dirk

I guess the only thing I can say is I'll promise to keep rockin' and rollin'...and making better posts.

It seems we make these blogs, and sometimes, you know... they're considered filthy
or something by some people... but I don't think that's true.

These blogs we make, they can be better. They can help. They really can. I mean that.

We can always do better. I'm going to keep trying if you guys keep trying.

Let's keep rockin' and rollin', man.

Matt Macri thinks you're an idiot for locking your keys in the car.

I always considered Matt Macri an honorary PawSox player. Like the fifth Beatle or something. God knows he deserved his own parking spot at McCoy, not like that felonious tramp Mike Gwynn!

The Rockies have snapped Macri up and out of the IL. I am inconsolable. It is certain that Gil Velazquez is similarly distraught. Here's a text: "Hey jen you think u can make it??"

Oh yeah, they also signed 2010 Pawtucket great Tug Hulett. What can I say?

Speaking of Bobby Jenks, I read on an Esteemed Red Sox Message Board that some people are concerned about Bobby Jenks' alleged racism. To which I say, How fucking stupid are you people? Do you not realize that half of your favorite Southern players are redneck assholes? Yeah, Bobby Jenks is that one racist guy who plays baseball. Just him. Have you ever been to a baseball game in your life? Just look in the dugout and you'll see that all the white guys clump together on the bench. It's fucking disgusting, is what it is.

On a lighter note, I have carefully examined the 2011 Red Sox schedule and I have deduced the city I'll be passing my super secret triple-A vacation in. I can't wait. I think.

I love you.

And another thing!

Please bring me some Jason Mraz, Nickelback, and B.E.P. Cds and then we can go down to McCoy and blow them up in the parking lot and celebrate with some beer I am going to make with my own two hands! ED SLOTA I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!!

Disco Demolition: A Digression

I was watching the baseball channel last night and saw some clips of Disco Demolition night in Chicago. Although the night devolved into an orgy of violence and bonfires and very naughty behaviour, I can't help but wonder: Where is the outrage over shitty music anymore?

I don't have a beef with disco. I like disco, although mostly for nostalgic reasons. Donna Summer was a goddess, people. But at the time, it was so pervasive and invasive that real Aerosmith-rocker types got fed up and pissed off about it. And they wore t-shirts that said 'DISCO SUCKS'. Imagine! Where's my t-shirt that says 'CLUB MUSIC SUCKS'? HANG THE DJ!!!

Recently, I was flipping through a formerly esteemed 'rock' magazine and reading its record reviews. And the B***k E*** P*** new release got THREE STARS!!! WHO THE? WHAT THE? I'm so disgusted at the constant lowering of musical standards. Like the lady who dresses like Elton John! I mean, she's cute and everything but her music's the same thing as Ace of Bass! AND PEOPLE LOVE HER!!

I'm not a music snob at all, but I have to draw the line somewhere!!! People are just way too complacent about what's on the radio, the absence of a true-blue DJ, the over-and-over assaults by acts like TS and her guitar, the Canadian lady with the blue wig, Akorn, the girly fake-ska fashion blonde, the talentless 'rapper' from Detroit, the Barbados woman with the legs, and Crapbox 30.

Isn't music supposed to be exciting? Like that Rancid song! WHEN I GOT THE MUSIC, I GOTTA PLACE TO GO! I doubt he was singing about Maroon 5 or Nickelcrap. How about you come over my house with some records... or CDs... whatever. And all that wispy, cutesy pop in the MP3 player ads. Let's blow some shit up! Smash the state!

GO PAWSOX!!!

I'll do Jason Bergmann.

I've got the time and I've got the beer, so let's get to know Jason Bergmann. You know, so I don't hate him without facts to back it up.

Earlier this month, Boston signed Bergmann to a minor league deal. Bergmann was a frequent visitor to McCoy Stadium (And McCoy has certainly had its share of visitors) with the Chiefs. I remember him well as Some IL Reliever on a Visiting Team!

Bergmann is a 29-year-old righty who was drafted 11th round by the Expos back in 2002. Feels like the Expos have been gone longer than that, doesn't it?

JB has ridden the Expos/Nats train all the way til now, so he may need some time to adjust. Although Rhode Island's almost the same thing as him home state of New Jersey, so that'll be comforting. Like a Quaalude.

No, I didn't mean it like that!
1. The Nationals released Bergmann because they were going in a different direction. You know who needs to go in a different direction? The Dropkick Murphys!
2. Insightful comment by 'bdrube' - "It should be noted that Bergmann is the only Nats player other than Ryan Zimmerman to have played at least one game with the Ntas each of their six seasons in Washington." (from 'Nationals Locker')(ibid.)
3. After being outrighted to the minors in April 2010, Bergmann said, "I've grown up with the Nationals my whole career. Obviously, I want to play in the Major Leagues. I'm confident in my abilities and I will be back with the Nationals. If no one wanted to pick me up, that's fine. But I have a chance to go back down to Syracuse, do my best and come back up." (All Nats All the Time)
4. Ooooh, sarcastic fat guy! "Adios Jason Bergmann..I wonder when Rizzo will release a statement on his loss and how much he means to the Nats history and that he will always be part of the Nats family!???" (from commenter 'Harper_ROY_2012' on 'Nats Insider')
5. "From starter to reliever to AAA fodder, Bergmann ran the gauntlet of MLB dreams and nightmares. Inconsistent, it became obviously clear Bergmann was not going to be a mainstay, but it was baffling seeing the Nats run him out to the mound year after year as it was thought the JB Experiment was long over. Now they put the puppy to bed." (Nationals Inquisition, OCT 2010)
6. Jason Bergmann, somebody out there loves your ass.
7. Bergmann really liked Elijah Dukes. Didn't we all?
8. Manalapan!
9. Bergmann got mad this one time when he pitched poorly in DC.
10. "Bergmann made his MLB debut in late August of the Nats' inaugural season in D.C. in 2005, replacing Mike Stanton on the mound in old RFK Stadium with the bases loaded in the 8th inning of a game the Nationals trailed 3-0 to the St. Louis Cardinals. Bergmann gave up a two-run single on a 2-0 pitch to Abraham Nunez that scored two of the three runners the then-23-year-old right hander had inherited, but Bergmann got a grounder back to the mound from the next batter to record his first major league out and then he came back on in the ninth and retired the three Cardinals he faced, collecting his first 3 K's, all of them swinging. " - from 'Federal Baseball'
11. Bergmann was a hot topic in June of 2008: "Bergmann also had nine K's per nine innings over his four starts and a gaudy 5:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio"
12. Was Bergmann a Phillies killer? "He is such a scrub but current Phillies are batting .215 with an OBP of .289 vs. this bum in 135 ABs, and former Phillies also sucked against him who aren’t included on here (Burrell 5/19 w/ 0 HRs, 2 RBI, and 7 Ks and Pedro Feliz 2/10, 1 RBI, 0 XBH)" - from commenter 'Stu' on 'The Recliner GM')
13. Bergmann once took a no-hitter into the eighth. The ruiner? Brian McCann.
14. Cy Bergmann? Thoughful analysis here.
15. Bergmann used to substitute teach in the off-season.
16. "I got fired from my job today," Bergmann said. "It's the hardest thing to deal with. It's probably the worst day of my life right now." (Bergmann on being released, from the Nationals Journal)
17. Jason Bergmann = Nolan Ryan? "what the fuck is going on? how come the braves can't score on this loser? jesus christ, the fuckin 90s atlanta braves pitchin staff traveled to the future and dressed up in washington nationals uniforms to play the atlanta braves of today. unfuckingreal." - commenter 'TakeIt2DaBank' on 'The RX Forum'
18. Bergmann loves you guys.
19. Bergmann on umpires: "Developing a relationship with umpires is no different than one with any other person. If you are courteous and respectful, they will be as well. Umpires are people and are as unbiased as possible in their job. We cannot forget the human element that goes with their job and yes, they make mistakes." - Nationals Journal
20. And Bergmann's rookie hazing: "[M]y shoelaces were all cut, my gloves were missing, my pants were stuffed with crushed ice, my hat was "eye-blacked," my jersey was shrinkwrapped among other things. I ran out to the field a few minutes late wearing non-cleats, my eye-blacked hat, the glove of an infielder, my freezing pants and the such." (The such?) (ibid.)

Good news, everyone! I gotta beat it downtown. See you tomorrow? I'm starting to think we're 'going out'!

Ryan Harvey's got this dream about buying some land.

Took a quick glance at transactions as a refresher and clicked on Ryan Harvey's name. I LOL'd when I saw his picture. That certainly wasn't very nice of me.

Harvey is a tall righty from Florida who was a Cubs brat (first round!) up until a couple of years ago when Colorado... Uh, obtained him. He's an outfielder, but guess what? Big boy's converting to pitching for us New England kidz! I'm being very general, because he may spend the year in Portland for all I know, like Ray Chang. Thanks a lot, org, for keeping Chang out of Pawtucket where I wanted him. And now he's gone and he's never coming back. Unless it's with Rochester, which isn't really the same thing.

Harvey is 26. Who knows, he could wind up my Favourite. Let's get to know this bloke!

He's got that look on his face:
1. Harvey has never made it past AA.
2. In 2005, Harvey hit 24 home runs.
3. In March of 2009, the Cubs released Harvey.
4. Harvey holds the record for most homers in a Florida State League game: Four!
5. "...Harvey has not demonstrated an ability to hit a breaking ball. And Tuffy Rhodes hit 3 HR in a game off of Doc Gooden, and that was hardly a sign that he was going to be a star (at least on this continent.) Good for Ryan. I hope he has several more games like this. But he's still got "bust" written all over him. One game does not a turnaround make." - from commenter 'Josh77' on Bleed Cubbie Blue (2006)
6. Harvey could have been Russell Branyan! Imagine!
7. An early scouting report!
8. HA! "Like Dolly Parton before him, Harvey looks rather ... busty." - from Goat Riders of the Apocalypse
9. Harvey was the Cubs #3 prospect in 2004. Yes, I have seen that movie, too.
10. "Ryan Harvey clubbed a gargantuan home run over the left-centerfield fence onto 8th Street to celebrate his final game at Extended Spring Taining (EXST), leading the EXST Cubs to a 4-2 victory over the EXST Angels at Fitch Park Field #3 ..." In case you're keeping up on the scores of extended spring training games. Does anyone actually attend these games? Sober? (from the former MVN blog 'Road to Wrigley')
11. Let's go back and compare Ryan Harvey and Ryan Howard.
12. Harvey was high school teammates with Brian Dopirak. Perhaps at some point they split a pizza.
13. "He was a first round draft pick and…nevermind. He just sucks." - from Five Outs to Go
14. "And i (heart) Ryan Harvey 4 ever!!!!!!!!!!ok maybe not but bye-bye!!" - from Sarahs Kool Space
15. This one time Ryan made a great play in the outfield.
16. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!! Harvey's Daytona Cubs manager? Buddy Bailey!
17. While on the Tennessee Smokies in 2008, Harvey was teammates with Mark Holliman. You remember Holliman, right?
18. Here we have Ryan Harvey's swing with a jicama slaw with shallots and white wine, all atop a rye crostini.

In summation, hey, I doubted Sergio Santos and now look at him.

This has been the most substantial post I have done in forever.

LD tears me up.

Okay, it was cute and everything with Lenny Dinardo in 2005 and he seemed like a decent guy but I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY BRINGING HIM BACK!!!!!! When I first heard this I was annoyed to the brink of being angry. I'm sure a lot of people find this amusing but FUCK A LOT OF PEOPLE!!!

Who's coming back next, JIMMY SERRANO?! How many five-inning starts of lefty slop am I going to have to endure?! I can't take it, I can't. Maybe if I squint I can pretend it's Barry Hertzler. And gas costs like $4.00 a gallon, a new Pope is coming, the BTK killer is finally caught, and I'm weeping into my breakfast bagel over the poor people stuck in the Superdome.

No, really, Hurricane Katrina was not funny at all.

In a related story, I hope Carl Crawford endures a rib strain of some kind and has to rehab in Rhode Island. ('Rehab in Rhode Island' ... coming up right after 'Trapped Inside My Own Legs').

What else? The sole source of sexxxy in Pawtucket, Fernando Cabrera, has been snatched up by those pervs in Oakland. They'll RiverCat him, I'm sure, so enjoy it, ladies of Sacramento. And gentlemen, too.

Rich Hill is coming back and really the only moderately cool Pawtucket game last year was one that he pitched. Furthermore, when I saw Hill at the XMAS party I was surprised to see that he is cute as hell. That sort of thing really throws me off, because what if Jeff Corsaletti was adorable all along and I just never paid attention?

I gross myself out sometimes. I have to go watch that botfly video again to shake the image.

I'm so bored without baseball. Merry Christmas.

Lars Anderson is working his way through his DVR backlog.

"Dude, Mondo was robbed."

do you have christmas in france?

I had written this whole tribute to Dusty Brown thing... Okay, I'm lying, I never finished writing it. Regardless, it was really boring and pointless so I'll just do it Emo Phillips-style and say "Thanks, Dusty!"

As far as the Pawtucket Christmas at McCoy, I don't have much to say. The Massachusetts pitchers were there and all I can wonder is how much they get paid. To prove a point of how little they pay attention to what they are signing, I wrote "I HEART SHOE SHOPPING" on Chad Paronto's jersey in the yearbook picture and he didn't even notice as he signed it.

Also, I found a nickel that day.

No new manager yet. What the hell are they waiting for?

I just wrote a song called 'fabio c.'

fabio c
a head over mouth
he's better built, that's all
he's built for speed
fabio c.

(Sorry, F. Black)

Castro's a Mariner without a trident and probably with no rime. He is ancient, though, you can see it in his eyes. So that was something that happened.

In a similar story, former PawSox cool guy Chris Smith has also been snapped up by Seattle. Chris Smith is not very good at acting disinterested, let me tell you.

I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!! Beloved superfielder Bobby Scales will still be living the Midwestern dream, as Chicago's kept him close for minor league hijinks. And in the middle of a celebration, I break down.


So... Whatever happened to William Bergolla? He was in the IL forever...

You have the right to remain in the PCL.

Noted PawSox killer Juan Miranda has been traded to Arizona for a pitcher, righty Scott Allen, who is probably pretty hot.

Good to see Miranda out of the IL!

In related Arizona news, 2008 IL MVP Jeff Bailey is now Twins property and it's pretty safe to assume he'll be back in Pawtucket as a Red Wing.

Jim Mandelaro says....

"The only other time a former IL MVP from another team played for the Red Wings was 1984, when '82 MVP Tucker Ashford (Columbus) joined the club."

There you have it, Bailey's in some elite company with Tucker Ashford!

Pawtucket Red Sox Attendance Since the Inception of Baseball Heavy

I'm excluding 2005, since I wandered in halfway through the picture.

2006 - 613,065
2007 - 611,379
2008 - 636,788
2009 - 625,561
2010 - 592,326

Note the 2008 spike, thanks probably to the star-studded cast and the post-season appearance.

2010 was a drop of 33,235 meat units. That's a 5.3 percent drop. Not huge, but OH SO DANGEROUS. Maybe it's because Ron Johnson left. Maybe because, let's face it, the team was not only crappy but boring. Boston took most of the exciting people.

Let's get that Linares guy up in Rhode Island and generate some excitement! Let's bring back Latin Night! Let's get some beer vendors! Let's do feature stories on visiting players of note! Let me in the clubhouse and I'll ask some REAL questions!! Let's kill Reddick and Anderson! Let's find out once and for all about Craig Breslow's girlfriend! Let's grow some marijuana in the bullpen! Let's make the lucky row somewhere NOT in the first couple of rows of a red section! Let's get Buddy Cianci to replace Jim Martin! Let's buy a beach house for Gil Velazquez! Let's play some decent music between innings instead of the Black Beans and Rowanda!! Why not the Replacements? KISS ME ON THE BUS!!!!!

How come you're not as excited as I am?

Finally, an article on TJ Large!

In case you needed some more Large in your life.

I like how he drops Jermaine Van Buren ("Remember him?") and Ken Huckaby. I do not recall Van Buren being called up. I wish there was some earthly way to find out when!

I hope his time with Pawtucket is over. By the way, where in the fucking world is Zach Daeges?

No, no, take your time. We'll just be waiting under the awning.

I tried to see what some Pawtucket kids are up to (mostly nothing) and I came across this:

"Pitcher Michael Bowden has yet to begin his stint with Magallanes, but is expected to head to Venezuela after his honeymoon in late November."

Although I'm sure Bowden's working out and conditioning and lifting weights and proteining up, it sounds like he's just gonna roll into VZ whenever he feels like it. I'm sure Bubba Bell appreciates that.

I'm not saying he shouldn't have his honeymoon and everything. But maybe he should have been there from the beginning... Of course, if he is getting married then he probably has a lot of prep work to do.

So maybe I'm just a jerk who doesn't think Bowden is all that. What do you want from me? Next year I'm going to Venezuela, because there's like nothing going on around here.

Dustin Richardson comes to my emotional rescue.

Appearing on a reality show does not automatically make you interesting. DUSTIN.

I should have gotten him drunk and broken him down into little pieces of humanity.

If Richardson walked into a bar with Tommy Hottovy, only I would know who they were and be able to tell them apart.

My imaginary bars always look like roadhouses with wooden floors and dead animals stapled to the walls and a gruff yet not unkind bartender.

Also, Taylor Buchholz is coming from Toronto. Last I knew he was in the NL on the Rockies or something, so, uh, welcome to Pawtucket, State of RhodeIslandandProvidencePlantations.

Speaking of Toronto, how would you like to see a baseball blog? It's called 'Moseby Fears Satan' and I think you would really like it.

Rocky Cherry is not my lover.

A Rocky Cherry baseball card just fell on my head. This means something.

Speaking of Arnie Beyeler

Looks like he had a few problems with young hothead Manny Delcarmen. It is slowly being revealed that Delcarmen was not the mild-mannered sweetheart I thought he was. That's what happens when you hang out with assholes like Kason Gabbard and Craig Hansen.

I would like to wear Delcarmen's old Pawtucket bullpen jacket and fall asleep in it. And also get a big, red flowing chiffon evening gown on him and ride him around my house. Like a viking.

Oops, you know what the music means. Our time is up.

Damian Jackson, I love you, yes I do.

Heard the news? Damian Jackson retired. Jackson represents not only outfield concussions, but 2003 nostalgia and 'Still We Believe' and all of that. Yes, thank you, I will have a drink in his honor tonight. I know you guys all hated him, but I like quiet utility guys so much.

Jackson never played in the IL so he never came to McCoy. That's like, I never got to see Guns n Roses live. CRIMINAL.

Two things.

My friend who has provided me with the many insta-snaps you see throughout BH and more Pawtucket player information than I can ever use... Is no longer my friend. In fact, he hates me. It was inevitable and has nothing to do with baseball.

I can only hope that we repair our friendship in the future, when hard feelings are behind both of us.

Ordinarily I avoid sincerity and earnestness here. I guess I just miss my friend.

Torey Lovullo was a contender for best looking man on the Red Sox and now he's gone. That was fast. I never got to check out his pythons.

Let's discuss replacements, because I know my phone is going to ring and it is going to be Mike Tamburro and Theo Epstein on conference.

1. Ellis Burks, fuck yeah.
2. JOE MCEWING!!! YES!!!
3. Stu Cliburn and his mustache of unstoppable power. Here's hoping its retained its lush glory.
4. For sentimental reasons, Marc Deschenes, even though he is pitcher. Except didn't he used to be a shortstop?
5. NOT LOU MERLONI OR I QUIT ROCK AND ROLL.
6. Ken Oberkfell, Dave Miley, or ... Well, I was gonna say Trent Jewett because the Chiefs were so exciting in 2010 but I'm not sure he's a Theo guy.

I know it's gonna be Arnie B or fucking Gabe Kapler or some shit I DON'T LIKE. At least I have something to talk about, cause by now Kurt and I don't care.

And in honor of my friend, let's once again enjoy an unflattering photo of Chris Carter.

Baby Chris Carter would like to be involved in the selection process.

"I am 100 percent serious when I say they should make that security guy Ron Medeiros the manager. Him or Jeff DaVanon if he ever kicks his speed habit."