2012 Fireworks at McCoy Stadium, Home of the PawSox

Allow me to provide you with the McCoy Stadium schedule of fireworks for 2012!

July 2 - v. Rochester Red Wings (MIN), game starts at 6:15.

July 3 - Versus the Red Wings again. Same time, 6:15. I will tell you, though, that the only tickets left for this whiz-bang affair are General Admission. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND GETTING THERE LIKE TWO HOURS EARLY. This is not an exaggeration. And eat a huge stack of flapjacks before you go so you don't get hungry. The concession stand lines get long and you don't want to miss anything.

July 7 - v. Syracuse Chiefs (WAS), game starts at 6:05.

September 2 - v. Empire State Yankees, AKA Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees, AKA the team that no longer has Juan Miranda or Jesus Montero. Game starts at 6:05.

Any questions? No? Well, let's pretend you do so I can run a FAQ.

Q: What time do the fireworks usually start?
A: About 15-30 minutes after the game ends.

Q: When does the game end?
A: After 8.5 or 9 innings are played.

Q: How long does that take?
A: Two hours and 52 minutes.

Q: Where is the best place to sit?
A: On the pitcher's mound with a six-pack of New Hampshire's finest beer.

Q: How do I get on the pitcher's mound?
A: Practice, practice, practice!

Q: Do they let the fans light fireworks, too?
A: No, but if you bring some Black-eyed Peas or Maroon 5 CDs, I'll help you burn them!

Q: The Black-eyed Peas were good before Fergie joined them!
A: No, they were never good.

Q: What do you mean by 'General Admission'?
A: Essentially, they are first come, first serve cheap seats. If you come too late, you'll have to sit behind the press box and you can't see a doggone thing.

Q: Why is it so hard to get tickets to fireworks games?
A: Some ballparks blast rockets after every chippy little hit. The PawSox are more selective, doing it only a couple times a year, so there's a great demand.

Q: It's just fireworks, though. A lot of places have them.
A: It's probably the combination of baseball, hot dogs, and freedom, combining to form a perfect USA-gasm.

Q: What if there's a rain-out?
A: It never rains on Fireworks Night.

Q: Thanks so much for being an invaluable resource! The Pawtucket Red Sox Baseball Club Inc. must be so grateful for your attention and service and fanhood!
A: They show their gratitude by leaving me alone and not threatening to shut me down, I think.

Have fun this summer, guys! See you Opening Day!