Keith Foulke, you're my hero.

Sometimes I watch relievers and I think, how can they do this? What kind of freakish mental composition do they have? Because just watching it sometimes gets me all fetal.

I heard Alan Embree say once, "I like it when it's messy." He's also only happy when it rains.

Other times I watch guys like Mike Timlin and Keith Foulke and they look so big and fearless that I kind of almost get it. Mike Timlin who paces in the dugout between innings like a zoo tiger, even in spring training. And Foulkey, who half of the Red Sox fans are probably DYING to see fail.

I remember Foulke getting signed. I was on the way home from Christmas at Fenway and my first look at Schilling when they announced it on the radio. A couple of days later, I heard K.F. refer to his obligatory jersey-donning press conference as a "dog and pony show". I kinda liked that.

I also kinda liked it when he pitched 218 innings in the 2004 post-season. I liked that even when he threw strikes, he'd turn around and say, "Fucking STUPID!" to himself. En fuego! Foulke was not an attractive man but damn, was he hot. For a redneck.

And then, 2005. One of the most horrible things I've ever seen in baseball was Foulke trying to close a game in Texas and giving up hits and pegging Soriano and just coming unglued... wow. Boston soon found out what a bitter, bitter bitch Foulke could be. I thought it was great. God knows that round come noon on Friday, I was tuned into WEEI for the Keith Foulke Show. It was such a break from the usual boring bullshit you hear from MLB'ers.

I'm not optimistic about Keith F's abilities this year, but I do want him to succeed. I'm gonna make a bookmark for him that says "You will be happy".

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