Beginner's Guide to McCoy Stadium

Since there was no game last night, I am going to do something a little different and help out any new kids going to see the PawSox.

Seating:
1. There are three sections at McCoy Stadium: The blue grandstand seats, the red box seats, and the green box seats. The cheap tickets are grandstand and unassigned, so you just sit wherever you want... or wherever you can.

The earlier you arrive to the park, the better. Some grandstand seats are behind the press box and almost completely obstructed. 45-60 minutes before game time is ideal.

The red and green seats are the same price, but the green seats are closer to the field. I believe that at some point, the green seats will cost more, but I've been saying that for years.

With a general admission ticket, you can also relax on the grassy-knoll berm area in the outfield. Spread out a blanket and watch the kids frolic or harass the neighboring home bullpen. The relievers may give candy to your children.

Note: If you have GA tickets, I don't recommend bringing the kids down to the front row. Someone's eventually going to show up late and kick you out then you're screwed out of good GA seats.

2. Section numbers start on the first base side, where the visitor's dugout is. The final section, 15, is all the way over in left field.

If you sit on the first base side, the setting sun will usually be in your eyes for a couple of innings. Also, sections one and two are usually hosting kids' birthday parties, so if the sound of children's laughter cuts through you like a knife, you may opt for third base side.

If you sit on the third base side, you're over the home dugout. You can do the milk jug thing! It's also great if there's like this one wicked hot relief pitcher and you want to watch his killer stroll out to the bullpen.

3. Sections 13-15 are not under the canopy, so you will be weather assaulted. Blazing sun, pouring rain. Some people are into that.

4. There's standing room out in left field. It's my second favorite place to be.

5. There are barbecue/party areas with bleachers, but that's not important right now. They keep the tarp all rolled up over there and it looks like a giant green doobie.

6. You might not necessarily want to sit in the front row. I don't care for it because the iron bars block my view. If you're taller, though, you're probably all set.

Parking:

1. IF you arrive early enough (I am talking at least an hour before game time, but probably earlier than that), you can park for free in the lot. If the lot is full, many people park on Division St for free. A great number of people use a back lot across the street and pay two dollars for it.

You can pay 10-15 dollars to park in the Irish bar parking lot or the dairy diner lot, but seriously? That's dumb. You are getting hosed if you do.

There are plenty of neighborhood side streets to park on off of Columbus Ave/S Bend. Like, sneak around behind the corner market and find a spot. Or near the tango class building! Think it's an unsafe neighborhood? Relax, it isn't. No one's going to touch your Statusmobile, you uptight asshole. I do it all the time.

2. Evidently, you can park over near the fire station on Ben Mondor Way. No one ever parks there because it doesn't seem right, but you can. Totally legal and don't let anyone deter you. Not the entrance with the wooden bear statue, but the other little one.

Food/beer:
1. Eat the French fries at least once in your life. They have not changed them for as long as I can remember and THEY HAD BETTER NOT. Just a big pile of hot salty shoestrings, but damn.
2. All the way over at the first base end, there's a 'healthy' concession with smoothies and veggie platters and veggie burgers/dogs. It is not always open.
3. Beer's 5-7 dollars. Specialty beer stand as soon as you come up the stairs and take a left. Usually there's not much of a line. All fans must show an ID when purchasing beer or wine (I stole that line from Jim Martin. I can probably do the rules and regs by heart.)
4. ATM is located right behind home plate. It's between the umpire and the catcher.
5. There are a few vendors, but never for beer. This isn't Rochester. This isn't... well, what the hell? All the other parks have beer vendors! Stupid Catholic Rhode Island!

other:
1. Bottom of the fifth, the mascots toss or shoot squishy balls. Not that many, so you'll probably never get one.
2. Every game, there a lucky row that wins a gift card to a pharmacy chain. IT IS ALWAYS ROW AA OR ROW BB IN A RED SECTION.
3. Lucky autograph: You're not going to find one in your program. It's like trying to find gold in a silver mine. One in a million chance.
4. The gift shop is always nice and cool inside.
5. Scorecards cost a dollar and are worth it. Pawtucket has the best scorecards of any park I've been to. JORGE JIMENEZ LIVES IN 'SANTURCE', NOT 'SANTRUCE'. Can you please fix this already?


To sum up: Pawtucket's not a fancy park, but it's very nice and well-behaved and everyone that works there is a professional. The staff's not there to be bad cops busting your balls!

See you tonight at the park! F the Scrankees!

8.3.10 Red Sox v Bulls - Smallish Ball

5-4 Pawtucket in a win that you would have thought was for the playoffs, what with the impromptu player celebration. Anyway, Aaron Bates came through and champed it up with a two-out RBI single, bringing Romero home and thrilling the kids. And maybe me a little.

The Durham Bulls started the game with reliever Mike Ekstrom, which is a common move in the minors when your rotation gets fucked up by the big team. Ekstrom pitched two innings (one run), then came Downs, Thayer, Bateman, and Swindle. Only Joe Bateman did not allow a Pawtucket run. RJ Swindle tried to emulate Bateman in the ninth, but he was no match for Aaron Bates' mighty single!

But let me back up all the way to the first inning. Adam Mills is back! Durham scored first, but Pawtucket tied it up 1-1 in the bottom of the inning with an RBI single from Brown.

The Bulls pulled ahead 3-1 in the third with a home run by Elliot Johnson, but when Dusty Brown led the fourth inning off with a double, everyone knew it was going down. Velazquez grounded out and brown scored. And then a rehabbing Ellsbury doubled, bringing home Jimenez who'd been hit by a pitch. Tie game!

Rich Hill got three K's in a row in the fourth, but then managed to allow a run in the fifth without giving up any hits. Yeah, one of those.

Oh, but don't despair because my favorite PawSox outfielder Josh Reddick hit a solo home run... or did he? Questionable. But he tied the game and it was 4-4. I think Reddick really wanted to be heroic in that ninth inning with runners at the corners, but instead he hit a cheesy infield pop-up. Aaron Bates is the guy you wanna blow, here.

Fernando Cabrera got the last six outs of the game and he looked great. How much hotter can he be? The answer is none. None more hot. He struck out Ruggiano and he struck out Joe Dillon and he struck out the catcher, Lobaton. I liked the part where he got three strikeouts. Also, I think he catnapped between innings. Too much sex, probably.

you can get what you want or you can just get old:
1. In the seventh inning, Niuman Romero managed to weasel his way over to third base without anyone ever getting a hit. Bates hit some dribbly infield thing and it looked like the pitcher, Joe Bateman, threw the ball over the first baseman's head allowing Bates to reach and Romero to score. Except there was a call of batter interference.
2. Jacoby Ellsbury was a little helper with his three hits. Ellsbury was later overheard asking, "Dusty Brown hasn't fucking left yet?" Also, Sox was overheard saying about Ellsbury: "I'd hit it."
3. Felix Doubront did a great impression of a reliever. Two scoreless innings and he looked great. Chad Paronto has this crazy bullpen initiation ritual that I can't really talk about, but Bowden had to go through it, too.
4. Jorge Jimenez is back. Jimenez scored a run, but never got a hit yesterday.
5. Gil Velazquez made a pretty dazzling play from second base in the third inning to get Omar Luna out. I wanted to make sure someone pointed it out, because everyone else is talking about the rehabber.

No game today. I'll stack my money, lay low, and chill, because it's my birthday. Happy Birthday also to former PawSox outfielder Luke Allen.

See you at Poster Night!

Something sweet, something Josh.

I am now going to atone for saying very bad things about Josh Reddick. I don't need to and I don't have to, but here's a cute story.

In June I went to Louisville. I may have mentioned it.

I was at the ballpark and the game had just just started. A dark little bird fell from the sky and just lay there on the field. It didn't flutter down like it was flying... It kind of tumbled through the sky and into the grass. The top half of the inning played out and not much happened that would involve the infielders, so the birdy was still and untouched.

Pawtucket came out to take the field and Josh Reddick approached the bird. A Louisville Bats staff member dashed out onto the field to remove it.

Josh Reddick gently picked up the little bird and it flew away. Aw.

My trip was a lot of fun, by the way. Aroldis Chapman lived at our GreAT hoteL. He drives a... Well, I don't wannna say, but it's the Italian sports car with gull-wing doors. Cream colored. I kept seeing him around the premises and he signed a ball for a friend of a friend.

I feel better.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia: Fucking Up Box Scores Since 2005!

And I thought Jonathan Van Every was bad. I'll have to come up with some kind of nickname for Saltalamacchia... hmmm... let me think... Salta... Lamacchia...

I know! He's a catcher, right? What about... Catchy! Yeah! I love it!

Gosh, where do I start? I got totally stood up by Jeremy Hellickson so I was flattened, but Pawtucket managed to win 12-0 somehow so maybe that was good.

No, I still would rather have seen Hellickson. The PawSox suck.

I'm skipping over the pitching, but please note that 1) Coello was great and 2) watching Aneury Rodriguez pitch brought me closer to god.

First inning: Reddick doubles. Niuman Romero singles... I love Romero! Saltalamacchia walked. Bases loaded, no outs.

Bulls starter Brian Baker then walked Ryan Shealy to bring Reddick over. 1-0.

First baseman Lars Anderson popped up to the catcher, Dioner Navarro, who I always secretly thought was so frickin cute. Then Bates and an RBI single, Hannahan doubled a couple more runs in, TUG HULETT! TUG GOD DAMN HULETT!!! Hulett got an RBI of his own and stood on first base like a king.

I'm not going through all the rest of it. The Red Sox batted around and Saltalamacchia got the last out.

You can probably read about this game everywhere else.

nazi punks, fuck off:
1. Screw Josh Reddick. Josh Reddick is boring. I know everyone loves him, but fuck that. I'm gonna throw Saint Gil a bone and say, hey, Velazquez went 3-3 with a double and is having a better season so far. Sure, Reddick will probably be the future starting center fielder for the Blue Jays or something, but fuck him. YEAH JUST TELL ME WHY VELAZQUEZ DOESN'T COUNT OR DOESN'T MATTER. BRING IT.
2. Aneury Rodriguez went ahead and finished the last five innings of the game. He wasn't lights out, but it is so cool watching him pitch. I feel very fortunate to have seen his work in person. He's very limb-y. Is that a word? You know what I mean.
3. I was pretty surprised to see Yamaico Navarro, who is Dioner Navarro's son. Navarro got into the game, jumping in for sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez.
4. Robert Manuel banged out an inning and a third of scoreless relief. Manuel had previously been busy in the bullpen trying to arrange a date between a fan and... I think the entire bullpen. It looked pretty complicated.
5. Fernando Perez has a sick porn mustache. It made me feel funny. I wanted him to take his clothes off.
6. Jarrod Saltalamacchia is messing with Dusty Brown's cake. I'm angry on Brown's behalf. Maybe I'll pull a Squeaky Fromme in the McCoy parking lot.

Today! Me, I totally have to go to the game. Like, now.

I LOVE YOU.

8.1.10 Pawtucket Red Sox v Durham Bulls - A Swallow Will Tell You

9-3 Bulls! Yay!

Robert Coello didn't start, and does anyone really need to know why? HE JUST DIDN'T. Instead we get Ramon Ramirez, who pitched 5 2/3 innings and gave up two solo home runs to Ruggiano and Richard.

Chad Paronto must have been puffed up with pride over 1 1/3 scoreless innings. It was Fernando Cabrera who was a very naughty boy. Cabrera didn't get any outs. Eighth inning: Walk, single, walk, single single single... grand slam. That's possibly one of the worst relief outings I have ever seen. Or would have seen, I generally don't go to the park on weekends. Crazy. Poor kid.

Is anything else relevant after that? Seven runs without an out... sorry, Pawtucket can't recover from that. They are not Columbus or SW-B.

Damn, Fernando.

Bulls starter Heath Phillips lasted five innings. Seven hits, three runs. His relievers kept the rest of the game scoreless. Heath Phillips!

this is mine, you can't take it:
1. Red Sox runs: Nava's RBI double in the third and Lars Anderson's two-run single in the fifth.
2. Niuman Romero went 0-5 with a strikeout, Velazquez 0-5 with 2 K's. Velazquez is now 0-17. I am not a jinx.
3. Tommy Hottovy very nicely pitched the last two innings. Hottovy did well: One walk and no hits.
4. Another catcher in Pawtucket? So, there are four, now? Dusty Brown must be so pissed.
5. "Desmond Jennings hit a grand slam (#4-7 in inning, and Jennings' first ever grand slam). Fernando Cabrera exited to boos from stands." - from 'Watching Durham Bulls Baseball'
6. Pawtucket's greatest third baseman of all time, Angel Chavez, came back to McCoy. He was probably looking for me, I don't know.
7. Angel Chavez hit a home run on May 28th: "Chavez's blast, which hit Ye Olde Snorting Bull beyond The Big Bad Beautiful Bogus Blue Monster and won him a salad (it hit the grass portion of the mural; sorry Angel), came on the very first pitch thrown by Red Wings' reliever Rob Delaney. It looked like a lame fastball, but after the game Chavez said it was actually a slider. (It obviously didn't slide very much.) He was looking for a breaking ball on Delaney's first pitch, he said. Why a breaking ball, he was asked? "I don't know. Runners on second and third." And then he said either "one out" or "why not." It was loud in the clubhouse, and you couldn't tell which." - from Adam Sobsey for Indy Week.
8. Heath Phillips nerd-fest here. Again, I am clearly a dumb-dumb who cheated through physics, but what is fun about this? It's barely even relevant to baseball.

Tonight! Jeremy Hellickson v some scrub... or maybe Doubront. See you there? See you there!

CHAVEZ!!!

Laughter: The Best Medicine

I had a pretty awful day yesterday, but this late-night exchange on the Sox Prospects message board brightened it a little:

Guidas: "Any word on the lack of the Kalish in the game this evening? On a drive north perhaps?"

Arquimedez Bozo: "I'm not going to say that you're wrong, but to speculate ANYTHING based on a guy getting a night off is silly, never mind a guy that's had a hip flexor issue on a team with four outfielders."

Yeah, Guidas, quit being so silly!

7.31.10 Pawtucket Red Sox v Durham Bulls (TAM)

5-1 Bulls. And I'm deep enough into the season that I can say, "HA!" Seriously, how do baseball players do it? That's a lot of time to spend with your co-workers and not be arrested for multiple homicide. I'm pretty sick of most of these people and I don't even have to talk to them or be around them.

Pawtucket starter Mark Holliman only pitched two innings. Durham managed to crank out four runs during that time. Top of the second, first baseman Dan Johnson led off with a home run. His 30th. Jesus Christ.

Later in the inning, Omar Luna hit an RBI single and Elliot Johnson doubled two more runs across to bring the score to 4-1 Bulls.

After Holliman walked Dan Johnson at the top of the third, he was shooed back into the clubhouse so team MVP Fabio Castro could pitch. Castro wound up pitching four innings and Durham scored a fifth run in the sixth inning... there was a sac fly after a walk and it was so boring that I'll just say JOE DILLON DID IT.

Pawtucket's measly offense came in the first inning, when a bunch of cheap shit like fielding errors and HBP brought in a run. Trust me, the Red Sox had no serious threat against starter Virgil Vasquez. No extra base hits the entire game.

someone i can talk to, someone i don't have to talk to:
1. For some reason the game lasted three hours and twenty minutes. Is Vasquez a slow-ass motherfucker?
2. Oh, wow. Look. It's Jacoby Ellsbury. Wow.
3. Screw you, Ryan Shealy: Shealy went 0-4 with 2 K's versus his old team. Shealy must hate playing for the PawSox, what with all the losing.
4. Rich Hill pitched three scoreless innings, but as is so often the case, the game was already lost.
5. Virgil Vasquez' middle name is Matt. Matt. It's so incongruous.


I'm not finding anything useful out there about this game. I guess everyone wanted to go to the beach. Check out PawSox Keith's blog for more.

(and i knew every word by heart)

Pawtucket WINS! And a small group of people in Ohio are happy about it. Maybe Torey Lovullo had a cigar.

Here we go again, all the way from the start. Talking about Kris Johnson sucks my will to live, so let's skip to the next pitcher. Michael Bowden entered the seventh inning with a 3-2 lead and blew it. It was an RBI double by Justin Henry and an RBI single by Ryan Strieby that put the Mud Hens on top 4-3.

Dusty Brown led off the eighth inning with a double off reliever Daniel Schelereth. A sac fly by Reddick allowed Brown to scoot over to third, and then Aaron Bates hit a single. Tie game! Also, Bates is fifth on the team for RBI. Which surprises me, because I have no memories of Bates doing anything good.

Innings, innings, words, words and expressions... tied until the eleventh. Jay Sborz is pitching. (Sborz roommate in college was Matt Mildieu.) Hannahan singles, Romero sac bunts and gets to first to put two runners on with no outs. And then Ryan Shealy homered. TAMPA BAY IS SO STACKED THAT THEY CAN CHUCK GUYS LIKE THIS OVER TO ANOTHER TEAM! THE DURHAM BULLS ARE UNSTOPPABLE MURDER!!!

Robert Manuel closed the game out and he just makes it look so easy. He must be bored out of his mind.

to win back your love again:
1. Toledo starter Alfredo Figaro went five innings and gave up two earned runs.
2. Aside from Shealy's three-run torpedo, there were three bombs of the solo variety: Anderson, Brown, Hannahan. I'm guessing it was Hannahan's first Pawtucket home run. I'm sure he'll remember it forever and make a little scrapbook about it and file right next to his other scrapbooks about trips to the supermarket and his wedding.
3. This could be the funniest thing I've read all year: Toledo reliever Fu-Te Ni (pitched two innings last night and gave up a run) has an interpreter. Last night, the interpreter, Steve Xiu, played the national anthem before the game on the saxophone. You better read his story, because it's terrific!!
4. Toledo reliever Scot Drucker helped pass out socks for people who are in need. Of socks. 50 points for him!
5. Chad Paronto pitched an inning and a third and put up a sweet row of zeroes.
6. Gil Velazquez went 0-5 and dropped back to the bottom of the order. I guess his Power Tonic wore off.
7. Pawtucket left 13 runners on base.

Tonight! Mark Holliman! Come on, Mark! YOU CAN DO THIS!! Everybody loves you and thinks you dress really interestingly. Who's catching? Wagner? Wagner, make this happen!

I love you so much it's killing us both.

7.29.10 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Toledo Mud Hens - Goodbye, Farewell, Amen

Pawtucket wins, 7-0. Winning pitcher is lefty Felix Doubront, with his 5 1/3 innings of scoreless goodness. Doubront gave up six hits, all singles, and struck out five. Mud Hens starter LJ Gagnier took the loss, but was probably not happy with the offense.

Fernando Cabrera entered the sixth inning with two runners on, one out. 2009 Fernando Cabrera was an exciting closer, but 2010 Cabrera hasn't closed as much and has mostly been a setup guy. So now he's a quasi-slop reliever, so enjoy that. Cabrera got the last couple of outs in the inning easily and got two of the new kids out in the seventh. Yay and such.

Pawtucket was up 3-0 going into the eighth, which is nothing! The Red Sox need like a 12-1 lead in order to breathe easily. Scot Drucker was very helpful in that respect. Niuman Romero singled and stole second to lead the inning off, which ruffled Drucker enough to fuck with his delivery, since he hit Daniel Nava in the... He hit Nava, I don't know where. Foot? Ass? Gut?

Big boy Ryan Shealy then singled off Drucker to load the bases. Gilbert De La Vara replaces Drucker and faces Lars Anderson, who comes through with a two-run double.

The other two eighth-inning runs scored when Reddick hit a two-run single. Reddick is back and he went 3-4 with a triple.

Tommy Hottovy and Rich Hill polished off the Toledo pie and did not allow any hits between them. How's that for the start of a weird nursery rhyme?

nancy knows:
1. Catcher Mark Wagner went 0-4 with a strikeout. He was the only Red Sox to not get a hit. Tug Hulett got a hit, but he struck out three times. I try to find rage inside myself to direct toward Hulett, but there's nothing there. I save it for the popular kids, is what I do.
2. I guess Jeff Frazier can die happy: He got called up by Detroit. John Wagner's story is very nice, indeed.
3. Gil Velazquez DNP.
4. Mud Hens newbie infielder Shawn Roof comes from a big baseball family, is a good dude.
5. Also brand new from Double-A: Outfielder Chris White.
6. This blog post is about SS, but in a way it's about the Mud Hens. The pictures are remarkable! It's 'Mike Ashmore's Thunder thoughts'!
7. Detroit just drafted LJ Gagnier's brother Drew.

I guess that's it. Here come the motherfucking Durham Bulls, who probably can't wait to spill blood at McCoy Stadium. Oh, look, Kris Johnson's pitching tonight! They are gonna eat him alive. Is there an easy way to make a firebomb out of an Ellsbury bobblehead using common household materials?

FERNANDO!!!

edit: Um, today is not tomorrow and everyone's still in Toledo. I feel really dumb. Kris Johnson will pitch brilliantly tonight, I'm sure of it.

7.28.10 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) @ Toledo Mud hens (DET ) - The Revenge of Casey Fien

Toledo WINS! 8-5.

Winning pitcher? Toledo's Andrew Oliver, who provided a near-even distribution of five runs through five innings. Oliver gave up a couple of home runs and struck out six.

Robert Coello got the 'L' for Pawtucket. That damned fifth inning! Coello was cruising with a 5-3 lead into the fifth, but gave up a couple of singles to start the inning which certainly helped Jeff Frazier's three-run homer. Duh.

Mud Hens relievers Casey Fien, Daniel Schlereth, and Jay Sborz allowed no further PawSox running around advancing behavior and held on tightly to the lead.

Dusty Brown hit a home run and Mike Lowell hit a home run and the Plasma Center is only open on Mondays and Tuesdays and Wendesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays; Saturday and Sunday it's closed.

sleep, ryan strieby, do not cry:
1. Toledo left fielder Jeff Frazier hit two home runs and wonders if it's enough for a call-up. Casper Wells hit a solo home run in the second.
2. Gil Velazquez' hotness of late has earned him a ride up to the two-hole in the lineup. Velazquez responded by not getting a hit and striking out twice.
3. Ryan Kalish went 0-5 with two strikeouts. Hannahan was also hitless.
4. Mike Lowell went 3-4 with 3 RBI. If he's trying to impress the ladies, it's working. I certainly wouldn't mind bringing him a tray of fine nougats and cheeses.
5. Andrew Oliver = Andrew Miller? Enjoy Oliver's scouting report and other stuff here.
6. Reliever M. Bowden pitched the eighth inning for the Red Sox and gave up two runs on four hits. Whatever, it would have still been 6-5 anyway.
7. Casey Fien! Fien was claimed off Detroit waivers by the Red Sox in March, then claimed by Toronto a few days later when Boston put him on waivers. Toronto released Fien a week or so later and he was signed by the Tigers.
8. Reliever Daniel Schelereth used to have a blog. I can't tell if he's really hot or really weird looking. And his dad was a football player I've never heard of!
9. GAAAAH! NOT HOT! NOT HOT!

Tonight! Doubront v LJ Gagnier. Thank you, boys!

Baby Chris Carter is responsible.

"I heard some pitcher in Pawtucket has two kids and he's only 22. Dude, when I was 22, I was seriously pulling but I was not into being anyone's baby daddy. I have two words for you, bro: 'how is babby formed'."

7.27.10 Jeff Conine just rolled over in his grave.

10-6 Pawtucket, thanks to former Marlin Mike Lowell. And probably Ryan Kalish, who's a sex machine to all the chicks.

But not you, Mark Wagner. I don't like the looks of you or your home runs.

Red Sox starting (?) pitcher Ramon Ramirez... hold on, I almost just fell asleep. Five innings, two runs, walks and strikeouts insignificant and uninteresting. Dustin Richardson and Fernando Cabrera conspired to allow four more runs to Toledo, and divided them equally through three innings.

Robert Manuel shrugged his shoulders in boredom and disdain and pitched a scoreless ninth with a couple of K's. WHAT NOW, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BULLY?

Charlie Furbush must have had the fish, since his four innings were a disaster. Eight hits! Wow! In the first inning, Mike Lowell hit a two-run homer. In the second, Wagner did the same. Bates singled, Velazquez doubled, Kalish sac flied Bates across, and it was 5-2.

Wait, I forgot to tell you that the Mud Hens scored two runs in the first. But Lowell solo homered in the third and Kalish copy-catted it in the fourth. 7-2 Pawtucket!

Toledo did not score again until the seventh, when wicked tall Ryan Strieby hit a two-run double. And the eighth, when Ben Guez hit a two-run homer. BUT! Lowell had homered again in the top of the eighth. Why? Why did this happen? What kind of pitches was Lowell getting? I SAW LOWELL REHAB IN BUFFALO!!!!!! ME ME MEMEMEMEME!!!

To most people, this game was about Mike Lowell. To me, it was about Gil Velazquez' burgeoning hit streak. I'll bet Gil and Mike are work buds, like me and Hollie or Amanda. They do have a lot in commmon. I'll bet they talk shop. By this I mean they talk about what's under the hood, which is not a euphemism.

migajitas:
1. Niuman Romero went 0-4. Not a criticism, just an observation. Daniel Nava and Lars Anderson were also hitless, those lying drunk bastards.
2. Five RBI for Mike Lowell, which I'm pretty sure no one on this team has done all year. Can we get an intern to look this up? All the cool Pawtucket interns read Baseball Heavy.
3. Toledo reliever Josh Rainwater pitched three relief innings and did not give up a single hit. Fu-Te Ni handled the final two innings, but was much less effective (three runs).
4. Toledo's leadoff batter was someone named Justin Henry. Henry played second and went 3-4 with a double.
5. "Furbush wasn't very sharp. He had trouble locating his fastball, and his breaking ball was a little lazy." Hens manager Larry Parrish. (Toledo Blade)

Tonight! Robert Coello. Andrew Oliver. And Gil Velazquez.

7.26.10 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Columbus Clippers - HR Department

11-7 Columbus and SWEEP. It's not fair. All the teams with bad records have the best triple-A teams.

Red Sox starter Mark Holliman was responsible for seven Columbus runs, but let's not dwell on that. I'd rather imagine that Pawtucket's four home runs led them to victory! Gustavo Molina, three run homer? You saucy devil! GUSTAVO!!! Sexy name for a sexy catcher... Do it again!

Righty Justin Germano started for Columbus and was yanked with two outs in the sixth inning after... an Aaron Bates single? Ryan Shealy hit a homer in the sixth, but that wasn't enough? Anyway, the score at that point was 7-3 and Germano was replaced by Carlton Smith, who was no match for the Wrath of Gustavo. 7-6 Clippers... could the Red Sox be closing the gap?

But then in the bottom of the inning, Rich Hill gave up two homers, including one by Jordan Brown, still languishing in triple-A. Can someone take Jordan Brown, please, and give him a big league job? It did wonders for G. Jones!

Some other stuff happened... Bowden pitched well in relief, but you knew that because you read reliable news sources. This game was pretty much over in the first inning.

two things:
1. Anderson and Kalish also homered. They celebrated post-game with some lite beer in cans because they're bros, dog.
2. Luis Valbuena hit two home runs. Valbuena had been optioned down by Cleveland to work on his hitting. What a story!
3. Justin Germano did the Japan thing last year.
4. No Pawtucket 0-fers last night, as everyone got a hit. Gil Velazquez had two hits. Velazquez is batting .310 in his last ten games. GIL! TAKE US TO THE PLAYOFFS!
5. Yeah.

Tonight! Ramon Ramirez and Toledo's Furbush. And Kris Johnson gets the Barry Hertzler treatment and is sent down to Portland. YES!!!!!! Bring me Kyle Weiland!!!!!!!

If they do the thing where they're like, hey, Kris Johnson, we're thinking of converting you into a reliever, that means they probably hate you and you will fail in that role and they can say they tried, they tried to find a place for you but it wasn't working out... This is no longer a sentence, really, but it's a familiar scenario. It doesn't always mean they've given up on you, but in this case... I would be worried.

Of course, none of that may ever happen. Maybe Johnson turns it around in Maine and gains 28 lbs of pure Bowden-esque muscle. Candy, life is crazy.

And here's to you, Brendan Donnelly.

One of my all time favorite relievers, Brendan Donnelly, has been DFA'd by the Pirates.

And now I won't get to see him when I go to Pittsburgh.

I am taking this much harder than I should. Like TT after she found out she didn't win the lottery.

At least I have... Neil Walker?

No, at least I have Garrett Jones. I feel better already!

BRENDAN DONNELLY!!!! NOOOOOO!

7.25.10 Kris Johnson sucks and I hate him and his stupid hat.

Yesterday, Kris Johnson was the losing pitcher after four innings of bullshit: Eight hits and five runs. And two walks. And 87 pitches. Columbus wins 5-4.

I am in a runaway mine cart of boredom, hurtling toward mid-summer burnout, but here goes. The heroic Ryan Kalish led off the game with a walk and managed to scoot around the basepaths to score a run. Aaron Bates hit an RBI double in the second to bring the score to 2-0.

Columbus picked up a run in the fourth, but the fifth inning is when the shit hit the fan. That's when Johnson gave up four runs without getting an out. Because he sucks and I hate him.

Clippers center fielder Ezequial Carrera led the fifth off with a single, which sounds innocuous but it's not, it's ominous. Another single by Constanza and an Anderson throwing error put both runners in scoring position. Josh Rodriguez was gentleman enough to hit an RBI single and score Carrera and TIE GAME!

After third baseman Luis Valbuena walked, Jordan Brown came to town (sorry) and POW! Double! Three more runs and goodbye Kris Johnson. Enter Fabio Castro, who I'm voting for team MVP even though there's no fucking way anyone would have the guts to give it to him. Fabio Castro makes me want to go to 8:30 mass every week.

Castro worked for three innings and the Clippers did not score during his tenure. How fucking hard was that?

Clippers starter Carlos Carrasco went four innings before being replaced by Jeremy Sowers, who wound up with the win. Reliever Shane Lindsay allowed the Red Sox to score a couple more runs, but it was just a tease and excuse me while I bash my head on my piano keyboard.

what bus crossed the ocean?
1. Ryan Kalish went 0-4 with a walk, but managed to make himself useful regardless. I have to agree with everybody (and I hate agreeing with everybody): Superstar.
2. Kason Gabbard is gone and Jack Hannahan is here! Don't worry: Gabbard will probably return to the team in 2013. Until then, I am giddy.
3. Hannahan grounded out with the bases loaded in the ninth. I don't have a problem with that.
4. This report claims that Jordan Brown's big hit was a triple, but I think that's wrong. DOUBLE.
5. Clippers reliever Shane Lindsay is Australian. Please read his story.
6. Pawtucket batters who came up with runners in scoring position with two outs and just left them there to die: Tug Hulett twice, Hannahan twice, Kalish twice, and Aaron Bates.
7. Robert Manuel pitched a tidy, scoreless eighth inning for Pawtucket. I will never say anything bad about Robert Manuel.

Tonight! For real this time, Mark Holliman. And Justin Germano for Columbus. I'm telling you, tonight they win.

Yesterday Pawtucket played two versus Columbus Clippers.

Pawtucket loses both, but here's game two: Columbus wins 5-3.

Robert Coello ate up five innings, but it wasn't too cute and he used up 98 pitches. Columbus scored five runs off RC, with home runs hit by Jordan Brown and Josh Rodriguez. Coello was tired, man.

Rich Hill and Dustin Richardson were the featured Pawtucket relievers. Dustin Richardson is very mysterious. Neither reliever allowed another run.

Jeanmar Gomez, conversely, had a great day. Gomez pitched eight innings and gave up only one run on six hits. Gomez laid out seven K's: Niuman Romero, Mark Wagner, Ryan Kalish (three times!), and Tug Hulett (twice). Not you too, Ryan Kalish!

Gomez' "relief" came in the form of an Ice Righty: Bryce Stowell. In the top of the ninth, Stowell got things off to a bright start by walking Nava and Bates. Lars Anderson singled Nava home... Stowell struck out Mark Wagner but walked Tug Hulett to load the bases.

But then Clippers manager Mike Sarbaugh did something crazy: He replaced Bryce Stowell with another reliever! Shut up! Get out! Yes, Stowell was replaced by Carlton Smith, who wiggled his way out of the game.

Gil Velazquez made the last out, in case you feel like getting angry about something like that. Damn you, Gil Velazquez!

hey, that's what i'm living for:
1. Jeanmar Gomez, here's to you! Gomez had just started up with the big club in Cleveland and impressed everybody.
2. Hitting coach Gerald Perry was ejected in the eighth for strike-zone bitching.
3. Catcher Mark Wagner went 0-4 with two strikeouts. Velazquez went 2-4 with a double. Velazquez, while not a slugger by any means, has shown a little pop lately. How pleasing.
4. Mike Lowell is with the team in Columbus. Hangin'. Doin' some guy stuff. Possibly keg stands with Chad Paronto and Tug Hulett.
5. Clippers lefty David Huff was (allegedly) supposed to get Gomez' start in Cleveland last week, but then this happened. Ha. Ha. Ha. Guess that kind of stuff happens after you get hit in the head. By A-Rod. Is there anything that guy can't ruin?

Tonight! Mark Holliman! That's great because I really like him. What I mean is, I like him. I am going to ask him out on a date! Maybe we can go to the scavenger sale... or to a wienie roast.

JEANMAR!!!!!

7.22.10 Lars Anderson is charming.

Pawtucket WINS! 5-4 in ten innings and they should throw a fucking parade for Lars Anderson or they would have been swept by the likes of Jeff Larish and Brendan Wise and Brent Dlugach.

Somewhere along the way Charlie Furbush became Charles Furbush, so I guess he's a big boy now. I suppose he did the best he could. K-Machine Furbush pitched six innings and gave up three earned runs (including a Daniel Nava home run) while striking out seven. Pawtucket's opposing pitcher was Ramon Ramirez, who is all better now. Ramirez went 4 1/3 before being replaced by Tommy Hottovy and also gave up three runs.

So the game was tied? Yes. Toledo led 3-0 until the third inning when Nava homered pretty much right after Kalish and Romero singled. Shocking, I know.

Toledo pulled ahead by a run in the sixth, when Casper Wells hit a solo homer to right center. Pawtucket tied it up again in the seventh, thanks to Tug Hulett bringing the noise. Hulett doubled with one out and was driven in by a Ryan Kalish sac fly. It's funny when Tug Hulett runs!

The game stayed tied until the tenth when the winning happened, but by then everyone probably had gone home. That is because they were giving away free jerseys and people show up early and line up a country mile for that shit. Why? I don't know. Mud Hens lefty Daniel Schlereth was pitching at the time and got spanked with the loss.

sympatric:
1. I know that winning is not the point in Pawtucket. I know fielding a good team is not the point. I know that no one is happy that Nava's back down, least of all Daniel Nava, but for me this is an alternate reality where the triple-A team takes major precedence over Boston and up is down and down is up. I KNOW THAT.

That being said.... YEAH DANIEL NAVA!!!

2. Starting pitchers? Who needs 'em?! Not Pawtucket, that's for sure! Who knows, Fernando Cabrera might get the start tonight instead of whoever's on the bulletin board! I hope Mark Holliman sticks around, I really liked him.
3. Bubba Bell is not dead.... he's resting.
4. Charles Furbush is from South Portland, Maine, so yay and such.
5. Is Robert Manuel made of rubber bands? Manuel pitched three damn innings and got the win.
6. Some people say Rob Bradford's remarks about scouts in Pawtucket are bullshit. Who said that? Some people!
7. Hotel McCoy? Lou Merloni Highway? You can stop now.
8. Felix Doubront was supposed to pitch, right? So what happened?
9. Legacy of brutality: Aaron Bates went 0-4 and struck out three times. Jesus Christ, that guy could use some help. Is he like getting baked with Hyder before the game?

Tonight! Everybody loves Robert Coello. Jeanmar Gomez goes out there for Columbus. Eight games in Ohio? Yes, then the Durham Bulls come and I get excited.

I love you.

7.21.10 PAW v TOL - Day Games Give Me Sunburn

Toledo WINS! 11-2. Ryan Strieby sure is tall!

Lefty Fabio Castro started for the Red Sox and definitely did alright. Castro got c-slapped with the loss and that is how the ball bounces. Castro was replaced in the fourth inning with Randor Bierd, who's looking sharp in the pants dept. but much less so as a reliever.

Bierd needed to get two outs to finish up the fourth, but instead gave up a single, a double, a home run, and another double before he completed the out-getting task. What the hell was that all about?

Believe it or not, someone did something realistic and replaced Randor Bierd for the fifth inning. Unfortunately, it was Santo Luis, who evidently pitches with his wrestling mask on. I mean, the fifth inning went well, but the sixth inning was a flurry of hits and doubles and when the dust cleared, Toledo had four more runs.

Relievers Rich Hill and Chad Paronto might as well have been Lucy and Ethel up there... the game was long lost. Hill and Paronto's combined relief allowed the Mud hens to score thrice more. Hooray, Hens!

Center fielder Ryan Kalish managed to squeeze in a two-run homer to keep Pawtucket from getting blanked. Kalish is the biggest brightest light on the PawSox. He makes everyone else look like turkeys.

Toledo starter Scot Drucker pitched five scoreless innings and got the win. Lefty Ryan Ketchner tackled the bottom half of the game, which is I guess how they roll in Toledo. Just split the game in half!

what are you talking about? i love josh reddick!
1. Josh Reddick went 0-4 with two K's yesterday. And then after the game I read an article about how he is allegedly improving. We'll see about that.
2. Lars Anderson also went 0-4. Invisible infielder Argenis Reyes doubled. I was a little concerned that Reyes might burst into flames under the Super Attack Sun, but he did okay.
3. I love Fabio Castro. He is so cute and he does a really good job. I wish he was my friend in real life. Castro had five walks and five strikeouts.
4. This game lasted 3.5 hrs. I did not stay for the whole game, which was smart because I was getting a strange, painful sunburn out in left field. Left fielder Aaron Bates got a hit...
5. So Mud Hens catcher Max St Pierre went 4-5 with a home run? It was his first home run of the season. S'eclate!
6. Peter Gobis does it again... Check it out. I should be reading the Attleboro paper. That's some good old-fashioned baseball writing.
7. Some of the kidz are coming home: Daniel Nava, Dustin Richardson, Fernando Cabrera. Ryan Shealy?

Tonight! Felix Doubront will try and win one for people like me. By that, I mean unrecognized geniuses. New kid just up from Erie Charlie Furbush will fight back. Ooooh... I do like exciting performances by fresh meat. I don't know who to root for!

RYAN KALISH!!!!!

7.20.10 The Toldeo Mud Hens Don't Mind

7-1 Toledo. Starter Kris Johnson took the loss after giving up four runs in the third inning. Mud Hens starter Gilbert De La Vara got the win.

Five different lefties appeared in the game: Johnson, De La Vara, Hottovy, Gabbard, and Daniel Schlereth.

This game was stupid but I was hanging and I was having a good time. The fielding left something to be desired all around. You know what else is stupid? Rehabbers who HAVE to wear their usual number and wrest it from a hapless minor leaguer. It's rehab. It doesn't count. GET OVER IT.

Aaron Bates got two hits including a double, so theoretically his spirits must be raised. Toledo's Scott Sizemore and Jeff Frazier each homered.

et:
1. Check out these foul balls featuring Wagner, Reddick, Hermida, and Velazquez.
2. Bubba Bell got the night off.
3. Pawtucket got a slew of hits, but only got one guy across. Here are the kids who left runners in scoring position with two outs: Gil Velazquez (twice!), Tug Hulett (twice!), Lars Anderson, Aaron Bates, and Argenis Reyes. Oh, and Travis Denker showed up from the mists of 2009 to follow suit. Just for old times sake!
4. Triple-A is the true home of baseball dreck. Does Boston even really try? Where do they find these guys? What I am trying to say is, KASON GABBARD WTF?!
5. Gilbert De La Vara is a new kid in the Detroit org, selected from the independent Golden League's Yuma Scorpions. Please consult this story for more, even though it is primarily about Bill Pulsipher and his anxiety problems.

Today! Fabio Castro, Scott Drucker. Drucker? Should be a MAD game. (Sorry.)

7.19.10 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Toledo Mud Hens (DET)

Toledo WINS! 4-1. And we get an exciting mystery pitcher instead of Adam Mills!

Mister Mark Holliman was called up from single A and I am not too cool to admit that I have never heard of him before. Holliman is 26 years old, so take from that what you want. Former Cubs guy and then plucked from an indy league. How nice for him.

I enjoyed watching Holliman pitch. MH worked six innings and got eight strikeouts... but those two runs blew his chance at winning. And that sucks, because it was a failure of offense! Where the hell did Bubba Bell go? No hits for Bell last night.

Red Sox reliever Randor Bierd was responsible for the other two runs. Bierd pitched a pair of innings with his socks up high. Robert Manuel pitched the ninth inning and... no, that's it, just that he pitched the ninth.

Mud Hens starter Alfredo Figaro sounds like a dish at the Old Canteen. Figaro pitched into the seventh inning, kept Pawtucket to a measly run, and struck out ten of them. He punched out Hermida and Bates twice. He got his win thanks to relievers Fu-Te Ni and Brendan Wise. How is that not a great romance?

two things:
1. In the fourth inning, Holliman bent in a crazy fucking curve to Frazier that was clocked at 62. It was almost an eephus pitch or something. I have never seen the likes of it. Marvelous.
2. Generally I avoid linking to the big boy newspapers around here, but I liked this game story and so might you.
3. And read this Attleboro story too! Peter Gobis is great.
4. Beloved IL staple Mike Rabelo was just released by the Tigers org.
5. So in the seventh inning, I think it was Ryan Strieby who a long ball to left that was foul. Clearly. A fan in the outfield was waving it foul and it was really funny, but the umps still conferred.
6. Aaron Bates is batting .111 in his last ten games. Jesus Christ. I don't get this guy.
7. Hens CF Ben Guez has the cutest freaking roster picture I have ever seen. Sorry, ladies, Benny is married! (Probably.)
8. Doubles! Here are some doubles: Anderson, Apodaca, Lowrie, Reddick, and Velazquez.

Tonight! Telenovela star Gilbert De La Vera and Kris. Johnson. Why can't Fabio Castro pitch? I'm so over Kris Johnson's bullshit..

Of course, watch him have a dazzling performance tonight. I can never win.