5.9.13 Red Sox @ Braves - No One Slept at All

Pawtucket wins 14-9 in a game that started a little too early for a pro athlete. And yet, it was a reasonable three hours and fifteen minutes long. I've been to 4-3 games that lasted that long, so not too shabby.

There, I said something good about the game.

Starter for Pawtucket was Steven Wright. Wright wound up getting the win. He wasn't terrible, but... Gwinnett got six hits, four runs off him. Wright pitched five innings.

Enormous righty Roman Colon started for the Braves. Colon lasted three innings, gave up five runs, got the loss. And then there were the relievers, who also underperformed. Except some righty named Andrew Russell, who pitched two scoreless innings. Classic Andrew Russell!

Runs... We got some. Pawtucket scored their initial run in the first inning. Mark Hamilton hit a sac fly that scored Jose Iglesias. In the second inning, catcher Dan Butler hit a double with one out. And then Ron Bermudez singled and Jeremy Hazelbaker doubled. Hazelbaker then stole third and scored on an error by the pitcher. HAZELBAKER MORE LIKE HAZELBA-SESTEALER. 4-0 'tucket.

The Braves picked up two runs in the bottom of the second when catcher Matt Kennelly hit a two-run homer. But in the third inning, first baseman Mark Hamilton hit a solo home run to make it 5-2.

New pitcher for Gwinnett in the fourth inning and the PawSox just loved him! His name was Cole McCurry, and he's a lefty from Long Island!

No, of course not. No one named "Cole" lives north of DC. Fact. Anyway, Ronald Bermudez was the first to face him and he singled, just to make a jerk of me. Mister Small Ball Hazelbaker sac bunted Bermudez over for Jonathan Diaz, who walked because he does not hit.

HOLD UP!!!! Go back a little! This happened in the third inning: Wright walked Tyler Pastornicky, who then made it to third on a passed ball and a groundout. He then hit left fielder Alden Carrithers with a pitch. Terdoslavich reached on a fielder's choice, which erased Pastornicky. And then! Brandon Boggs turned around to bat righty, was hit by pitch. Then Todd Cunningham ALSO switched to batting right-handed. What the hell? And the inning was resolved by Alden Carrithers being out at home, probably trying to steal. So that was weird.

Okay, back to McCurry. Diaz walked, Iglesias singled, Lavarnway doubled, Hamilton doubled, Bryce Brentz singled, Brandon Snyder doubled. 10-2 Red Sox.

Gwinnett scored a run in the bottom of the fourth, bless their hearts. And then again in the bottom of the fifth. Brandon Snyder hit a two-run homer in the sixth, though, widening the gulf between the two teams. Chris Carpenter pitched the bottom of the sixth, gave up four runs. Doesn't surprise me, Carpenter's been all over the place since the get-go. He has proven to both unreliable and a bad father. And also fat.

Ninth inning and you remember Wirfin Obispo. So much face time for that guy! Bryce Brentz led the inning off and homered. Bryce Brentz is so strong. And then a walk and a couple of singles later... 14-8.

Ryan Rowland-Smith closed the game out, gave up an RBI double to the catcher again. Kennelly. And there's now a guy on the PawSox named Nick Natoli who played second base. Yeah, sure, "Nick Natoli." WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHO YOU REALLY ARE AS I RIP OFF YOUR FAKE MUSTACHE, JEFF NATALE?!

louder than they:
1. This game started at 10:30. I'm sure no one got more than about 4-5 hours of sleep, not that I'm excusing such slop. But I am familiar with that saltwater swimming pool effect when you're outside in warm weather and you haven't slept and everything is soft and slow and the crowd noises are like a lullaby you can barely hear because you're floating on your back with your ears just below the surface of the water.

2. I guess Jose Iglesias was a bad boy and got disciplined. Not running out grounders and such. I have to say I am very disappointed with this young man. They must be super pissed at him, because usually they create some fake ailment when a player gets benched.

3. Nick Natoli is another Salem guy. Jeff Natale could not be reached for comment.

4. Jason Heyward played in this game, which I'm sure he was thrilled about. I would have loved to been a fly on the wall when they told him what time the game started. Also, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they had the post-game spread. So I could fly over to the food and spit on it and rub my legs all over it and eat it. Heyward was hitless, struck out three times.

Work's important, have to cut this short.

I love you.

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