An uptight superstar playing the infield at Fenway? Hated, hated A-Rod? He's not coming, I know, but what if he did? And what if it were okay?
Firstly, no more "A-Rod". How about... Alex. Yeah. Get him all moved in to Boston. Loosen his tie a little. Spring training... Alex and Manny. Alex and Papi. Former Yankee robot goes surfing. Learns how to laugh. Pushes his kids on the swingset.
Alex hits a home run and is startled by the warm hugs in the dugout. Grooming starts to slip. No more frosted hair. Perhaps some grizzle. Is befriended by Papelbon and Pedroia, does bong hits with them while playing Wii. Has to loosen belt a notch due to the plumpening effect of Coors Lite. Listens to 'Spine of God' one night in Cleveland while laying on the carpet. Finally gets it.
More Manny time. Alex becomes a sort of SuperMillar. Develops wildly popular catchphrase. Boston falls in love. Everyone hates Boston even more. Especially NY, who feels betrayed and cheated.
But, you see, New York gets A-Rod and his defensive decline and his perfect hair. A-Rod has nightmares and panic attacks. No one is any the wiser.