They Saved Ryan Lavarnway's Brain (Didn't They?)

This is real live stuff from someone purporting to be Lavarnway, who last I heard attended a prestigious New England school. And maybe had a lobotomy.

"Never give up! Never surrender! That was incredible!"

"Had a blast at Camp Harbor View this morning! What a great program for Boston kids."

"Off day today means I'm watching hockey... Go Bruins!!"

"Walk-off wins are always worth staying up for!"

" Happy Cinco de Mayo! Any big plans?"

"It was great hearing "Sweet Caroline" in Fenway today!"

"Game rained out today... What to do...?"

"Big thanks to everyone who came out to McCoy this weekend."

This is either a LavarnBot or his wife handles the account or Lavarnway's been bowled over one too many times at home plate.

Contrariwise, Ryan Kalish comes off as just completely baked:

"If I am a breakfast spot and serve pancakes I serve banana pecan pancakes forever. Why don't you have pecans!!? Why don't you have pecans?!!" (because i'm stoned)

" Hello Mr. Helicopter!! Thanks for coming over me and saying helloooo!!" (because i'm stoned)

"do you ever see two similar things and wish that you could combine them to create one perfect result? I do all the time" (especially when i'm high)

" I think favoriting a tweet should actually be called intrigued by a tweet.. So you'd have retweets and intrigues" (hashtag i'm so high)

"I have been doing a little painting so I asked my mom what she wanted me to paint her and she said a cow"

"6 hours later... I love you mom enjoy your cow!" (because i'm stoned)

"I like the nighttime because then the frogs come hang out with me" 

When's he coming back, anyway?

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