Drew Sutton dreams about liverwurst.

Damn, I am rusty. Do safecrackers lose their touch if they put their life of crime on hiatus? Because I'm pretty sure I can open a safe or two. I still don't want to write about Papelbon, but that has to happen sooner or later.

Good news, ladies: Drew Sutton is returning to Pawtucket! Don't get any ideas, though. Sutton is probably not down to clown, since it's family first with him. Unless the old saying is true.

Mitch Maier was also picked up by Boston. Maier is an outfielder and he's 30 and he comes from the Kansas City org. He's a brunette... A little on the scatback side but oh, sexy.

Mayhap you've never heard of Terry Doyle. Formerly White Soxy, now Red Soxy. Doyle is a righty big-boy pitcher from Concord, MA, which means he has access to some killer apple cider. Unless he's from Rhode Island, which could also be true because Ben Hill never lies.

Please also welcome relief pitcher Oscar Villarreal.

I'm opting not to get too in depth with these guys, because I've seen many minor-league signings evaporate. Scott Patterson for example. That dude with the red hair, Adam something. Bernero!

RIP Nate Spears, alleged bestie of Jose Iglesias.

2012 PawSox Annual Christmas Party

Tomorrow is the PawSox Annual Christmas Party. Arnie Beyeler won't be there, possibly because he was promoted. Does a major-league first base coach make more than a minor-league manager?

This year Ryan Lavarnway will be there, possibly because he can drive there from Connecticut. Wait, is Lavarnway from Connecticut? Why is he going? Isn't he a big star now? I'll bet he's all fat and drunk.

Tony Thomas will be there because he is wonderful.

Also Jeremy Hazelbaker and his hiked-up pants. Hazelbaker is built like John Olerud and resembles a younger version of the farmer from American Gothic. JEREMY MY DAUGHTER HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU WILL YOU STEP AWAY FROM FIELDING DRILLS AND SIGN THIS CREASED INDEX CARD?

And Santa Paws. And Santa Claus. SANTA CLAUS? I don't recall seeing Santa Claus at McCoy before. Will there also be a nun there with a collection of switches? 

My invitation also says there will be games. Is that new? It also says boldly at the top 'Looking to get into the holiday spirit!!!'

The event lasts from 11:00- 2:00. I will not be able to attend and even though it's SSDY, I am disappointed. Please go and take lots of pictures for me.

I miss you.