I was informed last night that there'd be a Pawtucket Red Sox dinner party this year at the Kirkbrae Country Club sometime mid-season. It costs 40 dollars. The entire team is expected to attend.
I'm probably going to go, but I don't really expect to have a good time. I'm sure the PawSox are fronting like it's going to be swanky and delightful and you'll be hobnobbing with the players. The reality is probably more like a typical Rhode Island catered dinner (dry chicken, shells in flavorless sauce, weak-ass salad, pastry cubes with inch-thick sugar icing, bland dinner rolls... ), watery cocktails, bad lighting, synthetic tablecloths, and the players in cheesy Banana Republic outfits talking about stupid shit.
Or what if you get one player per table? That would be so awkward. Imagine having to make small talk with, say, Barry Hertzler or Kevin Cash. And everyone would be asking the player baseball questions and he'd have to be all fake and polite and you just know he's hating every minute of it. And who could blame him? People are awful. I would hate it, too.
So, yeah, I'm probably going to go. I think the ticket will make a nice souvenir for my Pawtucket scrapbook.
You can keep the five bucks, mister.
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