jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-SEPHINA!

Jose Reyes will be in Pawtucket tomorrow. In a weird way, I wish I had worse seats than I do, because I'd prefer to move further outfield and closer to section 3.

My life is so hard.

Speaking of different seats, when I was at the fireworks game, I sat with some cronies of mine in a foreign section. And a foul ball landed right near me. It wedged into the empty seat next to me and I plucked it and held it for a second.

The tot behind me had been frightened by the zooming ball and was crying. I did not want to give the kid the ball. I have never, ever gotten a foul ball. It felt great in my hand. I wanted to lick it and smoke it.

I gave the ball to the kid, though, because I'm angelic and I give blood and all of that. The kid didn't care at all, but his parents thanked me and were awfully sweet.

I hung out for a while after the game. I saw the Yankees' Jonathan Albaladejo and he looks weird and slightly doughy. And Aaron Bates appeared like an angel...

JOSE REYES!!!! I will see you at McCoy Stadium.

HOLD ON!!!! It's Argenis Reyes. I was lied to! Mistreated! What a low-down dirty trick, Pawtucket. Thanks for ruining my Wednesday.

Marcus McBeth is a good listener.

At this point we know two things about PawSox super-reliever Marcus McBeth: He plays the piano and he has a smashed finger. Oh, and that crazy change up!

McBeth is remarkable and I'm going to dig a little deeper.

Here are the basics: Marcus Andre McBeth was born August 23rd, 1980, in Enoree (or Spartanburg), SC. If you know anything about Enoree, well, you're one step ahead of me. McBeth was a 2001 4th round draft pick for Oakland. Boston claimed him off waivers from Cincinnati in August of '08.

can't you just feel the moonshine?
1. MM went to University of South Carolina.
2. McBeth was drafted as an outfielder, but he couldn't hit.
3. McBeth was one of two players the A's traded for the Reds' Chris Denorfia in 2007.
4. McBeth enjoys Huston Street's work.
5. And Homer Bailey's.
6. McBeth is a business-minded Realtor who makes savvy investments.
7. McBeth was an AFL invitee in 2006. I guess he dug AZ, because he lives there now. At any rate, he working on his pitching transformation there and got his first taste of dead arm!
8. McBeth is married and has a daughter. At least.
9. MM calls his change up "a Bugs Bunny Change up". Like, those gorillas on the visiting team swing three times at one slow, slow pitch and strike out.
10. McBeth may have a terrible groundball/flyout ratio.
11. McBeth allegedly taught Joe Thurston how to read music while they were both in Pawtucket last year. How... excellent...is thy name...
12. McBeth's fastball command was slow to come around.
13. McBeth hit a grand slam at USC. Later in the same game, he homered. He high-fived the good Lord that day.
14. If you care about Jon Coutlangus: After McBeth was drafted out of USC, JC transferred there and took his spot in center field. Even better: Coutlangus has ALSO converted to a relief pitcher. Click here and scroll down for a detailed story.
15. I would love to listen to this Fantalk episode featuring Marcus McBeth, but I need a new monitor with sound. Would someone like to hook me up? I'm looking at YOU, Pawtucket Red Sox Baseball Club Inc! Or maybe Rocky Cherry or something.
16. McBeth's outfielding while with the Oakland org was compared to that of Andruw Jones. (link includes video)
17. While at USC, McBeth went to Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts' parents' house and played 'Amazing Grace' on their piano. Swear to god.
18. McBeth's signing bonus was $275,000.
19. McBeth played in the Cape League for the Chatham A's!
20. McBeth is enough of a man to say that he cried when he heard he'd been called up to the Reds from triple-A.

In my limited interaction with McBeth, I mean, he seems nice enough. Quiet. But as my mama says, It's Always the Quiet Ones. Perhaps Marcus is like 'The Wild Man from Okinawa'!

Is that quite enough? My eyeballs ache. 'I cried when I wrote this song...'

Facts about the Pawtucket Red Sox

The following statements are true:

1. Travis Denker is not fat.
2. Jose Vaquedano speaks perfect English.
3. Michael Bowden is the only player who wears his socks up.
4. Rich Sauveur is not your friend.
5. Bubba Bell is not six feet tall.
6. Randor Bierd does not weigh 190 lbs.
7. I miss Devern Hansack.

Congratulations to Aaron Bates on his call up. I'm sure Pedroia will ask him if he prefers to be called 'Norman' or 'Master'.

I heard Billy Traber is going to start on Thursday. I will be there. I'm glad Traber's pitching because the setting sun usually gets in my eyes, and his noggin will kinda block the glare.

He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow.

7.7.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs - AGAIN.

Pawtucket takes the first game of two, 6-2.

Clay Buchholz gave up four walks in six innings. Four!

Carlos Carrasco got the start for the Phillies' crappy triple-A club. (You may wonder how a team that won the World Series last year can have such junk in its trunk. I thought about that kind of thing in 2007, when Pawtucket finished the year 67-75 while Boston won it all. I blame Michael Tucker.)

Carrasco gave up all six Pawtucket runs in his four innings of work. The six walks he issued didn't help anything, but maybe the umpiring was shabby. Right, Brian Reilly?

The Red Sox drew first blood in the top of the second. With two outs, Bubba Bell and Jeff Natale walked consecutively. I heard it's all in the hips. Travis Denker then hit an RBI single to pop a 1-0 on the scoreboard.

Top of the fourth, 1-0 Pawtucket: Carrasco walks the bases loaded. Carter, Dusty Brown, and Bubba Bell fill the bases up and stand there like slack-jawed meatheads with no outs. Jeff Natale comes up and gets hit by a pitch, which he is very good at. It is still a cheap RBI.

Bases are still loaded with no outs and Travis Denker is loaded for bear. Sac fly to right! Brown scores! Angel Chavez, batting ninth, then grounds out and scores Bubba B. And Freddy Guzman hits an infield pop-up to end the top half of the fourth inning.

But! Here come the Iron Pigs. With one out, Clay Buchholz walks Raul Ibanez and Andy Tracy. IL repeat offender Terry Tiffee then hit an RBI double! Andy Tracy might have scored as well, but he's this lumbering first baseman who doesn't run very fast. David Newhan got Tracy home, though, when he grounded out to second. 4-2 Pawtucket.

Top of the fifth and here comes pocket infielder Ivan Ochoa, who is probably not a zombie. Ochoa walks and steals second. Because he's a speedy infielder. Handsome lad Paul McAnulty then singles to put runners on first and second. And then here comes Joe Baseball AKA Chris Carter, who doubles. Of course. Ochoa and McAnulty both score and Carter can put his hit in the old spank bank.

Pitching change! Jason Anderson comes in for Carrasco and no further runs score. That's how it's done, Carlos! The other two Lehigh Valley relievers made it through the game without giving up additional runs, but the five walks are nothing to brag about, either.

Marcus McBeth pitched a couple of scoreless relief innings and Clay Buchholz should buy this kid a car or something. McBeth is freaking unstoppable. I love him, I love him, I love him. More than Cabrera, who blew it the other night. Oh, snap!

Randor Bierd wrapped it up in the ninth, uno dos tres. Good night, Miguel Cairo.

slap it up, flip it, rub it down:
1. Miguel Cairo playing shortstop? Dude what do you think, you're Omar Vizquel? (Also: 'OUT?')
2. Party animal Gil Velazquez had the night off.
3. Yes, it's true: Pawtucket is the worst offensive team in the IL. Good thing Ochoa's back!
4. Raul Ibanez is rehabbing. Ibanez sez: "Buchholz throws the ball really well, he's got top-notch stuff. I mean he threw a no-hitter, you know?" He went on to say "ZOMG LESTER BEAT CANCER!!!"
5. One millionth fan at the park in Allentown! What, already?

Tomorrow! Kris Johnson ridin' dirrty, again. Drew Anderson, again. Iron Pigs, again. Enjoy, Pennsylvanians!

July 4th, 5th, and 6th.

July 4th - The Pawtucket Red Sox are scheduled to play the SWB Yankees at their park in Moosic, PA. Game time is 7pm.

The game is not played because the outfield is a swampy, wet mess. Allegedly.

July 5th - The Pawtucket Red Sox are scheduled to play the SWB Yankees at their park in Moosic, PA. Game time is 5pm.

The game is not played due to 'unplayable field conditions'. On a beautiful sunny day.

Everyone is mad.

Finally, the teams play a double header yesterday. Pawtucket loses both of them. Michael Bowden and Charlie Zink compete to see who can be the most sub par.

I can't imagine what a bunch of restless jocks do during a weekend in Moosic, PA. There's only so much weight-lifting, batting practice, and lite beer drinking a man can do. Good thing Transformers 2 just came out!

dad.

I know I'm generally all blah blah blah PawSox, but if Tim Wakefield makes the All-Star team, I will probably break down and cry.

If you do not love Tim Wakefield, then you have a tuna can for a heart.

Or you're Charlie Zink. Oooooh!!!

7.2.09 RED SOX V YANKEES: GAME ONE! (with fireworks)

Ooh! Great game everybody! Seriously! Pawtucket WINS! 4-3.

Clay Buchholz was terrific as usual. And Marcus McBeth is not human, I swear. IL superstar... all-star, even... Fernando Cabrera came in to close and was a little shaky. Then I got shaky. Two walks? WHAT. But it all worked out and we went home happy. Except children of divorce, they were a little less happy.

Buchholz (or "Blech-holz", as they call him in Mad magazine) pitched seven great innings, giving up three runs on five hit. I know what you're thinking: three runs against Pawtucket is ominous. But when you take Duncan and Miranda and Austin Jackson into consideration... not bad!

All the Yankee scoring action went down in the fourth, and Paul McAnulty figures prominently. I could possibly dedicate this game to McAnulty, really. Fourth inning, one out, nobody on. PawSox ahead 1-0 thanks to McAnulty's solo homer in the first. Ramiro Pena singles. Austin Jackson singles. Then big Smelly Duncan hits an RBI single to left to tie the game. Duncan looks like Wendell from the Simpsons.

With two guys on base for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre (such a magical, mystical place), dangerous first baseman Juan Miranda steps up. Miranda KILLS when he comes town, and tonight was no exception. Miranda hits one deep to left and... McAnulty just stands there for a minute. Like he's got it, he's right under it. But he wasn't, the ball was behind him and it was a disaster. Jackson scores! Yankees lead 2-1!

Special Guest Jose Molina batted next and reached on an FC. Miranda out at third but Jackson scores. 3-1, oh no! Designated hitter Colin Curtis followed Molina and struck out swinging for the third out.

Pawtucket got right back and got to work in the bottom of the fourth. With one out, Paul McAnulty hits a line drive double to right, unfortunately missing Shelley Duncan's head. Chris Carter singles right after that, and McAnulty chugs over to third. America's Sweetheart Aaron Bates K's to make it two outs. Then, Bubba Bell. Bell reaches on an error and McAnulty scores. 3-2 Yankees! Unfortch, Dusty Brown grounds out to end the inning, but hey! A run scores!

Scorelessness until the bottom of the sixth. Paul McAnulty is hit by a pitch and I think he cried a little bit. It looked rather hurty, but he took his base after some compulsory writhing. Chris Carter walked and then mischievous infielder Jeff Natale ran out to pinch run for McAnulty. He really tried, Mac did.

Aaron Bates grounds out and moves the runners over. And here comes weak-ass Bubba Bell. Surprise, though: Bell doubles to right, scoring Natale. Tie game! And the Yankees dispose of starter Sergio Mitre.

Dusty Brown then grounds to short, scoring Bates. Pawtucket takes the lead, 4-3. And the pitching handles the rest. Fuckin' A.
the gin in my vermouth:
1. I sure hope Bubba Bell breaks out of his nasty slump.
2. Angel Chavez' fielding skillz are ridiculous. I am impressed every single game. And that guy never sits, either. Last night he made some jaw-dropping plays, like everything's everything. Wow, mom. Wow.
3. Congratulations to Buchholz and Cabrera. They made the IL all-star team. Buchholz is not likely to attend, though.
4. McAnulty is going to be just fine. A trip to the DL is unlikely, I'd surmise.

Tonight! Bloodthirsty gangbanger Kris Johnson v Josh Towers. Johnson's been a little punk butterfly on the mound, but maybe he'll strap it on tonight. I have my doubts.

I found this old picture of Mark Malaska (I swear, he was relevant at one time) and... I mean, is that Nick Green? Second from left?

Seriously, that's Nick Green, right? I'm going to lure people to this post: nick green hot girlfriend married naked

I get off on helping people.

Since it's an off-day for the Red Sox, I'm going to take a look at my most recent search queries and try to help you guys out.

1. "pawsox schedule/paw sox/pawtucket sox/paw sox schedule" You can use mine, even though it's butt-ugly.

2. "craig breslow girlfriend" - I get this one a lot. I think it's safe to say his dance card is full.

3. "the wade-davis bill was rendered ineffective when" - YIKES.

4. "paw socks baseball/pawtuckett sox/paw sox scedule/pawtuket sox/toledo mud hes" - I hope these are all typos.

5. "fernando cabrera link" - Sounds criminal.

6. "chris carter pawtucket june 2009" - Chris Carter batted .250 in June with 9 walks, 11 strikeouts, 16 RBI, 5 homers and a .308 OBP. You're welcome.

7. "crapchester" - I'D say!

8. "bryan pritz" - Probably his mom.

9. "jeff corsaletti girlfriend" - EW!

10. "pawsox tryouts" - I'm pretty sure they used to do this, but I doubt this practice is ongoing. My advice to you is to hit up the lower levels or play indy ball near a double-A team. I think Portland scouts the nearby Can-Am teams, though I can't confirm this.

11. "sandy madera" - I miss him too. Actually,this may have been me.

12. "spike danielson" - AKA Sean. I don't know if he's the Christian you seek.

13. "kill ticketmaster" - Together We Can.

That was much less interesting than I thought it would be. I'll try harder next time.

The Pawtucket Red Sox (PawSox) at McCoy Stadium Fireworks schedule.

Due to popular demand, here's what's happening:

Tomorrow night, July 2nd: Fireworks post-game. So around 9:30-10:00.

Friday night, July 3rd: More fireworks! (ibid)

No fireworks over the weekend, since the team will be in Pennsylvania. In fact, no fireworks until September 4th.

The games are sold out, but you may be able to get standing room.

Generally, people park all over the place just to see the legendary fireworks. So if you're planning on parking the car by the side of the road, LEAVE EARLY! I mean it! And avoid Division St!

I love you.

dustpan and brush

With Mark Wagner in town and Dusty Brown back from Boston, is this pretty much the end of Carlos Maldonado? Probably, and the park will be that much emptier. Maldonado's currently on the DL with a suspended hamchilles tenement.

Devern Hansack and Ivan Ochoa are still... down in Florida? Zach Daeges is down there somewhere, too.

Sean Danielson's on the DL. Jed Lowrie's still rehabbing.

Jeff Bailey's back in Boston. Read about it here and see if you can't hear Bailey's mellow, matter-of-fact voice.

Sandy Madera's gone and he's never coming back. He's playing third base for the Newark Bears in the independent Atlantic League. It's okay that he's playing third... they have Keith Foulke starting so it's like Backwards-Town.

well.

A good friend of mine surprised me with this photo today. Flanders - I owe you ten tons of cookies. THANK YOU.

6.30.09 Syracuse @ Pawtucket - Murder at Ben Mondor Way

Chiefs win, 12-0. Because Marco Estrada is a 24-year-old lefty with a mean mug and a huge ass. Except he's a righty with an average build and soulful eyes. I'm pretty sure he went to school with Abe Alvarez at Long Beach State, too.

Enrique Gonzalez pitched five innings and gave up eight runs on twelve hits. He also walked three guys. He could have given up one run or a hundred runs, but what does it matter if Pawtucket doesn't score? Gonzalez is not the problem.

Rocky Cherry pitched a couple of innings. Three singles, three walks, and a balk translated into two additional Syracuse runs. Randor Bierd pitched a two-run inning. Only Vaquedano made any sense in a world filled with Maroon 5 and $30 flip-flops: He pitched a perfect ninth.

Considering the Chiefs scored 12 runs, you'd think there would be a home run in there somewhere. WRONG! Aside from three doubles and a triple (tough guy Seth Bynum), Syracuse just chipped the shit out of Pawtucket pitching. Nine walks and THIRTEEN singles. A balk, but NO stolen bases.

Guzman, Natale, and Velazquez all hit a single. That is the extent of Pawtucket's offensive output. They should form a tree house club and not let Chris Carter or Aaron Bates in.

I think that about covers it.

Two things:
1. When Syracuse brought in pitcher Jorge Sosa in the eighth, they moved designated hitter Mike Vento over to first base to replace hulking Brad Eldred. Sosa batted for himself in the ninth and drew a walk from Randor Bierd. Damn, Randor. Also: Damn, Eldred. What did you do?
2. It's also worth noting that Sosa's an NL pitcher and can likely figger it out at the plate.
3. Gil Velazquez made his 12th error! He's already passed his 2008 total of 11. My blatant favoritism will not allow me to be critical of Velazquez, who I consider nearly untouchable.
4. No one on the PawSox walked last night.

See you tomorrow.

A Ryan Westmoreland Story

I met this guy about a week ago who was Ryan Westmoreland's teacher in high school. Mr. (History?) Teacher said that Ryan was a wonderful kid and truly deserved his success. He couldn't say enough about him. I'm sorry that's not a particularly interesting story, but that's all I have.

The teacher also talked about the ballpark in Newport, Rhode Island. It's called Cardines Field and it is so teeny (285 to right, by gum)! The Newport Gulls play there. They are part of the New England Collegiate Baseball League.

I have never been there but I have plenty of time. Maybe I'll go on my 50th birthday or in the year 2525.

Meantime, Bingo Cake!

Baby Chris Carter is defensive.

"As a matter of fact, I AM trying to screw myself into the ground. Hey, who has more home runs, me or Ortiz? ME OR ORTIZ?"

6.29.09 PawSox v Syracuse Chiefs - Bubba Didn't Do It!

Pawtucket WINS! 6-5 in 14 innings. Bubba Bell was a freaking disaster, going 0-6 with 4 K's. I mean that in a supportive, motherly way.

Michael Bowden was as sharp as a pound of wet leather for Pawtucket. Bowden couldn't quite get out of the fourth inning... Jose Vaquedano had to finish the job. YEAH! Like a REAL man!

Bowden threw 87 pitches through 4 2/3 innings, 57 for strikes. He gave up four runs on eight hits, including back-to-back homers in the first. And oh my god... you should have seen the bullpen. Okay, so Vaquedano gave up one run... it wasn't even earned! Lopez, McBeth (Bad. Ass.), Cabrera, Jones and Traber. Hunter Jones and Billy Traber tackled two innings apiece.

But on the flip side, hey... Syracuse's bullpen hung tight as well! Wil Ledezma, Preston Larrison, Cory Doyne, and Saul Rivera provided seven scoreless innings of relief.

JD Martin started for Syracuse and was responsible, somewhat, for the first five Pawtucket runs. Only one of those was earned. The Syracuse fielders made four errors during Martin's pitching tenure! WHAT. Must have been a tense bus ride back to the hotel.

And so, from innings seven to 14, it was a battle of the bullpens (sorry, bad cliche, I wonder which media outlet will use this first?). Bottom of the 14th: Chiefs righty Jason Bergmann comes out to pitch. He strikes out Bubba Bell (not an exclusive club). He walks new kid Mark Wagner. It's all too beautiful!

With Wagner on first, Travis Denker steps in and doubles like a mofo. I mean, this ball was back at the wall... under different circumstances, it could have been a triple. It was almost exactly midnight. And they were so happy!

put it in me, Travis:
1. Javier Lopez is looking much better lately. I am coming back around.
2. Freddie Guzman... unstoppable. In the first inning, Chiefs starter JD Martin threw over to first to try and pick off Guzman, who'd singled. It didn't work out, and Guzman advanced... to third! He freaking tore around second base and grabbed third! BALLSY.
3. Lineup change! Jeff Bailey FINALLY dropped in the batting order. He hit second. And check this out: Bailey's slugging last year was .562. So far this year it's .433.
4. Gil Velazquez made his team-leading 11th error.
5. Chiefs outfielder Justin Maxwell was a double shy of the cycle. This kid is insane. The Nationals have a for real champ in triple-A.
6. Bowden is not getting deep into games: Enrique Gonzalez, Buchholz, and Zink have all pitched more innings.
7. Which got me to thinking: This PawSox rotation is weakish. Aside from Buchholz, that is. And so... maybe Rocky Cherry could start? Don't answer that.
8. Mark Wagner got his first triple-A start! He was visibly nervous and allowed five stolen bases, but other than that...
9. Chris Carter hit a home run in the sixth to tie the game. Good job, Chris Carter.
10. Five hours ballgame and I stayed for the whole thing. Do you see how I bleed for you? THERE IS NO ONE DOING WHAT I DO!!!!

Tomorrow! Please enjoy Enrique Gonzalez v Marco Estrada. Then the Yankees come and we have to land helicopters on the field and let the whirling blades decapitate them.

THREE GAMES BACK!

6.28.09 Pawtucket v Syracuse Chiefs (WAS) - LOL!

The Chiefs, who have nothing to do with Native Americans (it's a choo-choo train connection, I think), take it from the Red Sox. 6-2.

Charlie Zink... damn, he's still here? Zink's problem was eight hits and two walks through six innings. Somehow, some way he only gave up four runs. Syracuse cared enough to leave ten runners on base.

Zink's difficulties were immediately apparent, since he kicked the game off by allowing a single to Jorge Padilla... and then pegging the next batter. Patterson and Eldred the Giant followed that shit up with consecutive singles, scoring Padilla.

A double play (scoring Maxwell from third) and a ground out wrapped up the first inning for Zink. CZ kicked off the second inning with two quick outs, but then loaded the bases with two singles and a walk. Corey Patterson singled again to score the third run for the Chiefs.

So, to sum up: Five messy innings and a clean, one-two-three sixth for Zink and he leaves the game with Syracuse ahead 4-1. All you need to know about Rocky Cherry is that he pitched two scoreless relief innings.

Randor Bierd came in for ninth inning relief, and Bierd is no Rocky Cherry. Okay? A single, a walk, a sac bunt... and then slugger Brad Eldred hits a two run double. Not cute at all.

Logan Kensing pitched the bottom of the ninth for the Chiefs, but Pawtucket couldn't rise to the occasion. And now Van Every's gone. If it's love you want from me, then take it away.

it's the kind of game you want so much, it makes you sorry:
1. Charlie Zink has been with the org since 2002. He first pitched for Pawtucket in 2005. Zink has also been used as a reliever. All told, he's pitched 77 games for Pawtucket. I feel like I've seen all of them. And I don't know what more I can say.
2. Oh, yeah! Pawtucket scored two runs! Thank the fabulous Freddy G and puckish infielder Jeff Natale for their RBI's.
3. I saw Justin Maxwell on TV last night. I heard he was handsome... he is.
4. Syracuse left fielder Mike Vento went 3-5 with a double and a triple. So he was a homer shy?
5. Travis Denker struck out three times. Wildly unrelated: In Norfolk, I feel as though Denker got screwed with stolen base calls (as a fielder, not a runner).
6. Chiefs starter Garrett Mock is IL pitcher of the week! Walk right up to him, give him a great big kiss!
7. Freddy Guzman is so hot right now (.329 this month)! He is much more interesting than Bubba Bell. I know everyone loves Bubba Bell, but guess what? He might not love you back.
8. Jed Lowrie hurt his knee or something and left the game. That statement is somewhat inaccurate, but W/E.
9. Wait a minute, don't I hate Van Every? Come on. It's a new day, a new way. Aren't we all capable of assholism on any given day?

Tonight! Former Marlin Scott Olsen (or "Scotty O", as he likes to be called) versus humorless righty Michael Bowden. Am I going? Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

ROCKY CHERRY!!!111!

that's news to me

Forgot to mention, Dusty Brown's in Boston and Mark Wagner's at McCoy. I hadn't even noticed, really. Dusty Brown is so uninteresting I might have to start calling him Dusty Beige. Now Mark Wagner, there's a catcher you can set your watch to!

We could really use Van Every back. I hope he's a quick healer.

Robert Coello's with single-A Salem. They probably make him go on all the beer runs.

I have a sinking feeling that Ivan Ochoa is in the trunk of someone's car down in the Florida keys.

6.27.09 Pawtucket v Syracuse Chiefs - Yes, Jhonatan.

Pawtucket WINS! 3-2 thanks to the Amazing Freddy G!

You love Clay Buchholz. You can't stop talking about Buchholz. He might be the only player you can name on the Pawtucket Sox. And he's doing everything right, from game prep to making nice with the fans.

But I'm going to skip right over CB and get to the rest of it, because the Pawtucket B-list is what's in my wheelhouse.

It's the seventh inning and the game's tied at two. Marcus McBeth is pitching in relief. McBeth is a star, really. McBeth pitches two perfect innings with two strikeouts. Unfortunately, Pawtucket is also scoreless. Don't you think the bullpen deserves better? Are you angry on their behalf?

Onto the bottom of the ninth. The game is still tied. Logan Kensing pitching for the Chiefs. Paul McAnulty leads off... and hits one hard to right! Way back! Se va, se va, se va... no se fue! Coño! Instead, a ground rule double for Pauly Mac.

Gil Velazquez is the next Pawtucket batter and he very sweetly walks. And then Angel Chavez lays down a perfect bunt. And it's not even a sacrifice! A bunt single for Chavez!

Bases loaded for Guzman, who singles in the winning run. Yay and such. Hunter Jones gets the win for the Red Sox.

red skies at night/red beans and rice (whoa-oh)
1. Jeff Bailey hit a two-run homer and did not strike out.

That's it?

Yes, that's all there is.

shit at the plate

I had this brilliant idea where I was going to make some stupid case for dropping Jeff Bailey in the order.

I was going to point out all the players who had a higher OBP.

That would be John Otness, who has only played in seven games.

Paul McAnulty has a lot more walks... 33 to Bailey's 24. But McAnulty blew away the competition in K's, with 69. The guy in second place, Dusty Brown, has 49. Yikes!

The Red Sox are 40-34, which is a real testament to its pitching. Seriously. The next time you see Enrique Gonzalez or Rocky Cherry or Vaquedano or Michael Bowden, you'd better drop to your knees.

The next time you see a position player, give 'em a kidney shot. Tell 'em Trot Nixon sent you.