Ty Taubenheim is a free agent. Can we please get him on the P. Red Sox? He is my Favourite.

Year in Review: March 2008

1. Matt Mantei's son is illiterate.

2. Chris Carter limps around whether or not he is injured.

3. No more Rhode Island sports radio!? WHAT.

4. Lou Merloni retires.

5. Barry Hertzler is released.


Funniest thing I said: "Have a miraculous Easter!"

Dumbest thing I said: "Lincoln Holdzkom...is going to flourish in Pawtucket." D'oh!

Enrique Gonzalez: The Plan keeps coming up again

Enrique Gonzalez could be your life in Pawtucket. Gonzalez is Venezuelan (like Edgah!) and a righty with a mid-90's fastball.

In 2006, EG was in the Diamondbacks starting rotation! It didn't work very well, and he wound up sitting in the bullpen accepting his fate. Or renouncing his faith - I always get those two confused!

Last year, Gonzalez was in the San Diego organization, pitching for the AAA Portland Beavers over there in the PCL. He was awarded PCL pitcher of the week August 6-10.

Sorry, ladies! Enrique is happily married!

I found very little information about Enrique Gonzalez. I will do my best to try and find out more for you guys.

2008: The Year the Bullpen Got a Heater

True story.

It's pretty easy to sneak into the visitors' bullpen. The home bullpen, less so. But as I mentioned last year, I figgered it out and I am going to give it a try. I might need to undergo some montage-style training (speedbag, jump rope, chin-ups, running on the beach).

Maybe I'll leave some candy behind. Relievers like candy. Not the way you're thinking... I mean, relievers LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH LADIES!!!!

Randy Ruiz rudely released.

The Twins have released Randy Ruiz. I liked him, but he DESTROYED the PawSox in '08. So I hope he doesn't end up back in the IL.

Artwork courtesy of Those Twins Girls.

Year in Review: February 2008

1. I discover that David Hasselhoff's cousin once pitched for the PawSox.

2. Commenter alleges... things... about new kid Daniel Nava.

3. The International League Hall of Fame returns!

4. The Station Fire fifth anniversary.

5. BARTOLO!!!

6. SPRING TRAINING FIRE OIL

Funniest thing I said: "You think your life is hard? Someone gave me a little glass "Birthstone Bear" figurine. It's a bear holding a heart-shaped representation of my ugly birthstone. Also, the bear has wings. And it's sitting atop a little round mirror. It looks like something you might purchase with Skee-Ball tickets."

Dumbest thing I said (regarding Van Every): "He's got the tools and he's got the talent!"

Good point, me: "[B]aseball players are not looking forward to traveling to Japan. Oh, really, baseball players? Did I hear you lamenting the abbreviated games and practices? Because I seem to recall every single other year that you said "Spring training is great but it lasts too long. You're pretty much ready to go after a couple of weeks."

See you tomorrow!

The Hedley Avenue Shuffle

Longtime Rochester/Minn. roster stuffing Garrett Jones has been snapped up by the Pirates org.

Trot Nixon's been signed by the Brewers to a minor league contract with a ST invite.

Former Pawsox great Lenny Dinardo's been signed by the Royals to a minor league contract with a ST invite.

Super position player Joe Thurston has been signed to a minor league contract by the Cardinals. I'll miss him most of all!

Flipside knuckleballer and inferior golfer Charlie Haeger has been booted by the Padres.

Matt Clement's been signed to a minor league contract by Toronto. Had this happened last year, I may have seen him. But now their AAA franchise is in Las Vegas.

I'll bet Matt Clement is now completely musclebound and angry. I'll bet he even grew a hardship goatee.

Year in Review: January 2008

1. Righty Scott Atchison could have been my favorite player in Pawtucket.

2. Jonathan Van Every fools me into thinking he's a nice guy.

3. Joe McEwing retires.

4. The 2008 Granite State hot Stove Dinner goes much, much worse than I anticipated.

5. The arrival of the Dans.

Funniest thing I said: "He (Masterson) just draws you in with his talent, which you can see right under his skin and a little bit in his stomach in the shape of a ready-to-burst alien parasite.

Dumbest thing I said: "This is probably Jeff Corsaletti." It wasn't.

Huh, slow month.

Beau Gone

Classic weirdo and talented reliever Beau Vaughan was shipped to Boston as the PTBNL for Wes Littleton. This happened quite a while ago but I am just now getting around to it.

Everyone knows by now that Vaughan was not your typical brain-dead jock clone. Of course, I didn't have to spend an entire summer working with him... I imagine schtick like that wears thin on a 12 hour bus ride. Almost like, say, Clay Buchholz and Hunter Jones playing guitar together.

Vaughan was an oldster in double-A but fit in pretty well in Pawtucket. So I'll miss him, I guess.

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU, EDGAR!!!!

In a related story, blonde prostitute Chris Smith is now a (minor league) Milwaukee Brewer. I hope he likes beer!

By the way, it was Zach Borowiak who retired. Not even close, Bud. I hear he wants back in, though. Fuck that kid.

It's great to be back in this depressing city.

I used to listen to a lot of heavy metal in my youth. You may have heard of a band called 'Man O' War'. Well, this loud, leathery outfit had a song on their cassette called 'Defender'. It is epically bad and you should really listen to it if you're in the mood for a hearty laugh.

So over here we have the Connecticut Defenders, formerly the Norwich Navigators. And now we have the AMERICAN DEFENDERS OF NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!

The ADNH have replaced the Nashua Pride in the Can-Am League. And Holman Stadium is now Nokona Park at Holman Stadium. Yeesh.

Some key points:
1. The uniforms will be desert camo. There's a whole military thing going on.
2. MVP seating will cost... get this... $9.11. 11 cents go to providing care packages for soldiers abroad.
3. Former PawSox great Brian Daubach is the new manager. Dan Duquette is also involved somehow.
4. KIDZ R FREE on Mondays and Tuesdays.
5. There will be an effort to get servicemen on the field. In uniform. Pitching and whatnot. Okay?

As unsettling as all of this sounds, I may have to go check it out. Turbo-Patriotic baseball in New Hampshire! Get up on it!

You guys are really no help at all.

Many of the IL blog links you see over there are dead. I will correct this at some point. I'm not happy about this hemorrhage of IL bloggers.

I'm not just proud of hanging in there for this long, I'm god damn smug. What have I been saying all along? IT'S NOT EASY! There are no benefits or rewards. It sucks a lot of the time.

That being said, I hope to see some great new IL blogs this year. Meantime, Bus Leagues blog is one of my favorites and you should read it, too.

heinous

By the way, Lincoln Holdzkom being signed by the Pirates does not mean he's gone. The Indianapolis Indians make regular visits to McCoy, after all.

Holdzkom is never going to die.

In related stories, Joe Thurston, Kevin Cash, um... many different players have done many different things. Well, Cash is a Yankee.

Texeira is not all that, so don't cry too hard over his NYC bullshit.

Hot Stove party January 17th, starring RJ, Dewon Fine Day, Mark Wagner, Zach... or Zak? Maybe Zack. Daeges, at any rate. Kris Johnson. Noted jerk Lars Anderson. A couple of other S. Dogs.

Wait, didn't Daeges quit/retire at one point? I seem to recall some kind of snit. Or was that Bryan Pritz? No.

I love Dewon Day already! I am looking forward to seeing everyone at the park.

Returning stars: Gil Velazquez and Marcus "Piano Man" McBeth.

Try not to get too jealous, but I saw Earth, Wind, and Fire last night. I am so happy.

Let's all be happy together! Baseball Heavy is gonna be even better in 2009. More personal shots and insults and LESS statistical research! More letters, less numbers! Lots of aimless and unnecessary criticism! Useless facts! (Jeff Natale lives in Boston. What a stupid idea!) More ME and less YOU! Grainy photographs! Less food and more 70's gold! Less money and MORE unpaid bills!

AND NO MORE MANCHESTER FISHER CATS! I'm not making that drive any more. It's all happening in Norwich, CT!

I love you. Let 'er rip!

Keith Ginter was robbed at gunpoint a few years ago.

You can read about it here.

And here.

Boy, am I gonna miss Keith Ginter! He was the sole reason I went to McCoy Stadium.

Chad Spann update!

Well, the story's from August, so it's not exactly fresh news. See that? I'm keeping it real!

If you recall, Spann was released when Jeff Natale returned from his fractured ulna. Or arm or whatever. I was heartbroken by Spann's departure! At any rate, he wound up on the Royals' AAA team in Omaha.

Spann hadn't planned on returning to baseball that season, so he got hisself a jobby-job back in Georgia. But guess what? He got hired!

"I had some independent offers and a couple of 'A' ball offers," he said. "But I was waiting for something like here, where maybe a couple of guys got injured."

Oh, dear.

"Well, I kinda need a job."

Congratulations to Charlie Zink for being nominated for minor league Starter of the Year! Too bad he lost to Madison Bumgarner. Bumgarner plays for the Giants single-A affiliate.

2008 was a great year for Zink. I hope he realizes it's all downhill from here.

Maybe I shouldn't feel too bad for Zink. If your two career choices are 'Professional Golfer' or 'Spending the Summer in RI as a Minor League Starting Pitcher Who Appeared in a Major League Game That One Time', then I guess you're doing okay. Some people toil away in factories and feed their kids tomato soup and hot dogs.

Marshon Invasion!!!

A couple of years ago, I decided to re-sportsify my off season with a little college basketball and minor league hockey.

I've been to a couple of PC Friars games. They have a new coach, you see. I went to Providence College yesterday to buy tickets and OH MY GOD. They are not damn playing. I walked through a HALLWAY OF LEGENDS with a glossy parquet floor and spotlights and framed jerseys to get to the ticket office. I guess I never fully appreciated college sports!

PC won last night. Marshon Brooks went berserk! It was a lot of fun. I won't get into it too much further, because I'll just embarrass myself.

Day Man! aaaah-ahh! Fighter of the Night Man! aaah-ahhh!

2009 Pawtucket Red Sox Schedule

The Red Sox first home game is not until April 17th, when they host the sad, sad Iron Pigs. God, I could be dead by then!

I took a sneak "peak" (sic) at the '09 schedule on their official web site. U can 2.

It's not like Pawtucket is anything special, either.

The Richmond Braves are now the Gwinnett (County) Braves. Up here, we don't mess too much with "counties", since no matter where you are, you're somewhere. The ballpark will open in April, natch. Screw you, Richmond.

The Buffalo Bisons are now very excited to be affiliated with the Mets. The Mets are back in the IL!

The Columbus (Ohio) Clippers are now affiliated with the Indians. Terrific! Makes perfect sense, right, JORDAN BROWN??

The Toronto Blue Jays AAA team is now in the PCL. Yes, it is the conveniently located Las Vegas 51's. Must be so great to have to call players up from Nevada to Canada. I'll bet everyone's really pissed off!

So, yes, Syracuse and its choo-choo lifestyle will be a Nationals affiliate. Maybe Elijah Dukes will rehab there!

pike.

Syracuse Diary:

Over the summer I went to Syracuse for baseball games. I decided to stay in Utica, a little under an hour from Syracuse. I have mentioned all of this before in varying degrees of detail.

On the way to Utica from RI, I noticed my car hitching a little bit on the NY Thruway. I was somewhere between Schenectady and New Amsterdam. Wait... not New Amsterdam, but something Dutch-like. It was in the middle of nowhere, let me put it that way.

I stopped at one of those awful service plazas. I checked my oil, which seemed low. I added a quart and started my car. It seemed fine. I headed back out and everything seemed okay. So there.

Once in Utica, we checked into our shabby motel. It seemed to be run by a family. They were all very sweet and very helpful. You know what I do when I stay in a rundown motel? I pretend I'm staying at someone's house. When you look at it that way, it's more charming. The imperfections are just like any you'd find at a normal residence.

And so in order to get to the ballpark, I'd drive about an hour on the back roads from Utica to Syracuse. I was still nervous about my car, so I wanted to stay off the highway. I AM NOT AN AUTOMOTIVE CLUB MEMBER! That is my confession. I am uncomfortable with auto clubs lobbying for more roads in an anti-environmental way. But it was cute, traveling through the small towns and farms.

You know how when you're in a strange city, once you're there a little while, you get a sense of its layout? Not Syracuse. None of it made sense to me. It was a junkyard, a financial district, a waterfront, a shipping zone, and a shopping mall, all with University buildings in the background peeking through. Syracuse sees you, but you really cannot see Syracuse. I spent most of my time there lost, getting on and off the freeway.

The ballpark, which is called Alliance Bank Park or something, is in a non-residential, warehouse-y traintrack area. Right next to a generic mall. The tracks creep around behind the scoreboard... we went up there and collected snail shells and peeked through the wild shrubs at batting practice. It really felt like an invasion of privacy... they were right there!

Okay, wait, I was talking about my car. On the way back home, I opted for the painfully long ride home on route 20 instead of the thruway/Pike. Most of it was okay! And then I hit Albany. The car started hitching and hiccuping. Up into the Berkshires, amid the trees and mossy rocks. Winding. Creeping up hills, trying not to panic. The check engine light comes on. I pull over and turn the car off. Start it again and go, go, go until I see a garage. I stop, wait, the gent suggests another place for a diagnostic check.

But guess what? I kept driving, right by the other garage! All I wanted was to get out of there, get to Springfield at least, out of the woods!

Of course I made it to Springfield, and of course my car finally died there. I had to wait for someone to come get me... someone with an auto club membership. I was in a hospital zone. Bought a paper, found a picnic table where nurses and surgeons probably stepped out to smoke and sat and ate crackers and listened to my tiny radio.

I had to leave my car in Springfield. If you are ever towed away in Springfield, MA, please hope to get Jose. It was a trying day to say the least, but I think I handled it well.

In summation, Utica is a shithole! Talk about a city that just gave up!! At least Buffalo is trying! Stay the hell out of the Berkshires if your car has over 100,000 miles on it!

Oh, and the Syracuse Chiefs are now affiliated with the Washington Nationals. Former WS Champ Tim Foli was just named their new manager. He was on the '79 Pirates. I'll have break down the affiliation changes separately.

your fond, fond heart

I am tied for first place in my fantasy football league. Not bad for a baseball fan!

I have received my 2009 PawSox tickets. Already.

Gil Velazquez, Josh Wilson, and Chris Smith are on the free agent train. Someday I am going to write a story about Chris Smith, overlooked Pawtucket superstar.

Would anybody like a cat?

I'm going to start thinking about posting more. I may break down my trip to Syracuse, which was pretty miserable and please, don't ever make me spend four days in Utica again.

I found an apartment that I love. It's in an old schoolhouse and it's tiny and old but I love it. No pets, though, which is why I have to either give my cat away or kill her in a way that looks like an accident. Maybe I'll knock her off the porch. Ooops!

Love me tomorrow, not today.