Last year I got an email from a PawSox player.

Last year, I was surprised by an email from a former PawSox player. This guy basically told me that he liked my blog and that it made him laugh, had a humorous question for me about some jokes I made about his appearance. He wrote me a couple of times and then that was it.

Shortly after receiving that message, I went back and made sure I hadn't said anything too scathing about the player. I was pretty sure I hadn't, because he seemed like a good guy and he performed reasonably well. Lucky me, it was all good stuff.

I know it sounds like no big whoop, but let me put it into terms you might understand. Imagine you got an email from Laurence Maroney telling you he liked your Patriots blog. Does that help?

I was pretty sure the player and I were going to become best friends and that he would collaborate with me on my blog, therefore making it a baseball blog to trump all others and launching me into super!stardom!, but he seemed pretty busy.

Born on January 31st

Minor league signings on January 31st, 2013: Lyle Overbay, JD Durbin, Charlie Haeger, and Christian Perdomo.

Lyle Overbay is Lyle Overbay, I'm sure you've bumped into him at SXSW or whatever.

JD Durbin is a righty starter who has been all over the place. Durbin came up through the Twins org, did a little time with some Phillies junk, a bunch of minor-league Dodgering in 2009, and spent the last couple of years hanging out in Mexico and independent Lancaster. Durbin pitched for Rochester and the IronPigs, so the odds are good that I've seen him at McCoy. I'll look it up later. Oh, wait, I just did and here it is.

Durbin's been with Boston before... I feel like I kind of remember his story. One of those Casey Fein things, where you get claimed off waivers and then DFA'd the next day and you've been on three teams in one week and you never leave your couch. From commenter/registered user 'Paradigm': "So, they might claim him, keep him on the 25-man roster, demote Javier Lopez, then activate Timlin and send Durbin through waivers. The end result is still the same (Timlin on the major league roster) and they might keep Durbin, or he might get claimed." This was posted in April 2007.

OH MY GOD this is all coming back to me now... Durbin's handle was 'titsandassforme' and there were pictures of him at the adult video awards. Poor kid.

Some Detroit fan back in 2007 summed it all up: "What's with this guy? He was just released by PHI after they claimed him from the Red Sox who claimed him from ARI who claimed him from the Twins." What's with this guy, indeed. I mean, seriously, I don't understand this pickup at all. WAS KYLE SNYDER NOT AVAILABLE? Whatever, I feel like Durbin's just going to disappear a couple of weeks into spring training. Happens all the time.

Charlie Haeger! Haeger was on the Sea Dogs last year. You may remember Haeger from his outstanding performance as "Charlie Zink" around 2008.

Christian Perdomo, who maybe says shit like " Do any of my followers have any problems or idn something ... so i can pray for you at night before bed", is a New York mall-rat kid so never mind.

By the way, Ryan Sweeney's around. In case you like Ryan Sweeney.

Ryan Rowland-Smith's apartment looks upside-down from there.

Ryan Rowland-Smith is not Peter Moylan. I just now realized that because I was all, isn't that the dude on the Braves with all the tattoos?

No, it's that cute guy from the Mariners. But they are both Australian so partial credit.

Rowland-Smith, or Smitty, as he likes to be called, is a lefty who spent last year pitching for the Iowa Cubs. Rowland-Smith started eight games, but was primarily used in a relief role. He went 3-6 with a 3.94 ERA, if you're into generic corporate conformist stats, you Fascist!

Jelly up and jam tight!
1. Rowland-Smith struggled pretty much the entire season with the Mariners in 2010: "What I learned after last season is not to live and die off every game. I'm talking about when I struggle in a game, not to take four days to get over it, and trust that ability-wise, it's all there. I realized how much I lost my ability to compete. I stopped being myself - a guy who goes out and fights for every out, a f#%k you attitude, not a guy who tries to trick guys. There's a huge difference in hoping that a ball misses a bat, and believing it's going to miss the bat." And then he went to the Astros. Check out Jeff Sullivan's entire interview, it's ace!

2. Rowland-Smith enjoys the sinker, dogs, and being Australian.

3. Hey, Aardsma! Say hi to your mom for me!

4. "if u spent 24 hrs with me maybe u would see something different than your perception of me. I know your pulling for me, when I get through this struggle I will acknowledge (every) single person who stood by me and believed in me. No matter what happens, we have to keep grinding, and it will happen soon." - Rowland-Smith is one classy dude.

I'm out of time. Rats! I think Rowland-Smith is going to a problem for me in Pawtucket. Let's face it: He's stupid hot. I often complained about the lack of handsomeness in Pawtucket but maybe it's better that way. It's tough to be professional when you're squishy.

Aaron Goldsmith creates web content.

Aaron Goldsmith got a big league gig with the Mariners after spending a relatively short time in the majors. Goldsmith reveals, in a conversation with Benjamin Hill (again), "“I have experience doing things outside of the broadcast booth, social media, creating web content, podcasts and video interviews. [The Mariners] were very interested in my ideas and thoughts regarding what worked and what hadn’t worked within that realm.”

Hill goes on to say: "...I believe that maintaining a strong presence in these supplementary areas (blogs, podcasts, Twitter, Facebook, etc) is a crucial way to increase your visibility and, therefore, your reputation within what is quite possibly the most cutthroat occupation in all of Minor League Baseball."

I didn't read Goldsmith's blog very often due to petulance and small-mindedness, but it seemed like good stuff. Obviously, no one who works for the team is going to do much more than human interest stories on the players, nothing too critical or investigative, but the fans seem to enjoy stories about players' dogs or The Coach They Had Who Influenced Their Entire Career.

But yes, if you can do all the stuff that Goldsmith did, it certainly seems like an edge. Not that anyone cares about baseball any more.

Jeff Levering is half.

A few days ago, it was revealed to the world and also the Darlington part of Pawtucket that a young former college baseball player named Jeff Levering (rhymes with severing?) will be one of the new radiocast guys.

Levering, 29, spent his last three seasons working for the Double-A Springfield Cardinals. He's also a friend of Dustin Pedroia's, which surely could not have hurt his chances. Brendan McGair did a good job with the whole story, haz clic! And Benjamin Hill has a report from Levering's former park, complete with killer snapshots and overall superlative work. BEN'S BIZ!!!

Would you like to hear his solemn, sonorous voice? Watch this video! Levering talks about having to pee really bad during a game broadcast. And also getting boatraced. What does that mean and how can I start working it into conversation?

I know you're thinking, Who is this California handsome boy and why should I trust him? Well, just look forward to a little youth injection that's not some square, fluffy-haired corporate conformist who thinks liking Feist or the Black Keys makes him interesting.Just make a fumbling play for Levering's heart...

Jeff Levering's first day is March 4th, so everybody please be nice and remember that Missouri and Rhode Island are probably quite different. It's a lot colder and we don't eat catfish.

You guys, I'm getting really excited. Here comes the sun and I say it's alright.

Daddy Red Bird

Back in January, when maybe you thought spring was truly coming and weren't disheartened by the dirty, lingering trash of old snow, Boston signed former Cardinals first base guy Mark Hamilton to a minor league contract. Well, they "Agreed to Terms" with him, which might mean something a little different. For instance, they may be able to sell his personal information to third parties that they feel will offer things of interest to him. Like erection pills or frequent flier miles.

Hamilton is a big fat kid who went to Tulane, where he was presumably a choir boy. Okay, he's not fat, but he's got a first-baseman's build. He's been in the STL org for his entire career, so I'm sure he had a warm bath and a good cry when he was cut loose. I don't know if he's hot, but I'm pretty sure he's married.

Do you want his slash line? Or just slash, like a story about Youk and Pedroia's secret romance? I will tell you that Hamilton has not tripled in professional baseball since 2006. Probably because he's fat. Hamilton played 90 games for the Triple-A Memphis Redbirds in 2012, seemed to strike out a lot. He appears to have played in Memphis since 2009, when he touched down in the land of the Delta Blues. I don't know, look for yourself. Nothing jumps out, which means he's perfectly suited for Pawtucket.

Here's some stuff people said via social media:
1. "Non roster 1B Mark Hamilton very impressive in BP." - Pete Abraham. CARE TO ELABORATE?

2. "Carp is expected to compete with Daniel Nava, Mitch Maier, Mark Hamilton and Lyle Overbay for at-bats." - RealGMBaseball. WHOA. This is exactly like when Chris Carter, Jeff Bailey, Brad Wilkerson, and Paul McAnulty were all competing for a Boston bench spot in '09!

3. "Mark Hamilton, former Tulane star and #cardinals farmhand, escaped the former-card gravitational pull to Houston. In Boston's lineup today." - Derrick Goold. That was yesterday.

fleshier stuff:
1. Just looked at a picture of Hamilton and he's adorable and not at all fat. This season in Pawtucket I will do my best not to say "Alright, Hamilton" but I am not making any promises. I still can't stop saying "Everybody Ray Chang tonight!"

2. "There are encouraging items, too, though, such as Hamilton's career .385 on-base percentage at Triple-A, and .203 Isolated Power at the level -- if he can approximate those levels while in the International League, then, even at 28, it might be worth seeing if he can hit in the majors if there's a need and the scouting reports match the numbers." - Rebel Alliance member Marc Normandin puts it down.

3. Possessor of inner thoughts Chris Hogan talks about it. It's a radiocast on the internet. What a time we live in.

4. "Tim Lincecum. We faced him in the 2004 Oxford Regional when he was pitching for the University of Washington. As a freshman, he had already learned how to pitch and had an outstanding fastball and curveball. I saw him again in the Cape Cod Summer Baseball League in 2005 and he was beyond outstanding, thrown 97-101 MPH with an amazing curve." - Hamilton's toughest pitcher he's faced, from a decent interview here.

5. "He’s had 89 home runs throughout his career, for instance, including 20 in 2010 and 15 last year before he was released by the Cardinals in August. He also has experience playing in the corner outfield spots, so that could come in handy if the Red Sox are put in a bind down the road." - Bryan from The Grandstand Perspective sums it all up for us dummies.

6. Although I mentioned that Hamilton struck out a lot last year, he was also in a three-way tie for first place in walks. Eugenio Velez was also part of that  three-way. So was your mom, I heard.

7. Hamilton's taste in music is about the same as any other baseball player.

Making lists or bullet points is super lazy, but I lack an analytic mind or fully-formed opinions so it's what I lean on. Now I must drive to Wakefield for beer and fried stuff.

MAURO GOMEZ!!!

Jeremy Hazelbaker ate at chain restaurants in Mexico.

This evening I found myself thinking about Jeremy Hazelbaker's contributions to the Pawtucket Red Sox and his command of the strike zone and how he spent his off-season working out and drinking protein shakes and making his wife get his golf clubs out of the trunk because he was playing video games.

No, I was just looking at the Pawtucket 2012 roster and realized I didn't have much to say about players Anderson through Hassan. And I thought about how he's farm-built like a Syracuse ladder and how high he pulls his pants up. Did you know Hazelbaker is a Ball State kid? He's from Indiana but has probably never been Jammed!

Hazelbaker only played in seven games for Pawtucket. He struck out eight times and never walked. He also says shit like "I ain't sure I've ever heard of Downtown Abbey" and "I never thought I would see the day where my girlfriend would ask me to get her a handgun! SOOO HAPPY!!!!".

Let's talk to it!

1. Hazelbaker participated in a webchat, but not the kind where you take your underpants off. I tried to watch it, I swear.

2. "Hazelbaker also must continue to work on his defense because he played third base in high school and second during his first two seasons at Ball State. Among other things, he must get better reads on line drives and as well as balls hit in the gaps." - Mike Scandura wrote this. Either that or that scoundrel Charlie Saponara.

3. JH played winter ball in Mexico, yet has probably never tried tequila in his life.

4.
  
  "He has plus speed (36 SBs) and some pretty good pop (19 HRs, .206 ISO, .479 slugging at AA).  Overall he hit .273/.338/.479 in AA last season. Despite the plus speed, Hazelbaker needs work in CF.  He has plus raw range but needs to learn to read the ball better and take better routes.  Enter defensive guru Dave McKay.  He did a lot with an aging, sore-kneed player in Alfonso Soriano, perhaps he can translate Hazelbaker's plus athleticism into plus defense in CF.  Hazelbaker has shown the ability to take walks in the minors but his overall plate discipline is inconsistent.  Furthermore, his ability to make contact at the MLB level may be a concern, though he's trending in the right direction.  His 23.4% K rate at AA last season was a career low.  If the Cubs think he can improve in the spring, he fits the profile of a potentially plus defensive CF with good range in CF."

Thanks, John Arguello!

5. "Jeremy Hazelbaker posted monster numbers in his junior season at Ball State. His .550 OBP was 2nd highest in D-1. His OPS was a staggering 1.274 and his babip was .491. His SecA was a staggering .645 (.500 is considered to be very good). More impressive is his plate discipline. His BB/K ratio was 1.37. His Runs Created per Plate Appearance were .315." - swiped from Sabermetric Sox Report

6. "We've enjoyed having Jeremy here," said Susan Cressey. "(He) has an intense schedule with lots of road trips and training sessions at Hadlock Field before games. I'm particularly impressed with his healthy life style and his self-discipline in terms of always being game-ready. Late nights and early morning road trips are the norm for Jeremy and his teammates." - Hazelbaker's Portland host family was his trainer's parents. I'm pretty sure Susan Cressey read that statement off index cards with a gun pointed at her head.

7. LOL this picture. LOL. LOL. LOL!!!

8. Rule 5 = Theme from Jaws and Hazelbaker's pasty legs treading saltwater.

9. Hazelbaker set up a scholarship at his old high school, so that was nice of him.

10. WHO IS WESSEL BROCKEN?!

11. Kolbrin Vitek kind of compares Hazelbaker to an old shoe: " I played with him in college for a couple years and then once I got drafted I knew I’d be playing with him a little bit. By the end of my first season I was teammates with him again, which is awesome. It helps you get a little more comfortable with the rest of your teammates, you can kind of break in that way, and having that familiar face is always helpful. Coming in every day and having someone that you’ve known for five or six years now, it’s very helpful."  BUS LEAGUES BASEBALL RULEZ!!!

12. "Even after working out in the hot sun all morning Hazelbaker was more than accommodating. He talked to me as much as I wanted him to and even un-tucked his shirt to show us his tattoo." - DUDE.

13. "Red Sox prospect Jeremy Hazelbaker lead the lower-A Carolina League with 63 steals and 135 K’s, an unusual combination to say the least. In fact, he lead the entire Boston organization…7 teams plus the parent club…in stolen bases, and was topped only by Dave Ortiz’ 145 strikeouts." - from Deep-Fried Hoodsie Cups, which has really pretty pictures.

14. So I'm reading this thing where Hazelbaker talks about baserunning and I'm digging it and of course it's a David Laurila joint.

I need more practice writing stuff if I am ever going to make a book. I'm pretty sure Alex Speier is going to write an article about all my spelling errors and clunky exposition and forced pop culture references. But I don't care, because I AM ONE WIN AWAY FROM GOING TO THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!!

IDAWAHIO!!!

Brentz, just admit it.

I do not buy this gun-accidentally-going-off story. Why is it always my responsibility to whip up a scathing exposé?

I feel like this story secretly involves lots of alcohol and some Tennessee justice. Kind of like a honky-tonk barfight, but trashier.

Doesn't anybody care about the truth any more?

And then with the blizzard.

2013 was not a good year for anybody. I'm calling it.

Kevin Millwood retired. And I knew... He had made me happy.

In 2011, Kevin Millwood, zillionaire superstar, came to our little ballpark. He started 13 games and went 5-1 with a 4.28 ERA. I see he struck out 66 and walked 25, so that was pretty good. It was a very exciting time for me.

I went back in my archives and noticed that Millwood tossed a 102 pitch game v Buffalo in July 2011. Opposing pitcher was the equally veteran Miguel Batista.  Know who else pitched? Dale Thayer and Gustavo Chacin. What the fuck. The Millwood game summaries are terrific and wicked funny, if I say so myself.

Last thing: Millwood participated in PawSox bowling. I would also like to point out that on Poster Night, Mill the Thrill was friendly and cordial and actively engaged with the fans. SO MUCH CLASS. And yet scrubs like Billy Buckner can't be bothered.

The 2013 Pawtucket Red Sox Hot Stove Party Featuring Jackie Bradley Jr and Nobody Else, No Sir.

Yesterday was the PRSHSP and let's face it, all the cold people were there to see Jackie Bradley Jr. And why not? Personally, I was there for free hot dogs. It's a nice break from all the porridge and hardtack I've been living on.

Once again, the greatest part was the Tamburro/Schwechheimer led Town Hall Meeting, in which the people in charge of this whole thing solicit suggestions and comments from fans. Again, some people tossed out good ideas and a few compliments. But of course you get FULL-GROWN MEN asking why they can't give free bobbleheads to adults instead of just 14 and under.

Jeremy Kapstein was on hand to remind everyone to buckle their safety belts. He also pointed out that Jackie Bradley Jr and his fiance are super swell folks who have been touched by the hand of god. Fiance looks all of sixteen, but they marry up early down south.

Wanna see some pictures?

Someone hacked into my camera with a virus and downloaded my Jackie Bradley file gifs. I'm pretty sure that happened. I would have maybe recorded some Bradley Q&A, but that sort of thing was scrapped in favor of everyone getting autographs.

See you soon!

I won't stay in a world without Hyder.

Steve Hyder quit Pawtucket last month. I am not terribly surprised and kinda saw it coming. But what the heck? Who's going to fill his shoes and what will the broadcast sound like? I can't get to sleep! I think about the implications...

Some people find it helpful to make a list. I know I do, which is why my apartment is as neat as a pin without a speck of dust and my bed is always made and such. No crumbs in my keyboard!

Stump Steve:
1. "I did in nine years with the PawSox and 12 years overall, and it's kind of lost its luster,'' said Hyder. "I felt like I didn't get the respect at McCoy Stadium that I've earned elsewhere. Wherever else I go, I'm treated pretty well. I just didn't feel like the PawSox valued my services.'' (here) (True dat.)

2. And Hyder's writing a book! "I kept a very detailed diary of the 2012 season when they won the Governor's Cup, so that's what it will be all about." Can't wait to read it, seriously, and if it never gets finished I will pull his spine out through his butthole. (ibid.)

3. Adam Hyzdu wishes this could have happened sooner.

4. "I was insulted when I wasn't made the lead guy," he said. "I was told my play-by-play wasn't good enough. I'm a finalist for Sportscaster of the Year in Rhode Island again this year." Aaron Goldsmith, you carpetbagging ruiner.

5. Searched for Hyder stuff I'd written, came across this 'wacky' lineup I did last September. There it is, Jen. The funniest lineup you've ever written and no one was around to read it:

6. "I'm 100 percent Team Hyder. Always have been." - J Messy


 Never had the chance to meet Steve Hyder, but I did get to meet players like Royce Ring and John Otness so I guess it all balances out.

See you at Hot Stove, which will by emceed by the next person I hate in my life.

Rain Delay

A long time ago, Gary DiSarcina became the new manager of the Pawtucket Red Sox. And Arnie Beyeler became the Boston Red Sox first base coach.

Since DiSarcina's local-ish, everybody knows him. I remember him best as an occasional co-host of Extra Innings on NESN. This may have occurred back when Bob Rodgers hosted and Tom Caron was doing Heidi Watney work on the field. My feelings toward Tom Caron have not thawed.

Here's a short thing on DiSarcina written by Scott Cordischi. Evidently, no one proofread it. Why not check out Over the Monster instead? Or PawSox Blog?

I look forward to meeting DiSarcina and working with him throughout the season. I know he will consult with me before setting the lineups and provide me with injury reports.

By the way, as I perused the articles on Gary DiSarcina I couldn't help but notice that some people should resolve to either use spellcheck or, say, review their work before submitting it. Come on, everybody. Step it up.

Drew Sutton dreams about liverwurst.

Damn, I am rusty. Do safecrackers lose their touch if they put their life of crime on hiatus? Because I'm pretty sure I can open a safe or two. I still don't want to write about Papelbon, but that has to happen sooner or later.

Good news, ladies: Drew Sutton is returning to Pawtucket! Don't get any ideas, though. Sutton is probably not down to clown, since it's family first with him. Unless the old saying is true.

Mitch Maier was also picked up by Boston. Maier is an outfielder and he's 30 and he comes from the Kansas City org. He's a brunette... A little on the scatback side but oh, sexy.

Mayhap you've never heard of Terry Doyle. Formerly White Soxy, now Red Soxy. Doyle is a righty big-boy pitcher from Concord, MA, which means he has access to some killer apple cider. Unless he's from Rhode Island, which could also be true because Ben Hill never lies.

Please also welcome relief pitcher Oscar Villarreal.

I'm opting not to get too in depth with these guys, because I've seen many minor-league signings evaporate. Scott Patterson for example. That dude with the red hair, Adam something. Bernero!

RIP Nate Spears, alleged bestie of Jose Iglesias.

2012 PawSox Annual Christmas Party

Tomorrow is the PawSox Annual Christmas Party. Arnie Beyeler won't be there, possibly because he was promoted. Does a major-league first base coach make more than a minor-league manager?

This year Ryan Lavarnway will be there, possibly because he can drive there from Connecticut. Wait, is Lavarnway from Connecticut? Why is he going? Isn't he a big star now? I'll bet he's all fat and drunk.

Tony Thomas will be there because he is wonderful.

Also Jeremy Hazelbaker and his hiked-up pants. Hazelbaker is built like John Olerud and resembles a younger version of the farmer from American Gothic. JEREMY MY DAUGHTER HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU WILL YOU STEP AWAY FROM FIELDING DRILLS AND SIGN THIS CREASED INDEX CARD?

And Santa Paws. And Santa Claus. SANTA CLAUS? I don't recall seeing Santa Claus at McCoy before. Will there also be a nun there with a collection of switches? 

My invitation also says there will be games. Is that new? It also says boldly at the top 'Looking to get into the holiday spirit!!!'

The event lasts from 11:00- 2:00. I will not be able to attend and even though it's SSDY, I am disappointed. Please go and take lots of pictures for me.

I miss you.

The woman on the last page.

I was flipping through a book about exciting finishes in Boston sports and I saw this picture on the last page:

The book was called Something Something Fat Lady, so I see why they closed with this shot.

This picture comes from the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox Rolling Rally Parade Explosion Party Featuring Euclides Rojas and Pokey Reese. But I didn't need to read the caption to tell me that, because this woman WAS DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM ME ON THE BRIDGE NEAR THE SCIENCE MUSEUM!!! And she was awesome and unforgettable in her fat suit! Crazy to think that was eight years ago. I slept over in Boston that night and woke up before the sun to stake out a spot on the route and I sure got a good one, even though it was at the tail end. And I never forgot Miss Fat Lady across from me.

REMEMBER? They had a map of the parade route and then they decided to extend it due to massive interest!

Anyone, this woman's name is Laura Lavallee so if you know her please thank her for me.

Doin' it with Dan Butler

Beefy sex machine Dan Butler has strapped on his catching gear in the DR with the Toros del Este. World's Biggest Reliever Jose Diaz is on the same team, so Butler gets to catch him. Other teammates include IL guys Josh Outman, Yohan Flande, Jairo Asencio, Winston Abreu and Wilkin Ramirez.

Who else is playing winter ball?

1. Bryce Brentz - Big star in the AFL, named to the Rising Stars game on November third. In theory, I am very excited about this.

2. Others. Sorry, my interest in this just dropped precipitously. I think I just wanted to mention Dan Butler.

The Giants won the World Series. Sergio Romo was my favorite, although I experienced curious feelings toward Bruce Bochy. He's probably going to call me any day now. Him and Mike Lowell.

Here's a jack-o-lantern I carved! It's the second one from the left, the only freehand pumpkin. I wanted it to look like it was singing, but that didn't happen.

AAAAAH!!!!

Kevin Youkilis was on the Pawtucket Red Sox.

Chicago says nope to Youk option.

This one time I met his wife. Although I think they are no longer married? It was a work thing. She was cool and direct and although some people might call her a bitch, I like people like that.

Also through work I dealt with Scott Zolak, who is pretty much the same guy in person as he is on the radio. Loud. Abrasive. Reasonably cordial, though.

And media guy Tom Curran. He is tall. That's all I remember.

Walter McCarty, former Celtics dude. Super nice, really friendly, great guy.

Maybe more, I don't know. I know these people are kind of d-list, but so am I.

Tornado warnings for the Durham area almost ruined my trip.

Bryce Brentz played right like he was five beers deep. However, he made one decent third-out catch and seemed pretty pleased with himself as he ran off the field. I know I was pleased.

My sister and I thought this guy was cute. Something George. That's the story behind this picture. As you can see, our seats were right behind the Aces bullpen.

"Blah blah rain yee-haw! Beer huntin' tits! Dude! Porn hotsauce LIFTWEIGHTS."

Grounds crew meeting! Looks like a real sausage fest.

Love the cas guy in the background.

HBWS

Chris Hernandez is tangentially involved in a conversation.

Classic Kroenke!

Andy LaRoche and some other guys. Nate Spears is number 3.

All I can see is hair.

Outside the DBAP. Some woman behind us in line talked about the concession stands in great detail, describing what each one sold and rating the deliciousness. Since I am not Southern, I just kept waiting for her to stop talking. She didn't so I just walked away eventually... "Oops, line's moving!"

Also, behind us in the beer line was a couple and the dude was originally from Pawtucket! So that was cool.

Here's a picture from the Triple-A Championship Game in Durham, NC.

I had to get a picture of man-about-town Rick Medeiros. He's talking to Alex Wilson, probably about that election rigging article.

I think I'll just put all my pictures up. I am no one's photographer, so I'm sorry... NO I AM NOT SORRY. I TAKE CANDID PICTURES THAT ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL QUALITY, OH MY GOD, SUE ME!!!

2012 Granite State Baseball Dinner

Yeah, I don't think so.

Cecil Fielder and Wade Boggs will be there. Of course, Carpenter will be there participating in auctions and being a smug douche all night. And everyone slobbers all over him. Too gross for words.

It costs $80. For charity! I think even if I did want to go, I doubt there would be anyone willing to pony up the dough to come with. I have had a good time in the past but it's just too much money for very little payoff.

Besides, has Chris Carpenter ever conquered the LARGEST CORN MAZE IN VERMONT?!