Okay! Turns out I have an extra ticket for tomorrow's game. It's above the visitor's dugout. $20. If you want it and live in the Blackstone Valley/Pawtucket/Attleboro area and you can e-mail me between now and 9 a.m. at firstname.lastname@example.org, you may have it. IT. As in just one ticket.
Otherwise, stay the hell away from me and my family. I mean it! I'm calling the police!