hallucinogens

Remember last year's Carter/Wilkerson/McAnulty/Bailey saga? And how Chris Chriscarterson got the job and MOM WAS MAD? And then Brad Wilkerson came to Pawtucket, saw how much it resembled the best parts of Flint, and retired? And then he went ahead and got a job with the Phillies? Who then released him? HUH?

Well, I thought I saw his fat face on TV last night. But it must have been his brother, Shannon. And then I saw this Maplehurst kid. Wait... not Maplehurst. Hazelbaker. And I don't pretend to be an expert or anything but WHO THE? WHAT? When did any of this happen? I could look it up, but who has the time anymore?

I did watch Fernando Cabrera pitch after Alan Embree put a bunch of starving children on base. Nandy's got an ERA as swollen as the Blackstone right now (seriously, this rain MUST CEASE) but he did a good job. Because he's exciting.

I'm just really ready to get things rolling.

BABY GORILLA!!!!

soup IL

A long, long time ago, the Syracuse Sky Chiefs were the triple A team of the Toronto Blue Jays. In 2006, former PawSox infielder Luis Figueroa visited McCoy Stadium as a member of this team and got to fulfill one of his long-standing wishes: Trying to score ladies in the park's front rows during game time. Scoundrel!

It's four years later and LF is back in the Toronto minors. Fortunately for female fans, Figgy's in Vegas. Syracuse is Nationals territory now. Hope Stephen Strasburg likes urban decay!

And how about this? Pirates DFA-ing Brandon Moss. Moss was like the son you never had, a true-blue paper boy. He'll probably end up in triple-A Indianapolis, which gives him the opportunity to visit Pawtucket and see people like Ben Mondor, who's like the father you never had.

Dusty Brown's been sent to the minors. I just saw him last night with the big club! This will be Brown's tenth year in the minors. I hope he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

Brian Shouse can put his clothes on and go home now.

Lefty detritus Brian Shouse RELEASED! I worked really hard on his post, too. Jerks.

The Marlins shuttled professional grouch Hunter Jones to minor league camp. Hunter Jones in New Orleans? This story talks about his titanium rod... and "Rod" Johnson. Jones needs to work on his breaking pitches and getting a good night's sleep for once.

Fernando Cabrera is still hanging out with the cool kids. I'm sure he'll eventually fall to earth and be an overachieving triple-A closer. Oh my god, please make that happen.

I just graphed out my games for the year at McCoy. I put a lot of thought into it and ojala que it all works out. Things fall apart. It's scientific. In even more exciting news, I went ahead and booked my Pawtucket away game trip. Can anything be better than Norfolk? Most fucking assuredly.

More bad stuff about Craig Hansen, thank god.

Remember Craig Hansen? Of course you do! Believe it or not, Captain Disaster is STILL rehabbing in the Pirates org.

I found this great article that touches on Hansen's relationship with Manny Delcarmen and their wacky Pawtucket hijinks... and RJ's post-Stinko de Mayo smackdown. Beavis and Butthead, indeed.

You know what pisses me off so much? That guys like Hansen can be drunken assholes but no one's ever supposed to say anything about it. I read something on an esteemed Boston message board about Hansen's downfall and one member dared to mention his heavy partying. A slew of other people piled on the guy, essentially telling him to shut up about it. Why should he have to? God forbid anyone be called out on their loser behavior.

In a related story, sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez has an injury involving some kind of bone and shall be missing a few weeks. Casey Kelly is displaying some seriously restrained elation at this news.

It won't be long, I promise.

I cried when I wrote this song. About Bryan Corey.

Bryan Corey played in Pawtucket for part 0f 2006, all of '07, and part of '08. Corey also compiled 36.3 innings of work in Boston. And yet, he's been lost in the sands of time.

Well, if you'd ever bothered to read anything I've written, I was a pretty big fan of BC. Sure, I couldn't help but point out that he looked a little like Ed Gein, but he was a serviceable reliever at McCoy. I liked him a lot.

Bryan Corey is currently playing for the Chiba Lotte Marines. It is his second year in Japan. I hope his wife decides to go outside and do stuff!

Angel Chavez will make you strong.

Tampa Bay has signed former PawSox inf(ielder) Angel Chavez to a minor league deal.

Chavez was a souped-up silver spaceship in the McCoy infield, especially over at third. Too bad he couldn't hit. But can I tell you one more time what a killer defensive guy he was? No? K, I won't.

In a related story, Nomar. I don't have any good NG stories, but I'm currently enjoying a vortex of nostalgia.

Yup.

that suit is you

Don't ever take your PC for granted. Or your laptop, if you are that fortunate. Just remember that not everyone has the resources to replace their whole home internet kit.

Was that preachy? Maybe a little.

While I was disconnected, my social life burgeoned and I was more productive. I slept better and got more exercise. Thank god all of that is coming to an end!

It also appears to me that I need to moderate comments. Shiftless assholes.

I'm sure you all felt my absence more than you ever felt my presence. I'm gonna resume the brilliance and verbal acuity in just a few minutes.

Until then... I love you.

He's French Polynesian!

Righty Devern Hansack has somewhat miraculously been resigned by Boston. Hansack is great. I can't wait to see what he's up to in 2010.

I'm still stymied by my virus-detroyed home computer, so please enjoy these trade test transmissions from OPC's. I really want to do more work here, but I suppose it will have to wait.

I love you.

so i will have this stuck in my head for the rest of my life

This chant is for Val Pascucci, who I loved on the Iron Pigs.

I also have a wicked bad computer virus! It killed my computer. Watch out for those malware programs,ladies!

Mets Fans React to Chris Carter

How's that for a snappy post title?

Let's hear how Mets fans really feel about Tha Carter (all items, sic):

1. From Mack's Mets: "In a mini-camp report for Mack’s Mets, Mack Ade writes of his time watching and talking with Carter, who, he says, ‘really, really wants to make it with the Mets.’ According to Rubin, 'Carter does have a minor-league option remaining, so there’s also a pretty good chance he’s with Triple-A Buffalo.' In regards to Carter’s swing, Ade writes, 'I haven’t seen a minor leaguer with a sweeter power swing since Ryan Zimmerman came to Savannah.'"

2. "But this is what frustrates me about Omar and the Mets is the fact that here we have Chris Carter, who has been a proven power threat his entire minor league career, and should be allowed to compete for the platoon spot at first base or as a reserve outfielder, and what do they do? The sign Fernado Tatis !...I feel that if given a chance, Carter could prove to be a pleasant surprise in a lineup that sans Beltran is starved for power... plus he would be that home run threat coming off the bench that we are looking for. I feel that if Carter shows that he can play in the big leagues he can be flipped next off-season for a pitcher, or whatever hole that needs to be filled since Ike Davis is expected to be penciled in at first in ‘11. But as usual the Mets in my opinion didn’t try to work outside of the box and Carter’s will languish yet another season in the minors . Give the kid a chance !!!" (The Real Dirty Mets Blog)

3. "The Mets in the meantime, have signed Fernando Tatis which ensures that 27 year old Chris Carter will spend his fifth season in a row mired in AAA." (Mets Merized Online)

4. "I believe that Carter still falls into the "potentially useful major leaguer" category. His bat is not the problem; the fact that his best defensive position is to the right of the water cooler is what's holding him back." (Oooh, what a burn, Productive Outs and Crackerjack!)

5. "Carter sat for a week in late August at Pawtucket while in limbo, before asking to re-enter the PawSox’s lineup—knowing he couldn’t get to the Mets by the season’s end thanks the Yankees’ maneuver. In his final two Triple-A games with Boston, he went 7-for-8." (You might as well read the whole article.)

6. "Instead of keeping Billy Wagner, offering arbitration, and getting two first round picks when Wagner goes to chase the closer's job he wasn't getting in New York, the Mets trade him to the Red Sox for Chris Carter ... a AAAA power hitting first baseman ... and in the process save over two million bucks. Then, the Mets take most of that two million dollars and give it to Tatis to play first base. With Ike Davis most likely hitting Queens in 2011, they've basically insured that Carter, their big haul from the Wagner trade, will never spend any significant time with the New York Mets. They've also proven that their main concern with the Wagner trade was to save money ... and they didn't even do that right."
(The Musings and Prophecies of Metstradamus)

7. "So far in the Venezuela Winter League Carter is putting up an OPS of .814 OPS with 3 homers and 10 RBI. These types of numbers don’t make Carter a future star, but are just as good as Jeff Francoeur and only behind David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and Gary Sheffield on full time 2009 Mets production." (Mike Silva's NY Baseball Digest)

That's all for now.

Everybody Ray Chang tonight! (sorry)

Ray Chang is a 26-year-old shortstoppy guy who is not a mash machine but he IS a great defensive infielder.

Chang came to be a baseballer when the Padres signed him as an undrafted free agent after an open tryout. He moved around the Padres minors for a while but was released mid-season in 2008. The Pirates snapped him up and he played mostly in double-A Altoona.

let's go:
1. Ray Chang played for the Chinese national team in the 2009 WBC.
2. Watch Chang strike out here. Also note the absence of fans at the Bowie BaySox game.
3. Jiqiu! Leon Xie is the MLB guy in China. You should absolutely read this.
4. Chang is a hitting and fielding instructor in the off-season.
5. Chang is an ABC!
5. Chang played with former PawSox asshole Jeff Corsaletti on the Altoona Curve last summer.
6. Chang also played on the 2008 Olympic baseball team for China.
7. Chang has done some emergency pitching. Like JV!
8. Would we... call Chang a ringer in the WBC?
9. Whoa. "Ray Chang. Why was he so good? because he wanted it more then those CPBL Meat Feet. It's time for Taiwan Baseball players to put up or shut the fuck up. All those "Should have won" Bullshit, and all the blame game. Chinese Taipei Players needs to realize that the game is played on the field, not running your fucking mouth."

Okay, I guess that's all I need. I did all this during VWR time. It's now time to exit my pajamas.

Coming soon: Christian Colonel and Gustavo Molina.

Baby Chris Carter is concerned.

"Thanks to McCoy Stadium's new million dollar scoreboard, the players won't get a per diem increase this year. What the hell!?! Those foot-longs won't be five bucks forever! Maybe I'll send Natale my Ricotti's Sub Club card."

Kelvin Pichardo is not your freaking charity case, man.

New PawSox-type guy Kelvin Pichardo is a 24-year-old righty who, so far, has not pitched above double-A.

Here we go!
1. Pichardo was Giants property when he was suspended 50 games for PEDs. He was on their 40-man roster when it happened.
2. There's a possibility that I saw him pitch with the Connecticut Defenders!
3. Oooh, Pawtucket tie-in: Although Pichardo was originally signed by the Phillies, he was traded to San Francisco for OF Michael Tucker in 2005. Tucker was a PawSox guy in 2007!
4. Pichardo has "a very live arm with huge potential".
5. Please enjoy Pichardo's '07-08 stats. They look like Greek to me.
6. From June 2008: "Pichardo has a big arm that he uses to run fastballs into the mid-90’s and a curveball that can be a plus pitch for him at times. He blew through the lower levels of S-K, Augusta, and San Jose before making it to AA Connecticut in the second half of the ‘07 season. He struggled with control, walking 16 hitters in 21 innings and the Giants left him at AA to start this year. He’s still had some control problems this year — BB% of 12% — and his K% has dropped to 18.8% when it was at a ridiculous 36% in San Jose." (Bay City Ball)
7. Kelvin Pichardo is thickish. Watch him pitch in the AFL here!
8. "San Francisco submit pitcher Kelvin Pichardo on the 60-Day DL with a fortifying spread." Mmmmm... fortifying spread.
9. Picho is the man!
10. When Pichardo returned from his drug suspension, the Giants DFA'd Patrick Misch to open up a roster spot for him. They must have wanted to hang onto Pichardo a little bit, right?
11. Well... about a month later, Pichardo was on the 60-day DL with a right shoulder strain. After that, he was outrighted to the minors and released in November 2009. He is "hoping to be ready for spring training".
12. MLB held Pichardo out of winter ball due to "extreme fatigue". I don't know, maybe your Spanish is better than mine.

A lot of the stuff I found on Pichardo was related to his suspension. I am willing to overlook that and accept him as a Red Sox bullpen member. Also, as a side note, I like getting my information from blogs rather than established news sources.

That's not to say that many blogs aren't established news sources. Furthermore, I avoid local Boston-area Red sox fan blogs and try to get an outsider's perspective.

Coming soon: Ray Chang! He was born ready. He's Ray Fucking Chang.

Lowell, Portland, Pawtucket, Boston... Wait, how about Greenville?

I read about this Cleveland Indians Around the Horn ticket package over on Ben's Biz Blog (which I love long time). Essentially, the package includes tickets to all of Cleveland's minor league affiliates. AND it includes bleacher seats at Jacobs Field!

If Boston did this, I wonder if they could omit Fenway? At any rate, I think it's a terrific idea. LeLacheur's a nice park... Haddock Field's a little dull. And what can I say about McCoy and its new zillion dollar scoreboard that I already find ostentatious and irritating? DID THE NEW PAWSOX SCOREBOARD SIPHON MONEY OUT OF THE PROMO BUDGET? IS THIS WHY THERE IS NO POSTER NIGHT? I want answers!

I've never seen the Greenville Drive play. And I don't think I want to. I will occasionally go to a Sea Dogs game, but I always feel a little guilty about it. Must. Concentrate. On. Pawtucket.

By the way. I know it's early, but I think I hate Ryan Kalish. But I love Lovullo.

Bulletin, bored.

Sometimes I like to look back upon these past few years I've spent at McCoy and wonder, hey, whatever happened to guys like Luis Figueroa and Dustin Pedroia?

Well, what about this update: 2005 PawSox outfielder Dave Berg has risen from the dead to play for the Texas Rangers. I know! He is 39 years old. The funny thing is, Berg retired three years ago and was just released from the Rangers system last week. So what is this all about?

According to everyone's transaction list, Berg was released on 1/20 and was reinstated on 1/25.

In a related story, 2009 PawSox outfielder Chris Duncan has been signed to a minor league contract by the Nats. Please read this recycled eulogy.
I barely remember Duncan, since he was only around for a month. He got screwed hard by the Cardinals.

Tonight! UConn! See you there, students.

Scott Patterson is tall and had pneumonia.

Scott Patterson is 30. He's six-and-a-half feet tall. He's a right-handed reliever from Pennsylvania. Patterson was an indie ball guy for years and then the Yankees came calling. Scottie hung out in the New York System for a few years until the Padres claimed him off waivers in '08. Last August, Oakland purchased his contract from San Diego.

quants?
1. Patterson has his own website. I watched his little video. I am not convinced that he is not brain damaged.
2. Excerpts from Patterson's Saber Scouting article: "He denies a lot of conventional wisdom and allows most of his weight to come forward and prematurely lifts his rear leg, but what this also allows him to do is release the ball even closer to the plate than he normally could...
..."Even before his front foot is completely planted, Patterson’s hips are beginning to aggressively rotate. Might this be costing him some velocity? He has such exceptionally long, yet fast arm action that it is enough to make up for that lost power in his lower half. What is pivotal for him though is how well he firms up his front leg and uses it to drive over. He does this as aggressively and as violently as anyone you will find in baseball."
3. Patterson was the West Virginia Intercollegiate Athletic Conference pitcher of the year in 2002. I cannot even make fun of that, because i don't think I've ever won an award in my life.
4. Patterson is a flyball pitcher with long arms and legs and a deceptive delivery.
5. S. Patterson made his major league debut in June 2008 with the Yankees. He pitched 1 1/3, gave up a run, and struck out two batters.
6. Here's a really great profile on SP.
7. "Scott Patterson's delivery is disturbing as it resembles Cosmo Kramer trying to give Manute Bol a high-five." (WasWatching)
8. In 2006, former starter Patterson stubbed his finger on a door and as he healed, his manager asked him to work out of the pen. SUCCESS!
9. While on the Portland Beavers last year, Patterson was selected for the PCL all-star team.
10. Patterson is doing Venezuelan winter ball.

I had to plunge into the unsavory world of Yankees bloggers for a lot of this stuff. I am willing to make those kinds of sacrifices for my art. I am for real.

Oh, and I could not find any good Ryan Patterson shots (too many pictures of an actor with the same name) so please enjoy this enjoyable and pleasurable shot of Fernando Cabrera enjoying himself. Enjoy!

Dustin Richardson Chart Observation

from TK's Baseball Blog

"Richardson is a 6-6, 220 pound lefty. The 25 year old has a big frame that can add a little more muscle, but is close to maxed out. He came from an over the top release with some interesting mechanics that are definitely max effort. He has a very exaggerated opening of his shoulder and it looks like his arm is playing catch-up. He lands hard on his front leg and puts all his body weight on this landing leg, likely something that may end up causing injury to that leg. Also has a fairly violent head jerk. His fastball is a pretty straight 4-seam. His change has good fade from righties. His curve is a good looking 11-5 with good late break and slightly above average depth. Should be a solid lefty reliever for a long time, or at least as long that he is healthy."

Okay, seriously. WHO?

Boston has signed Chad Paronto, Scott Patterson, Kelvin Pichardo, Ray Chang, and Christian Colonel to minor league contracts. Kelvin Pichardo is the only one I think I have heard of.

In very basic terms, "human burrito" Chad Paronto is a big, right-handed 34-year-old reliever. He's been up and down... mostly down these past couple of years, working for the Houston org over there in Round Rock.

no one good is named chad:
1. Paronto is a New Englander! He's from New Hampshire and went to UMass Amherst. Somehow, I doubt he's ever owned a copy of 'Doolittle'.
2. CP has also had jobs with Baltimore and Atlanta. Mexicans have a problem with the way gringos pronounce 'Atlanta' because we do not pronounce the 't'. They have a point.
3. Paronto strained his left hamstring last September. Astros interim manager Dave Clark 5 held him out of the last few games and Paronto was kinda pissed about it.
4. Paronto is a sinker kinda guy and likes to get a lot of work in. Quoth he last Sep: "At the point I am I want to pitch every game until the end of the season. But I've been playing long enough to know what you want doesn't go very far with the trainers."
5. Here's a 2007 interview with CP when he was on the Braves. Paronto talks about Manny, Renteria, Tim Hudson, and Beckett's incredible stuff. He sounds stoned.
6. Chad idolized Larry Bird! His favorite baseball player growing up was Don Mattingly.
7. Check Paronto's Real American/Hulk Hogan clubhouse act. Yeesh.
8. CP's scouting report from TK's Baseball Blog: "Paronto is a 6-5, 285 pound righty. The 34 year old righty has a big frame that is maxed out with quite a bit of bad weight and he has a gut. He probably needs to get his weight down to about 270. He came from a high 3/4 release working predominately from the stretch with solid mechanics. His fastball has some run in on righties and some sink. His slider is a 2-7 with a hint of bite. His change has some fade from lefties and a little sink. 4-A pitcher at best."
9. Paronto made the PCL's all-star team last year but did not play because his shoulder hurt.

Okay. I cannot take any more Chad Paronto. He's starting to look more and more like former surfer/substitute teacher Mike Burns.

Coming soon: Scott Patterson!

for free

I got to see Randor Bierd today. He seems to think he is gangsta. It's all in his jaunty gangsta cap. But I like him a lot. He said he was surprised when the Orioles traded him. He thought he was doing a good job.

Yeah, Randor, they always pull the rug out from under you!

In my free issue of (respected baseball periodical), there was a ranking of each team's best and worst prospects of the decade. Boston's worst prospect? CRAIG HANSEN! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

McCoy Stadium is going to have a new scoreboard. This was mentioned repeatedly. Do they think this is a reason people go to baseball games? Because of high tech scoreboards? Are they trying to hype it? I do not know.

And that was the Hot Stove Party. See you all next year!

RANDOR!!!!!

anti-manifesto

I'm shocked and hurt that I was not invited to the PawSox media event today. Whatever. I'm way more interesting than Junichi Tazawa and I'm much more fascinating than Brendan McGair. At least I know how to spell Zach Daeges' name.

I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!111!

That's what I get for being irreverent and edgy. I started something more than a faded sticker on a skateboard.

This is all gonna be so killer this summer. I am confident. Baseball Heavy is gonna hit the heights. And oh, what heights we'll hit!