George Lombard is laid back.

Former PawSox strikeout guy George Lombard has been hired as hitting coach for the Lowell Spinners.

You know how sometimes, in baseball, you just like guys? They might not be the best player, or the most interesting, but they seem reasonably cool and you're kinda always rooting for them.

I hated Lombard! Not really. I like him. At any rate, he's back in the system.

Lombard was in Pawtucket for part 0f 2004 and all of '05. He played along such stars as Dave Berg, Adam Hyzdu, and Roberto Petagine. And Cla Meredith! Lenny Dinardo! Geremi Gonzalez!

"True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories."

Dan Hoard is not afraid of anything.

Pawtucket Red Sox radio guy Dan Hoard occasionally subs in for the Cincinnati Reds. And guess what? Reds TV announcer george Grande has retired. Hoard probably could have gotten the job, but Thom Brennaman did. As in, Marty Brennaman's son.

Here are a few comments from around the world regarding his gigs:

1. From John Kiesewetter's TV and Media blog: "Hoard has done a great job on Reds broadcasts. He was my choice to replace Steve Stewart, when nobody knew that Thom Brennaman wanted to come home and work with his dad. Hoard can do play-by-play for TV or radio (if needed), and he’s proven that he does his homework and can weave in stories about players ala Marty, Thom or the Dodgers’ Vin Scully. Hoard is very good and deserves the chance. Between 150 Reds TV games (when Thom isn’t working), and the UC football and basketball on WLW-AM, Hoard would have year-round work to bring him back here full-time. Hoard has done AAA Pawtucket Red Sox games waiting to be called up to the majors. This should be his chance." Damn it.

2. Comment from 'Redleg Nation': "I don’t mind Kelch, but why not Dan Hoard? I think the Reds missed again on the radio broadcasting hire, kind of like in the Steve Stewart deal. I guess it’s nice they rewarded a guy whose been in the organization, but I think Hoard is a better all around announcer."

3. From the Wight Pages: "Dan Hoard, voice of the Triple A Pawtucket Red Sox, has a history in Cincinnati. He broadcasts football and basketball for the University of Cincinnati and has filled in several times for the Reds. In my opinion, Hoard would fit in perfectly as the Reds full-time television play-by-play man."

I should have written this back in October.

The female anchor's fists finally clenched.

After spending a million years with Pawtucket and playing game after game versus the Iron Pigs, after abandoning his catcher position, after ripping up the International League in 2008... Jeff Bailey is gone.

I could say, without Jeff Bailey there is no 'Baseball Heavy', but that would be false. It doesn't help, though.

Since he's signed with Arizona, we won't even see him in the Grapefruit League. He may as well be dead!

I'd do a retrospective, but what would be the point? Maybe only his parents would enjoy that.

Someday, I will be assassinated.

Newsflash: LHP Jennifer Lopez is a Pirate. I said he quit, but I suppose that's what I get for trusting internet reference sites that any jerk can access. I thought he might still be in the IL but it looks like he's the Pirates only lefty reliever on the 40-man, so we shall see.

VIS: "Being in Boston, it was a great experience, but it's a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately kind of place," Lopez said. "I got off to a rough start and, when you're in a division with the Yankees and Rays ... hey, I can't blame them. They had a guy in Bard who was throwing 100, and I was the guy who had his roster spot."

And, uh, Lopez seems to think he can do long relief. "I look forward to that type of role," Lopez said. "That was yet another reason why Pittsburgh seemed like a great place: I knew the opportunity was there to pitch not only to multiple batters, but maybe multiple innings. I was able to show that in Pawtucket this year, going three innings twice." SEE? He pitched three innings TWO times!

From now on, I'll just wait until I can confirm everything. Hey, I've only been a freelance sports journalist for a couple of years!

Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.

you'll never walk alone again

You are totally not gonna believe this, but sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez is COMING BACK to McCoy Stadium. My feeling is that Boston is uneasy about their shortstop sitch, but don't forget: I know next to nothing.

In a very sexy related story, Fernando Cabrera is also returning. It's a Christmas miracle! You may recall Cabrera as the Pawtucket All-Star reliever who was the kind of guy you wanted to watch take a shower. Also, he was scandalous.

Marcus McBeth, another very good reliever, has been signed by the Oakland Athletics. He was terrific all season.

Pawtucket second baseman Travis Blutarsky has been signed by the Mariners. Joey Gathright was like the wind - I'm pretty sure he only played a few road games - and he is now up in Toronto.

Sean Danielson and John Otness have been released.

Finally, some things are happening.

They say he was 'worldly'.

Word on the street is that long-time PawSox kid Javier Lopez has decided to hang it up. I'm sure he could have gotten a job somewhere, but I guess he was sick of those 6-hour bus rides. Lopez was original acquired from the White Sox via a trade with David Riske. This was in 2006. Long time ago, right?

A lot of baseball players are meatheads who can probably only play baseball. Lopez was reasonably smart and can probably do other things, such as teach or enter politics or make jewelry.

Javier Lopez got a bad rap, but remember: He did get a guy out here and there. One of my favorite Pawtucket kids of all time.

While you're up, here are some other former PawSox players who've retired:
1. Catcher Andy Dominique (remember chanting his name at Fenway?)
2. Australian sensation Trent Durrington!
3. Marc Deschenes, who I was totally in love with.
4. Jim Buckley (used to split catching duties with Jeff Bailey back in 19-Dickety-2.)
5. OF Luke Allen, probably. I used to do daily reports on him as a joke.
6. Mark Malaska (He now lives in RI!)
7. Lee Gronkiewicz (now coaching) - Damn, he was great for the 3.4 seconds he was in Pawtucket!
8. Tyler Minges, who I found easily. He's a real estate agent in Ohio.
9. Rootin, Tootin, Shawn Wooten. Was on the World Champion Los Angeles Angels in 2002.

Other people who have vanished: Jimmy Serrano, Dave 'Ice' Berg, Tim Bausher, Earl Snyder, Adam Hyzdu.

More to come.

What people said about the Connecticut Defenders.

from a website I would prefer you didn't visit:

1. "Connecticut Defenders have the schmaltziest fans! Connecticut Defenders game disingenuously a very cozy lasting impression on my family and me. Connecticut Defenders have the perkiest cheerleaders!"

2. "Connecticut Defenders festivities kept my family entertained throughout the entire evening. Connecticut Defenders was the dingiest live sporting dispatch I have ever been to! I love watching Connecticut Defenders live."

3. "I took my children to Connecticut Defenders game last week and they’re already begging to raise again! Connecticut Defenders inspiredly take care of their fans! It was forbearing and fast-paced, but I missed some of the jokes because the words weren’t coming out of the actor’s mouth fast enough. Being on bike through traffic makes it hard to hear the tour guide."

They're right about the cheerleaders, though.

I just want a bit part in your life!

Since I was denied access to Rhody college basketball, I have a little time to kill.

I came across this piece of heaven right here. It's from a sports radio blog. Normally, I avoid that stuff. But this is right up my alley!

Excerpts from Gary Marbry's 'Red Sox Reviews - The Bit Pitchers #1'

1. Fernando Cabrera's first pitch was a ball to 50% of batters faced in 2009. Don't I know it!

2. "None of the 28 batters that Cabrera faced put the first pitch in play last season." Cabrera only faced 28 batters? How is that possible?

3. "When opponents put the Hunter Jones' first pitch in play, they went 6 for 9 with 2 doubles and 2 HR (and a HBP), good for an OPS allowed of 2.156. That’s the highest such OPS allowed by a Red Sox pitcher since they began tracking the stat in 1988 (min. 10 such batters faced)."

4. "Javier Lopez finished his Red Sox career ranked 20th in games pitched in relief as a Red Sox with 172. He finished 5 appearances behind 19th place Dick Drago, 1 game ahead of Rheal Cormier, and 2 ahead of Keith Foulke." EAT IT, FOULKE!!!

Remarkable.

And one more quick thing: No, two things: Wait.

1.A couple of years ago I wrote a post called 'I Hate Marco Scutaro', but it looks like I deleted it. He may have been on the A's at the time. I suppose I could have written a similar post called "I Hate Jeff DaVanon".
2. I'm heading down to the park to pick up a few items.

Cherokee name: Laughs at Own Jokes

I just read this from back in May:

"Zink threw 100 pitches and complimented his defense: "I was jamming guys, which is what I'm looking for. My defense played great. I got a little tired. There was a little humidity. We haven't had a lot of warm weather." Zink went on to say "The NASDAQ is looking healthier. Did you see that new Supreme Court lady? Kentucky is a commonwealth. Dude, why you still holding that?"

I'm so glad I find myself hilarious. I can't stop laughing. At myself.

I read a book.

A book arrived in the mail the other day. It was about a pitcher who doesn't quite fit in with his wacky, less intelligent teammates. He worries about his ability to get outs. He shares bullpen conversations and agonizes over his playing time.

Sounds like Ball Four, right? I know, it's essentially the same book. But it's that Yale kid's book with special guest appearances by Craig Breslow.

It wasn't too bad, but the whole White Players vs Uncultured and Annoying Dominicans angle was a little much.

This is as close to a book review as you'll get from me.

Salvatore is gonna love Atwells.

New manager in Pawtucket: Former Bisons/Clippers skipper Torey Lovullo. That seals it, I guess. No backsies. RJ is gone forever.

I'm glad it's him, although Stan Cliburn would have been cool, too.

Let's also welcome back Gerald Perry as the hitting coach. GP was in the hizz back in 1998. If I were you, I'd look up the team BA/OBP for that year to see what we're in for. Because it's not the players who generate the stats, it's the managers and coaches! That's why Morman got the axe, after all.

Imagine! Lovullo and Van Every reunited! Wait... JV's gone. Never mind. I thought I saw him in my peripheral vision, walking past an open door slowly while suspenseful music played. And me, terror stricken with dead phone lines.

My only prior mention of Torey L came here. It's a brief post, but it's really funny and kind of encapsulates the 2009 PawSox.

i need to know

So, who is this mystery douche who played on the Indians (seen here outside the visiting players' hotel in Pawtucket)?

I thought this was Jordan Brown at first, but it's not.

notrod

PawSox trainer and good guy Greg Barajas got kicked upstairs. That is so great! Have fun at Fenway and enjoy your away parks being in places like Chicago and Tampa Bay instead of Syracuse and Lehigh Valley.

George Kottaras is gone. Ha!

In Jeff Bailey news, DAMN he has been busy. Bailey's been skiing in Vail, coaching high school football, coaching girls' soccer, representing student faculty, and playing bass in a jazz band.

Former PawSox superstar Sandy Madera is leading the Mexican League in HR's with twelve. I miss him so much.

By the way, Ellis Burks should be the new Pawtucket coach.

"A ring is a ring, it's a material thing."

"And I'm gonna get one." - PM

So this is the end of RJ. All I have left is Jeff Bailey, and he's likely gone like Saharan sands. They should make him the manager. It would a give a whole new meaning to coaching "sessions".

No, seriously, is Todd Claus going to take the job? Bob Tewksbury? Merloni? AGHCK. I don't like Merloni very much.

former Red Sox players who could manage in Pawtucket:
1. Bill Mueller. YES!!!! This would be beyond BEYOND.
2. Curtis Leskanic... I guess not. Pitchers don't usually get this job.
3. Mirabelli? No. NO WAY.
4. Trot Nixon? Probably not. But that would be killer.

It'll probably be Gary DiSarcina or someone equally as boring. What about one of the Cliburn brothers? I would be all over that. Or Eric Wedge. Or Bob Zupcik.

How about Mo Vaughn?

In a related story, I was listening to a Bruins game on the radio and I swear... I SWEAR!!!... the PA guy is the guy from McCoy Stadium. Please, if someone can confirm this I would do anything. This poor guy gets no pub. He's not even listed in the annual PawSox program.

Chris Carpenter has a hungry heart.

We had a great time at the GSBD. Nothing warms my heart more than watching some stuck-up millionaire in a tragic suit jacket bid thousands of dollars on an autographed guitar. I'm sure it holds a lot of meaning for him. As in, name more than three songs by this man. Go on. And then go home and lick your CY.

Okay, I no longer want to keep this brief. It's been too long.

Jim Rice signed for everybody. You would have seen the contempt in his eyes if he'd bothered to make eye contact with his fellow human beings.

The Papelbon brothers are far less ugly than their lobotomized brother.

Heidi Watney is flawless and slicker than goose shit. She handled the Q&A like the pro she is. HW is beautiful and poised. She is Forever Heidi. She cannot, however, go out and get shitfaced with her friends. She probably can't wear shorts. She can't go down into the basement at a party and do bong hits with the seedy kidz. I feel so sorry for her.

I think Tom Curran was there. I see him everywhere lately. He's not bad.

Former lady baller Mary Pratt OWNED the hotel function room!! Her brief speech and tough-girl baseball song put the other piles of clothing to shame.

Ricky Romero won some kind of award. His acceptance speech was so boring.

snake party:
1. The drinks were pretty weak and I did not get salad because I was not in my seat and my table companions didn't fight for my right to field greens.
2. I told the poor kid selling raffle tickets that the Armory was a better place for the dinner. The expo center is probably a flea market on weekends, with the industrial cracked cement floor and exposed water pipes.
3. When I saw some guy with a pair of boxing gloves next to his dinner plate, I wondered what the hell was going on. Turns out Angelo Dundee is a rather important boxing guy. Even I was impressed.
4. Tom Signore, Fisher Cats pitching coach, is... friendly.
5. Sam Fuld could not attend because his wife was pushing a kid out.
6. I didn't see Tewks, either.

One final thing: Blue Jays starting pitcher Jesse Litsch was possibly the most intoxicated guest of the night and easily the most entertaining.

God bless!

It's not over, Hunter Jones! It's... no, it's over this time.

Good riddance, I guess.

No, I take that back. Jones has certain capabilities. He will be an asset to the Marlins.

Stay tuned.

you needed me

Sometimes, at the end of the baseball season, a newspaper might do a team assessment article and give school-grades from A to F to all the players, the manager, and the team as a whole. Cute, right?

I don't want to do that. I can't even remember any outfielders... well, the sight of Chris Carter lummoxing around in left or right will never fade. But other than that... okay, I remember Sean Danielson, who only played in like, four games. But he was friendly, like the kid next door to you who is also your paper boy.

Except Danielson is totally secretly freaky! AWWWW YEEAAAAH!!!

In lieu of player assessment (no one's getting above a 'C' anyway), I'm gonna grade items of miscellany.

OVERALL 2009 MCCOY STADIUM EXPERIENCE: C+. It rained a lot. (The Yankees ballpark was rendered a stank quagmire and a total embarrassment because of it.) Julio Lugo came with the rain and left in a cloud. Something on the first base side smelled perpetually like hair relaxing chemicals. The alternative food stand was closed a lot. Angel Chavez blew off the fans all year, without a fraction of Billy Traber's assholish panache. I cried into my scorecard.

ALTERNATE BALLPARK ENTERTAINMENT: B+. Hello, Star Wars Day? Bob Dylan played as well, but I didn't go even though I'm wildly wealthy. Also, Dontrelle Willis showed up! YES.

PARKING: A. I always get killer parking spots.

P.A. GUY: B+. I love this guy. I can still hear the former P.A. guy saying, "Here is tonight's Citgo Hot Seat Quiz game!" But the newer guy, well, he's terrific. I should know his name.

BILLY TRABER'S PERSONALITY: A+! Kind of weird, kind of an asshole, yet lovable and talented. This is why he has so many more friends than Jeff Natale does.

POSTER NIGHT: C-. Held indoors due to rain. I think the first autograph I got was Junichi Tazawa. Weak.

BULLPEN ANTICS: D. They grew tomato plants, flipped cups around, tossed pieces of paper. ZZZZZZZ.

VISITING TEAM EXCITEMENT: D. Way too many Iron Pigs games. Come on, now.

SCOREBOARD EXTRAS: B-. I liked the players going over the rules and regs, even if toward the end of the year, half the guys were gone. I enjoyed the way Chip Ambres said "running rowdyism" when he was listing ballpark infractions as if it were one concept. I may have to work it into a conversation. "Last Saturday my sister and I were totally running rowdyism downtown!" And who can forget Gil Velazquez' star turn when he said, "Keep cell phone conversations private"?

WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN INNINGS: B-. They're still doing the fifth inning Mighty Molar Soft Toss, where Paws and Sox toss/shoot balls into the stands. My question is this: Who is Mighty Molar? What does he/she have to do with anything? WHO IS MIGHTY MOLAR?!

Also between innings: The trivia question, GBA, birthdays, Carly Simon, and, sadly, Sweet Caroline. Sometimes a Boston score update.

Wish me luck.

Aaron Bates update. Gil Velazquez update. Ivan Ochoa update.

Aaron Bates has been on the 60 day DL since 9/28.

Gil Velazquez is a coach at the Las Vegas baseball Acadamy. He was in Mexicali getting ready to play baseball before he was called up, but it doesn't seem like he returned.

Ivan Ochoa is playing winter ball, possibly in Venezuela.

Mysterious Players who Appeared in the 2006 PawSox official Program

1. David Bacani - Eentsy utility infielder who last played for Portland in 2007. Was last spotted in the independent leagues (Orange County Flyers). Boston picked him up in the AAA rule 5 draft from the Mets in 2005.

2. Randy Beam - Randall Cartee(?) Beam last pitched for Portland in 2006. Disappeared for a while but resurfaced in 2009 with the Pensacola Pelicans (IND).

3. Chris Durbin - Outfielder who last played in Portland in 2006. I saw him at one of the Xmas parties. He quit baseball. He just quit. Creepy.

4. Pat Magness - WHO?! DH/1B/corner outfielder type who was released by the org in 2006 without playing a single game for us. Last seen in the independent leagues (Kansas City T-Bones)in 2008. Again, WHO?!

5. Josh Pressley - Played seven games at first base for Pawtucket in 2006. Another guy doing the independent thing.

6. Victor Ramos - RHP, worked 29 games in Portland in 2006 and was released in July of that year. Could be dead for all I know.

7. Cameron Reimers - Big RHP from Montana. Kinda sexy. Drafted as a minor league free agent in January '06, then released that April. Then nothing more. Aw.

8. Jason Richardson - RHP picked up from the Braves in the AAA rule 5. Actually pitched in two games for Pawtucket in '06. I cannot believe I have forgotten this guy. Currently in the Atlantic League, which is the fanciest of the independents. Their rosters are STACKED, unlike the small potatoes Can-Am League.

9. Jon Searles - RHP signed as a minor league FA. Was a reliever in Portland in 2006 and then moved on. Last seen... yeah, you get the idea.

That was so exciting! I'm easing my way back in, guys.

I love you so much.

Unexpected PawSox players

1. Enrique Wilson
2. Junior Spivey
3. Bobby Kielty
4. Jason Lane
5. Joey Gathright
6. Hee-Seop Choi
7. Ken Huckaby
8. Royce Clayton
9. Dustan Mohr
10. Runelvys Hernandez
11. Alex Prieto
12. Joe McEwing
13. Kerry Robinson
14. Alex Ochoa
15. Michael Tucker
16. Shawn Wooten
17. Jeremi Gonzalez
18. Josh Wilson

Dustan Mohr was a jerk!