Pawtucket @ Rochester (game 2)

Rochester wins el segundo, 6-1.

Charlie Zink continues to struggle. Zink got his first two batters of the game out, but then the same old shit started going down. Jose Morales singles, Zink hits Huber with a pitch, wild pitch, etc. No one scored, though, in the first inning.

Zink's second inning was catastrophic. David Winfree led things off with a single, then Zink walked Dustin Martin (who?). Zink got Macri to line out, but then Brock Peterson hit an RBI single to give the Red Wings the lead.

Zink got the second out when Tommy Watkins popped up to Natale, but then single single walk single and suddenly Rochester is up 5-0 and Hunter Jones has to come in and take over. Jones got the next batter out.

Pawtucket got its only run in the third inning, thanks to an Angel Chavez RBI double. The bases were loaded for Carter in the third, but he grounded out. It's okay... you can't just rely on one person for the clutch offense.

Rochester starter Armando Gabino pitched four innings, giving up three hits and two walks and striking out four. The win went to righty reliever Juan Morillo.

orts n sorts:
1. Marcus McBeth pitched very well in the last couple of innings, not allowing any hits or walks.
2. Bubba Bell made a throwing error.

The Pawtucket Red Sox are god-awful right now. I don't even know what to say.

peace out.

Travis Denker Essential Tracks

I came across this quote on the internet: "The Giants were disappointed in the performance of Travis Denker, he was clearly overmatched during his time in San Francisco and didn't endear himself to the organization or to his teammates with his attitude." This was according to Giants news blogger Andrew Baggarly.

Many fans were mystified when the Giants put Denker on waivers in the 2008 off-season. His stats and potential were not bad... what the hell was the deal? Was Denker that much of a pain in the ass? The Padres wound up picking him up.

"Being in 30-degree weather every day doesn't help," Denker said, referring to his Connecticut stint. "I really didn't feel like hitting when I was there." Bold statement, but cut-worthy?

"we will make a copy of the list in case something happens to the first list"
1. TRAVIS DENKER IS NOT FAT! He also does not work out with C. Carter.
2. The Red Sox picked up Denker this past April after the Padres DFA'd him.
3. Denker began his baseball life as a Dodgers baby.
4. But the Giants got him in a 2007 trade for Mark Sweeney.
5. In 2005, Denker was the Sally League's all-star second baseman.
6. Just read this. It's pretty thorough.
7. Travis Denker ripped it up during the single-A San Jose Giants post-season.
8. Denker made national television with a triple play he participated in while on the triple-A Fresno Grizzlies.
9. Ron Johnson is more than happy to tell Denker he sucks.
10. Tangential, but also really funny: "Travis Denker is a quality second baseman for a Red Sox minor league affiliate right now, but we're told he has a bright future."
11. Denker has seen major league playing time with the Giants.
12. Denker is not as much a utility infielder as he is a guy that can play second base.
13. Denker was once part of a skateboarding tour with sponsors and everything.

late nite snap: Angel Chavez and RJ in Norfolk.

7.20.09 = Red(Sox+Wings) - d

Rochester WINS! 12-5

Yohan Pino got the start for Rochester. Pino pitched five innings and gave up three runs, all coming by way of the long ball (Carter with a runner on, Carter solo.)

Innings six and seven belonged to right-handed reliever Jesse Crain. Crain only allowed one hit while striking out three Red Sox players.

Top of the ninth: Reliever Tim Lahey stays in the game to face Bates, Brown, and Bell. Bates and Brown greet Lahey with back-to-back singles, but Bubba Bellhorn strikes out looking.

With one out and runners at first and second, third (yup) baseman Travis Denker steps in and doubles... Bates and Brown haul ass and both runners cross home plate.

But that was all, of course. I mean, Freddy Guzman singled, but nothing else really happened. Is Travis Denker the offensive stud in Pawtucket? Is that where we're at?

The Red Wings got crunk up in the infield with their cheap hits. I suppose the bumbling Pawtucket defense didn't help anything. Travis Denker usually plays second base, but tonight he filled in for fielding Einstein Angel Chavez and honored his legacy by committing three errors. And Rochester didn't really have that One Big Inning... their runs were scattered here and scattered there/bits of runs scattered everywhere. Five of Billy Traber's seven runs were earned. Rocky Cherry gave up two more runs and Vaquedano gave up three. Vaquedano has been struggling lately.

Jason Pridie, who I'm pretty sure weighs 142 lbs, had 5 RBI for Rochester. PIMP. Second baseman Matt Tolbert hit a triple off Rocky Cherry.

So five of Billy Traber's seven runs were earned. Rocky Cherry gave up two more runs and Vaquedano gave up three. Vaquedano has been struggling lately.

better shave her a little closer:
1. Billy Traber starting again? What the French? Can't they start bringing some Portland kids up and getting rid of Pawtucket people? Isn't the season a wash anyway?
2. Good work, Chris Carter.
3. Pawtucket had five errors... Velazquez and Guzman made the other two.
4. Dave Winfree has a weird tattoo on the back of his neck that I cannot stop looking at when I see him play. It sort of looks like a surfboard or a tiki idol? WHAT IS IT?!
5. Winfree homered along with Justin Huber.
6. It was starter Yohan Pino's first start in triple-A.

Tomorrow! Kris Johnson v Jeff Manship. Oh my god, I can't wait.

Baby Chris Carter is in the red.

"Man, I wish people would stop asking me about my local girlfriend. It's starting to annoy the piss out of me!

Like my wind pants? Nautica!"

noonish snap: Mike Lowell in Buffalo, trying.

suspicion

Currently, there are three colors represented at McCoy Stadium: The blue seats, the red seats, and the green seats.

The blue seats are the cheap seats, general admission. First come, first serve for six dollars. Or you can go hit up the outfield and chill on the berm and throw quarters at the relievers.

The red and green seats are box. The green seats are closer to the field and more desirable. But for ten dollars, you can sit up front in green or in the middle in red.

I'm pretty sure that soon enough the green seats are going to cost more money. Possibly as soon as 2010.

7.18.09 My Night Behind the Sawhorses

I think it was Thursday when I saw Ian Snell pitch and I got a real bee in my bonnet about it. For some reason I felt like I HAD to see him before he left... so I decided to get behind the sawhorses.

When the players exit McCoy Stadium, they leave through the doors at home plate. There are sawhorses there, and the kids looking for autographs must stay behind them. Most of these people are hardcore - binders and bats and balls, the same people every night.

You might think these guys are hustlers, dealers, whatever. You might be wrong. Many of these people just collect autographs the way some people collect stamps or seaglass. At worst, they're oddballs and misfits, but they know that and are proud of it.

There's a very small minority of people that are making $$$. Some of the players... a lot on the visiting teams, too... and certain security members are in on this. I am not sure how it works, exactly, but it's some weird, complicated scheme.

So anyway, I happen to be good friends with one of these people. He was my 'in'. Last Saturday night, my friend had gotten tickets from Ivan Ochoa. I snuck into the park (bad, I know, but I almost never do it and BESIDES THEY OWE ME!!!) and found him in the Ochoa seats.

Post-game, we headed down to the sawhorses. And waited. I hung back and watched it all go down. These people already know who's signing, how many per person, who's gonna blow them off, who's an asshole, who's a good guy, who signs like crap, what kind of cars they drive... yup. Borrowing blue or silver Sharpies or blue pens (this stuff is really important).

I made small talk with some of the folks. One guy was trying to give me pointers, even thought I told him that autographs weren't really my thing. One guy kept saying that they should let Marcus McBeth pitch for six innings (????). This same guy started talking to Fernando Cabrera in crappy street Spanish about how they 'should have kept him in'. Cabrera, to his credit, did not respond to these heated comments. I'm sure Fernando also appreciated the whole 'mi pana' thing.

Note to self: Speaking Spanish to Latin players is shit currency. It will not win them over.

So finally Ian Snell and his giant headphones made an appearance. He signed my scorecard from the night he pitched and my friend took a snap of me and Snell. That's pretty much all I wanted.

I also got my picture taken with Fernando Cabrera. Yes, I went there. I felt so cheap! But now I never have to go back. I do not know how the 'graphers' handle the derision and rejection, the pleading for autographs... I just couldn't do it. Someone handed me cards for Tom Gorzelanny to sign and he smacked. Me. Up. I only wish I'd thought of a snappy comeback, such as "THANKS FOR SIGNING THESE CARDS, MISTER GORZELANNY! I CAN FINALLY RETIRE NOW!"

If you're going to be such a miserable prick about signing, why do it at all? Why do it and act like a jackass? Just say, sorry, I can't.

somery:
1. Lastings Milledge was a hot commodity. He's a superstar, man, why's he still up in Pawtucket?
2. Fernando Cabrera is generally considered to be the nicest and most accommodating signer.
3. Ian Snell is not 5'11". He may not even be 5'9".
4. Shelby Ford was really very nice.

I'm through. See you in August.

7.19.09 - Pawtucket's Minor Miracle

Pawtucket finally WINS! 3-2

Michael Bowden should be duly proud of his start. Bowden pitched five hitless innings. 73 pitches and that was his night.

New (ish) reliever TJ Large had another scoreless, hitless inning... Javier Lopez kept it going into the ninth. Fernando Cabrera came in for the last two outs and gave up a single to Larry Broadway, spoiling the no-hitter.

Things got worse when Tagg Bozied followed that up with a home run, but no more runs after that and who really cares? Pawtucket finally won.

I saw Cabrera blow a hold the other night (no, that is not code) and he was very angry about it. He seems so mild-mannered!

I think I should take Sundays off from now on. I also think maybe I don't need to physically be at the park anymore.

What do you think?

she is getting fat! her belly's got a lump in it!
1. Many media kids have been saying that TJ Large is making his Pawtucket debut this year. WRONG. Have I mentioned this already? I think I have. I have to admit, I like it when I'm right and the newspaper is wrong.
2. Catcher Mark Wagner had a fine, fine afternoon with his two RBI.
3. Ivan Ochoa was hit by pitches twice.
4. Ten thousand people at the park? DUDE.

I should have written about Saturday's game but it feels like old news at this point.

afternoon snap: Lowrie in Norfolk

***EXCLUSIVE*** INTERVIEW WITH PIRATES STARTER IAN SNELL!!!

Recently I had the chance to catch up with Pirates starter Ian Snell. Here's what he had to say!

BH: How was the WBC?
IS: Fun.

Best of luck in '09, Ian!

what a guy.

Today I overheard Clay Buchholz on the radio talking about his start in Toronto. And he said it was fun to pitch for a team that scores runs.

Pawtucket does not score runs. Clearly he was taking a shot at the Pawtucket hitters. The guys that are his defense, scooping up his grounders and turning two and running over to foul territory to catch an errant pop-up. Dusty Brown, how do you feel about that?

Real classy, you fucking hillbilly. I'm sure your friends in Pawtucket really appreciated your public insult.

DEAD. TO. ME.

Triple-A All-Star Game

The ballpark in Portland where the AAA All-Star game was held creeped me out quite a bit.

The way the park was set up with the high walls made the field look like it was in a deep, dark pit. And it's a park built in the 20's but it has artificial turf?

I'm going to have bad dreams about that park, but I would still like to go see it.

Good work, International League and especially Eric Kratz.

aM snap: Lincoln Holdzkom

7.17.09 Red Sox v Indians

Indianapolis WINS! 7-3. What can you do but laugh at this point?

Charlie Zink, in 4 2/3 innings, walked seven batters. Four of those walks were batters being hit by pitches. I would feel bad for Zink, but I have stitches in my mouth and can eat only limited amounts of mushy things. He should feel bad for me!

Zink gave up four runs, by the way. And the bullpen's been slipping a little since right before the ASB. And now Clay Buchholz is gone. Things are gonna get real ugly, real fast at McCoy. Don't listen to what Chris Carter says.

Other tough kids out of the bullpen: Vaquedano pitched 2/3 of an inning and gave up a pair of walks! A pair of hits! A pair of runs! And a pair of pants! Billy Traber did well, so skip him and go to Rocky Cherry, who gave up three walks and three hits in 1 1/3 innings. Cherry gave up a run, but the game was pretty much over at that point anyway.

Javier Lopez pitched the rest of the game and did as well as could be expected.

Gorzelanny! Gorzelanny had six K's in six innings. Gorzelanny held Pawtucket to one run and no further runs were scored. Until...

... Until the bottom of the ninth. Steven Jackson is the new pitcher for Indianapolis. Travis Denker, who homered back in the fourth, leads off the inning with a single. Denker then casually moves over to second base while Bubba bell stands at home with a bat in his hand, trying to look tough. And Bubba Bell singles!

Then guess who comes in to pinch hit for Gil Velazquez? Aaron Bates! No suh! And all he does is hit a sac fly to center to get Denker home. Whoooo, I'll bet the Indians were shaking!

Third baseman Angel Chavez is next but he grounds out. At least he moved Bell over. And then the greatest thing happened: Carlos Freaking Maldonado, fresh off the DL, comes in to pinch hit for Freddy Guzman. NO. WAY. And of course Maldonado comes through and singles home Bubba Bell. And then Ivan Ochoa hit a single! TEAM VZ!!

And that was about it. The PawSox are just messing with you in these ninth innings. Come on. Did you really think they were going to come back from 7-1 in the ninth inning?

two things:
1. I wanted to go to bed really bad, but instead I took care of this business.
2. Lastings Milledge went 3-4 with 2 RBI. He is a star, of course.
3. Mark Wagner allowed two stolen bases BUT he also nailed a pair of base stealers.
4. Charlie Zink is currently in first place in the International League for walks allowed. He's walked 65 dudes. Durham's James Houser is in second place with 46. Holy crap.
5. Zink also leads the IL in hit batsmen with 20. He's number one with a bullet, since the guy in second has only 8. Holier crap.
6. Carlos Maldonado is exciting, but maybe only to me. And his mom, I guess. I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU, MRS. MALDONADO!!
7. Good game, Travis Denker. Now trim those sideburns!

Tomorrow! Enrique Gonzalez v Indians righty Brad Lincoln. I'm popping in because I need to rap with Ian Snell about some things.

MALDONADO!!!!

pm snap: Unknown PawSox player.

7.16.09 Pawtucket Red Sox v Indianapolis Indians

9-5 Indianapolis. This game was excruciatingly bad PawSox baseball. The best part of the game was Ian Snell pitching.

Indy starter and handsome man Ian Snell went 6 1/3 innings and got the win. Snell walked five guys but he only gave up two hits and one run. This is because of the intense focus on plate discipline. Theo Epstein called RJ and made him tell the PawSox to never swing at anything, ever.

Dude, Mike Koplove will never die. Kop came in to relieve Snell was pretty handy for an inning and a third, keeping the lead intact with no runs or hits.

Righty reliever and gadabout Chris Bootcheck came in for the ninth inning with a 9-1 lead. He immediately gave up back-to-back doubles to Mark Wagner and Bubba Bell. WHAT. Pawtucket hadn't scored since the fourth inning and now this? Jeff Natale then singled. WHAT, again. Then Travis Denker hit a double! Bootcheck must have been drunk or something.

Bootcheck was rightfully yanked in favor of Denny Bautista. Angel Chavez then hit an RBI single. Freddy Guzman struck out, Jerk Lowrie hit a sac fly to center to score the fourth run of the inning. I'll bet the crowd was really into it at this point.

Bautista finally got McAnulty to ground out to end the inning. What a weird flurry of hits. I was at this game but I left because it was way too pathetic. I might have to start rooting for the visiting teams.

The Red Sox are now 8 1/2 games back. Yup.

dreck:
1. Kris Johnson started for Pawtucket and it was painful and degrading. Johnson was giving up extra base hits from the get-go. Eleven hits in five innings. But only four runs?
2. Johnson only gave up four runs in spite of pitching like Abe Alvarez or something. This is partly because Angel Chavez bailed his ass out more than once. Chavez will knock you out with his fielding ability... it's a highlight reel every night with this guy.
3. Johnson's been flirting with failure all year, and it finally culminated with this game. He should probably visit the DL soon.
4. Pawtucket is DFL in the IL with only 668 hits. They are THIRD in the league for walks (329). That's like a 50% ratio. Meanwhile, the league leader in hits (Columbus Clippers), has 859 hits versus 272 walks! That's like a 1/3 ratio.
5. AND Columbus is in first place for slugging and OBP and batting average. Their pitching must suck, though, because they are last in their division. But damn, the Cleveland Indians are stacked, slugger-wise.
6. In summation, shut up, Theo Epstein.
7. Hey, Kris Johnson: Take a day trip to Portland and take a good, hard look at Kason Gabbard. Do you want to end up like that?
8. Freddy Guzman is doing his job, but he's constantly left dangling on second base after a steal. Come on, guys. Come on.
9. TJ Large made his first relief appearance in Pawtucket this year. Large was in Pawtucket 2-3 years ago. What the hell's he been doing?
10. Oh, wow: Many Pirates fans think Ian Snell is a whiny brat who can't pitch and tells lies. Well, that could wind up being the Yankees' problem, son.

Special Note: Where has Ian Snell been all my life? A pitcher from Dover, Delaware? I was looking up some stuff on this kid and his WBC story's pretty cool. It's rare to hear about a baseball player that's not one-dimensional. He is officially my Favourite.

Tonight! Knuckleball flameout Charlie Zink v Tom Gorzelanny. Yikes. Gorzelanny sez: "My prediction? PAIN."

That was HIM?!

Do you remember last year when some reliever on the Orioles got in big trouble for "rudely" flipping the ball to manager Dave Trembley when he was being taken out?

That was our very own Fernando Cabrera! Wow!

See, what had happened was... Cabrera was pitching to Tampa Bay and he gave up back-to-back homers. One of them was a Ben Zobrist grand slam that maybe coulda been caught by the outfielder.

The manager comes to take him out and... flip... OUT! The very naughty Cabrera apologized and was disciplined and fined.

But the story doesn't end there. Cabrera was released a few days later, I guess mostly because he was pitching like crap (because the Orioles NEVER hang on to struggling pitchers). Trembley had this to say: "I think you always make evaluations based on performance first. Not everybody here is a milkshake drinker. They're not all guys that you'd want to bring home and introduce to your daughters. You understand that. But performance is the bottom line. I didn't see Fernando Cabrera fitting in on this club next year. I think we can do better. I told him I appreciated what he did, but I didn't see him making this club coming out of spring training. I think there is no substitute at any time for respect and integrity."

He's a rebel and he'll never, ever be any good. I wonder if Cabrera and Rocky Cherry and Randor Bierd ever get together and reminisce about Baltimore?

aM snap: Buchholz, Gabbard, Pauley '07

afternoon snap: Juan Miranda

2009 Pawtucket Red Sox Uniform Numbers

2 - Gil Velazquez, Smartass Infielder.

3 - Sean Danielson, outfield. Small Man with Big Arm.

5 - Chris Carter, hitter.

5 - Rocco Baldelli, rehabbing outfielder. I love Rocco Baldelli, but I think asking Chris Carter for his uniform number during MINOR LEAGUE REHAB is tacky. I hope he gave Carter a 'gift'. When I say 'gift', I might mean money or I might mean something more sinister and/or dirty.

7 - Jeff Bailey, competent first base/left field type. Will probably outlive all of us.

10 - Jeff Natale, power threat from either side of the plate. Or puckish infielder who'll take one for the team.

11 - Jeff Corsaletti - Heterosexual outfielder who was not really good at anything. I loved him in Portland but he was not fun to be around at McCoy Stadium. He's gone now.

11 - John Otness, catcher. He wears the ones better.

11 - Mark Wagner, current catcher.

12 - Ivan Ochoa, shortstop type. One of three numbers Ochoa's worn this year. I don't want to demean or belittle Ochoa, but he is freaking adorable.

12 - Jed Lowrie, rehabbing shortstop. Has forgotten his roots as well.

13 - Rich Sauveur, pitching coach.

15 - Dusty Brown, catcher. I have nothing bad to say about Brown. I might not even have anything good to say about Brown. In baseball, this means he's an asset to the team.

16 - Charlie Zink, starting pitcher.

17 - Jonathan Van Every, center field.

18 - Ivan Ochoa again. One-third of the Venezuelan Triumvirate. Had major league time with the Giants last year.

19 - Clay Buchholz, starting pitcher, superstar. We've been very lucky to have him in Pawtucket.

19 - Devern Hansack, who had better get his number back when he returns. CLAY.

20 - Jose Vaquedano, merciless right-handed reliever who brings it down low on the mound. Maybe on the dance floor, too. Vaquedano's been refrigerator material this year. He's from Honduras!

21 - Manager Ron Johnson. He's big! He's loud! He's gregarious and loquacious and charming and funny! And at times, he speaks in well-groomed company lines filtered through Texas folksiness. I love him and so do you.

22 - Angel Chavez, third base. He's a killer over there and so much fun to watch. Best third baseman I've seen in Pawtucket, including Boggs. Oh, SNAP!

23 - Iggy Suarez, infielder. Shortstop, mostly. Back in Portland being cool and from New York.

23 - Ivan Ochoa, way back in April.

24 - Iggy Suarez again. Iggers iz crazy, baby.

24 - John Otness, occasionally.

25 - Kris Johnson, lefty starter. He thinks he's gangsta.

26 - Chip Ambres, right field. Slugger. Now with Mets org.

26 - Bubba Bell, center field. Or right, whatever. I'd say his act is getting tired but maybe he's just in a bad slump.

28 - Clay Buchholz. Buchholz wore this number early in the season.

28 - Freddy Guzman, center field. Guzman is wicked fast and plays with zeal.

29 - John Smoltz, All-Star rehabber.

30 - Michael Bowden, RH starter. I had higher expectations for Bowden.

31 - Daniel Bard, former Pawtucket closer. Whatever happened to him?

32 - Chris George, lefty reliever. I hope he had fun.

33 - Zach Daeges, large right fielder. I wish he would come back soon.

33 - Aaron Bates, large first baseman. I'm not saying I'm glad Bailey got hurt, but it was so cool to see Bates get called up.

34 - Paul McAnulty, 1B/DH/LF.

35 - Rocky Cherry, dependable reliever.

36 - Travis Denker, second base. Denker wore 36 while Hunter Jones was in Boston.

36 - Hunter Jones, handsome lefty reliever. Seems to have ditched the rec-specs.

37 - Marcus McBeth, otherworldly right-handed reliever.

38 - Fernando Cabrera, dreamy closer. And he is so nice to the fans, it kills me. A very, very good boy.

39 - Travis Denker, former Giants kid.

39 - Robert Coello, reliever. Trying to come back, I think.

40 - Billy Traber, weirdo lefty reliever.

41 - Randor Bierd, hulking reliever. He's a loner but maybe not a rebel.

43 - Sandy Madera, former catcher. I loved Madera as if he were my son. SHANE, COME BACK!

45 - Russ Morman, hitting coach.

47 - Javier Lopez, former Braves catcher.

48 - Carlos Maldonado, catcher. I love him to bits. Also on Team Venezuela.

50 - Enrique Gonzalez, starter. Why not 49, Gonzalez? Gonzalez and Maldonado are practically siamese twins... you never see them not together. BOLIVAR, VZ!

There you have it. The PawSox.

7.12.09 Pawtucket and Syracuse, sittin' in a tree!

Pawtucket keeps f-a-i-l-i-n-g! They lose, 5-4. And I think someone's got a crush... the Chiefs and the Red Sox have been spending a lot of time together this summer! Whooo, sexxxy!

Righty Clay Buchholz started for Pawtucket. Buchholz was doing fairly well until about the sixth inning. He walked Mike Morse... and then made a throwing error on a pickoff attempt, which moved Morse to second. Eldred sac flied, moved Morse to third. And then like, Kory Casto singled? KORY CASTO? First of all Kory with a 'K'? Secondly, Casto was playing right field... I thought he was a third baseman or something?

Anyway, Casto gets the RBI. And Buchholz gets the hook. McBeth comes in to face Seth Bynum, and while McBeth is busy pitching to Bynum, Casto nervily steals second base. Bynum singles, runners at the corners.

And here comes mega-talented Justin Maxwell, with the brains and the brawn and making lots of money. Maxwell flies out to center, Casto comes home... Guzman hucks the ball in to second! Bynum out! Denker fires over to Velazquez at first! Maxwell out! Double play! But it's 5-2 Chiefs.

Bottom of the ninth. Still 5-2 Chiefs. Pawtucket doesn't have a chance... or does it? (Well, no.) Logan Kensing comes in to shut it down for Syracuse. And Jeff Natale comes in to pinch hit for Gil Velazquez. Kensing immediately intentionally walked the dangerous slugger to get to Angel Chavez. AH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!! OH MY GOD, HAHAHA HAHAHA!!

I'm sorry, but that is an absolute panic. I guess RJ wanted Natale to get hit by a pitch, but instead Natale struck out swinging.

Angel Chavez was up next, and I guess he sneezed weird or something but he doubled which is really out of character. And then Freddy Guzman hit a home run! I can't believe it! (Velazquez should have probably stayed in the game but maybe he had a plane to catch.)

And finally, some sad news: Jed Lowrie struck out and Mark Wagner grounded out. Third loss in a row for the Little Bats That Couldn't. And... ALL-STAR BREAK!!! FEATURING FERNANDO CABRERA!! Jolines!

two things:
1. It was Freddy Guzman's first home run. I am embarrassed for Pawtucket and I want to apologize to Guzman for being such a lifeless team. Guzman is like fire and the other guys are like ice.
2. Cabrera's inning was all dirty with a walk and a hit and 22 pitches but he didn't allow any runs. McBeth and Javier Lopez also pitched in for scoreless relief.
3. It was front page news in the local paper when Buchholz' rims got jacked the other night. That sucks, but didn't Clay Buchholz steal laptops from a school or something back in the day? I'm just saying.
4. Congratulations to Clay Buchholz on getting called up!
5. Gil Velazquez hates playing first base! I can't believe Jeff Natale pinch hit for him. That had to be a favor to GV if I ever saw one, because Natale a pinch hitter? Come on. How dumb do you think I am?
6. Trading Buchholz +one for Halladay is so, so stupid. Even I know that.
7. Jose Vaquedano is taking Buchholz' All-Star spot. I like Vaquedano a wicked lot so I am glad for him. : ) And the funniest thing about this story is that he'd planned to go to Newport with his girlfriend during the break. Newport? What is he, your grandparents?

Enjoy your All-Star break. I have some really exciting stuff planned, like listing uniform numbers and crap. Yeah.

aM snap: Van Every, Madera

I forgot who I stole this from. The guilt is going to eat away at me until I take it down.

7.10.09 Pawtucket Red Sox v Buffalo Bisons

1-0 Buffalo, in a game I saw coming a mile away.

Pawtucket righty Enrique Gonzalez got the start, went deep.. deeper than he's gone all year and gave up only one run in eight innings. What a jerk! Way to lose the game for Pawtucket in front of all the fans, Enrique!

I hope you slept well, Bubba Bell. Bell struck out with the bases loaded in the ninth inning. He is in a terrible slump! Also, kind of standing over a trap door. Bring on Josh Reddick.

Freddy Guzman once again swung at a pitch that was five feet out of the zone. This time he did not connect. Freddy Guzman is very entertaining.

Third baseman Javier Castillo got the sole RBI for Buffalo in the fourth inning. Bisons righty Tobi Stoner got the win.

I had a good time last night, in spite of the PawSox kids trying to break the record for least amount of runs scored in a season

pm snap: Chris Carter, away.

a.m. snap: Dontrelle Willis, hapless catcher.

PM snap: ORF Aaron Bates

7.9.09 PawSox v Buffalo Bisons - Tater Chip!

Buffalo WINS! 3-1

First of all, this message appeared on Twitter yesterday, courtesy of the PawSox: "**REHAB UPDATE** Mets SS Jose Reyes will be playing in Pawtucket tomorrow & maybe Friday - Great seats available at pawsox.com/401-724-7300".

And so I went into frantic mode and started contacting people, thumping the redial button, blah blah. I was so excited! People were excited! My life had meaning, a purpose!

One hour later, this came up: '**REHAB UPDATE** CORRECTION ARGENIS REYES will be playing for Buffalo -'. Oh, my god. What a friggin letdown. And seriously, who the hell cares about Argenis Reyes? What's more, he didn't even play tonight!

So that was pretty funny.

William Henry Traber, lefty reliever and Tower of Dominance, got a spot start tonight and it was remarkable! Traber gave up two runs on four hits in 5 2/3 innings. He also struck out three Bison. I had no idea he was going to pitch that deep into the game, but I guess Traber is the World's Strongest Reliever. It was very exciting.

Almost as exciting as Chip Ambres? Ambres got absolutely no love from Pawtucket (shameful!). He should have gotten at least a smattering of applause, but nothing. If I could have, I would have catapulted onto the field and given him a very squishy hug, but I'm classy and mature and don't care for public displays of affection.

Ambres hit two home runs and provided all the scoring for Buffalo. I can't even get too angry about that. Chip Ambres is the man and a way better outfielder than Bubba Bell.

But what about Bisons starter Nelson Figueroa? All I can say is 'WOW'! Beloved New Yorker Figueroa pitched eight dazzling innings, with nine strikeouts and only one walk. Welcome to Nellyville!

Pawtucket blew its wad in the first inning, with hotshot Freddy Guzman grabbing hold of the reins. Guzman led off with a single, stole second, scrambled over to third on a Jed Lowrie flyout, and then dashed home on McAnulty's flyout to center. There were a few other baserunners, but you know how that goes.

Hunter Jones had a solid ninth. I like it when he doesn't get fancy. A man of his carriage should pitch from his nuts, not like Casey Fossum or something.

two things:
1. I have a feeling Freddy Guzman would rather play for a team that hits. He's a runner. I'll bet he misses the Mud Hens.
2. The guy who closed for Buffalo, Brandon Knight, did a good job.
3. Bubba Bell made a glamorous diving catch in the third inning. Wooo. WHEN IS DANIELSON COMING BACK? EVER?!
4. Guzman singled a second time in the third inning. It was a crazy hit! The ball was totally out of the zone but he chased it and knocked it in there.

Pretty routine loss. Tomorrow! Enrique Gonzalez coming off the DL to face Tobi Stoner. I may go.

Mister Lopez Risin'

Javier Lopez arrived in Pawtucket right about May 15th. His May ERA was 9.53 through six appearances.

On June 9th, Lopez went on the DL. He was activated on the 20th. His June ERA was 1.69 through six appearances.

Lopez has made two relief appearances in July and has not allowed a run. In many ways, it appears he's putting it together.

Lopez is one of three lefties in Pawtucket's bullpen: See, there's Hunter Jones and Billy Traber, too. Unless someone's injured, though... yeah. It doesn't look good.

Pawtucket fans seem to like Javier Lopez and dislike Billy Traber. And I know why: Lopez is a more conventional nice guy who'll sign autographs (and will probably tell you he's never seen that card before, I guess that's his shtick) whereas Traber almost never talks to the fans, much less sign autographs. And Traber is almost sadistic about it: His glee is palpable and deliciously evil.

I kind of admire that about Billy Traber. But, damn, Poster Night's right around the corner and it's gonna kill him, I swear.

In summation, Javier "Lurch" Lopez is an old-school Pawtucket kid and I like him a lot. Until he screws up.

I wonder if he gets Atlanta's Javi Lopez' mail? "A summons?! What the?!"

PAWSOX BULLPEN!!!!!!

Is Shelley Duncan 'Wendell' from the Simpsons?

7.8.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs

12-0 Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.

Lefty Kris Johnson gave up five runs, Vaquedano gave up four, Cherry gave up three. Javier Lopez came out smelling like a rose with his one scoreless inning.

Andrew "Drew" Carpenter was the killer pitcher for the Iron Pigs. Seven two-hit innings with nine strikeouts! What a bad-ass.

Pawtucket's massive offensive power was led by Bubba Bell's double in the fifth inning. Travis Denker is the only other dude to get a hit. Denker got two hits, specifically.

Pigs' catcher Lou Marson went 3-4 with three RBI. Wait, who?

migajas:
1. Although the Iron Pigs were scheduled to go play the Scrankees in their park, that is not happening. Scranton/Wilkes-Barre is coming to Lehigh Valley due to ongoing problems with their field conditions. This is clearly the IL story of the year. What a bunch of bullcrap.
2. Ron Johnson sez: "It smelled like a sewer." Like a sewer filled with hot dogs?
3. IL president Randy Mobley is probably SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. I mean, you saw how pissed he was with Richmond and their failure to keep the Braves franchise.
4. Mobley says: “We’re putting some communication mechanisms in place to avoid situations when you have two teams sitting around all weekend not playing baseball. The events of (last) weekend led to some lengthy discussions between Kristen Rose and myself. No one is happy with the situation.”
5. Oh, and then! SWB will be playing their scheduled home games against Buffalo in Syracuse. AHAHAHAHHHAAA!!!

Someone should lure Shelley Duncan out to right field and mush him down deep into the quagmire. Maybe 2-3 people, really, because he's so big and ugly. And then he would emerge as SWAMP THING!!!

jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-jo-SEPHINA!

Jose Reyes will be in Pawtucket tomorrow. In a weird way, I wish I had worse seats than I do, because I'd prefer to move further outfield and closer to section 3.

My life is so hard.

Speaking of different seats, when I was at the fireworks game, I sat with some cronies of mine in a foreign section. And a foul ball landed right near me. It wedged into the empty seat next to me and I plucked it and held it for a second.

The tot behind me had been frightened by the zooming ball and was crying. I did not want to give the kid the ball. I have never, ever gotten a foul ball. It felt great in my hand. I wanted to lick it and smoke it.

I gave the ball to the kid, though, because I'm angelic and I give blood and all of that. The kid didn't care at all, but his parents thanked me and were awfully sweet.

I hung out for a while after the game. I saw the Yankees' Jonathan Albaladejo and he looks weird and slightly doughy. And Aaron Bates appeared like an angel...

JOSE REYES!!!! I will see you at McCoy Stadium.

HOLD ON!!!! It's Argenis Reyes. I was lied to! Mistreated! What a low-down dirty trick, Pawtucket. Thanks for ruining my Wednesday.

Marcus McBeth is a good listener.

At this point we know two things about PawSox super-reliever Marcus McBeth: He plays the piano and he has a smashed finger. Oh, and that crazy change up!

McBeth is remarkable and I'm going to dig a little deeper.

Here are the basics: Marcus Andre McBeth was born August 23rd, 1980, in Enoree (or Spartanburg), SC. If you know anything about Enoree, well, you're one step ahead of me. McBeth was a 2001 4th round draft pick for Oakland. Boston claimed him off waivers from Cincinnati in August of '08.

can't you just feel the moonshine?
1. MM went to University of South Carolina.
2. McBeth was drafted as an outfielder, but he couldn't hit.
3. McBeth was one of two players the A's traded for the Reds' Chris Denorfia in 2007.
4. McBeth enjoys Huston Street's work.
5. And Homer Bailey's.
6. McBeth is a business-minded Realtor who makes savvy investments.
7. McBeth was an AFL invitee in 2006. I guess he dug AZ, because he lives there now. At any rate, he working on his pitching transformation there and got his first taste of dead arm!
8. McBeth is married and has a daughter. At least.
9. MM calls his change up "a Bugs Bunny Change up". Like, those gorillas on the visiting team swing three times at one slow, slow pitch and strike out.
10. McBeth may have a terrible groundball/flyout ratio.
11. McBeth allegedly taught Joe Thurston how to read music while they were both in Pawtucket last year. How... excellent...is thy name...
12. McBeth's fastball command was slow to come around.
13. McBeth hit a grand slam at USC. Later in the same game, he homered. He high-fived the good Lord that day.
14. If you care about Jon Coutlangus: After McBeth was drafted out of USC, JC transferred there and took his spot in center field. Even better: Coutlangus has ALSO converted to a relief pitcher. Click here and scroll down for a detailed story.
15. I would love to listen to this Fantalk episode featuring Marcus McBeth, but I need a new monitor with sound. Would someone like to hook me up? I'm looking at YOU, Pawtucket Red Sox Baseball Club Inc! Or maybe Rocky Cherry or something.
16. McBeth's outfielding while with the Oakland org was compared to that of Andruw Jones. (link includes video)
17. While at USC, McBeth went to Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts' parents' house and played 'Amazing Grace' on their piano. Swear to god.
18. McBeth's signing bonus was $275,000.
19. McBeth played in the Cape League for the Chatham A's!
20. McBeth is enough of a man to say that he cried when he heard he'd been called up to the Reds from triple-A.

In my limited interaction with McBeth, I mean, he seems nice enough. Quiet. But as my mama says, It's Always the Quiet Ones. Perhaps Marcus is like 'The Wild Man from Okinawa'!

Is that quite enough? My eyeballs ache. 'I cried when I wrote this song...'

Facts about the Pawtucket Red Sox

The following statements are true:

1. Travis Denker is not fat.
2. Jose Vaquedano speaks perfect English.
3. Michael Bowden is the only player who wears his socks up.
4. Rich Sauveur is not your friend.
5. Bubba Bell is not six feet tall.
6. Randor Bierd does not weigh 190 lbs.
7. I miss Devern Hansack.

Congratulations to Aaron Bates on his call up. I'm sure Pedroia will ask him if he prefers to be called 'Norman' or 'Master'.

I heard Billy Traber is going to start on Thursday. I will be there. I'm glad Traber's pitching because the setting sun usually gets in my eyes, and his noggin will kinda block the glare.

He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow.

7.7.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs - AGAIN.

Pawtucket takes the first game of two, 6-2.

Clay Buchholz gave up four walks in six innings. Four!

Carlos Carrasco got the start for the Phillies' crappy triple-A club. (You may wonder how a team that won the World Series last year can have such junk in its trunk. I thought about that kind of thing in 2007, when Pawtucket finished the year 67-75 while Boston won it all. I blame Michael Tucker.)

Carrasco gave up all six Pawtucket runs in his four innings of work. The six walks he issued didn't help anything, but maybe the umpiring was shabby. Right, Brian Reilly?

The Red Sox drew first blood in the top of the second. With two outs, Bubba Bell and Jeff Natale walked consecutively. I heard it's all in the hips. Travis Denker then hit an RBI single to pop a 1-0 on the scoreboard.

Top of the fourth, 1-0 Pawtucket: Carrasco walks the bases loaded. Carter, Dusty Brown, and Bubba Bell fill the bases up and stand there like slack-jawed meatheads with no outs. Jeff Natale comes up and gets hit by a pitch, which he is very good at. It is still a cheap RBI.

Bases are still loaded with no outs and Travis Denker is loaded for bear. Sac fly to right! Brown scores! Angel Chavez, batting ninth, then grounds out and scores Bubba B. And Freddy Guzman hits an infield pop-up to end the top half of the fourth inning.

But! Here come the Iron Pigs. With one out, Clay Buchholz walks Raul Ibanez and Andy Tracy. IL repeat offender Terry Tiffee then hit an RBI double! Andy Tracy might have scored as well, but he's this lumbering first baseman who doesn't run very fast. David Newhan got Tracy home, though, when he grounded out to second. 4-2 Pawtucket.

Top of the fifth and here comes pocket infielder Ivan Ochoa, who is probably not a zombie. Ochoa walks and steals second. Because he's a speedy infielder. Handsome lad Paul McAnulty then singles to put runners on first and second. And then here comes Joe Baseball AKA Chris Carter, who doubles. Of course. Ochoa and McAnulty both score and Carter can put his hit in the old spank bank.

Pitching change! Jason Anderson comes in for Carrasco and no further runs score. That's how it's done, Carlos! The other two Lehigh Valley relievers made it through the game without giving up additional runs, but the five walks are nothing to brag about, either.

Marcus McBeth pitched a couple of scoreless relief innings and Clay Buchholz should buy this kid a car or something. McBeth is freaking unstoppable. I love him, I love him, I love him. More than Cabrera, who blew it the other night. Oh, snap!

Randor Bierd wrapped it up in the ninth, uno dos tres. Good night, Miguel Cairo.

slap it up, flip it, rub it down:
1. Miguel Cairo playing shortstop? Dude what do you think, you're Omar Vizquel? (Also: 'OUT?')
2. Party animal Gil Velazquez had the night off.
3. Yes, it's true: Pawtucket is the worst offensive team in the IL. Good thing Ochoa's back!
4. Raul Ibanez is rehabbing. Ibanez sez: "Buchholz throws the ball really well, he's got top-notch stuff. I mean he threw a no-hitter, you know?" He went on to say "ZOMG LESTER BEAT CANCER!!!"
5. One millionth fan at the park in Allentown! What, already?

Tomorrow! Kris Johnson ridin' dirrty, again. Drew Anderson, again. Iron Pigs, again. Enjoy, Pennsylvanians!

July 4th, 5th, and 6th.

July 4th - The Pawtucket Red Sox are scheduled to play the SWB Yankees at their park in Moosic, PA. Game time is 7pm.

The game is not played because the outfield is a swampy, wet mess. Allegedly.

July 5th - The Pawtucket Red Sox are scheduled to play the SWB Yankees at their park in Moosic, PA. Game time is 5pm.

The game is not played due to 'unplayable field conditions'. On a beautiful sunny day.

Everyone is mad.

Finally, the teams play a double header yesterday. Pawtucket loses both of them. Michael Bowden and Charlie Zink compete to see who can be the most sub par.

I can't imagine what a bunch of restless jocks do during a weekend in Moosic, PA. There's only so much weight-lifting, batting practice, and lite beer drinking a man can do. Good thing Transformers 2 just came out!

dad.

I know I'm generally all blah blah blah PawSox, but if Tim Wakefield makes the All-Star team, I will probably break down and cry.

If you do not love Tim Wakefield, then you have a tuna can for a heart.

Or you're Charlie Zink. Oooooh!!!

7.2.09 RED SOX V YANKEES: GAME ONE! (with fireworks)

Ooh! Great game everybody! Seriously! Pawtucket WINS! 4-3.

Clay Buchholz was terrific as usual. And Marcus McBeth is not human, I swear. IL superstar... all-star, even... Fernando Cabrera came in to close and was a little shaky. Then I got shaky. Two walks? WHAT. But it all worked out and we went home happy. Except children of divorce, they were a little less happy.

Buchholz (or "Blech-holz", as they call him in Mad magazine) pitched seven great innings, giving up three runs on five hit. I know what you're thinking: three runs against Pawtucket is ominous. But when you take Duncan and Miranda and Austin Jackson into consideration... not bad!

All the Yankee scoring action went down in the fourth, and Paul McAnulty figures prominently. I could possibly dedicate this game to McAnulty, really. Fourth inning, one out, nobody on. PawSox ahead 1-0 thanks to McAnulty's solo homer in the first. Ramiro Pena singles. Austin Jackson singles. Then big Smelly Duncan hits an RBI single to left to tie the game. Duncan looks like Wendell from the Simpsons.

With two guys on base for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre (such a magical, mystical place), dangerous first baseman Juan Miranda steps up. Miranda KILLS when he comes town, and tonight was no exception. Miranda hits one deep to left and... McAnulty just stands there for a minute. Like he's got it, he's right under it. But he wasn't, the ball was behind him and it was a disaster. Jackson scores! Yankees lead 2-1!

Special Guest Jose Molina batted next and reached on an FC. Miranda out at third but Jackson scores. 3-1, oh no! Designated hitter Colin Curtis followed Molina and struck out swinging for the third out.

Pawtucket got right back and got to work in the bottom of the fourth. With one out, Paul McAnulty hits a line drive double to right, unfortunately missing Shelley Duncan's head. Chris Carter singles right after that, and McAnulty chugs over to third. America's Sweetheart Aaron Bates K's to make it two outs. Then, Bubba Bell. Bell reaches on an error and McAnulty scores. 3-2 Yankees! Unfortch, Dusty Brown grounds out to end the inning, but hey! A run scores!

Scorelessness until the bottom of the sixth. Paul McAnulty is hit by a pitch and I think he cried a little bit. It looked rather hurty, but he took his base after some compulsory writhing. Chris Carter walked and then mischievous infielder Jeff Natale ran out to pinch run for McAnulty. He really tried, Mac did.

Aaron Bates grounds out and moves the runners over. And here comes weak-ass Bubba Bell. Surprise, though: Bell doubles to right, scoring Natale. Tie game! And the Yankees dispose of starter Sergio Mitre.

Dusty Brown then grounds to short, scoring Bates. Pawtucket takes the lead, 4-3. And the pitching handles the rest. Fuckin' A.
the gin in my vermouth:
1. I sure hope Bubba Bell breaks out of his nasty slump.
2. Angel Chavez' fielding skillz are ridiculous. I am impressed every single game. And that guy never sits, either. Last night he made some jaw-dropping plays, like everything's everything. Wow, mom. Wow.
3. Congratulations to Buchholz and Cabrera. They made the IL all-star team. Buchholz is not likely to attend, though.
4. McAnulty is going to be just fine. A trip to the DL is unlikely, I'd surmise.

Tonight! Bloodthirsty gangbanger Kris Johnson v Josh Towers. Johnson's been a little punk butterfly on the mound, but maybe he'll strap it on tonight. I have my doubts.

I found this old picture of Mark Malaska (I swear, he was relevant at one time) and... I mean, is that Nick Green? Second from left?

Seriously, that's Nick Green, right? I'm going to lure people to this post: nick green hot girlfriend married naked

I get off on helping people.

Since it's an off-day for the Red Sox, I'm going to take a look at my most recent search queries and try to help you guys out.

1. "pawsox schedule/paw sox/pawtucket sox/paw sox schedule" You can use mine, even though it's butt-ugly.

2. "craig breslow girlfriend" - I get this one a lot. I think it's safe to say his dance card is full.

3. "the wade-davis bill was rendered ineffective when" - YIKES.

4. "paw socks baseball/pawtuckett sox/paw sox scedule/pawtuket sox/toledo mud hes" - I hope these are all typos.

5. "fernando cabrera link" - Sounds criminal.

6. "chris carter pawtucket june 2009" - Chris Carter batted .250 in June with 9 walks, 11 strikeouts, 16 RBI, 5 homers and a .308 OBP. You're welcome.

7. "crapchester" - I'D say!

8. "bryan pritz" - Probably his mom.

9. "jeff corsaletti girlfriend" - EW!

10. "pawsox tryouts" - I'm pretty sure they used to do this, but I doubt this practice is ongoing. My advice to you is to hit up the lower levels or play indy ball near a double-A team. I think Portland scouts the nearby Can-Am teams, though I can't confirm this.

11. "sandy madera" - I miss him too. Actually,this may have been me.

12. "spike danielson" - AKA Sean. I don't know if he's the Christian you seek.

13. "kill ticketmaster" - Together We Can.

That was much less interesting than I thought it would be. I'll try harder next time.

The Pawtucket Red Sox (PawSox) at McCoy Stadium Fireworks schedule.

Due to popular demand, here's what's happening:

Tomorrow night, July 2nd: Fireworks post-game. So around 9:30-10:00.

Friday night, July 3rd: More fireworks! (ibid)

No fireworks over the weekend, since the team will be in Pennsylvania. In fact, no fireworks until September 4th.

The games are sold out, but you may be able to get standing room.

Generally, people park all over the place just to see the legendary fireworks. So if you're planning on parking the car by the side of the road, LEAVE EARLY! I mean it! And avoid Division St!

I love you.

dustpan and brush

With Mark Wagner in town and Dusty Brown back from Boston, is this pretty much the end of Carlos Maldonado? Probably, and the park will be that much emptier. Maldonado's currently on the DL with a suspended hamchilles tenement.

Devern Hansack and Ivan Ochoa are still... down in Florida? Zach Daeges is down there somewhere, too.

Sean Danielson's on the DL. Jed Lowrie's still rehabbing.

Jeff Bailey's back in Boston. Read about it here and see if you can't hear Bailey's mellow, matter-of-fact voice.

Sandy Madera's gone and he's never coming back. He's playing third base for the Newark Bears in the independent Atlantic League. It's okay that he's playing third... they have Keith Foulke starting so it's like Backwards-Town.

well.

A good friend of mine surprised me with this photo today. Flanders - I owe you ten tons of cookies. THANK YOU.