Nicaragua is an insider.

This article claims that Red Sox suits feel Devern Hansack did not follow his off-season conditioning plan and it resulted in his injury. It also states that Hansack wants to stay with the Red Sox and is not interested in playing for another team.

It's not that interesting a story, really, but I do what I can.


I hate the new PawSox "major league" web site. Credit score ads? Classy. I will bring this up periodically for the next few years.

I hate Tom Caron so much. Let's see... he's been doing the Red Sox show for HOW long now? He sucks. There is nothing 'baseball' about him. He's bland and uninspired and generic. Like some blow-dried newscaster from Wichita.


this is boston not RI

Right now: Van Every, Bailey, Bowden, and Hunter Jones are up there. I guess Nick Green's not really a Pawtucket kid. Gil Velazquez is back, but you knew that.

I would imagine that Bailey and Jones will be back sooner rather than later.

That's all I have. If you're not reading Dan Hoard's blog, you need to start. I have to resist the urge to strip mine it because it's full of riches! I especially like the breakdown of 'Stump Steve'. My favorite question was: Eight people played first base for Pawtucket in 2008. Name six!

It's harder than you think. Even for me, and that is right up my alley.

(Whoa, sorry, M. Bowden is back with the Pawtucket Red Sox. What the hell do I know?)

Oh, yeah!

I forgot that Syracuse is no longer affiliated with the Blue Jays. They are the Nationals AAA team! This means that now fans get to see pitchers bat when they play the Mud hens or whatever. Read all about it here in this cool article.

Jose Vaquedano gets the start tonight for Pawtucket. He's up against lefty Mike O'Connor. I guess it'll be a first triple-A start for both dudes. Enjoy!


4.28.09 Pawtucket (again) @ Lehigh Valley (AGAIN. Jeez.)

Pawtucket loses 2-1 in 10 innings. Billy Traber and his big square head take the loss.

Clay Buchholz got the start for Pawtucket and pitched six innings, giving up one run on three hits. Fernando Cabrera worked the middle and Traber ruined Christmas in the 12th with a pretty anti-climactic RBI single hit by Paul Hoover, the catcher who's also a vacuum!

Big righty Andrew Carpenter started for Lehigh Valley and is obviously a much better pitcher, since he pitched into the eighth inning and only gave up one run, an RBI single hit by Sean Danielson.

are you almost finished?
1. Danielson batted leadoff. Captain Awesome Angel Chavez has been kicked upstairs in the lineup. So RJ's mixing it up.
2. E6! Gil Velazquez missed a catch from second baseman Ivan Ochoa in the ninth and effed up the double play.
3. Much-maligned reliever Tyler Walker got the win, pitching three scoreless innings and making it look easy.
4. Whoa, sorry: It's not 'Andrew', it's DREW Carpenter.
5. Since's GV's back, is Suarez Portland bound?

Bus trip to Syracuse for two games, then home for hot, wet, Braves action. See you tomorrow!

win all weekend

The Pawtucket Red Sox won all weekend. I'm glad Julio Lugo is not going to be a permanent member because I think I would fear and resent him.

Boston had a good weekend also. But unless Gil Velazquez is involved, I don't need to know about it. Hunter Jones came in to finish off the sixth and it was chocolate covered birth control pills and shoe-shopping good.

Congratulations so Jerkberry for stealing home, something I've never seen happen. Pettitte should not be too hard on himself, since how could anyone see that coming? Who steals home anymore?

Terry Francona should have Jeff Bailey bat leadoff and see what happens.


4.24.09 PawSox @ Iron Pigs

Iron Pigs trample Pawtucket 13-3

Lefty starter Kris Johnson couldn't get out of the third inning. Johnson gave up 8 runs on 9 hits in 2 1/3 innings.

McBeth, Cherry, and George were to follow. McBeth allowed one run, and George and Cherry two apiece.

Justin Lehr got the start for Lehigh Valley. Lehr let a lot of Red Sox get on base with his eight hits and two walks in six, but in the end Pawtucket only managed to score three runs during his pitching tenure.

1. McBeth balked, threw a wild pitch, and gave up a home run to big old Andy Tracy.
2. Carter, Ochoa, and Maldonado each hit a double. Carter and Maldonado had an RBI apiece. Danielson chipped in for the third RBI.
3. The Iron Pigs hit seven doubles! Hotshot John Mayberry had three hits, including two 2-run doubles.
4. PS: The Iron Pigs scored more runs than they ever have in their two-years of existing. They must have been happy. I'm so glad.
5. Mike Cervenak's home run was allegedly majestic and powerful and record-setting. Yeah, but Cervenak constantly puts the milk back in the fridge with like, one sip left.
6. Corasletti's back, Daeges is on the DL with some ankle thing, Carter's back, and Iggy Suarez finally burst from the shackles of double-A. Robert Coello was sent down to extended ST. Van Every's in Boston with Jeff Bailey. Doug Mirabelli still doesn't have a job. Taya didn't deserve to win.

Tonight! Kyle Kendrick vs the shaky lately Charlie Zink. Zink's currently 0-2 with a 6.97 ERA. He needs to work it out tonight... or ELSE.


one is fat and the other is thin

Devern Hansack's still in the system like a virus. Which is good because everyone loves The Snake (tsssss!).

Former PawSox cro-mag Kason Gabbard is back. He pitched pretty well when he was in town but I hated him anyway. Maybe they'll put him on the Portland roster so I don't have to look at him.

Game tonight in Pennsylvania! I wonder if Amish kids like baseball?

Jose Vaquedano will show you.

Jose Vaquedano is a right-handed reliever in Pawtucket. He's tall and slender. Like a whip! Whhh-tchhh!

The 27-year-old Vaquedano was born in Honduras but moved to Texas when he's was 11. Let's face it: He's a Texan. I'll bet he wears spurs in places like Lehigh Valley and Syracuse.

Vaquedano has been hanging out in the org since 2002, when he pitched in 22 games for the Lowell Spinners. He's pitched in Sarasota, Augusta, Wilmington, Lancaster, and Portland... and then last year, Pawtucket, where he regularly pissed me off and made me call him Crapedano. So far in 2009, he's pitched 9 innings and has a 2.00 ERA. Vaquedano's a ground ball guy who has a hard time getting lefties out.

Vaquedano's over-the-top delivery changed a couple of years ago to his current side-arm shit. He was pissed off when the Red Sox made the suggestion, but the Heads of State felt he was too inconsistant otherwise. He worked with Portland pitching coach Mike cather, who pitched side-arm himself.

things I found on the internet:
1. Vaquedano went to Vernon Regional Junior College in Texas.
2. Interesting stats here: A bone profile? (slim big chest) HAIRSTYLE?? (unknown) I think it has something to do with video games.
3. Vaquedano pitched for the PR team this winter.
4. Jose Vaquedano is Hunter Jones' best friend in baseball!
5. "Don't be surprised to eventually see him with the Sox if an injury arises and the team decides to give Daniel Bard and Junichi Tazawa more seasoning in the minors." Oh, I think I would be surprised. I would be flat shocked. I can imagine how freaking mental all the Boston kids would be if this happened... "Who the hell is this guy? Is this the best the Sox can do? Season over. Season over."
6. I swear I read a story somewhere that little Jose was living in Honduras when his cousins from Texas came to visit and brought baseball equipment. And that is how Vaquedano came to know baseball. However, I cannot find this story for the life of me.

That's all for today. In my unschooled opinion, JV looks a lot better this year. So we'll see how that goes.


Devern Hansack and his unconditional release waivers.

If Hansack winds up gone, I don't know what I'll do.

4.22.09 Pawtucket v Rochester Red Wings - Lugo

Pawtucket WINS! 8-7 on a Chip Ambres walk-off walk in the 11th.

Rochester starter Kevin Mulvey was not exactly Curt Schilling out there today. His troubles started right away in the first inning when Paul McAnulty hit an RBI single to bring home Van Every, who'd doubled. Then, in the second inning, Jeff Natale led things off with a solo home run.

Rochester tied the game up in the third when PawSox starter Clay Buttholez started to lose it a little. CB walked Butera, allowed Pridie to single, then walked Matt Tolbert to load the bases. Luke Hughes got really fucking excited when he came up to bat with the bases loaded, and hit a two run single! BAD NEWS HUGHES!!!

In the sixth inning, square-headed Red Sox reliever Billy Traber gave up a three-run homer to shortstop Trevor Plouffe. Rocky Cherry had a crappy seventh inning and gave up another damn run. Jose Vaquedano came in for the eighth inning and surrendered a solo shot to big boy Matt Macri.

It was a dire situation in the ninth inning for the PawSox, who were behind 7-2. Fortunately, Ben Julianel was all over the place with the damn ball, walking a couple of guys and giving up a single to Angel Chavez. AFter 24 pitches, Julianel was replaced with righty Armando Gabino.

Travis Denker, subbing in for Lugo, immediately singled off Gabino to load the bases. Van Every came up next and hit a grand slam to tie the game, which didn't surprise anyone.

Gabino pitched into the eleventh inning, leading it off with a walk to pocket infielder Ivan Ochoa. Sean Danielson then sac bunted Ochoa over. Gabino proceeded to IBB the next batter, Travis Denker, and got the hook.

Mike Gosling pitched next for Rochester. Ochoa steals third base very well! Van Every was up and I knew he was going to strike out (he did, looking). But it was cool because McAnulty and Ambres were the next guys up and lord knows they can hit.

Funny thing was... neither of them DID get a hit! Mac walked to load the bases and then Ambres walked on a full count! PawSox win!!!

have you gone mental?:
1. I forgot to mention Bardamite's 9 pitch 9th inning. Mainly because effortless success is so boring.
2. Fernando Cabrera pitched the 10th inning and holy god, he is hot. It has been seemingly years since there's been anyone good-looking on the PawSox, so this is great. It was my first time seeing him pitch and it brought me closer to god.
3. So... is Van Every rehabbing and going back to Boston or what? Is that going to send Chris Carter back to Pawtucket so we can all revel in his intensity?
4. My JV hatred has abated somewhat because I heard him on the radio and he pronounced 'Pawtucket' like a native. It's the little things.
5. During Chip Ambres' 11th inning at bat, when he was at a 3-1 count and he took a ball for a second strike, half the guys in the dugout lost it.
6. Throughout the game, I kept smelling something nasty... it smelled like home perm chemicals. Was it coming from the visitor's dugout?

Tomorrow: Off day, then Lehigh Valley for Pig wrasslin'. A couple of Syracuse (bleagh) games will immediately follow. Fernando Cabrera and all the ugly ones won't be back until April 30th.


Sandy Madera has a serious injury.

Sandy is currently on the 7-day DL, so I was surprised to see him working as the bullpen catcher at today's Pawtucket game.

RJ, that's not a very smart move! Madera's got an injury! Don't you think that's kind of dangerous?

It's almost like he's not really hurt or anything!


Uyl be sorry when I'm dead

For a while, I have considered David Uyl to be my least favorite IL umpire. He seems to eject a few too many players and has a questionable strike zone.

It looks like I'm not alone! Being alone is terrible, because there's no one you can talk into getting you a blanket so your feet aren't cold while you watch TV.

Enjoy this wicked picture from 'The Curse of Stu Pederson'.

ballpark summary and all the stars you ever wanted to see

MLB: (8)

Yankee Stadium
Miller Park
Camden Yards
The Ballpark in Arlington

AAA: (5)

Frontier (Rochester)
the crappy park in Syracuse
Iowa Cubs park in Des Moines

AA: (4)

Norwich, CT
New Britain (Twins)

single A: (1)

Mike Lowell Spinners at LaLacheur

unaffiliated: (4)

North Shore in Lynn (deceased)
Holman Park in Nashua, NH (by far the sweetest and prettiest)
Campanelli (Brockton)
Worcester Tornadoes park (ugly)


AA Reading (only because of Phil Lee, the world's largest bobblehead and funniest thing I've ever seen on a baseball field)

Pittsburgh, I hope, I hope.

top secret AAA destination (booked, locked, loaded, ticketed) SUCKA!

Hyde's inside pitch?

So the other PawSox radio guy has a blog, too. That being Steve Hyder, who lost a wicked lot of weight and looks terrific. It's sort of contemplative and philosophical, don't you think?

Hyder talks a bit about how so-called 'fans' say all kinds of nasty shit about guys like Buchholz and Youkilis. First of all, people really care that much about Buchholz that they're commenting on his girlfriend and how much he drinks when he goes out? I mean, come on.

Sometimes I wish I knew nothing about the players outside their on-the-field performance. That's partly my fault... when I find out people have met certain players, I'll ask, "Nice guy, right?" And sometimes the answer is no... and I'll hear exactly why. People know I like the PawSox, so I often hear about casual encounters, run-ins, and misc. bad behavior.

So it's hard to root for a guy if I know he's an asshole who treats fans like crap. Or to hear a pitcher or two might be mildly retarded potheads. I don't necessarily want to hate Dustan Mohr! He played for the Twins! I thought he was cool!

It's kind of like when you watch the Real World, and all those kids are contemptible and vacuous and disgusting. But then in one episode, they help some underprivileged kids and talk about how life-affirming it all was... or you find out about some strained relationship they have with their parents and you feel kind of bad. And you get all mad! I want loathesome, one-dimensional characters, not complex people who are rotten and rich and trustworthy and friendly!

What I am trying to say is this: Everybody should try to be nicer to me or I will write bad stuff about you. And I hope that Chad Spann's Nana never found this blog.



Star Wars Day is coming soon.

Darth Vader will throw out the first pitch.

if you don't know, now you know

Julio Lugo himself will be at McCoy tomorrow. I will let you know how that goes.

Jeff Bailey's been called up to a deluxe apartment in the sky. It will be his third Boston call-up since coming over from Portland on the Mayflower with Ron Johnson.

Sandy Madera does not seem to be participating at all. He appears to be on the 7-day DL. It's really a bunch of applesauce, if you ask me. Typical roster shenanigans.

Jonathan Van Every is on the way and should be playing soon. I'm pretty disappointed.

Hunter Jones finally got to pitch in Boston. One inning of scoreless hitlessness and absence of walkery. I hope he is happy. Jones is the more likeable half of the Jones/Buchholz jam duo.

The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.

4.20.09 Pawtucket Red Sox v Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs - Pull Up the Grand Torino !

Pawtucket WINS!

M Bowden pitched 5 1/3 scoreless, three hit innings. He struck out seven Iron Pigs.

Fernando Cabrera and Daniel Bard's combined relief held the I-Pigs scoreless. It should be noted that Cabrera is much, much hotter. Cabrera also pitched more than twice as many innings as Bard. If that sounds like a word problem, then you must also have the same nightmares about high school as I do.

Your visiting Phillies-style pitcher was right-handed Texan Kyle Kendrick. KK gave up five hits and two runs in four innings. See, what had happened was, Bailey singled in the first and then Paul McAnulty hit a home run. Big fat Tyler Walker, lefty Jake Woods, and Gary Majewski wrapped up the final five innings with serious no-hit action. They should be happy, because triple-A is not about the wins... it's about the individual performance of a bunch of Phillies minor league relievers!!

but it's the end of the semester:
1. San Francisco Giants fans may remember Tyler Walker as the reliever they most wanted to kill with an axe. Anyway, he's a new Iron Pig... Rodrigo Lopez is on the DL or something.
2. I just might love Paul McAnulty.
3. Looks like Wilkerson retired. Sheesh.

See you guys tomorrow. I'm at the park tomorrow and Wednesday. I hope the rain obliges us all.


Robert Coello is thrilled to be here.

Robert Coello's been called up from extended spring training to play in Boston. He's a 24-year old righty pitcher.

He used to be a USF catcher with light-tower power.(I would never use that expression, myself.) Last year Coello played indy ball in the Golden State League. That's California, you stupid asshole.

4.17.09 Pawtucket v Lehigh Valley I Pigs - Happy Birthday Nikki!!

4-3 LVIP. Pawtucket let down the entire park.

Charlie Zink started for the Red Sox and knuckled his way through six innings, giving up all four Lehigh Valley runs. He also hit three of the batters, which accounted for every walk.

Billy Traber pitched well for the final three innings, even managing to peg Andy Tracy, who'd homered off Zink in the fifth. The Pawtucket offense just failed to catch up with the mighty Iron Pigs. IRON!!!!

Lehigh Valley righty Andrew Carpenter also pitched six innings. In the second, Zach Daeges kicked things off with a single and was driven home by an RBI double hit by Sean Danielson, who started in center.

In the third inning, Paul McAnulty hit a solo HR. And in the fifth inning, Bailey did the same. That's the three runs. Count 'em!

Pawtucket got frisky in the eighth inning with Jake Woods on the mound in relief. Catching Gorilla Dusty Brown walked and Zach Daeges got his second hit of the night with a double that put Brown on third. Chip Ambres was the next batter and I thought, HELL YEAH, because Ambres can be a slim killer! However, the manager opted for an IBB.

Jake Woods got the next batter, Angel Chavez, to strike out. On-base machine and local piƱata Jeff Natale pinch hit for Danielson, but he flew out. Who the hell is Jake Woods anyway?

two things:
1. McCoy Stadium on opening night is generally pretty quiet. Not last night! Last night the park was crammed and possibly sold out. I am talking standing room action! It was not credible.
2. Krazy Mike Koplove is back in the IL and pitching in the Phillies org. He pitched a scoreless inning last night.
3. Oh: Seems last night was the largest crowd in McCoy Stadium history. I heard traffic was backed up on the off-ramps. It is my good fortune to live so close to the park that a highway is unnecessary.
4. It was the Iron Pigs' first-ever win at McCoy.

Today: former Orioles headache Rodrigo Lopez versus... Marcus McBeth? That can't be right.

See you later!


4.16.09 Pawtucket @ Rochester Red Wings

PAWTUCKET! 1-0 thanks to Carlos Maldonado's double in the first inning.

So, since this was all about pitching:

K. Johnson, five innings, two hits, two walks, three Ks.

Chris George, 2 2/3, a hit! A walk! A strikeout!

Fernando Cabrera, the Hot One: All the rest of the game. One hit and one K, no walks.

These three dudes kept the Red Wings scoreless.

It must have sucked to be Rochester's Anthony Swarzak. Just that one run in the first inning. 89 pitches through seven innings, five strikeouts. And the bullpen held it down. It just didn't happen.

hot rod hearts:
1. Jeff Bailey hit by pitch for the first time this year. Who will win this sick contest, Bailey or Jeff Natale?
2. Sean Danielson got in on this shit, batting eighth. The rest of the lineup is pretty routine.
3. Danielson and Ochoa made an error apiece.
4. Matt Macri and Matt Tolbert were both caught stealing. Maldonado nailed both of them. Clearly, it's been Carlos' week. I love him so much.
5. Tolbert was also picked off by Johnson.

That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more. See you tonight at the park. Game at seven. I'll be in section one if you're feeling social.



speaking of spike

Corsaletti's down with Diving Catch Arm. Sean Danielson is ready to come out of the oven and take his spot. DING!

I Heard it from Hoard!

4.15.09 Pawtucket Still @ Rochester

4-2 Pawtucket!

Rochester starter Kevin Mulvey was feelin' groovy up until about the fourth inning, when Jeff Bailey kicked things off with a single. Denker grounded out and Bailey advanced on the FC. Then Paul McAnulty, who's been mighty solid and consistent thus far, hit an RBI double!

Dusty Brown was the next batter. Brown singled a soft line drive to left, moving Mac over to third base. Next in line: Daeges, who grounded out and scored McAnulty.

Chip Ambres, another solid performer in the early going, came up next and got a single for himself. Dusty Brown SCORES! And there's your three-run fourth!

Mulvey managed to get to the fifth inning and get a couple of outs, but after he gave up a single to Denker and a double to Mac (MacAnulty...can I call him Mac? Everyone else does.)they brought in Armando Liesdeker Gabino. Gabino got Dusty Brown to pop out and end the inning.

In the sixth inning, Jeff Natale tripled and scored thanks to an RBI single by third baseman Angel Chavez. Left-handed Rochester reliever Ryan Gosling closed the game out with no further advancing behavior on the part of Pawtucket.

all. small. we all are small:
1. Mike Bowden made it through four innings but his pitch count was too high to move further. Five hits, two walks and a run if you're keeping score. He threw his change-up effectively.
2. Also, I mean this in the most non-prurient way possible: I would like to see Bowden in his underpants because I keep hearing how his physique is mind-blowing.
3. Rocky Cherry debuted and enjoyed some long relief in rochester, going three innings. Pitches/strikes: 35/20. Not bad.
4. Jeff Bailey made another error. It's getting into his head.
5. The Red Wings are being filmed for some PBS reality show about minor league ball.
6. Red Wings manager Stan Cliburn seems to sorely miss his twin brother Stu, who's now working for the Twins AA franchise over there in New Britain. I would very much like to return to that park, but it's pretty far away.
7. Rochester was sort of threatening to come back in the bottom of the ninth. Mister Perfect had runners at first and second... and then Pridie was caught stealing to get the final out, game over. Except! replays showed he was safe. Ah, baseball!

This afternoon! Kris Johnson, sensitive lefty, faces fire-breathing Anthony Swarzak!

And then Friday night baseball at McCoy! Opening Night! I can't wait!!


yesterday i got to talk to Travis Denker

Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Spring traning 2008

"Hi i hope everyone is extreally well, so i went to arizona over the weekend, and it was well worth the trip so on saturday i arived at the stadium and got to meet mark Gardner, Pat Mitch, Then i see Travis Denker he played at san jose so i was excitted to see him then i saw, Kevin Frandsen, John Bowker and gave him something and him and Steve Holm who both played with justin were kinda laughting at my gift, then i see Clay timpner, Dan Ortmeier then Jackson Williams who know justin as well everyone knows him and my relationship as frineds, then i see brian bocock who played at san jose too and last but not least was Ben Copeland i go ben your one of the nice ones to me he goes Shannon thank you, glad to see your here. The gaints lost, Then sunday i went to an a's game the a's have todd linden and justin knowlder who used to play on the giants but i saw the a's vs the rockies and the a's won but for the rockies after the game i meet Matt Herges, Jason Nix, Casey Weathers, Cory Sullivan, Clint Hurdle the manger so i see clint wearing a golden state hat and i go clint can you do me a favor can you get troy out here and he goes on the bus he goes troy there is someone that wants to meet you, so clint comes to me and goes troy has ice on his hand i go clint can he sign it To shannon anything troy so clint get troy to sign it but to my surpise troy comes off the bus and hands me it and i get a photo of us, i go troy i know your baseball coach at fremeont he goes coach smith, i go yes then i go remember the message you got on your cell phone form the girl shannon right he goes yes i go troy that me i asked him when are you coming into pac n save too he goes next time i'm in town. troy is sweet, then yesterday i got to talk to Travis Denker, he goes i see david and tell him you said hello, again and got a photo i go travis can you sign your photo he goes yes i go we need a photo he goes why i go because you promesed me at the san jose game i was at you never came out to say goodby to me, then emmanuel burriss and a photo, then i meet this guy named adam with the team and i ask him can you give this to someone who can give it to my firned who is justin hedrick, i go can you get Kline, Tascher and Timmy to come to me, he goes in the dougout and then he goes kline there is someone who wants to see you. so then comes out Kline and i get a hug we kinda of talk about small talk, he goes i need to go play catch but i be back to you sweetheart, so then i see tyler walker and get his signature, then kline comes back and signs his photo he goes you don't have to get us stuff i give him stuff for jack and timmy too, i go kline timmy ignores me now and so does zito he goes zito does that to everyone i go kline can you help me meet him and he goes let me see he goes you get a bat from me too, on your 26th b-day he goes you be over the hill too. I go steve thank you for everything i asked have you seen justin he goes no but if i do i make sure to tell him you said hi and make sure he sees you, then kevin comes out he signs my picture, i go kevin i wish my firned was here today and kevin goes maybe next season, i go i hope, then jack comes out gives me my ball and thanks me for the thing and he signs his photo then i see timmy and billy sign right near the dougout and i through my ball to billy and then i go i want timmy to sign it as well and timmy looks at me and smiles at me, then brian bocock again nad i get a photo with brian, then i see john bowker and i get a photo with him, then i get one with billy too but the last guy i meet was brian howtiz he played with justin. I had a great time. Here are the picturs:"

Oh. Um... I gotta be careful here.

today's lineups

Jeff Natale as DH, eh?

Bailey's probably glaring at McAnulty from out in left field. And Travis Denker debuts.

Hunter Jones to Boston!

I'm so excited. I love Jones.

Boston's officially Pawtucket north. I might have to start watching their ballgames.

who's that kid in the back of the room?

Out: Devern Hansack, shoulder strain.

Out: Gil Velazquez, called up to Boston.

Out: Your ugly pocketbook.

In: Rocky Cherry, up from XST. Is he an idiot? Is he alive or dead? Remember that time you saw him at the Iowa Cubs park in Des Moines and drank some delicious beer in the hot midwestern sun? Oh no, wait, that was me while you were enduring intra-office politicking and your excruciating daily commute.

Also, the Mets offered RC back to the Orioles in a rule five-ish thing. The Orioles declined. I'd tell Baltimore to get off their high horse, but this year I might be a little excited about their team.

In: Travis Denker, infielder and possible reverse vampire. Remember when you drove over to Norwich to that lame, colossally empty ballpark and watched the Giants' double-A team and Travis Denker was there? Oh no, wait, that was me... while you were toasting the good times with your fabulous friends and your high-heeled sneakers.

In: Chris George, lefty side-arm reliever. So he's Javier Lopez in a cheap suit? At any rate, hardly anyone cares about Chris George, if his lack of search results indicates anything. And that means I'm ALL OVER IT!!!

In: Ordering cran-ginger ale on airplanes.

Limbo: Sean Danielson. He's been hanging out but not playing and now he's on the disabled list. Oh, wow, did he sprain his thumb sprucing up his MyFace page?

I saw that guy at the banquet and he got the Handsome Boy haircut. He also managed to wear his sunglasses on his head with looking toolish, like Corsaletti or Chad Spann.

See you tonight-ish at 6:30. The Red Sox will try and jump out of their 3-game losing streak.

Stupid media!

Once again, the Providence newspaper (fine, the Journal) does a story on Jeff Bailey and uses a picture of Chris Carter. Doesn't anyone at the ProJo read my awesome blog? WHY NOT?!

The Rochester Red Wings had a terrific web site. Now, it's garbage (plate). Went the same way as the PawSox web site that I hate so much. Thanks a lot, MLB.


4.14.09 Red Sox @ Red Wings

Rochester wins again! 6-5

The Red Wings jumped all over Gonzalez right away in the first inning, scoring four runs. Pawtucket timidly responded by chipping away at the lead. Bailey solo homered in the third inning to get the party started.

Pawtucket got even closer in the fifth when Angel (It's Angel! NOT 'Angle'! Stupid fingers...) Chavez singled and Jeff Bailey homered again. He put on a homer show!

In the seventh inning, with the Red Wings not having scored since the first, Angle (screw it) Chavez singled. Ivan Ochoa walked. Roch. pitcher Sean Henn is gently and sensitively removed from the pitcher's mound. Bob Keppel comes in to face Jeff Bailey... a passed ball moves the runners up and Keppel walks Bailey.

With Natale at bat, Keppel throws a wild pitch, scoring Chavez. Natale flies out and sacrifices Ochoa home. And the next two batters go down pretty quietly... how silly can you get?

So the Red Sox are ahead 5-4 going to the bottom of the fourth... but Rochester ties it up. Catcher Drew Butera doubled off Traber and then Luke Hughes singled off Traber's replacement, Jose Vaquedano. Hughes' single brought home Butera to tie the game.

Rochester scored again in the eighth. Alejandro Machado and Hunter Jones were involved. Can you imagine those two making conversation in an elevator or something?

Pawtucket could score no more runs and lost the game, returning to their hotel rooms with a case of the blues.

Ocean Breeze Soap will get you clean:
1. I'm really sorry for using the played out phrase "get the party started". Ugh. I promise I'll try harder next time. While I'm at it, I should avoid saying "played out".
2. Bailey was the RBI King tonight with three. Jeff Natale had the fourth.
3. Marcus McBeth continues to pitch well, handing in a scoreless inning with no hits or walks and two strikeouts. He has not yet given up a run. Take that, Napoleon Bard-amite!
4. Enrique Gonzalez balked. He also threw 94 pitches. Kinda high for early April?
5. Rochester's winning pitcher was Ben Julianel.
6. RJ Sez: “Bailey, breaking out of a so-called slump is on a par of me getting up in the morning and having a coffee and donut. It’s going to happen."
7. Hansack's on the DL for a week or so. Righty Rocky Cherry is in town along with Travis Denker. Denker is your new Gil Velazquez.

Tomorrow night: Mike Bowden faces Kevin Mulvey. Tonight: My head faces my pillow. Good night.


4.13.09 PawSox@Rochester Red Wings - we're walking, we're walking

Rochester takes the first game, 5-3.

Charlie Zink was wild, giving up six walks in 4 1/3. That and four hits led to four runs. But it's not just that - Alejandro Machado, Matt Tolbert, Matt Macri, and Dustin Martin all stole bases on Zink. CHRIST!

Zink also threw a wild pitch. 99 god damn pitches and not even out of the fifth. Well, CZ had a strikeout, so there's that.

Hansack tough-guyed his way through one inning, throwing 25 pitches and giving up two hits and a run. And it looks like he hurt his arm. Lefty Chris George pitched the rest of the game, giving up a hit and walk but no runs.

Whoa, wait. WHO? Chris George?

Lefty Red Wings Starter Pignietello got four innings in, giving up two runs, dude. Jose Mijares got the save. A few other guys pitched in between, but really, is that the real story?

fatigue's set in:
1. Dusty Brown doubled and made an error.
2. Devern Hansack had to go to the hospital. Did his shoulder pop? Poor kid.
3. Gil Velazquez got called up! That is happy news! He gets to leave frigid NY for sunny...ish?... Oakland.
4. Jason Pridie got ejected... I'm assuming he bitched about his caught stealing call.

good night

Rochester Series

Tonight! At 6:35! Carlos Maldonado opposes lefty Carmen Pignatiello. Wow, Maldonado's got a spot in the rotation!

No, really, it's Charlie Zink, yesterday's news.

Anyhoo, Carmen P (Is Carmen Cali still with the Red Wings? Because what are the odds...) was with the Cubs last year, pissing everyone off with this shakey bullpen appearances. He was sent down to Iowa for the duration.

Alejandro Machado is still hanging out with the Red Wings. Garrett Jones is sadly no longer with the team. Randy Ruiz, PawSox destroyer, has also left.

Man, Twins fans are CRRRRAZY!:

"The Twins enumerated today by subscribing Carmen Pignatiello. ( Yes, THE Carmen Pignatiello) One rootage states me that the trade is maked, a sec says me that the trade may not be rather subscribed. OK, not rather on the same grade. Pignatiello subscribed today to a bush league contract. The southpaw was the 20 Thursday
round choice by the Cubs in 2000. He is 26 geezerhood old and holds sky six games for the Cubs over the past two seasons. Each of the past two eld, he holds dig in 45 games for the Ioway Cubs. In those 90 games, he holds 79 strikeouts and 35 walkings in88.2 innings of work. Like most relieves, he begined his vocation as a starter before doing the passage to the bullpen.

Actually, you can belike pose him in the Microphone Gosling Sean Henn Ben Julianel grouping that is seeking to take an Gap Day line from Craig Breslow or Jose Mijares.

The signing was maked quietly, rather like the Twins bush league signings of other former large leaguers recently like Justin Huber and Ben Hendrickson."

That makes perfect sense! (lifted wholesale from http://lilianariospw.livejournal.com).

Partly cloudy, mid-to-low 40's tonight at the park. Have fun, you guys.


4.12.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @Buffalo Bisons - so. very. cold.

Buffalo WINS! 4-2 in a four hour, fifteen inning game that was played in 38 degree weather. In Buffalo.

Buchholz started and got up to 80-ish pitches in the fourth inning, so that was his day. Three hits, two runs, four walks and a balk.

Then came: Vaquedano the heroic, Billy Traber (who looks kind of like Flat Head or Flat Top or whatever from Dick Tracy), Dan Bard, HUNTER JONES!, McBeth, Mr. Fernando, and finally, in an astounding finish, total non-pitcher Carlos Maldonado, who gave up the ghost in the fifteenth when Nick Evans hit a two-run double. Maldonado is eighteen and leads a crazy life.

Chip Ambres hit a solo home run in the seventh and McAnulty batted in Jeff Bailey in the sixth and those were Pawtucket's only runs.

Casey Fossum kept the Red Sox down through five innings. Kyle Snyder was responsible for the two Pawtucket runs during his three innings. Buffalo used five pitchers up against the Pawtucket eight, I guess mostly because Snyder and Takahashi wrangled three apiece.

But seriously, a fifteen inning game in Buffalo in early April. I cannot imagine the agony.

Two things?
1. Hope this article elucidates the defensive hotcorn at the park today.

On to Rochester! I can't wait. Get some hot blankets on Daeges and everyone else. Here's hoping it warms up.


craig breslow and marc deschenes, girlfriend!

why do i never get an answer?

Hey, where did Randor Bierd run off to? Anybody know?

Brad Wilkerson spent a couple of days in Buffalo and was like... no. Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Could he have played center? Because I really don't want Van Every back.

Enjoy being released from the shackles of your Lenten sacrifice, Caths.

4.11.09 Red Sox v Bisons - Bad Stuff 'Bout the Mets

Pawtucket WINS! 1-0 in a tight-ass pitching matchup. Only one run scored: Carlos Maldonado's solo home run off Connor Robertson in the eighth. Oh, hell yes.

Kris Johnson struck out five minor league Mets in his five innings. He walked a guy and gave up two hits, one of them Jonathan "Marsh" Malo's double. Malo's been hitting pretty well, hasn't he? Johnson threw 75 pitches, 53 for strikes, in case this stuff keeps you up at night.

Southern belle Marcus McBeth handled the sixth and seventh inning. McBeth also surrendered a double. This time it was dazzling megastar Fernando Martinez!!

Fernando Cabrera finished the game off, with four strikeouts and a walk. No hits. I cannot handle this much Fernando.

Nelson Figueroa pitched really well but his team was not ready for this PawSox jelly. NF went seven strong with only two hits: Angel Chavez and Bailey. This game could have gone on forever, but instead it came in UNDER TWO HOURS LONG!!! That is nuts! And I'm sure the fans appreciated the crispness of pitchery and weakness of battery, since it was like 42 degrees in Buffalo.

1. Buffalo manager Ken Oberkfell speaks, is dismayed by strikeout totals.
2. Nelson Figueroa feels like he got pulled too early.
3. Listen to/escuche a postgame comments here!
4. The Cleveland franchise put an ad in the Bisons program thanking the fans and everything... this is a move some people might call 'classy'. I would never say that because I have a bit more imagination. Me=not a robotic sportswriting drone.
5. Dan Hoard breaks down the PawSox pitching success thus far. His blog is schmackin'!!

Today! Plush, Gucci redneck Buchholz v. swizzle stick Casey Fossum. Casey, the great city of Buffalo awaits you. Go now.

Bryan Pritz was not that interesting.

Bryan Pritz has been released. I hope you didn't invest in him!

Jay Johnson and Mike James also got the heave-ho, but I'm pretty sure neither one played for Pawtucket so they get second billing.

Iggy Suarez is still hanging around. Won't this be his third year in Portland? They have to be messing with him at this point.

you cannot be serious

Here's another way in which the new PawSox website blows: this is what you get when you click on 'Roster'.



Glenn Davis hates your guts.

Okay, I am really tired but I wanted to pass this story along.

On Friday, an associate of mine attended the Celtics game at the Garden. After the game he hung out with the crowd to catch a player or two.

There was one guy hanging around that was really, really obnoxious and jerky, talking smack about all the players. And he was SO LOUD! That douchey sportscaster Dickerson was there and the guy was all, "HEY DICKERSON!!!! WHERE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND TANGUAY??!" And so on, just relentless jackassery.

All of a sudden, a security guard kinda went up to him and took him aside. But guess what? The guy was not in trouble. The security guard handed Johnny from Burger King a pair of sneakers autographed by Big Baby! Yes!

Immediately, Mr Yells-All-the-Time turned around and starting trying to sell the sneakers to the crowd. I believe the asking price was $600.

So why does a security guy give a valuable pair of autographed sneakers to the biggest jerk in town?

Because Glenn Davis has some kind of deal with this guy. He's gotta be getting a cut, right? Or something. Pretty sheisty.

Glenn Davis has robbed me of my innocence. I'm gonna slang and trick it now.


Nelson Figueroa is happy to be insurance.

Nelson F... you all know the name. But what do you REALLY know about Figueroa?

Well, he's stashed in Buffalo just in case the Mets need him in an emergency. Or perhaps as a fifth starter? Figueroa also pitched for Puerto Rico in the WBC, even though he is South African.

Figueroa might be cool. He's got a fan blog... you can see him dressed as Winnie the Pooh. People seem to like him, even though he went to Brandeis.

A normal person would have posted his numbers and such, but GO TO HELL.

Figueroa will try and prevent Bisons sweepage today at 1 pm.


i'm really mad

The minor league baseball web site used to have audio archives of all the ball games. So you could potentially come home at the end of the day and listen to the game. Or in the morning before work.

This is no longer the case, which is so stupid. Listening to the game is second only to watching it. It gives you so much more than a box score.

How will I know if a home run is majestic or not? How will I know if a strikeout is a failed check swing or a massive whiff? Is the error egregious or was it a close call? Did the outfielder make a spectacular diving catch?

I hate you, minor league web site.

4.10.09 Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons

Pawtucket wins again, 9-0. Whoa, Thunder.

PawSox starter M. Bowden worked for 4 2/3 innings... two hits, two walks, and five Ks. Jackass Billy Traber got the last out in the fifth after Bowden split the scene with runners on first and second. Seems Jeff Bailey made an error at first. So much for his defense improving.

Traber went on to pitch the sixth inning (he walked Nick Evans, but that was it). Jose Vaquedano was great for the seventh and eighth... no hits or walks, two strikeouts!

Hunter Jones closed out the game, one two three, good night.

For Buffalo, Dillon Gee also worked 4 2/3 innings. He did not perform quite as well, though. Gee gave up three runs on six hits, one of them Bailey's home run. He walked a couple of guys and struck out six.

Remember lefty Jon Switzer? Switzer gave up five runs in his one inning. He left his heart in Pawtucket, it seems. Elmer Dessens and Carlos Muniz finished off the rest of the game.

Bailey and Paul McAnulty had 3 RBI apiece. Chip Ambres homered! Gil Velazquez went 3-5.

Brad Wilkerson struck out 3 times.

the problems persist and won't go away:
1. Bowden tossed 80 big pitches, 48 for strikes. He faced 19 batters: five struck out, five flew out, four grounded out. Two got hits and two walked. OKAY???!!
2. I'm happy to see Vaquedano come out strong, after being a 2008 top-stepper.
3. Rene Rivera and Cory Sullivan got the only two hits for Pawtucket. PAWTUCKET BULLPEN FIRE OIL!!!

Tomorrow: Kris Johnson's up against righty Nelson Figueroa! Good night!

Dillon Gee is not crazy about that tie.

Mike Bowden's Buffalo opponent today will be Mets prospect Dillon Gee.

two things:
1. Gee's got four: Fastball, slider, change, curve. Best pitch probably change-up. Still refining curve. Slider mostly for show.
2. Ranked 10th by Toby Hyde. Who is Toby Hyde? I say we call him up! RIGHT NOW!!
3. DG got a start or two this spring. Jerry Manuel digs him. This article is mainly about Livan Hernandez... it sounds like Manuel's kinda pissed at him or something.
4. Good luck trying to have a nice breakfast in downtown Buffalo on a Sunday morning. There's nothing except to-go coffee. I ate out of the bus station vending machine, because I am classy that way.

So there you have it. ALSO! Bisons outfielder Fernando Martinez is the org's number one ranked prospect. He is only 19. He has probably never even heard of ABBA. Check him out.

See you later on tonight.


Another Pawtucket blog

PawSox radio guy and sexy minx Dan Hoard has started a blog. Should be pretty wild. I love it already.

not this again... PawSox Media Day.

Do you know what I just realized? There are only three guys on the PawSox and they're ALL pitchers! I keep reading the newspapers but all I see is Buchholz, Bowden and D. Bard. I guess they forgot about the offense!

And that's where I come in.

Because I know you're dying to learn all about Paul McAnulty and Chip Ambres.

I still love you.

Pawtucket @ Buffalo Bisons (NYM)

Pawtucket WINS! in spite of being up against golden hot pitching.

Earlier I mentioned a few things about Jonathon Niese being really good or whatever, but the kid only lasted two innings. Former PawSox grouch Kyle Snyder did what he does best... long relief!

Enrique Gonzalez started for Pawtucket and seemed to have a tough row to hoe, but he did okay. He was on a 75-80 pitch limit and nailed down five two-run innings, walking two and striking out four.

Fernando Cabrera then jumped in for the sixth inning and got battered, kinda. Cabrera gave up two earned runs on three hits.

Marcus McBeth and Daniel Bard polished off the Herd without further ado. Area sportswriters and Red Sox fans everywhere must have creamed their pants over Bard's performance. I'm really bored with it already.

Pawtucket offense had a good night, most notable Paul McAnulty (prepare yourself to hear him described as stocky once or twice). Paul M. had two hits, two walks, and two RBI... he is currently batting 1.000.

Chip Ambres hit a two-run double and walked a couple of times. Dusty Brown hit TWO doubles and will haunt your dreams. Ivan Ochoa had a pair of hits as well.

Brad Wilkerson had a tough night in the DH spot, going 0-4 with a walk and a strikeout. The Bisons pitching staff doled out 11 walks all told. I heard that kind of thing was bad!

it happens all the time:
1. Two triples for Buffalo! Second baseman Jonathan Malo and DH Fernando Martinez must have wheels... that's why Malo bats leadoff.
2. Former Pawtucket kids Bobby Kielty, Kyle S, and lefty Jon Switzer are now Buffalonians.
3. Gil Velazquez made an error while I was thinking about how great an infielder he was. He was also hitless.
4. The visitors' clubhouse at the new Mets park has no clock in it. And you can't see shit from the visitors' bullpen. Accident or design?
5. David Uyl was the home plate umpire. I think he sucks.
6. Devern Hansack's new role in Pawtucket will be 'Righty Reliever in Crowd'. I'll bet he's thrilled. I suppose it's his best shot at a Boston sub job. I'm frustrated on his behalf, though.

Tomorrow! 6:05 pm - Mike Bowden v righty Dillon Gee, another 22 year old baby. I can't wait.

today's Pawtucket Red sox line-up

As you can see, Bailey's social and baseball position has not changed. He still can't cook and is still not married. There is, however, a piano being hoisted up by a fraying rope... and he's about to walk under it.

Gil Velazquez is at second. Ochoa is playing short... and also playing tall when he says he's 5'10". He's maybe 5'6", I swear.

Not a terribly interesting or creative lineup, but at least we've got Daeges.

New Murals

New entry ramp posters this season at McCoy. Get a load of Ellsbury, Masterson, Kelly Shoppach, and Jed Lowrie. I wish they were done in the original McCoy style, all amateurish and weird looking.

Forgot to mention that Wilkerson's in town and dined with all of us scumbags at the luncheon yest. Zink and Lars A. were not in the house, because they were conspiring to scramble the alphabet.


upcoming Pawtucket/Buffalo pitching matchups

TODAY! Gonzalez.

Tomorrow! Michael Bowden

Saturday! Kris Johnson

Sunday! Buttholez

The opposition... sorry, I haven't found that yet. I'm such a jerk.

2009 Very First Pawtucket Red Sox Game

Today's game features Enrique Gonzalez, who came to RI from the Padres org, and Bisons lefty Jonathon Niese. Yes, that's how he spells it. Whatever, he's from Ohio.

Niese has been with the Mets forever. In fact, that's been his only heart and his only home, since he's a brand-new 22 year old arm. Niese is also ranked third among the Mets' prospects.

The Bisons have rebranded their corporate conformist park. Opening Day festivities include prizes, team intros, color guard, magnetic schedules (WOOOOOOWWW!!!), lovable mascot Mr. Met, and NY Gov. David Paterson.

In a related story, the Bisons have offered four free tix to anyone who's lost their job. And guess what? Former Red sox great Casey Fossum is in the rotation!

Gates at 2. Hope they cleared the G.D. snow off the seats.



Recently I bought baseball tickets on the internet for an away game type vacation I am taking in June. This organization sells their tickets through Ticketmaster unless you walk up to the window and buy them. WHAT.

This was a bit of a problem for me. On the one hand, Ticketmaster is disgusting. You know what I mean because you hate them as much as I do. And I'm pretty sure I swore I'd never use their service again.

On the other hand, I have already booked my whole trip. I suppose I could have waited until the day of the game to buy tickets or made some other weird Internet Personals type arrangement.

I bought the tickets. It was painful and degrading. There must be some kind of penance? It bothers me a great deal.

Anyway, gangstas, let's check out some more snapshots. The first one is possibly opening day at McCoy, 2007. The second one was a failed attempt at massive two-age.

Lame Cuisine

The Pawtucket Annual Welcome Home Banquet was held today in the same bland, uninspired venue as always. People pay money to join this country club?

And this is the crap you're serving?

AND you hold off on coffee service until AFTER dessert is served and the whole event is practically over and SOME people get piping hot coffee and others are screwed? How were we supposed to choke down the crappy, dry-ass strawberry shortcake?

I sat next to Devern Hansack and Clay Buchholz. I love Hansack so much.

Clay Buchholz was the hands-down superstar of the day. I won't say a thing about his weird, clingy girlfriend. Except all the other guys on the team must roll their eyes when she's around. At any rate, he seemed pretty chipper in spite of his kinda-demotion. This was not the case with miserable, sulking Jeff Bailey.

Daniel Bard was at the next table over. My sister rather awesomely pointed out that he looks like Napoleon Dynamite real bad. When he started smearing on the chapstick, we fell about the place. Dang! (Also: Nice... cowboy boots.)

All in all, RJ is still terrific, Hoard and Hyder YES, Sandy! Madera, Danielson and Velazquez, all the kids, good stuff. Billy Traber=douche.

And, sure, I'll say it: Fernando Cabrera? Ummmm. Yeah. I'm looking forward to Cabrera showcasing his... talent.



I can't wait for 'Stump Steve'.

Dan Hoard and Steve Hyder are the Pawtucket Red Sox radio broadcast guys. And they are so great.

Check out this Insider broadcast, featuring Kevin Youkilis and poor Jeff Bailey, who has no place to go when that asshole Lars Anderson turns up in Rhode Island and kicks him off first base.



The first picture is of an unknown PawSox player before the game. The second photo is Buffalo Bison Andy Gonzalez having a few words with the ump.

Clay Buchholz should be in a pretty good mood.

Clay B. will kick his year off in Pawtucket. Ha-HA!

Ryan Khoury is still alive and he played at the Mets ballpark yesterday. Ryan Khoury. He has to be blackmailing someone.

Also, is Chris Carter intense or something? Because I don't think every single article mentions his intensity.


Some more information about Star Wars Day at McCoy. I had no idea that New England had a Rebel Legion.

veni vidi vici

Triple-A repeat offenders are putting things into cardboard boxes this week:

Jason Tyner was signed to a minor league contract by the Brewers. Tyner was probably on the Red Wings.

Chris Gomez was released by the Orioles. Gomez hit a grand slam off Schilling up in Toronto a few years ago. It was probably the best day of his life.

The White Sox sent Jerry Owens to the minors. The Tigers sent Clay Rapada to the minors along with Ryan Raburn.

Former PawSox great(?) Virgil Vasquez was sent to the minors by the Pirates.

David Pauley and Radhames Liz (Baltimore) were sent to the minors. Pauley's coming back to McCoy on August 5th, so be sure to send flowers or one of those tacky fruit bouquets.

The Mets released Junior Spivey and Wily Mo Pena is a free agent.

As I was checking up on transactions, I was surprised to see how many guys had been released.... guys that used to be desirable and important. That's what happens when you're late for baseball. It takes a while to experience loss and to see how stars fade out.

THIS guy

Carter deserved it, I guess. And now I have an excuse to show this unflattering photo again!

April 9, Pawtucket v Buffalo at about 3pm. Jordan Brown will not be in the house due to the franchise switch. That's too bad.

I haven't been around for reasons I won't get into because they're boring.

Remember that whole rockabilly/swing thing? What the hell was going on there?