Starbuck sings "Moonlight Feels Right"

I hear this song at work sometimes, and I always have to pause and listen to the killer xylophone solo. And I wonder, does the guy have xylophone face? In concert, would he toss the mallets in the air like a real rock star?

Except just now I found out that it is not a xylophone, it is a marimba. Whatever, a marimba is pretty much a xylophone, but I now have to reorganize my thoughts about "Moonlight Feels Right".


in through the out door

Adam Bernero is GONE! The Pirates have collected him and now their bullpen is complete. Excelsior!

Boston's signed 2B Joe Thurston, SS Tony Granadillo, and SS Gil Velazquez. I know that I know at least two of these guys.

I also noticed that D'Angelo Jiminez had some action. A signing or something. I was at a spring training game once and on the lineup sheet he was listed as Jiminez D'Angelo. Sort of like Geronimo Gil being listed as Gil Geronimo, except not as cool.

I know you don't run into too many D'Angelos, but come on. That's just sloppy assholism.

More on the three infielders when I finish my shopping/slacking/eating.


Bobby Scales must find an apartment.

Bobby Scales has been signed by the Cubs. Bobby Scales played every position except pitcher/catcher last year. He was great and could have won team MVP if not for Brandon Moss. He will be missed. By me. And maybe Mike Tamburro.

Scales led the team in triples with nine.

Kevin Cash faked me out and is returning to Bostucket. I was all for getting rid of Mirabelli but Dougie did not exactly get paid last year. So... looks like I may end up getting a double shot of Led Zeppelin at McCoy, since both Cash and Bailey used them for at-bat songs.

But, yeah, let's kill Doug Mirabelli.

Nobody beats a Bailey deal!

I don't know how to say this, so I'll just say it. JEFF BAILEY IS BACK!

The Red Sox went and resigned him. I can't believe it. It has been a long time since I've seen a guy last this long in Pawtucket. I don't get it and I don't understand, but that's fine. I love Jeff Bailey.

One of the greatest baseball moments for me in 2007 is Jeff Bailey getting called up to play a weekend in... Chicago, was it? I don't know but he did end up hitting a home run and it was his sole production.

Welcome back, neighbor!


He used to give his mother flowers and that.

Former Pawtucket/Portland pitcher Lincoln "Sheldon" Holdzkom has been ruled fived by the Phillies. So that was good.

He wasn't in Pawtucket long enough for me to really have an opinion or attachment. But good luck and all with those guys.

Also, bitchin' reliever Travis Hughes has been signed by the Yokohama BayStars to a one-year deal.

backstage at the Grammys

Oh my god, where'd all these guys go?

Do these guys know how to party or what?

The M, the M, the L.

You know there's that one guy who can never remember the bus schedule.

Don't mess with Barajas. Or the little blonde guy.

The veterans get the big lockers.

The high-tech clubhouse mail distributing system.

Merry Christmas, RJ.

Xmas at McCoy

In short, no players, new coaches. Hitting coach Russ Morman wore a terrific holiday sweater. I took note of the bulletin board menus in the clubhouse and noticed that they order their Dominican food from MY FUCKING CITY!! Central Falls! I used to go to that place sometimes and the guy there's really cool and maybe a little handsome. Rakishly. Shh, don't tell him I said.

No Kapstein, but I did see Bob from Bob's Big Adventures and most of the staff.

I got a few free GA tickets. And have I told you this? In the 'players and personnel only' area, the halls are lined with meorabilia. Really great stuff, newspapers and plaques and trophies and posters. Like a little museum. If you haven't been to one of the off-season fan things, you really need to get on it.

Hot Stove Party should be in late January. It generally coincides with Boston's tickets going on sale (the remainder).

I'm going to Hartford... okay, WEST Hartford for a couple of days (work). If everyone could hold off on major moves until Wednesday, that'd be great. I love you.

Labor Day and last PawSox game of 2007.

Bye, Ed Rogers! Bye!

Scales and Junior Spivey say goodbye.

Super Joe and his unceasing hustle.

Trainer Greg Barajas and Buda must get mad ladies.

Dave Pauley takes the field to say adios.

I'm gonna miss Griff.

The Mighty Travis Hughes. Intimidating!

Paws applauds Jeff Bailey.

Bobby Scales is kissed by warm September sunshine.


And they finished off the day by chucking mushballs to the last few fans.

The players await the soft toss after their final introductions.

Alvarez can't handle everyone looking at him right now.

George Kottaras ruins the shot. Rick Medeiros keeps the area secure.

Pauley is luminous.

Craig Hansen started throwing his equipment up to fans.

Abe Alvarez struggles to hit his spots with his squishy balls.

PawSox players throw squishy balls into the stands from the third base line.

Dave Pauley shows off his cannon.

Charlie Zink prepares to soft toss.


every day i'm hustling

My favorite ballpark souvenir is a program. Whenever someone I know goes to a non-local ballgame, I ask very nicely if they can get me a program.

So when a co-worker was headed for Atlanta, guess what I asked for? YES. And the Atlanta Braves program might be the best one I've ever gotten. Thick and glossy and well put together. And of course, they pose a set group of questions to guys on the team to maybe reveal a little bit about their personalities. These questions are kind of pointless and generic but really reveal the inner dullness of professional jocks.

Willie Harris. Remember him? 2006? Big bowl of Pawtucket with a dash of Boston? Good guy, nice to the kids? Small and fast? The anti-Dustan Mohr? Harris wound up on the Braves last year and really had a great time for himself, especially the night he went six for six with four singles, two triples, six RBI, four runs scored and a stolen base. And when he was asked what TV show he watched regularly, he replied:

"Sanford and Son. It's hilarious."

WOW. A man who appreciates the classics. Amid all the 'Seinfeld' and 'Friends' and 'American Idol' and 'Survivor' that his teammates chose, he picks the classic sitcom 'Sanford and Son'. And he's right... it IS hilarious. It also has probably one of the greatest TV themes of all time. I bust it out at work every now and then. My boss loves it.

Brockton Rox release 2008 schedule

The increasingly popular Brockton Rox have tacked their schedule up on the bulletin board. By all means, race over and check it out. I'm excited and so are you. Home opener is May 24th, and they'll be welcoming their one millionth fan. And this year, a concert on every Saturday night after the game.

The Can-Am has had a travelling team the past few years. A team without a home ballpark. So where do they... I mean, how can you... I don't know. They managed. But this year there will not be a travelling team. Remember the Ottawa Lynx (Internatonal League)? Their vacated ballpark will now be home to the Can-Am's second Canadian ballclub. I think they're unnamed so far. Good luck to the new people!

The eight teams this year are:
1. Brockton
2. New Ottawa team
3. Worcester Tornados
4. Nashua Pride
5. Atlantic City Surf
6. New Jersey Jackals
7. Sussex SkyHawks
8. Les Quebec Capitales

No North Shore Spirit? What the hay? I swear I remember driving up to Lynn a couple of years ago...

In other news, I think it would be wicked fun to go to a Can-Am game in Atlantic City.

Last things last, the 2008 Granite State Baseball Dinner that I can't stop babbling about has added yet another superstar guest. I wish I could make you guess. I'll give you a hint: not a pitcher. Never played for the Devil Rays. Southern man.

Give up? Okay, it's Jim Rice. I can't believe it.


Tim Bausher is tenacious.

Have you ever heard of the Berkshire Black Bears? No? I haven't either, but when former Quakertown Blazer Tim Bausher was released by the Mariners back in '03, he wound up playing for them. That's what happens sometimes, you play in an independent league if you've otherwise got nothing going on.

Independent leagues seldom get scouted, so if you're a former big leaguer who has hit a tough spot, you need to stay in touch. Call and let them know, hey, if you ever need a guy... I read about that somewhere. Tim Bausher played one game with the Black Bears and had his contract purchased by Milwaukee. Eventually, he made his way to Pawtucket.

So what happened after Pawtucket '06? The Reds, then the Rockies, who cut him after spring training camp. He wound up back in the Can-Am League, pitching for the Nashua Pride. The Royals bought him out of there in June of '07, stuck him on their AAA team where he sucked, then released him. Bausher returned to the Nashua Pride. No word on his plans for the future, but good luck!

Bausher alleges that his good friend Marc Deschenes said he'd also be interested in re-joining the Nashua Pride. They should also probably call up Mike Lockwood and Jim Buckley.

"Oh I forgot to mention I went to college with Tim Bauser in Kutztown. Cool guy. He was in one of my science classes and I hung out with him at a few parties. We started the same year and man is he tall. I met him freshman year and I thought he was a senior. He must have been 6'5 210 freshman year."

Man, is he tall!

December 8th

There is much going on this day. The bulk of Red Sox tickets are going on sale, McCoy's got the XMAS party with Meet the New People, Xmas at Fenway (I think).

I can't deny my excitement over Johan "JS" Santana. I mean... I love him. And not just because he's a great pitcher! Okay, it's pretty much only because of the Cy Young caliber pitching. But still. Santana in Boston and Katy bar the door.

At some point I'll do the "Most Fascinating Baseball Experiences of 2007 Alive As Experienced By Baseball Heavy". I don't want to give too much away, but don't be surprised if "Johan Santana Pitches Complete Game Shutout at Shea" is number one. Because that was awesome.

Also, Pawtucket Red Sox tickets go on sale on Saturday. I can't wait. I may wear a Santa Claus hat.

Welcome to the Ocean State, Jon Van Every!

Jon Van Every (a lefty outfielder) has been signed by Boston and placed on the 40-man. He comes from the Cleveland system. Defensively, he's great, but he strikes out a lot... tends to swing for the fences. At 28, you need to be over this shit.

I barely remember Van Halen from this summer, but during one Bisons visit to McCoy he doubled and homered. In the same game, Kevin Cash played third base because Alex Prieto got ejected. Oh, minor league baseball!

All of this makes me wonder a few things:
1. Will Brandon Moss start the year in Pawtucket? Will he still play right field or is he now permanently a first baseman?
2. Ellsbury: Gone for good? The Twins have D. Lemon Young. Who else is a Minnesota outfielder? Cuddyer? No, the other guy. Damn, my memory's bad.
3. Who else played outfield in Pawtucket last year?
a) David Murphy, deceased.
b) Jeff Bailey, occasionally.
c) Michael Tucker, on good days.
d) Junior Spivey?
4. Junior Spivey!

There will be a player or two in Pawtucket on Saturday, so if Van Every's there I'll see what I can find out. If Kapstein is there, I'll give him a prayer card and shake his hand.


Manchester Fisher Cats: Hard at Work

A few updates about the Blue Jays AA team:

1. New uniforms! Still that really lovely, dark and deep emerald, but new silver accents. Redesigned logo. In all likelihood, I would never have noticed.

2. New manager! Gary Cathcart, who has a moustache and beard. It is his tenth year as a coach of some sort. He's originally from New Bedford and now resides in Bedford, NH. Hey, I'm from New England and I currently reside in England! That's not funny.

3. Remember the Granite State baseball dinner I mentioned five years ago? It's been announced that Don Orsillo is hosting. I. Am. Going. DO and Pat Hentgen? Two great tastes that taste great together!

4. My check cleared for my $20 parking fine that I got in Manchester. I feel as though I was ticketed in error, but what? I'm going to court in New Hampshire to contest it? I barely attend court in RI!

Finally, some stuff is starting to happen!

Miscellaneous International League

Sometime Rochester Red Wing SP Matt Garza has been traded for Tampa Bay's Delmon Young. I'm guessing Young will be their big league center fielder, which is nice for him. I know he threw a bat a couple of years ago, but give the man another chance. he was young, he needed the money!

Twins SS Jason Bartlett will also enjoy the several fine gentleman's clubs in the TB area. That is some amped up handsomery for the Rays!

PawSox third baseman Ed Rogers has been signed by the Nationals. I really liked Ed Rogers, although he was no kind of star. He is listed as a "PR" on the Yahoo! transactions page. Not INF, but PR. Get 'em, Ed.

Xmas at McCoy

So the Pawtucket Christmas party is December 8th. Since it's for the kids, I'll be borrowing one to get in. I should be ashamed.

I do have a "special" "invitation" to get in early and meet the new people. Plus Ron Johnson and Santa Paws. Santa Paws appears to be just regular Paws but with a Santa hat on. I could be wrong though. There is no Santa Sox... yet.

Food. Games. Amateur photography. Free tickets! A commemorative holiday pennent! Free issues of Baseball America!

Still not as good as the Hot Stove Party, but I will be there.

New Coaches in Rhode Island

How about the Rhode Island Red Sox?

I've discovered somewhat tardily that Pawtucket has two new coaches. They are pitching coach Rich Sauveur and hitting coach Santa Paws.

Wait, no, the new hitting coach is Russ Morman. Santa Paws is the new director of concessions.

Rich Sauveur holds the record for most teams pitched for without a win. Sauveur was the pitching coach for the Hunstville Stars (AA MIL) for the past three seasons and has also worked with the Brockton Rox (Can-Am).

Russ "Shocker" Morman comes to us (me) from Portland. That's so nice, he got promoted! Here's to a stronger PawSox offense!


I thought there'd be equations on the wall and shit.

I went to a PC Friars game this evening. They played Harvard and rightly, I suppose, won. 93-70.

Providence player Xavier scored a career-high amount of points. Providence made a lot of 3-point shots. There was a lummoxy chap name of Hall who came in later in the game. I'm learning!

There's now a possibility that I'm going to the PC v. BC at the... center. Arena. In Boston. December first! YEAH!!!

In other news, Peter Pan Records? Where you play the record and read along with the accompanying storybook and turn the page at the sound of the bell. I remember! God damn, I'm aging.

wake me up when you're through being cool

No one... NO ONE told me about Torii Hunter being signed by the Angels. Five years? FIVE?

That takes care of that. Fenway prioritah game: the Angels. I looked at the tentative schedule last night and I noticed the last homestand is against New York. So much for that idea.

Of course, I could go to Anaheim in 2008. That would be awesome. I could do a JetHwaks/Angels excursion.

In other news, Joe Kennedy. When I read that he'd died, I thought it must have been some other Joe Kennedy. An old-timey Joe Kennedy from black and white baseball. But no, it was the blonde kid who was on the Devil rays.

Pawtucket's Christmas party should be coming up. Player most likely to be there: Dusty Brown.


Former Pawtucket pitching coach Mike Griffin is now the Lancaster JetHawks pitching coach. Congratu... lations? What's a JetHawk? Is that a real thing?

Lancaster appears to be north of LA. It is the ninth largest growing city in the US. That means mini-malls and superstores and fast food places are popping up everywhere. They're chopping trees down RIGHT NOW! Have fun, Griff.

Former PawSox great Carlos Febles will also be in Lancaster as a full-time coach. He was in Lowell last year, which is news to me. I always thought of him as a benchy, utility schmo. I did not know he had coaching in him. I'm excited for him.

The Red Sox have purchased the contract of giant PawSox first baseman Chris Carter. He must have had a nice fall.

Probably appearing in Pawtucket in 2008: RHP Lee Gronkiewicz. Probably appearing in this blog as 'Gronk': RHP Lee Gronkiewicz.

Thanksgiving's past, and as Bob OCD might say, "One holiday closer to baseball."


it's just a kiss away

It used to be I could snap up Pawtucket Red Sox stuff on eBay with little difficulty. I never bothered with baseball cards. Mostly fan apparal. And not just any fan apparal... old logo. I hate the new logo with the stupid bear paws.

But lately, the bidding's gotten crowded. As in, hey, get out of here! Geez, you get a few homegrown kids on the big team and suddenly everyone's into Pawtucket.

Not that I need more PawSox crap. And I can always scour the used clothing dumps in my low income hip-hop city. But maybe I wanted that Butch Hobsen jersey!


Providence Bruins: A Possibility

Last night I went to a Providence Bruins game. They're analogous to the Pawtucket Red Sox, but with ice skates instead of cleats.

It's weird to see hockey jerseys and rowdy fans downtown. It's like going to the Diamond Rodeo in Warwick and seeing a bunch of New Englanders line-dancing and wearing cowboy boots. If you think S&M factory loft swingers are the freakiest subculture in town, you're so fucking wrong it hurts.

Hockey might be my favorite off-season sport. I don't fully understand the fighting, though. It seems like these guys are truly and viciously scrapping on the ice. Not like the tender mound embraces of baseball, where the players whisper sweet things to each other as they grapple in the infield.

The Providence Bruins won the game, 5-2. Very exciting. During the third period, Providence goalie Jordan Sigalet (Favorite TV Show: Seinfeld) suddenly fell face-first onto the ice. I didn't notice right away because the action was at the Worcester Sharks' goal. It's not like Sigalet was knocked out or crashed into. He just suddenly passed out. He got backboarded and transported and I guess he's okay. He's got MS but I don't know if that was a factor.

If anybody wants to go to a Providence hockey game with me, I would love that. When I return to Iowa, my sister and I are going to hit an Iowa Stars game or two. YES.


Jed Lowrie

Jed Lowrie was one of the most improved minor league hitters in 2007. Let's take a look!

Look at that increase in IHOP!

I know PA=plate appearances, SO and BB are obvious. It looks like Lowrie struck out more and walked a hell of a lot less. I don't know. I don't like to involve too many statistics in my baseball experiences.

Have you ever been to a game, and some guy on the visiting team just annihilates your team? Like gets on base 3 times, or hits a crucial home run off your reliever, whatever. And you think, wow, that guy's awesome!

Then like a few months later you meet someone who's a fan of that visiting team and you're like, hey, what about what's-his-name? He's a killer!

And the fan is all, what are you talking about? That guy sucks! And sure enough, you look it up and the player is terrible. It just so happened that he had a good night v. your team.

As you can see, I am more of a baseball impressionist. No need to bring algebra into it! And Jed Lowrie was great in Pawtucket. Let's revive the talk!

it's been so long since i felt this way

I had to go back through a lot of old posts today because I got a request to take a picture down. And I can't find it for the life of me, but I did get the chance to go over some of the summer ball game posts and god damn, I'm good. I've always been able to crack myself up and screw everyone else who doesn't think I'm funny. I only have to be funny to myself!

Some of the random pictures are also great. I should do a 'best of'. For myself.

Alex Goes to Mars

An uptight superstar playing the infield at Fenway? Hated, hated A-Rod? He's not coming, I know, but what if he did? And what if it were okay?

Firstly, no more "A-Rod". How about... Alex. Yeah. Get him all moved in to Boston. Loosen his tie a little. Spring training... Alex and Manny. Alex and Papi. Former Yankee robot goes surfing. Learns how to laugh. Pushes his kids on the swingset.

Alex hits a home run and is startled by the warm hugs in the dugout. Grooming starts to slip. No more frosted hair. Perhaps some grizzle. Is befriended by Papelbon and Pedroia, does bong hits with them while playing Wii. Has to loosen belt a notch due to the plumpening effect of Coors Lite. Listens to 'Spine of God' one night in Cleveland while laying on the carpet. Finally gets it.

More Manny time. Alex becomes a sort of SuperMillar. Develops wildly popular catchphrase. Boston falls in love. Everyone hates Boston even more. Especially NY, who feels betrayed and cheated.

But, you see, New York gets A-Rod and his defensive decline and his perfect hair. A-Rod has nightmares and panic attacks. No one is any the wiser.



Soxprospects.com is fucking awesome. I don't usually like to talk about other sites other than to off-handedly provide a link but I was just reading the Nick Hagadone thread and some of the members are talking about chipping in to buy a radar gun. A "community" radar gun.

I don't know why but I found that hilarious. Hard. Core.

my sister stood and cried

The Red Sox have resigned the following players to minor league contracts:

Lincoln "Sheldon" Holdzkom
Charlie Zink
Chris Smith
Chad Spann

Charlie Zink went to the Savannah School of Art and Design or SCAD, as the kids call it. Manager: Luis Tiant.Wow, they must have had a KILLER baseball team!

And Chad Spann... yeah. This one hurts.


Getting to know Adam Bernero

Adam Bernero was a member of the Pawtucket Red Sox in 2007. On paper. In reality, he underwent Tommy John surgery and missed the season.

Let's take a closer look at our friend Adam:

1. He's a former Armstrong Atlantic State Pirate! Yeah! Wait, what?
2. Came up with the Tigers. Made his big league debut in June of 2000.
3. From the great law book "Sports and Courts: An Introduction to Principles of Law and Legal Theory Using Cases from Professional Sports" by Frederick J Day:
"Adam Bernero...signed his original contract with the Tigers' organization on a napkin at a Denny's restaurant in Florida... Tigers scout Gary York was well aware that other teams were also interested in signing Bernero once his college career ended. For that reason, York hoped to have Bernero sign a Tigers contract immediately after his last collegiate game. York planned to watch the game, return to his hotel room to pick up his briefcase, and then take Bernero to dinner to obtain his signature on a contract.
Unfortunately for York, Bernero's final college game ended close to midnight. With the formal Tigers' contract back at his hotel, York had to improvise. He followed Bernero and the rest of the Armstrong Atlantic State team to a Denny's restaurant for a quick post-game meal. At the restaurant, York grabbed a napkin and scribbled out the terms of a basic agreement. The written words stated that 'the hereby player, Adam Bernero, agrees to the terms of [Bernero's annual salary] with the Detroit Tigers professional baseball club." Bernero and York both signed the napkin... A year later, and by then a member of the Tigers' starting rotation, Bernero mused "It makes me wonder sometimes if it was valid at all. But I am here now so I don't care."
4. Has declared free agency.
5. On October 9th, AB visited Forward Operating Base Kalsu to boost morale and sign squishy baseballs for military folk. He went with Mike Remlinger and Turk Wendell. Wow, quite the triumverate of pitching.
6. As far as I can tell, not a great pitcher. Especially not in Atlanta.

This has been yet another in a series of profiles of players no one cares about.


Pawtucket Red Sox schedule 2008

Okay, 2008 schedule is out. Home opener vs. Indianapolis Indians (CIN) on Thursday, April 3rd at 7. Should be nice and frigid. Tickets go on sale December 12 at 11am. I'm going to tent out. That would be hilarious. I should totally do that.

After the Indians series, Pawtucket will play four games against the Lehigh Valley IronPigs (PHI). YES. New team! I wonder if we'll all get to see Homer Bailey? Did I see him in 07? I'd go back and check, but I am not ready to relive Mike Burns and George Kottaras and Chad Spann. Yet.

Ticket prices are holding at 10 box, 6 GA/berm. See you at the Hot Stove Party!

Knee S'Ports

Kevin Cash - my favorite Pawtucket catcher in 2007 - GONE! Free agent!

Very little is known about Kevin Cash. Here's what I have:
1. Not originally a catcher! Cash was a SS/3B guy. Filled in at C one day in 1999 and some crazy Blue Jays scout happened to see him. Got converted.
2. Cape Cod League participant.
3. K-Money podcast. Uh, wow.
4. BP 2004: "A latter-day delight cut from the same cloth that gave us Jim Sundberg, Cash has been able to gun down more than 40% of runners over the last two years. He's a nifty job-sharing partner with Myers in an offense-defense platoon, with the question being which half survives Quiroz's arrival in 2005. Cash would rot behind Quiroz, but after a year as a part-time starter, he'll have value in trade. As a regular, he'll be adequate, and seeing the sort of money that gets thrown at the less-than-adequate Brad Ausmus or Mike Matheny, he must just hit the jackpot."
5. Middle name: Forrest. Enjoys hunting and fishing in his spare time.
6. Teammates with JD Drew at Florida State.

Okay, seriously. Enough.


Hansack is a rascal.

Mariano Rivera was warming up in the Fenway bullpen one day this past September when he was hit in the elbow by a ball coming from the home bullpen. And his arm got all numb because the ball was thrown hard by someone warming up.

"It came in hot," Yankees reliever Ron Villone said. "He couldn't feel his arm; it was numb. We were in the bullpen saying, 'Oh no.' "

Yeah, I'll bet that's what they said. Anyway, there were many different stories about what happened: at first, Rivera was hit on the elbow by Eric Gagne. Then Rivera told reporters that the ball hit his hand and bruised his pinky.

Eric Gagne says that Devern Hansack was the one who threw the ball.

Devern Hansack's middle name is 'Brandon'. I would imagine he is back home now in Pearl Lagoon, Nicaragua. There are four baseball teams in the area and they are called Sweet Pearly, First Stop, the Young Brave, and the Haulover Tigers. Nicaragua is apparantly rather happening lately, with tourism on the rise.

Check out this great story on my friend Hansack.


I just read in the Connecticut Defenders Blog (!) that the New Haven Cutters, a Can-Am team, has unfortunately folded.

I never went to that field, never gave it much SERIOUS thought since it's a bitch of a drive for me. It's like halfway to NYC and if I am going to go that far, I might as well go see the Cyclones in Brooklyn. I remember driving to New Britain to see the Rock Cats and I guess I didn't appreciate the distance. Up to two hours: okay. More than two: probably not worth it.

New Haven's a nice city with good pizza and whatnot. But I much prefer New London. If they got a baseball team I would stroke out.


I still hate Tom Caron.

Please, can we 86 Tom Caron? Year after year I have to endure this loser on NESN.

But this is really more about Craig Hansen, who I hate more than I hate Tom Caron. Craig Hansen was sent home from the Arizona Fall League. What kind of complete fuck-up do you have to be to be sent home from INSTRUCTIONAL BASEBALL?! And, please, surgery for sleep apnea?

Okay, I do believe the surgery thing. But I have read too much baloney about how Hansen is making strides, improving, is a great pitcher, blah blah. Hello, I have eyes. And I have documented his many failures here.

To quote P. Swope... "Get rid of him."

I'm sorry, baby.

In a recent post, I mentioned the band Maroon 5 and expressed my deep dislike for them. Turns out that after game 4 in Denver, the team partied at the hotel and Maroon 5 was the surprise musical guest. Wow, what a party. I hope they played "This Love".

Maroon 5 has this one song... "I don't mind spending every day... out on the corner in the pouring rain..." etc. And lately I've been hearing some kind of club remix of it. Sadistic fucks.

You know who I'll bet really likes Maroon 5? Craig Breslow. And maybe Eric Hinske.

I hope someone reads this and gets "This Love" stuck in their head for the rest of the day. Let me help:

This! Love! Has taken its toll
on me
she said
Too many times before

Is Breaking in front of me
I have
no choice
So I won't say goodbye any more

(Before you say, wow, if you hate the song so much how come you know all the words? That's not how it works and you know it.)

when i come around

Overly delayed thanks/congratulations to some temporary Rhode Island co-residents:

Manny Delcarmen! (favorite city: Toronto!) Thank you! Love you, bought your t-shirt! And Manny D's father, Cookie, for being hilarious. He hates Larry Bowa and Papelbon, the latter for stealing his son's opportunites. A guy I know once offered me Manny Delcarmen's digits. I declined. What would I do, call and hang up?

Jacoby Ellsbury, aka Jerkberry! (Favorite leg amount: two.) Congratulations. Way to derail David Murphy's career! My memories of Ellsbury in Pawtucket are minimal, so that's good. Nice job, you animal.

Lurch-like lefty Javier Lopez! (Has a dog named: Ripken.) A lot of people thought J-Lo sucked as a reliever. Those people should try saying it to his face. You can't, because he's kind and sensitive. It would be like kicking a puppy.

Party animal and anti-intellectual Kevin Cash! (Resides: Lutz, Florida.) I would have liked to have seen Mirabelli DL'd and KC taking care of Tim W. Just to see what would happen. And partly because I hate Mirabelli a little bit.

Royce! Clayton! Didn't participate, but everybody loves him. He may or may not be charismatic. He was sweet to his Special Olympics kid and that is enough for me.

Brandon Moss. (Favorite food: spaghetti and chicken stew.) Unoffensive, unoriginal, but POTY in Pawtucket and extra-nice to the fans. A good man.

Clay Buchholz! (Favorite Hobby: Playing guitar.) Call him a glue-sniffing redneck thief if you want, but also call him awesome. Picture him in a silver jumpsuit and grav-boots, because he is The Future.

Jon Lester! (Favorite athlete: Ken Griffey Jr.) Congratulations! I almost forgot about you!

Brian Corey! (Favorite city: Phoenix.) I wish I could have gotten his autograph, but he eluded me. One of my favorites at McCoy.

I think that's everyone. Congratulations 2007 World Series Champions. Jeff Bailey will now own a ring.