Jarrod Saltalamacchia - Marlins. I'm not sure if he played in Pawtucket last year. Sorry, I was busy having one of my organs removed.
Jacoby Ellsbury - Yankees. Ellsbury hung out with Royce Clayton in Pawtucket back when I was paying money to drink beer in someone's musty cellar. This transaction angered some people. You know what makes me angry? Injustice and starvation.
Ryan Kalish - Charlotte Knights. If you would like to make a sex tape with Kalish then your porn name can be Charlotte Knights. Hook up with RK when the Knights come to Pawtucket June 12th. One bad injury can turn a legit outfielder into a piece of meat.
Brandon Snyder - He's back! How pleasing.
Mark Hamilton - Gwinnett Braves. He will kick 100% of the PawSox asses when he comes May 26th.
Doyle's Brother - Another Charlotte guy. Or Fort Mill, whatever, just get that new ballpark going already.
Matt Spring - Is back. What.
Justin Henry - Return of Justinstein.
Alfredo Aceves - Baltimore. No more Ace, Douby, and Cookie.
And I'm not sure what's going on with Grady Sizemore but finally, FINALLY! I have a reason to wear my Grady Sizemore hat. I was at the Cleveland Indians ballpark and they were tossing hats, is why I have one. Like why could it not have been a Masterson cap? He pitched that rainy day, it was splendid, but I think Boston won.
(later) GOD DAMN IT! The PawSox beat me by about one hour.
2013 @PawSox Who Have Landed Elsewhere http://t.co/SEWHftlXKv
— PawSox (@PawSox) January 29, 2014