched the eighth and gave up three runs. Pitcher of the Year.

Okay, here we go.

two things:
1. I guess Jason Repko made the defensive play of the year in the first inning, when Fukudome hit the ball deep, like grand slam territory, but Repko went balls-out and nabbed it and tumbled into the bullpen. Do you not see how I make the box score come alive?

2. Another less-interesting website describes it thusly: "They could have had more when Kosuke Fukudome lifted a potential grand slam only to hhave the ball caught by Pawtucket left fielder Jason Repko has he flipped over the four-foot fence." (sic)

3. The PawSox were 1-11 with runners in scoring position and left 10 runners on base. This whole losing to the Yankees thing is worrisome, because that's who they have to beat to advance in the playoffs. I think Boston should send down reinforcements, instead of taking De Jesus...

Well, that's all I have. Nate Spears was ejected, but I can't discern the reason because sportswriters get lazy on Sunday games. Nate Spears is one of those guys that I will miss terribly when he's gone.

This afternoon it's the final game of the regular season. Steven Wright will hopefully dismantle the Yankees offense. Some guy O'Connor will oppose. Are we done yet?


9.1.12 Pawtucket v Scranton Wilkes-Barre - The Butler Did It

Pawtucket WINS! 2-0. Which is too bad because there's nothing I like to see more than the Yankees winning every day, all the time. Ha.

Nelson Figueroa was a stand-up guy, pitching eight scoreless innings for the PawSox whilst giving up four hits and a walk. Psssht, anyone could have done that. Figueroa also struck out six Yankees: Guys like Melky Mesa and Darnell McDonald. Good, because Mesa totally douched the PawSox recently.

Starter for the Yankees was large righty Chase Whitley. Whitley pitched four scoreless innings and thought it would be pretty funny to hit Tony Thomas with a pitch. WELL NO ONE'S LAUGHING, MISTER WHITLEY.

The offense is, am, was, are, and be catcher Dan Butler, who hit two solo home runs. I really need to figure out who this guy is. Josh Fields pitched the ninth inning and got the save, so there you go. Pawtucket wins the wild card and the team is playoff bound. The good news is that Boston doesn't seem to be interested in seizing any of the players. The bad news is that they still have Rich Hill and Ciriaco and Gomez. Middlebrooks, Schmiddlebrooks!

Sorry, IronPigs. I really was hoping it would be us...

two things:
1. They gave the Spirit Award to Tony Thomas, who truly deserved it. Didn't Jeff Natale win it once? Bubba Bell? Something...

2. Wow, this game was zippy: Two hours and fifteen minutes! Why do I never go to these games?

3. Hazelbaker doubled, Jonathan Hee got two hits.

4. Joe McDonald tells you all about it: "As the veteran Figueroa put it, the players on this team have done a lot of "ego swallowing" with so many of their former PawSox teammates getting called to the big leagues. "You realize how much it took to get here, so we're very appreciative of it," he said. "This will not be the only taste of champagne we have."

5. Bryce "Gumbo" Brentz is on the team now. He may or may not be the same guy as Bryson Brentz.

THIS AFTERNOON! Last game of the series... No, penultimate, sorry. No starters have been announced, but perhaps we'll see, say, Andy LaRoche on the hill for the Red Sox. I'd like to see Rich Sauveur pitch, since he talks the talk BUT CAN HE WALK THE WALK?! YOU THINK IT'S SO EASY WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?!

I'll see you on Labor Day at the park. Oh, crap, that's tomorrow? Yes, I'll see you then... Tonight, you know where I'll be.



8.31.12 PawSox v Yankees - Push

No playoffs yet, guys. Yankees win 4-3 and it is primarily Pedro Beato's fault. Starter Ramon Ortiz gets the win, Chris Hernandez the loss.

Hernandez pitched six innings and gave up three runs on seven hits, including two home runs by CF Melky Mesa. Damn you, Mesa! Hernandez came in for the seventh inning, which sounds like they were pushing it but his sixth inning was pretty breezy. But a double, a home run, and a single right off the bat is a sign that you're all done.

Ortiz pitched seven innings, gave up three runs on seven hits. One of them was a home run courtesy of Danny Valencia that went right over my head in the outfield, over everything, bounced off a car and rolled through the parking lot and into the night and then went to the alley to hang out in garbage cans with some stray cats.

Jason Repko tripled in the bottom of the seventh to give Pawtucket their third run. I'm skipping over a lot because I am really short on time... Sorry I haven't been around. I need a new job. One that won't make me sick.

two things:
1. Fresh fish Jeremy Hazelbaker went 3-4. Danny Valencia was responsible for two RBI with his giant home run. Oh, Valencia - I swear I'll burn this whole city down.

2. LF Ronnier Mustleier went 4-4, which is pretty good for a fatass.

3. I was at this game for a little while. It was well-attended. I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader.

Okay, I'm going to the park for some Arnie. TTYL.


8.27.12 Red Sox @ Braves - Today is a birthday, they're smoking cigars

Good job, Red Sox! Winning 3-1? Tremendous. Nelson Figueroa gets the win, pitching 7 and a third innings and using 99 pitches.

Figueroa gave up one run on three hits. The run came about in the eighth inning, when Figueroa was down and out, feeling small. Center fielder and cowboy Luis Durango singled with one out and that was the end of Figueroa's night. Rich Hill stepped out from behind the curtain and was great, as usual. Hill got three outs all told, and then Chris Carpenter finished everything off by squirting hot, nasty pitches at Gwinnett.

Starter for the G-Braves was Yohan Flande, except it was Jair Jurrjens, who's essentially the same guy. KIDDING. If you've ever played fantasy baseball in your life, you've had Jurrjens on your team, but you always hold off on trading him because you never know and he never does that great but for some reason you wind up keeping him. Jurrjens only pitched two innings, but got the loss because he gave up a two-run homer to catcher Dan Butler.

Pawtucket scored their third run off reliever Daniel Rodriguez in the fourth inning. It was unearned. Tony Thomas had walked for a second time, then moved to second on a bum pickoff attempt. Another pickoff attempt that went awry landed Thomas on third, and then he scored when Dan Butler hit a sac fly. So Mr Rodriguez' ERA was unblemished, but he disappointed his entire team and perhaps his grandparents.

vanessa and phil:
1. Jeremy Hazelbaker came and DH'd in this game, but didn't get a hit and struck out twice. Che-Hsuan Lin is back. Kalish called up.

2. Josh Kroeger drove in the only run for Gwinnett, in the seventh inning. Ernesto Mejia moved up two bases on wild pitches to Kroger, who then singled Mejia in. Kroeger must have been pretty pleased with himself, since he obviously hated Pawtucket and everything it stood for. Maybe. I heard. Hey, you wanna get called up? Play better.

3. Jurrjens was rehabbing but hadn't pitched in eleven days. Recently he was hospitalized for dehydration, which is baseball code for 'alcohol poisoning'.

4. "Daniel Rodriguez, a 27 year old lefty who was 11-5 with a 2.54 ERA, a 1.26 WHIP, and a league leading 135 strikeouts in 117 innings for Salito in the Mexican League this season, made his Braves debut, which was also his US professional debut, and he struck out 3 over 3 hitless innings." - from Talking Chop, the Braves blog of record.

Tonight's game is being played at 2:05 due to impending hurricane doom. Zach Stewart will try to take down the mighty... Um, who was it? Lefty Sean Gilmartin, yeah. And now Lehigh Valley's a game and a half behind Pawtucket for the wild card. Pawtucket's only one game behind the Yankees in the division, so anything could happen.



8.26.12 Pawtucket @ Charlotte - The New Ivan

Way to gun down base stealers, Phegley. But Red Sox win 5-4 with some ninth inning excitement and a triple by Nate Spears and many other hits that were not triples.

Starting P for Pawtucket was Chris Hernandez, everyone's new favorite starting pitcher for Pawtucket that strikes people out and gets ground ball outs and doesn't borrow soap and never give it back. And he's more famous than J-Lo probably. H'dez pitched six innings and gave up two runs on four hits. He also struck out six of the Knights, so that's pretty satisfying.

The Other Guy was Herman Munster or Edna Babish. No, it was Charles Shirek, and I'm a dope for not knowing who he is. That might be because if internet search results are any indication, no one really cares about this kid from North Dakota. Shirek also pitched six innings and gave up two runs, so essentially the same start as Hernandez with a couple of minor variations that made it less good.

Okay, so, nobody scored until the fourth inning, which is about when you're 2-3 beers deep and have that warm feeling of general well-being and comfort and joy and the scoring of the game's first run is pure delight. And then you start talking about how you and all your friends should take a train down to Atlanta for their OctoberFest. Nate Spears led off with a triple, I guess finally beating the dearly departed Lars Anderson in that category. A sac fly by Ryan Kalish brought Spears home and resulted in 1-0 Pawtucket. YOU NEED TO BE DOING A LOT MORE THAN THAT, KALISH.

The new kid, Ivan De Jesus, hit a single with one out in the top of the sixth. IDJ played second base, so in that respect he is similar to the original Ivan. Ivan Ochoa, remember him? De Jesus moved to second on a bunt by the Sacrifice King of Pawtucket, then scored on a single by Tony Thomas, who is built like a brick shithouse. UN-DER-PANTS! UN-DER-PANTS!

Bottom of the sixth, though, the Charlotte Knights tied it. Two singles, a wild pitch, and two sac flies mixed up to produce two runs. Like flour and water and baking soda make biscuits. The Knights then pulled ahead in the seventh, taking Daniel Bard for a ride with a couple of singles and a sac bunt. Oh no, 3-2!

Relax. Eighth inning, Anthony Carter pitching his second relief inning. Carter struck out Triple Boy, but De Jesus singled again and then Kalish singled and then Thomas singled AND THEN DANNY VALENCIA SINGLED AND THEN SHAWN WOOTEN SINGLED. 5-3 Red Sox!

Ninth inning, Jose De La Torre trying to close it out. De La got one out, but then gave up back-to-back doubles to Jared Mitchell and Josh Phegley. Potholes in his lawn. De La Torre went on to strike out Drew Garcia, but was then replaced by Josh Fields, who may be almost as vain as Jeremy Kehrt or Barry Zito. He keeps a mirror in his mitt, is what I am saying. Tommy Manzella (?) came in to pinch-run for Mitchell, which turned out to be a disaster because when Greg Golson singled and Manzella ran home, Dan Butler was sitting there waiting for him, having received the ball from Tony Thomas in left. D'oh! PawSox win!

but madame!
1. Catcher Dan Butler got zero hits and struck out three times. Charlotte catcher Josh Phegley went 2-3 with an RBI and has no spleen. Now we see who the real winner is. It's Butler, because at least he still has a spleen.

2. This was Dog Day at the park, so dogs that are fans of minor league baseball can at last enjoy a game. Wait, what? No, it was really just a shit parade of annoying dog owners.

3. So I guess Josh Fields is the closer now.

Well, no one else saw fit to write about this game, so I have nothing more for you. Except that everyone's so shocked that Matsuzaka pitched well and that Pedro Ciriaco is talented. People sometimes have their heads so far up their fucking asses. Y U NOT ON TOP TEN PROSPECT LIST?!

TONIGHT! Pawtucket goes down to Georgia, looking for a game to steal (Sorry.) Nelson Figueroa will face Yohan Flande, like the cover of H2O.