It's become very popular lately to talk about how out of date professional baseball is. Is everyone on board with this? Baseball is boring and has ludicrous social regulations and etiquette constraints? And things ARE BECOMING FAR WORSE IN THESE BIG-LEAGUE END TIMES?
I generally agree that yes, baseball mysteriously adheres to Civil War-era customs and habits. So? It's been like that for a while now. It's stupid and stuffy, but whatever.
The thing that I feel most weird about is lately I'm wondering who I'm rooting for. The players? Not really. They're a group of dudes I imagine I'd have absolutely nothing in common with. To put it another way: They seem to be largely a right-wing, buck-huntin', god-fearing and shit-kicking bunch of assholes. I'm talking about all the country music kidz from Texas and the Carolinas or wherever the fuck they're churning out these American jocks from.
Yes, but what about the gentlemen whose names end in Z's and O's? I don't know, who did they vote for? They're not allowed to sit with Brant Cody, Wade Hawkwire, and Connor Jawcrack, durn it. Just look into any baseball dugout; it's like a junior-high English class in Boston.
Not the players, then. Am I rooting for the team? Twenty-five bros who are mostly Not Very Nice to ladies and drive big-dick statusmobiles magically become relatable in a group? Or is it the miasma of sweat and self-importance a band of meatheads emits? Is "team" a physical object, or just an abstract concept, like "contentment"? I AM TEAM. TEAM IS ALL OF US.