4.17.2013

4.16.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Tommy Joseph's Passed Balls

IronPigs take another one, 8-6. Win goes to reliever Jake Diekman. Chris Hernandez had a tough start and gets the loss for Pawtucket.

Hernandez certainly labored through his five innings of work and has the 97 pitch count to show for it. He gave up seven runs on six hits, although only three were earned. Hernandez also gave up a couple of home runs.

Jonathan Pettibone got the start for Lehigh Valley. Pettibone, after a scoreless first, led the second off by hitting catcher Ryan Lavarnway with a pitch. Lavarnway became a non-factor when Bryce Brentz grounded into a force out, but then Pettibone allowed center fielder Mitch Maier to single. Pettibone then walked Drew Sutton to load the bases, then walked in a run with Justin Henry at-bat. 1-0. And then a sac fly from Jeremy Hazelbaker made it 2-0 Pawtucket.

The IronPigs pulled ahead in the third when right fielder Leandro Castro hit a three-run homer. Lehigh Valley struck again in the fourth inning, when catcher Tommy Joseph also hit a three-run homer off Hernandez. Aw, crap.

Drew Sutton and Jeremy Hazelbaker provided a pair of runs for the Red Sox in the bottom of the fourth, tightening the score a little to 6-4. An error by second baseman Brock Holt in the fifth allowed another run to score for Lehigh Valley. 7-4 IronPigs. In the fifth inning, Pawtucket scored another pair of runs off reliever Justin Friend, with RBI singles from Mitch Maier and Justin Henry. 7-6!

IronPigs first baseman Cody Overbeck hit a solo home run in the sixth off reliever Pedro Beato to make it 8-6. Relievers Diekman and Michael Stutes held the PawSox scoreless for the remainder of the game.

Pedro Beato and Ryan Rowland-Smith also appeared as relievers for Pawtucket. Rowland-Smith pitched two scoreless innings.

he doesn't know who jesus was or what praying is:
1. Mitch Maier went 3-3. This guy David Ortiz got no hits. Dude, we're trying to win some ballgames here. This is not a place to work out your personal shit.

2. Just kidding, I love David Ortiz. That's legit.

3. Headline: "Phillies Catching Prospect Tommy Joseph Cannot catch a Baseball." Location: aqui. (Philliedelphia)

4. As I'm sure you have heard, Steven Wright was supposed to start this game but was called up to Boston.

5. The Phillies have a slew of young pitching talent in the system that they are very excited about. Pettibone is one of the "Baby Aces" they're high on. He's just a baby! I mean, he's a big, strong, athletic kid... But I think he's barely 22. Phoul Ballz has an interview.

6. PawSox manager Gary DiSarcina talks about our new boyfriend: "He gets down in the count and is not afraid to hit with two strikes,” DiSarcina said of Maier. “We love having him here. He’s a baseball player and he throws up good at-bats every time he goes out there.” I love having him here, too! (Craig Forde)

7. "Can you return a redbox movie to any redbox? Does it have to be the same one you bought if from?" - He's just a baby!

TONIGHT! It's Terry Doyle. According to some dudes who sat behind me the other night, "That's Doyle's brother!" Opposing is... Cesar Jimenez?

Have a great night, everybody.

4.16.2013

4.15.13 Pawtucket v Lehigh Valley - Carpenter

IronPigs win 8-3, thanks to Chris Carpenter's disastrous eighth inning. Baby, what happened?

Starting pitcher was male protagonist Allen Webster. Webster was good as gold, pitching five decent innings and giving up a home run to that punkass Josh Fields. Wait, wasn't Fields going to be on the PawSox? Okay, no, that was Josh Fields Who Is a Pitcher. Webster got seven strikeouts and looked really good overall.

Tyler Cloyd pitched for Lehigh Valley. Cloyd pitched six innings and Pawtucket nabbed him for three runs. And the score was 3-1 for a great deal of the game and Chris Carpenter had one job to do. But.

So Josh Fields homered in the second inning and you should have heard him talk about it after the game. Kind of not so smart, like Brittanya. The score was 1-0, but the bottom of the third inning proved to be a fruitful one for old Pawtucket. Third baseman Justin Henry led off with a single, then scooted over to second when beefy catcher Dan Butler hit a productive groundout. Cloyd's next opponent was second baseneck Brock Holt and yeehaw, Holt walked.

Cloyd induced a flyout from Jose Iglesias, but then he walked JC "Jose" Linares. Come on, Cloyd! Linares is good for a big fat whiff! But no, Linares walked and Cloyd had to face Mark Hamilton, who did nothing more than hit a three-run single that was aided by an error by Canadian centerfielder Tyson Gillies. And that was when I saw what this team is really like: ALIVE! With swag for days. And why not? They've been really successful so far. It's been a while since I've seen a team like this and I guess I forgot that the PawSox can be more than hangdog misery cases. I like it. For now. I'm looking at you, Hamil-Toe, strikeout king.

We need to talk about Chris Carpenter's inning. First batter he faced was Cody Asche, rhymes with trashy. Carpenter walked Asche, big whoop. But then my pal Darin Ruf doubled and Josh Fields' crazy eyebrows  doubled and two runs scored and when it pains, it roars. Overbeck smacked a hard line drive single to right. Carpenter walked Tyson Gillies. Did you notice that there aren't any outs yet? Carpenter struck out catcher Steven Lerud and the crowd went nuts. But then he gave up a two-run single to shortstop Michael Martinez. And popular kid Cesar Hernandez reached on an error that scored Gillies. D'oh! Somehow Carpenter hitched up his panties and got a couple of groundouts to end the inning, but game over, dude.

Can you handle a little more pain? Of course you can, because you're probably a cutter. Anthony Carter came out for the ninth inning and walked Ruf and then Josh Fields hit a home run. It's okay, it's Lehigh Valley, it's not like the Red Wings or Buffalo. I was gone at that point anyway. I had to pick up a pizza for a fat friend of mine.

two things:
1. I think the most important thing that I took away from this game was that Mitch Maier is mad cute. I can't believe it. There's almost never anyone good-looking on the PawSox but this season there's a little something for the ladies. You should really see his pants.

2. David Ortiz was in the original lineup and I even saw him come out like, seconds before game time and run a little in the outfield, but instead we got JC Linares, who Bob Socci called "Jose". Sorry, Tennessee.

3. Justin DeFratus and Joe Savery pitched the bottom half of the game for Lehigh Valley and did quite well. DeFratus got the win for the Pigs.

4. Oscar Villareal pitched a pair of scoreless innings for Pawtucket so he gets a golf clap.

5. "It appeared the PawSox would start fast in the bottom of the first when leadoff batter Brock Holt ripped a single and stole second. With Jose Iglesias in the box, however, home plate umpire Ben May called a third strike against him, and also proclaimed Holt out after he had stolen third. He did so citing batter’s interference." - Jon Baker, Woontucket.

THIS AFTERNOON. Steven Wright v Jonathan Pettibone. Hope it's a good one and I hope the sun shines in yo FACE!

MITCH MAIER!!!!!

4.15.2013

4.14.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Rochester Red Wings - Mitch is Haier

Pawtucket wins 5-2 in eleven innings, and now they are 9-1 and Rochester is 2-8. It's early.

Starting pitcher was Jeremy "Zito" Kehrt, who got a couple of outs in the fourth inning and called it a night. Kehrt gave up two runs on four hits, including a home run by Clete Thomas. Oh, Clete Thomas.

Starter for Lord Rochester was Andrew Albers. Albers did a great job, pitching five scoreless innings with five strikeouts and no walks. He left the game with his team up 2-0.

In the bottom of the seventh, Pawtucket tied the game when possible steroid user Drew Sutton hit a two-run single. And then the game was all tied up until the eleventh inning... GOD. I'm so STUPID!! Of course the game was tied until the eleventh, because the game was eleven innings long. SO OBVIOUS.

It was Anthony Slama again, reliving a Rhode Island Nightmare. He walked Iglesias and everything was dark and happening in slow-motion and he heard screams... Blood everywhere... Slama tried to stop everything but all he could do was keep pitching the ball and he could see what was coming but he was helpless to stop everything from derailing... And Slama got two outs and he thought he could see maybe a different outcome with Bryce Brentz approaching the plate and everything got really quiet and he could hear his heart beating in his ears and he tried to breathe in and out but Brentz was out of focus and Slama's circle of vision kept tightening and he thought he would wake up at any second... Every pitch came out wrong, no matter what he tried... He couldn't feel the ball right, it wasn't coming out right, his arms were awkward and he tried to relax and not overthink, not get too aware of his own body and its angles but next thing he knew Brentz was at first base because he'd walked him after only one swinging strike and Iglesias had stolen third and Mitch Maier was there, another batter, another summitless mountain he'd have to climb and more than anything Slama didn't want Herrmann running out to him, he wanted an ending, for better or for worse, but his first pitch to Maier was a ball and Slama felt the air temperature dropping, dropping and he felt like he was drowning in infield dirt and he did not surprise himself at all by throwing another ball to Maier and in a way this calmed him and the clouds cleared a little and he located the next pitch but Maier was on top of it and calm as anything, Maier swung hard right through it, clocked, line drive to right and over the fence.

Sorry, Rochester Red Wings. Kevin Slowey isn't walking through that door. Neither is Nick Blackburn.

her name is panik:
1. Win goes to Ryan Rowland-Smith, who pitched three no-hit innings. 27 pitches, it was awesome.

2. The game was only three hours and fifteen minutes long, which is breezy considering the extra couple of innings. Some of those regulation-length RailRiders games clocked in longer than that.

3. Knuckleballs, a blog, has an article entitled "The End of Anthony Slama". How prescient, Eric Pleiss!

4. Jon Baker, Pawtucket paper: "The bash came on southpaw Anthony Slama’s 2-0 fastball, with Jose Iglesias stationed at third (after a walk, Ryan Lavarnway’s groundout and a stolen bag) and Bryce Brentz at first.
“As soon as I hit it, I knew the outfielder wasn’t going to catch it,” Maier grinned long after his teammates mobbed him at the plate. “I thought if it stayed fair, it might be a double and we’d win the game. When I saw it go past the foul pole, I was amazed.
“This is awesome!” he added. “I thought I got hit in the leg by a water bucket, and once I got (inside the tunnel to the clubhouse), I got a pie in the face.”
When asked who the culprit had been, he laughed, “Mr. Lavarnway, but don’t worry. His time will come. After all, it’s a long season.”


Long quote, but it needed to be included.

5. Jay Miller! "[I]t was a new face, late to the party, who found his batting eye just in time Sunday afternoon. Veteran major league outfielder Mitch Maier, who'd been sidelined in spring training when he hurt his left wrist, ended yesterday's eleven-inning deadlock with a three-run walk-off home run, just inside the foul pole in right field, for a 5-2 PawSox victory." I wish I had Jay Miller's job. I never should have dropped out of college.

6. Cody Christie is a North Dakota Twins Fan: "The Twins refusal to give Slama a legitimate shot at the big league level is perplexing to say the least. He has shown the ability to have very good success at the minor league level and it seems that the natural progression would be to give him more of an extended look with the major league squad. Over the last two seasons, there have been plenty of questionable arms that were used out of the bullpen so it seems curious to not give Slama a chance. He isn't getting any younger and he is getting close to 30-years old so his chance at being a regular at the big league level might have already passed him by."

7. Look! I have a lot of material to link to because David Ortiz didn't play yesterday! Thanks, David! Take two days off, they're small.

TONIGHT. IronPigs! Oh my god, it's going to be absolutely freezing but I think I am going. I'm cold already. Allen Webster v Tyler Cloyd. Maybe I'll double up on iron pills?

Paz afuera!

4.14.2013

4.13.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Rochester Red Wings -This is the real party.

Pawtucket wins, 7-1. Win goes to Terry Doyle and Anthony Slama takes the loss. FREE ANTHONY SLAMA!!

Doyle pitched five innings and gave up one run on two hits. Doyle also struck out five and walked one batter.

Starting pitcher for Rochester was Shairon Martis, who you probably remember from other IL matchups. Martis pitched 3 2/3 innings and gave up one run on four htis. In fact, this game was tied at 1-1 until the sixth inning.

The Red Wings scored first when left fielder Chris Colabello hit an RBI single. Pawtucket responded with an RBI single of their own in the second inning, which tied the game up until the sixth inning.

Anthony Slama had entered the game in the fifth inning to get one out. Slama faced JC Linares in the top of the sixth and walked him. Left fielder Jeremy Hazelbaker and second baseman Brock Holt hit back-to-back singles to load the bases. For who? For Jose Iglesias, that's who! But Slama walked Iglesias, bringing Linares in and giving Pawtucket the 2-1 lead.

Enter lefty Caleb Thielbar, who says crap like, "RANDOLPH ROCKETS, AMIRITE MAW AND PAW?" Thielbar had to face David Ortiz and probably wasn't scared. But he should have been. Ortiz hit a two-run single. Catcher Ryan Lavarnway then hit a sac fly for the first out. And then Bryce Brentz K'd to make it two outs. But Thielbar hit Brandon Snyder with a pitch. And Drew Sutton hit a two-run double. Crazy inning.

Chris Carpenter's eyebrows came and closed the game out, not that it was a save situation.

worms to ex-girlfriends:
1. Just remember, team: The important thing today is that David Ortiz progresses and that his Achilles feels fine. Now go out there and pretend anyone cares about the rest of you!

THIS AFTERNOON. Rochester Red Wings again! Looks cold and cloudy but don't let that stop you.


4.13.13 Pawtucket v Rochester - Makeup

Pawtucket wins 7-1, just like the other game where they won 7-1.

Starting pitcher was Rubby De La Rosa... I think I covered this already. Graham Godfrey got the win, with 3 2/3 scoreless innings after De La Rosa. Godfrey allowed no hits and struck out five. Jeremy Hazelbaker, who batted ninth for some reason, hit a home run.

Okay, next.

4.12.2013

Oink.

Got my IronPigs tickets. Booked hotel. Can't wait. YEAH BASEBALL!!!

garden tool + bartender from the Simpsons + writing instrument + R

I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY THE PA SOUNDED LAST NIGHT AT MCCOY STADIUM AND THEY NEED TO FIX IT BECAUSE IT USED TO BE PERFECT.

PawSox win home opener, 5-4. Totally forgot David Ortiz was going to be there. But there he was, wearing that gray pullover thing he always wears. Also I thought that Ortiz may have played for the Red Wings because of all the time he spent in the Twins org. But today I discovered that their Triple-A team at the time was the Salt Lake Buzz of the PCL. I have never heard of this team before or could have featured its existence. My mind is blown. Can anyone prove this was an actual team that played competitively? I have never seen one piece of memorabilia or a picture or heard it mention in, oh I don't know, the innumerable amount of baseball games I have listened to or watched on television or attended or read about? I'm sorry, are you now going to tell me about a team called the Taunton Fire Jets that were the Double-A affiliate of the Astros?

And I never could have guessed that Jose Iglesias would be the first Red Sox player to hit a home run at McCoy this season. His eight-year-old twins must be so proud of their father!

Chris Hernandez started for Pawtucket, gave up two runs during his 4 2/3 inning start. Hernandez wasn't exactly blasting rockets, but I feel like he's progressing. His last start, Hernandez threw 81 pitches, 40 for strikes with 4 BB's and 3 K's. This go-round, he threw 84 pitches, 51 for strikes, with 2 BB's and 5 K's. Baby steps!

Starting pitcher for the Red Wings was the rather leggy Kyle Gibson. Gibson cruised through the first couple of innings, but then Iggy homered and the whole world went topsey-turvey. Or lambsy-divey. Artsy-fartsy? Anyway, he got the loss.

Gibson's undoing came in the fifth inning, with a bunch of hits and a couple of runs. Reliever Caleb Thielbar gave up an RBI single to Drew Sutton, which was charged to Gibson.

Jose De La Torre got the win. Scoreless relief was provided by Graham Godfrey and Anthony Carter. Do you really care about the stuff in the middle?

cual e' tu vaina?
1. Drew Sutton is like jacked. Was he always that big? I've never seen him naked but it must be impressive. And Dan Butler is enormous. Also, Cookie lost a ton of weight and looks sexy and terrific.

2. I did like the Hernandez/Brandon Boggs at-bat in the third where Boggs saw a lot of pitches but Hernandez was able to strike him out.

Tonight's game was canceled due to sandstorms.

4.11.2013

4.10.13 Pawtucket @ Lehigh Valley - On Account of Rain

The teams played two innings and then the rain was too much.

Allen Webster gave up three hits.

Bryce Brentz got a hit. Lehigh Valley starter Jonathan Pettibone hit Brandon Snyder with a pitch. He had it coming!

See you tonight, I guess.

4.10.2013

4.9.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs - They think he's nothing special. I don't agree, I think he's wonderful.

5-1 Pawtucket. Steven Wright gets the win and Lehigh Valley righty Tyler Cloyd smarts from the loss. Cloyd only had one loss in 26 minor league starts last year, but is kicking off the 2013 season 0-2.

Wright pitched six innings and gave up one run on six hits. He struck out six and walked three. Relievers Pedro Beato and Anthony Carter went on to pitch scoreless relief for the PawSox, allowing only two hits between them.

IronPigs starter Tyler Cloyd gave up all five Pawtucket runs during his five inning appearance, including a two-run homer off the bat of first baseman Brandon Snyder in the second inning. Snyder had a productive game and went on to hit an RBI double in the fourth.

Left fielder Bryce Brentz continued his hot streak, hitting a line drive single to left in the fifth inning that scored two runs. All of Pawtucket's production came from the bottom half of the lineup, with zero hits and zero RBI coming from the first four batters, including leadoff man Jeremy Hazelbaker.


ferrous:
1. IronPigs manager Dave Brundage had a bad feeling about his team facing a knuckleballer: "We probably won't score any runs tonight and have a whole different lineup tomorrow."

2.  Basic stuff on Brandon Snyder: Drafted first round by the Orioles in 2005, lived in that organization until Jan 2012, when he was traded to Texas for cash considerations. The Rangers released him during spring training and Boston snapped him up. Snyder's played on the Tides before, so you've probably seen him at McCoy Stadium. Or in Norfolk, if you happened to road trip down there.

TONIGHT. Allen Webster versus righty Jonathan Pettibone and his effective changeup. And then tomorrow's the Pawtucket home opener, oh my god, are you ready? Do you want to talk about it?

Hope my game recap was dry enough for you. It's long been my dream to be a generic corporate conformist sportswriter.

KNUCKLEBALL!!!!!

4.09.2013

4.8.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Pete and Re-Pete

IronPigs win, 14-5. Loss goes to reliever Graham Godfrey. That's a big win, but holy crap the Charlotte Knights beat the Norfolk Tides 21-4 yesterday. Maybe I should be writing about them!

Pawtucket's starter was righty Rubby De La Rosa, who everyone is very excited about but his start was not as good as Allen Webster's. De La Rosa pitched 2 1/3 innings and let's just say his ERA is now 19.29. Two home runs were involved. Who knows what happened? All I know is that there are so many new people on the IronPigs! Except Pete Orr. Pete Orr will never die.

BJ Rosenberg started for Lehigh Valley. Rosenberg also had a bad start! He pitched three innings and gave up five runs on six hits, including a couple of home runs. So Pawtucket was up 5-2 by the second inning, but scored no further runs last night. Good relief work from Michael Stutes and Justin Friend and Jake Diekman.

The PawSox led the first inning off with a bang, getting a solo home run from leadoff batter Jeremy Hazelbaker. Drew Sutton singled himself on base and then was knocked in by the mighty Bryce Brentz, who hit his first HR of the season. 3-0!

IronPigs third baseman Cody Asche responded with a solo home run in the bottom of the second, making it 3-1. The top of the second was filled with junk like passed balls and walks and stolen bases and wild pitches, garnering Pawtucket another pair of runs. That's when their luck/talent ran out.

After scoring a second run in the second inning, Lehigh Valley exploded like a shaken soda pop in the third. Center fielder Tyson Gillies, the only 'Pig who went hitless last night, walked with one out. Second baseman Cesar Hernandez followed with single, and then Cody Asche hit a line drive double to right that Brentz couldn't get a handle on. That's because Bryce Brentz is all bat, no glove. Two runs score and De La Rosa is replaced by Graham Godfrey. Godfrey allowed another pair of runs, but finally got Leandro Castro to ground out and end the mayhem. 6-5 IronPigs.

A double, a couple of singles, and a failed pickoff attempt in the fourth inning bumped the run total up to nine for LV. And they just kept on rolling while Pawtucket gnashed their teeth and rent their garments. Chris Carpenter was scored on, Alex Wilson got a couple of outs to end the seventh, but kicked off the eighth by giving up a three-run homer before getting anyone out. Oscar Villareal was the only pitcher who made sense in this crazy, messed-up world and pitched a scoreless inning.

Maybe pitch better next time, Pawtucket?

your only options are salad and french fries:
1. Michael LoRe has more on the bullpen's superlative work: "We needed to pick Rosie up a little bit,” Friend said. “He struggled but battled and as a bullpen we needed to get in there and eat some innings. Obviously, offensively we swung the bats well so it made it easier to attack guys.” Rosie? OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THE IRONPIGS HAVE A ROBOT MAID!!!

2. Noise Nation has everything you ever need to know about the IronPigs, including some great pictures from last night's game. I love this blog!

3. I am not going to link to this, but the ballpark in Allentown has some kind of gaming thing in the urinals that you piss on. Or something. Evidently this is very exciting.

4. Jeff Schuler, who could also set the building on fire, provides a handy roster breakdown.

5. Outfielder Leandro Castro made a great defensive play in the third on a hit by Jonathan Diaz: "But running at a full gallop from his position in right field, Leandro Castro ran the ball down just in front of the warning track for the inning's second out, and a Rosenberg strikeout got his team back in the dugout."

6.  Are you kidding me with this shit? "Cauton Flag out for De La Rosa..." reads the headline. Right there. Keep it classy, Woon/Paw paper.

7. The IronPigs now have more uniform flexibility: "Assistant minor league director Steve Noworyta said the minor league department under the direction of Joe Jordan felt it was time for give the players the option of wearing their uniforms in the same fashion as most of their major league counterparts. 'But they need to wear it properly,' Noworyta said, adding that the pants must have a 'snug fit'." HAAAAAAAAAA.

TONIGHT! Steven Wright and Tyler Cloyd at sevenish. You should go! I heard David Ortiz might be around tonight or tomorrow or Thursday night in Pawtucket. Good luck.

4.08.2013

4.7.13 Pawtucket @ Scranton - 18507

Pawtucket wins again 6-2 and they want everyone to know they're looking for a good time. They gave you their heart and they tried to make you happy... And you gave them nothing in return. Win goes to Terry Doyle and Brett Marshall takes the loss. Marshall then cut it up and distributed it amongst the poor.

Doyle was the Pawtucket starter and he pitched six and a third scoreless innings. Scranton wasn't hitting much yesterday and they only managed a single off Doyle. He struck out five of those guys, though. Walks? Also five, but who's counting?

Brett Marshall strutted out to the mound for the RailRiders, probably wearing one of those cheesy FDNY caps. Marshall pitched his little heart out but sputtered in the middle of the fourth inning and had to be replaced by Sam "The Law" Demel.

So let's relive Marshall's agony! After a scoreless and probably zippy first inning, the PawSox got the first run of the game by way of a Mark Hamilton ground rule double that scored Ryan Lavarnway. Alright, Ha - I mean, alright, Mark!

Later, in the third inning, shortstop Jonathan Diaz led off with a ground ball single to third, which Marshall deflected when he maybe should have STAYED OUT OF IT! Marshall, possibly having a significant emotional reaction, walked the next two batters to load the bases. Drew Sutton approached the plate and I can't tell you how thrilled I am that Sutton's returned to Pawtucket. I have so many fond memories of the time Sutton fielded that one ball... Or all the times Sutton had an adequate plate appearance. And I can't help but smile when I picture Sutton in the dugout... With pants and a cap... He was just a kid!

So third baseman Drew Sutton hit a sac fly to left. Things became incrementally more interesting after that, because Ryan Lavarnway hit a two-run single. And then Bryce Brentz, hottest guy on the Pawtuckets, hit a double that scored nobody but still counted for something.

(Just so we're clear, I mean that Brentz is hot with a bat. Not in the face. I mean, I'm sure he's reasonably attractive but it's not like I going to start a separate blog with lots of pictures of his pants and his mouth and his arms and then talk about what a whore his girlfriend is and how he could do much better. Bryce Brentz is hot with a bat, but not in the pants, is what I'm saying here.)

Had enough of Brett Marshall? He's not finished yet. Marsh (he said I could call him that) started the fourth by walking center fielder JC Linares. He struck out Diaz, but gave up a single to Jeremy Hazelbaker and a double to Justin Henry. Marshall's last order of business was to get Sutton out, which he did! Demel maintained a poker face as he ran out of the bullpen and got Lavarnway out to end the inning, but another run for the Red Sox made the score 5-0.

There was a great deal of simmer-down in the next couple of innings again, but the merciless serpent that is Pawtucket struck again in the seventh inning. New Scranton pitcher, Josh Spence.Spence got the first couple of outs, but then Brandon Snyder doubled and Mark Hamilton drove him in. Looks like Hamilton kicked 100 percent of the Yankees' ass! 6-0.

The RailRiders scored a run apiece off relievers Ryan Rowland-Smith and Nick Carter... Excuse me, Jimmy Carter. But whatevs, no chance, and Melky Mesa made the last out and that's what he gets for beating up on the PawSox last summah. 6-2 and the Yankees' heads on pikes. Nice work in Moosic, PA.

it's okay to be a ghost. it has its pleasures.
1. I'm sure JC Linares is a decent center fielder, but he doesn't seem to have the build for it. He's like an upside-down bowling pin. Don't you want someone lean and lithe out there? Remember Jonathan Van Every? It's gazelles like him you want chasing balls down, not an inverted Christmas tree.

2. At least Brett Marshall is in touch with his feminine side: "Received an awesome valentines day gift box full of chocolate and a new coach wallet from my awesome girlfriend! Love you" Haverford much?

3. "A fireworks show at PNC Field led to a brush fire behind the stadium after Saturday night’s Scranton/Wilkes-Barre game." - I told you that park was cursed!!

4. Donnie Collins, one of my sportswriting heroes, gets on top of Brett Marshall: "On paper, Marshall is a smallish right-hander whose fastball sits at 91-92 mph, who relies on command and getting groundballs, who has a fine change-up and who is still working on his slider. That makes him like a lot of guys in the minors. What separates Marshall, though, is his knowledge of hitters, his knack for pitching."

5. More Donnie Collins: "In the series, the RailRiders were outscored, 30-12, by the defending Governors' Cup champions. Even though the season is just four days old, the RailRiders say they can't dismiss as a product of a small sample size what has become simply a bad start.
"There's really no other way to look at it," third baseman David Adams said. "Is it frustrating? Absolutely, it's frustrating. What makes this game fun is winning and producing. And right now, we're doing neither."

6.  "The RailRiders managed only four hits all day, none for extra bases. Mesa, Almonte, Neal and Maruszak each picked up one hit. They were 2-8 with runners in scoring position. Mesa, Johnson, Romine and Neal each struck out twice. Brett Marshall had a rough day. He lasted just 3.2 innings, giving up five runs on six hits, four walks and four Ks. Preston Claibrne pitched a perfect ninth inning, picking up one K." - Tamar Chalker

7. Matt Ferenchick has good things to say about the remodeled ballpark! "And now without the upper deck, it just feels more like a baseball stadium. The old stadium never used to have seats behind the outfield wall. While there are still no seats there, they plan on opening it up for lawn seats later in the season, which should further improve the atmosphere. Old PNC Field used to just be a pile of seats with baseball played in the middle. Now it feels like a baseball stadium."

There's almost no local coverage of this sweep, which is so fucking stupid I can't bear it. I did see Ludwig Von Schwechheimer and Mike Tamburro on TV yesterday afternoon on some local business program, so that was fun.

By the way, I listened to quite a bit of these games on the radio to get a feel for the new guys. I think I prefer Bob Socci, since he's a little more laid back. He's from the Vin Scully school, I feel. Jeff Levering knows his stuff, but he can't help himself from ejaculating about baseball minutiae. Also he's got a somewhat outdated slickster announcer voice. But we'll see. I think overall I like both guys but right now I feel like I'm driving down the Atlantic seaboard and listening to whatever game I happen to receive on the radio.

TONIGHT. Pawtucket's in Allentown to face the IronPigs! This should be fun. Rubby De La Rosa starts for Pawtucket, BJ Rosenberg for Lehigh Valley.

Paz afuera!

4.6.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Scranton Wilkes-Barre RailRiders - The Pennsylvania Twist

Pawtucket wins 7-2, and shares the best record in the IL with Buffalo, Louisville, and Gwinnett. The Red Sox gave no quarter to the RailRiders, who might have probably kind of wanted to win at least one game at their home opener series. Now all anyone will remember is how bad the traffic was. That ballpark is cursed!

Your capable starting pitcher was Chris Hernandez and his rare, beautiful left arm. Hernandez evidently struggled with command/location, throwing 81 pitches through four innings and walking all the fat kids on the RailRiders. Hernandez gave up two runs on four hits, but only one run was earned. That's because Jonathan Hee made two errors. Some people compliment Hee's fielding, but I am not like all the other girls. I compliment his diction and erudition.

Starter for Wilkes-Barre was Graham Chappell Stoneburner, who has a name like that because he is from Virginia and descended from plantation owners and v. old money and Founding Fathers. Like Cla Meredith! Stoneburner, who has probably never gotten high in his life, pitched four innings. Pawtucket must have liked him alright, they scored three runs off him.

SWB scored first, in the bottom of the second, when shortstop Gil Velazquez hit an RBI single. The Red Sox responded with authoritah in the third inning, though, when center fielder JC Linares led off with a single to center. Linares, an unlikely center fielder if I ever saw one, advanced to second base on a wild pitch. Dan Butler, prototypical beefcake catcher and wearer of underpants, hit a line drive double to right like a good, strong boy.

Stoneburner struck out Hee, but walked Hazelbaker and gave up a single to Henry. Drew Sutton was faced with a bases loaded sitch, but instead reached on an attempted force that scored Butler and Hazelbaker. 3-0 Pawtucket!

A third inning RBI single by third baseman Addison Matuszak made it 3-2 for several innings. Red Sox relievers Pedro Beato and Jose De La Torre provided scoreless goodness throughout. Like some kid named Derwin.

Ninth inning, Jim Miller pitching for the Scrankees. Miller got Bryce Brentz out, which is no mean feat considering what a killer series Brentz has had. But Miller walked the next three batters so Jonathan Hee could hit a grand slam.

Come on. Hee? Grand slam? It was really Hazelbaker, who blasted one over the fence in left center. I thought fences were supposed to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong. Isn't that what they say on the farm, J-Bakes?

(12 hours later)

two things:
1. This game came in just under three hours!

2. TODAY IN WARWICK, RI, I WON A STATE-WIDE TOURNAMENT WHICH RESULTED IN A CASH PRIZE AND I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT KAYLA DANNY IRA VEE AND KYLE AND OF COURSE BILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I helped make ice coffee cupcakes and even though a lot of people prefer cookies I have to say these were celestial.

Have fun and I will see you tomorrow.

4.06.2013

4.5.13 Pawtucket @ Scranton Wilkes-Barre - alone with my friends

Pawtucket SMASH! Game two's another win, 9-4. I'm cringing for the RailRiders, who probably wanted to come out of the gate winning.

Starter for Pawtucket was Allen Webster, who pitched five scoreless innings. It was perfect, he hit the 85 pitch mark and then dropped the mike. The win went to reliever Oscar Villareal, though, who also blew the save. One of those triple-A things.

Dellin Betances pitched for SWB, four innings and two runs. Both runs came in the first inning, when Brad Snyder hit a two-run single. The Red Sox scored a third run in the fifth inning off reliever Ryan Pope. Outfielder Jeremy Hazelbaker led off with a triple and was then summarily swatted in by a sac fly by Justin Henry.

But the RailRiders scored a trio of runs in the seventh off Villareal to tie the game. And for a moment, they were so happy. That is, until the top of the eighth with reliever Josh Romanski giving up five runs to Pawtucket. Designated hitter Mark Hamilton hit a three-run homer. Other things happened, but they obviously make less of an impression.

Scranton collected another run in the bottom of the eighth with Chris Carpenter on the mound, and Pawtucket responded with yet another run in the top of the ninth. Bryce Brentz hit like his third double, and there may have been another run but Ryan Lavarnway was thrown out at home. Because he can't run too good? Not necessarily. This game was over three hours long and again, probably coldish and I'm sure no one wanted to prolong things.

Carpenter wrapped the whole thing up with a scoreless ninth.

two things:
1. The first six batters in the lineup got two hits each. Jonathan Diaz got zero hits and struck out four times. Both Hamilton and Snyder logged three RBI.

2. "More positives for the 25-year-old Betances is that when the PawSox loaded the bases in the first inning, he minimized the damage instead of letting it snowball, something that happened regularly last year. And two of the three hits he gave up in the first weren't hit hard and one that was hard was a shot to the mound that ricocheted off Betances' glove." - Dave Rosengrant, here.

3. More stuff about traffic and parking issues at the ballpark in Moosic. "Team officials said their advice to fans is to leave early, expect delays and try to be patient." At least they're kind of admitting there's a problem.

4. "How come every two word name these days has to be scrunched together into one word with a capital letter in the middle?" - Chris Wise from Watching Durham Bulls Baseball feels my pain!

5. McGair writes about Allen Webster, could be in Pennsylvania: "Webster attacked the RailRiders with mainly fastballs and sliders with a few changeups sprinkled in. Though throwing curveballs is part of his repertoire, Webster said he felt comfortable enough to shelve the pitch for at least one evening.
'The slider was working and we stuck with it,' said Webster."

Tonight! Phil Hughes was supposed to pitch, but he went to New York. Probably to see The Nance. So TBA on the RailRiders and Chris Hernandez for Pawtucket. Please leave early, because I heard traffic is a real bitch.

4.05.2013

4.4.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Scranton Wilkes-Barre RailRiders - Dr. Cheeks

Pawtucket takes the first matchup of the series, winning 8-4 in ten innings in a long, cold ballgame. The W goes to Alex Wilson. And hey, look! Gil Velazquez!

Starting pitcher for the Red Sox was Steven Wright, the guy from last year who is known for two things, and I'm not talking about tits or testicles. Wright pitched four innings and gave up two runs on four hits. He walked four, struck out five, threw a wild pitch, and 46 of his 82 pitches were strikes.

Starter for the RailRiders, who are the Yankees and who also have a compound word team name with a cap in the middle (Like the IronPigs!), was Vidal Nuno. Nuno went a little deeper than Wright, pitching four innings and then getting a couple of outs in the fifth before ceding to beloved reliever Sam Demel. Nuno gave up two runs on three hits, including a two-run homer in the fifth by first baseman Brandon Snyder, who says crap like "What a better way to spend Easter then to drive across gods beautiful country!!!".

Scranton drew first blood last night, scoring a pair of runs in the bottom of the first thanks to Wright issuing a brace of walks and a donation of hits. Wild. But Wright settled down and kept the RailRiders scoreless through the rest of his outing.

Pawtucket tied the game up in the fifth when Bryce Brentz doubled right before Snyder's home run. After the pitching change, second baseman Jonathan Diaz drew a walk and stole second. Shortstop Brock Holt hit an RBI single and Pawtucket had the lead. It would have been more exciting if it weren't 38 degrees at that point.

SWB knotted things up in the seventh, with reliever Jose De La Torre walking a couple of dudes and setting up a sac fly situation. Good stuff, Thomas Neal. The game stayed tied through a few more innings and a slew of relievers I don't care about. Top of the tenth, Jim Miller pitching. Miller got the first out, but then outfield corn stalk Jeremy Hazelbaker hit a home run. Drew Sutton then walked and stole second, which proved to be mega-alluring to Ryan Lavarnway's big bad bat. POW! Double to right! And Sutton runs home.

Bryce Brentz! Brentz followed Lavarnway's double with one of his own, which is no surprise because when you're at a restaurant with Bryce he's always like, "That sounds good! I'll have the same except no onions!" Lavarnway scores, and it's 6-3 Red Sox. Cool, right? Not cool enough, according to Justin Henry, who went ahead and hit a home run with Brentz at second. Sorry, at third due to an error by Zoilo Almonte. 8-3 Pawtucket.

Anthony Carter came in to lock it up in the tenth, but he wound up walking everybody and allowed the Yankees to score a fourth run. But then Carter struck out the big guys in order: Dan Johnson, Melky Mesa, and Cody Johnson. I hope it hurt like hell.

two things:
1. Bryce Brentz went 3-5 with two doubles. Ryan Lavarnway doubled and struck out four times. He also netted two passed balls.

2. PawSox killer Melky Mesa struck out five times. Gladdened.

3. New! Renovated! Ballpark! Come early, or you'll have to park a half mile away: "My advice would be to get here early, because it's a hot ticket this year," Mr. Ruby said. "Parking is no different than years past, though." Whatever you say, Mr. Ruby. Also, noted asshole Reggie Jackson was there.

4. Corban Joseph is so smart: "“I don’t necessarily think we lost steam (after the first inning) I think the pitcher just figured out what he was doing wrong. The whole team just went in there trying to put quality at-bats together and we just didn’t get as many quality at-bats back-to-back I think.”

5. "If Nuno was on a pitch count I have to imagine they’re saving him for something, right? He was pitching a lot in the spring already, so it shouldn’t have been necessary." - commenter Jason Cohen on Pinstriped Bible

6. Is it too late for a SWB team preview from Tamar Chalker? NEVER!

7. READ THIS: Donnie Collins talks to players about their feelings for the renovated ballpark.

8. Yes, it's true: Dan Johnson and Cody Johnson are married!

9. And Donnie Collins again with a killer game summary. Donnie Collins kicks ass. Why does he have to kind of work for the Yankees?

10. Bricks.

Time's up already? Zounds! That's what I get for slacking and not even really knowing half of these PawSox guys. So embarrassing. Anyway, tonight it's Allen Webster and Dellin Betances. See you tomorrow!

3.27.2013

Ramp Champ #54 - Jonathan Papelbon

Jonathan Papelbon (or "Jon", as he was known at the time) is a right-handed reliever/closer who pitched for the Pawtucket Red Sox in 2005. Like most megastars, Papelbon's time in Triple-A was brief. Papelbon pitched in seven games, starting four of them and earning one save. His ERA was 2.93. He struck out 27 batters but only walked three. Nice job, kid!

Two things:
1. Papelbon pitched in the big leagues that year and at one point was sent down to make room for Jose Cruz Jr. Imagine!

2. I don't remember this: "Papelbon may have established himself in the eyes of Red Sox Nation with one pitch in spring training - A high and tight fastball that buzzed Orioles slugger Sammy Sosa, in response to Baltimore starter Daniel Cabrera plunking Jay Payton earlier in the game." (from the PawSox 2005 program)

Please enjoy Jon Papelbon's mural in the middle portion of the home plate tower!

3.25.2013

The Buffalo Bisons are the Blue Jays.

From Syracuse to Buffalo? UPGRADE.

I hope you like Anthony Gose as much as I do, because he's gonna get a lot of face time at McCoy Stadium! Gose will look great sporting his exciting new Buffalo uniform, too.

Back in September, Buffalo signed a two-year player development contract with the Toronto Blue Jays. THIS IS VERY EXCITING AND SIGNIFICANT. First of all, Toronto and Buffalo are less than 100 miles apart. Secondly, the old park in Las Vegas is small and abnormal. Also, it's in fucking Las Vegas.Thirdly, and most importantly, the Blue Jays look like AL East contenders at last.

Like any other minor league team, Buffalo's got a book of numbers and remedies on the counter by your keys. They'll have 48 games on TV, which is 300 percent more than Pawtucket ever has. These games will include at least one game per visiting team and 11 road games.

Marty Brown will manage the team this season, so read this story. Here's a link to their promotional schedule.




Bob Socci is the other half.

"Bob Socci" sounds like a dish you'd order at a Korean restaurant. "I'll have the Bob Socci with rice noodles and a cola with no ice."

Bob Socci is the other half of the **NEW**  !!@@@LOOK@@@!! PawSox radio team. He has his own website, that being bobsocci.com. And .net as well, but probably not .biz or .xxx. I bought pawsox.xxx, so don't get any ideas! If Carlos Maldonado ever makes a sex tape, I'm going to be a very wealthy woman.

His righteous path: Peoria Chiefs. Delmarva Shorebirds. Naval Academy basketball. Navy football. Frederick Keys, Albuquerque Isotopes, Norfolk Tides. Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China Johnny Ray.

I came across an Albuquerque blogger who talked to Socci back in 2005. The story's great. But then there's this exchange:

"Kris: “So Bob, have you ever said anything on the air that you wish you hadn’t?”
Bob: “Yes, many times. But one stands out in my memory.”
Kris: “Were you able to make amends?”
Bob: (laughing while entering the names of starting Isotopes players on his score sheet) “Fortunately, not many people heard it.”
Kris: “Would you care to tell me what it was?”
Bob: “Sure, but not on the record.”

A few minutes later…
Kris: “Oh, that IS funny! Thanks for sharing.”


Why would you even include this? Is this some kind of in-joke?

Socci has spent most of his career in a world I don't understand, so I'll just conclude by saying I look forward to him blowing my mind.

3.08.2013

"Hooray for everything!", says PawSox staff.

"Exactly 4 weeks 'til opening day. 5 from the home opener @ McCoy! 'Snow will be gone soon' says baseball Gods."

 "A great music video to get you into the spirit of baseball season!"

"The defense of the 2012 Governor's Cup begins in exactly one month!"

"Fill your belly without emptying your wallet. Dollar Menu Mondays at McCoy!"

"The snow is melting, and the groundscrew is ready to work!"

"Come and enjoy and All-You-Can-Eat BBQ prior to a PawSox game in 2013!"

"Hey guys, have Paws deliver 12 roses, a PawSox hat, and two flex tickets to your valentine at her home or office!" (Please do not deviate from the implied genders.)

"The Hot Stove Party is from 11am - 2pm!"

"Take your picture with the Cup and win FREE items!" (I love items!)

"Nothing says "Happy New Year" quite like Rollin' with Rick!"

The PawSox use ALL THE EXCLAMATION POINTS. 


3.01.2013

Last year I got an email from a PawSox player.

Last year, I was surprised by an email from a former PawSox player. This guy basically told me that he liked my blog and that it made him laugh, had a humorous question for me about some jokes I made about his appearance. He wrote me a couple of times and then that was it.

Shortly after receiving that message, I went back and made sure I hadn't said anything too scathing about the player. I was pretty sure I hadn't, because he seemed like a good guy and he performed reasonably well. Lucky me, it was all good stuff.

I know it sounds like no big whoop, but let me put it into terms you might understand. Imagine you got an email from Laurence Maroney telling you he liked your Patriots blog. Does that help?

I was pretty sure the player and I were going to become best friends and that he would collaborate with me on my blog, therefore making it a baseball blog to trump all others and launching me into super!stardom!, but he seemed pretty busy.


Born on January 31st

Minor league signings on January 31st, 2013: Lyle Overbay, JD Durbin, Charlie Haeger, and Christian Perdomo.

Lyle Overbay is Lyle Overbay, I'm sure you've bumped into him at SXSW or whatever.

JD Durbin is a righty starter who has been all over the place. Durbin came up through the Twins org, did a little time with some Phillies junk, a bunch of minor-league Dodgering in 2009, and spent the last couple of years hanging out in Mexico and independent Lancaster. Durbin pitched for Rochester and the IronPigs, so the odds are good that I've seen him at McCoy. I'll look it up later. Oh, wait, I just did and here it is.

Durbin's been with Boston before... I feel like I kind of remember his story. One of those Casey Fein things, where you get claimed off waivers and then DFA'd the next day and you've been on three teams in one week and you never leave your couch. From commenter/registered user 'Paradigm': "So, they might claim him, keep him on the 25-man roster, demote Javier Lopez, then activate Timlin and send Durbin through waivers. The end result is still the same (Timlin on the major league roster) and they might keep Durbin, or he might get claimed." This was posted in April 2007.

OH MY GOD this is all coming back to me now... Durbin's handle was 'titsandassforme' and there were pictures of him at the adult video awards. Poor kid.

Some Detroit fan back in 2007 summed it all up: "What's with this guy? He was just released by PHI after they claimed him from the Red Sox who claimed him from ARI who claimed him from the Twins." What's with this guy, indeed. I mean, seriously, I don't understand this pickup at all. WAS KYLE SNYDER NOT AVAILABLE? Whatever, I feel like Durbin's just going to disappear a couple of weeks into spring training. Happens all the time.

Charlie Haeger! Haeger was on the Sea Dogs last year. You may remember Haeger from his outstanding performance as "Charlie Zink" around 2008.

Christian Perdomo, who maybe says shit like " Do any of my followers have any problems or idn something ... so i can pray for you at night before bed", is a New York mall-rat kid so never mind.

By the way, Ryan Sweeney's around. In case you like Ryan Sweeney.



2.28.2013

Ryan Rowland-Smith's apartment looks upside-down from there.

Ryan Rowland-Smith is not Peter Moylan. I just now realized that because I was all, isn't that the dude on the Braves with all the tattoos?

No, it's that cute guy from the Mariners. But they are both Australian so partial credit.

Rowland-Smith, or Smitty, as he likes to be called, is a lefty who spent last year pitching for the Iowa Cubs. Rowland-Smith started eight games, but was primarily used in a relief role. He went 3-6 with a 3.94 ERA, if you're into generic corporate conformist stats, you Fascist!

Jelly up and jam tight!
1. Rowland-Smith struggled pretty much the entire season with the Mariners in 2010: "What I learned after last season is not to live and die off every game. I'm talking about when I struggle in a game, not to take four days to get over it, and trust that ability-wise, it's all there. I realized how much I lost my ability to compete. I stopped being myself - a guy who goes out and fights for every out, a f#%k you attitude, not a guy who tries to trick guys. There's a huge difference in hoping that a ball misses a bat, and believing it's going to miss the bat." And then he went to the Astros. Check out Jeff Sullivan's entire interview, it's ace!

2. Rowland-Smith enjoys the sinker, dogs, and being Australian.

3. Hey, Aardsma! Say hi to your mom for me!

4. "if u spent 24 hrs with me maybe u would see something different than your perception of me. I know your pulling for me, when I get through this struggle I will acknowledge (every) single person who stood by me and believed in me. No matter what happens, we have to keep grinding, and it will happen soon." - Rowland-Smith is one classy dude.

I'm out of time. Rats! I think Rowland-Smith is going to a problem for me in Pawtucket. Let's face it: He's stupid hot. I often complained about the lack of handsomeness in Pawtucket but maybe it's better that way. It's tough to be professional when you're squishy.

2.27.2013

Aaron Goldsmith creates web content.

Aaron Goldsmith got a big league gig with the Mariners after spending a relatively short time in the majors. Goldsmith reveals, in a conversation with Benjamin Hill (again), "“I have experience doing things outside of the broadcast booth, social media, creating web content, podcasts and video interviews. [The Mariners] were very interested in my ideas and thoughts regarding what worked and what hadn’t worked within that realm.”

Hill goes on to say: "...I believe that maintaining a strong presence in these supplementary areas (blogs, podcasts, Twitter, Facebook, etc) is a crucial way to increase your visibility and, therefore, your reputation within what is quite possibly the most cutthroat occupation in all of Minor League Baseball."

I didn't read Goldsmith's blog very often due to petulance and small-mindedness, but it seemed like good stuff. Obviously, no one who works for the team is going to do much more than human interest stories on the players, nothing too critical or investigative, but the fans seem to enjoy stories about players' dogs or The Coach They Had Who Influenced Their Entire Career.

But yes, if you can do all the stuff that Goldsmith did, it certainly seems like an edge. Not that anyone cares about baseball any more.

2.26.2013

Jeff Levering is half.

A few days ago, it was revealed to the world and also the Darlington part of Pawtucket that a young former college baseball player named Jeff Levering (rhymes with severing?) will be one of the new radiocast guys.

Levering, 29, spent his last three seasons working for the Double-A Springfield Cardinals. He's also a friend of Dustin Pedroia's, which surely could not have hurt his chances. Brendan McGair did a good job with the whole story, haz clic! And Benjamin Hill has a report from Levering's former park, complete with killer snapshots and overall superlative work. BEN'S BIZ!!!

Would you like to hear his solemn, sonorous voice? Watch this video! Levering talks about having to pee really bad during a game broadcast. And also getting boatraced. What does that mean and how can I start working it into conversation?

I know you're thinking, Who is this California handsome boy and why should I trust him? Well, just look forward to a little youth injection that's not some square, fluffy-haired corporate conformist who thinks liking Feist or the Black Keys makes him interesting.Just make a fumbling play for Levering's heart...

Jeff Levering's first day is March 4th, so everybody please be nice and remember that Missouri and Rhode Island are probably quite different. It's a lot colder and we don't eat catfish.

You guys, I'm getting really excited. Here comes the sun and I say it's alright.

2.25.2013

Daddy Red Bird

Back in January, when maybe you thought spring was truly coming and weren't disheartened by the dirty, lingering trash of old snow, Boston signed former Cardinals first base guy Mark Hamilton to a minor league contract. Well, they "Agreed to Terms" with him, which might mean something a little different. For instance, they may be able to sell his personal information to third parties that they feel will offer things of interest to him. Like erection pills or frequent flier miles.

Hamilton is a big fat kid who went to Tulane, where he was presumably a choir boy. Okay, he's not fat, but he's got a first-baseman's build. He's been in the STL org for his entire career, so I'm sure he had a warm bath and a good cry when he was cut loose. I don't know if he's hot, but I'm pretty sure he's married.

Do you want his slash line? Or just slash, like a story about Youk and Pedroia's secret romance? I will tell you that Hamilton has not tripled in professional baseball since 2006. Probably because he's fat. Hamilton played 90 games for the Triple-A Memphis Redbirds in 2012, seemed to strike out a lot. He appears to have played in Memphis since 2009, when he touched down in the land of the Delta Blues. I don't know, look for yourself. Nothing jumps out, which means he's perfectly suited for Pawtucket.

Here's some stuff people said via social media:
1. "Non roster 1B Mark Hamilton very impressive in BP." - Pete Abraham. CARE TO ELABORATE?

2. "Carp is expected to compete with Daniel Nava, Mitch Maier, Mark Hamilton and Lyle Overbay for at-bats." - RealGMBaseball. WHOA. This is exactly like when Chris Carter, Jeff Bailey, Brad Wilkerson, and Paul McAnulty were all competing for a Boston bench spot in '09!

3. "Mark Hamilton, former Tulane star and farmhand, escaped the former-card gravitational pull to Houston. In Boston's lineup today." - Derrick Goold. That was yesterday.

fleshier stuff:
1. Just looked at a picture of Hamilton and he's adorable and not at all fat. This season in Pawtucket I will do my best not to say "Alright, Hamilton" but I am not making any promises. I still can't stop saying "Everybody Ray Chang tonight!"

2. "There are encouraging items, too, though, such as Hamilton's career .385 on-base percentage at Triple-A, and .203 Isolated Power at the level -- if he can approximate those levels while in the International League, then, even at 28, it might be worth seeing if he can hit in the majors if there's a need and the scouting reports match the numbers." - Rebel Alliance member Marc Normandin puts it down.

3. Possessor of inner thoughts Chris Hogan talks about it. It's a radiocast on the internet. What a time we live in.

4. "Tim Lincecum. We faced him in the 2004 Oxford Regional when he was pitching for the University of Washington. As a freshman, he had already learned how to pitch and had an outstanding fastball and curveball. I saw him again in the Cape Cod Summer Baseball League in 2005 and he was beyond outstanding, thrown 97-101 MPH with an amazing curve." - Hamilton's toughest pitcher he's faced, from a decent interview here.

5. "He’s had 89 home runs throughout his career, for instance, including 20 in 2010 and 15 last year before he was released by the Cardinals in August. He also has experience playing in the corner outfield spots, so that could come in handy if the Red Sox are put in a bind down the road." - Bryan from The Grandstand Perspective sums it all up for us dummies.

6. Although I mentioned that Hamilton struck out a lot last year, he was also in a three-way tie for first place in walks. Eugenio Velez was also part of that  three-way. So was your mom, I heard.

7. Hamilton's taste in music is about the same as any other baseball player.

Making lists or bullet points is super lazy, but I lack an analytic mind or fully-formed opinions so it's what I lean on. Now I must drive to Wakefield for beer and fried stuff.

MAURO GOMEZ!!!

2.23.2013

Jeremy Hazelbaker ate at chain restaurants in Mexico.

This evening I found myself thinking about Jeremy Hazelbaker's contributions to the Pawtucket Red Sox and his command of the strike zone and how he spent his off-season working out and drinking protein shakes and making his wife get his golf clubs out of the trunk because he was playing video games.

No, I was just looking at the Pawtucket 2012 roster and realized I didn't have much to say about players Anderson through Hassan. And I thought about how he's farm-built like a Syracuse ladder and how high he pulls his pants up. Did you know Hazelbaker is a Ball State kid? He's from Indiana but has probably never been Jammed!

Hazelbaker only played in seven games for Pawtucket. He struck out eight times and never walked. He also says shit like "I ain't sure I've ever heard of Downtown Abbey" and "I never thought I would see the day where my girlfriend would ask me to get her a handgun! SOOO HAPPY!!!!".

Let's talk to it!

1. Hazelbaker participated in a webchat, but not the kind where you take your underpants off. I tried to watch it, I swear.

2. "Hazelbaker also must continue to work on his defense because he played third base in high school and second during his first two seasons at Ball State. Among other things, he must get better reads on line drives and as well as balls hit in the gaps." - Mike Scandura wrote this. Either that or that scoundrel Charlie Saponara.

3. JH played winter ball in Mexico, yet has probably never tried tequila in his life.

4.
  
  "He has plus speed (36 SBs) and some pretty good pop (19 HRs, .206 ISO, .479 slugging at AA).  Overall he hit .273/.338/.479 in AA last season. Despite the plus speed, Hazelbaker needs work in CF.  He has plus raw range but needs to learn to read the ball better and take better routes.  Enter defensive guru Dave McKay.  He did a lot with an aging, sore-kneed player in Alfonso Soriano, perhaps he can translate Hazelbaker's plus athleticism into plus defense in CF.  Hazelbaker has shown the ability to take walks in the minors but his overall plate discipline is inconsistent.  Furthermore, his ability to make contact at the MLB level may be a concern, though he's trending in the right direction.  His 23.4% K rate at AA last season was a career low.  If the Cubs think he can improve in the spring, he fits the profile of a potentially plus defensive CF with good range in CF."

Thanks, John Arguello!

5. "Jeremy Hazelbaker posted monster numbers in his junior season at Ball State. His .550 OBP was 2nd highest in D-1. His OPS was a staggering 1.274 and his babip was .491. His SecA was a staggering .645 (.500 is considered to be very good). More impressive is his plate discipline. His BB/K ratio was 1.37. His Runs Created per Plate Appearance were .315." - swiped from Sabermetric Sox Report

6. "We've enjoyed having Jeremy here," said Susan Cressey. "(He) has an intense schedule with lots of road trips and training sessions at Hadlock Field before games. I'm particularly impressed with his healthy life style and his self-discipline in terms of always being game-ready. Late nights and early morning road trips are the norm for Jeremy and his teammates." - Hazelbaker's Portland host family was his trainer's parents. I'm pretty sure Susan Cressey read that statement off index cards with a gun pointed at her head.

7. LOL this picture. LOL. LOL. LOL!!!

8. Rule 5 = Theme from Jaws and Hazelbaker's pasty legs treading saltwater.

9. Hazelbaker set up a scholarship at his old high school, so that was nice of him.

10. WHO IS WESSEL BROCKEN?!

11. Kolbrin Vitek kind of compares Hazelbaker to an old shoe: " I played with him in college for a couple years and then once I got drafted I knew I’d be playing with him a little bit. By the end of my first season I was teammates with him again, which is awesome. It helps you get a little more comfortable with the rest of your teammates, you can kind of break in that way, and having that familiar face is always helpful. Coming in every day and having someone that you’ve known for five or six years now, it’s very helpful."  BUS LEAGUES BASEBALL RULEZ!!!

12. "Even after working out in the hot sun all morning Hazelbaker was more than accommodating. He talked to me as much as I wanted him to and even un-tucked his shirt to show us his tattoo." - DUDE.

13. "Red Sox prospect Jeremy Hazelbaker lead the lower-A Carolina League with 63 steals and 135 K’s, an unusual combination to say the least. In fact, he lead the entire Boston organization…7 teams plus the parent club…in stolen bases, and was topped only by Dave Ortiz’ 145 strikeouts." - from Deep-Fried Hoodsie Cups, which has really pretty pictures.

14. So I'm reading this thing where Hazelbaker talks about baserunning and I'm digging it and of course it's a David Laurila joint.

I need more practice writing stuff if I am ever going to make a book. I'm pretty sure Alex Speier is going to write an article about all my spelling errors and clunky exposition and forced pop culture references. But I don't care, because I AM ONE WIN AWAY FROM GOING TO THE TOURNAMENT FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW!!!!

IDAWAHIO!!!

2.11.2013

Brentz, just admit it.

I do not buy this gun-accidentally-going-off story. Why is it always my responsibility to whip up a scathing exposé?

I feel like this story secretly involves lots of alcohol and some Tennessee justice. Kind of like a honky-tonk barfight, but trashier.

Doesn't anybody care about the truth any more?

And then with the blizzard.

2013 was not a good year for anybody. I'm calling it.

2.03.2013

Kevin Millwood retired. And I knew... He had made me happy.

In 2011, Kevin Millwood, zillionaire superstar, came to our little ballpark. He started 13 games and went 5-1 with a 4.28 ERA. I see he struck out 66 and walked 25, so that was pretty good. It was a very exciting time for me.

I went back in my archives and noticed that Millwood tossed a 102 pitch game v Buffalo in July 2011. Opposing pitcher was the equally veteran Miguel Batista.  Know who else pitched? Dale Thayer and Gustavo Chacin. What the fuck. The Millwood game summaries are terrific and wicked funny, if I say so myself.

Last thing: Millwood participated in PawSox bowling. I would also like to point out that on Poster Night, Mill the Thrill was friendly and cordial and actively engaged with the fans. SO MUCH CLASS. And yet scrubs like Billy Buckner can't be bothered.

1.27.2013

The 2013 Pawtucket Red Sox Hot Stove Party Featuring Jackie Bradley Jr and Nobody Else, No Sir.

Yesterday was the PRSHSP and let's face it, all the cold people were there to see Jackie Bradley Jr. And why not? Personally, I was there for free hot dogs. It's a nice break from all the porridge and hardtack I've been living on.

Once again, the greatest part was the Tamburro/Schwechheimer led Town Hall Meeting, in which the people in charge of this whole thing solicit suggestions and comments from fans. Again, some people tossed out good ideas and a few compliments. But of course you get FULL-GROWN MEN asking why they can't give free bobbleheads to adults instead of just 14 and under.

Jeremy Kapstein was on hand to remind everyone to buckle their safety belts. He also pointed out that Jackie Bradley Jr and his fiance are super swell folks who have been touched by the hand of god. Fiance looks all of sixteen, but they marry up early down south.

Wanna see some pictures?





Someone hacked into my camera with a virus and downloaded my Jackie Bradley file gifs. I'm pretty sure that happened. I would have maybe recorded some Bradley Q&A, but that sort of thing was scrapped in favor of everyone getting autographs.

See you soon!


1.08.2013

I won't stay in a world without Hyder.

Steve Hyder quit Pawtucket last month. I am not terribly surprised and kinda saw it coming. But what the heck? Who's going to fill his shoes and what will the broadcast sound like? I can't get to sleep! I think about the implications...

Some people find it helpful to make a list. I know I do, which is why my apartment is as neat as a pin without a speck of dust and my bed is always made and such. No crumbs in my keyboard!

Stump Steve:
1. "I did in nine years with the PawSox and 12 years overall, and it's kind of lost its luster,'' said Hyder. "I felt like I didn't get the respect at McCoy Stadium that I've earned elsewhere. Wherever else I go, I'm treated pretty well. I just didn't feel like the PawSox valued my services.'' (here) (True dat.)

2. And Hyder's writing a book! "I kept a very detailed diary of the 2012 season when they won the Governor's Cup, so that's what it will be all about." Can't wait to read it, seriously, and if it never gets finished I will pull his spine out through his butthole. (ibid.)

3. Adam Hyzdu wishes this could have happened sooner.

4. "I was insulted when I wasn't made the lead guy," he said. "I was told my play-by-play wasn't good enough. I'm a finalist for Sportscaster of the Year in Rhode Island again this year." Aaron Goldsmith, you carpetbagging ruiner.

5. Searched for Hyder stuff I'd written, came across this 'wacky' lineup I did last September. There it is, Jen. The funniest lineup you've ever written and no one was around to read it:




6. "I'm 100 percent Team Hyder. Always have been." - J Messy


 Never had the chance to meet Steve Hyder, but I did get to meet players like Royce Ring and John Otness so I guess it all balances out.

See you at Hot Stove, which will by emceed by the next person I hate in my life.

1.02.2013

Rain Delay

A long time ago, Gary DiSarcina became the new manager of the Pawtucket Red Sox. And Arnie Beyeler became the Boston Red Sox first base coach.

Since DiSarcina's local-ish, everybody knows him. I remember him best as an occasional co-host of Extra Innings on NESN. This may have occurred back when Bob Rodgers hosted and Tom Caron was doing Heidi Watney work on the field. My feelings toward Tom Caron have not thawed.

Here's a short thing on DiSarcina written by Scott Cordischi. Evidently, no one proofread it. Why not check out Over the Monster instead? Or PawSox Blog?

I look forward to meeting DiSarcina and working with him throughout the season. I know he will consult with me before setting the lineups and provide me with injury reports.

By the way, as I perused the articles on Gary DiSarcina I couldn't help but notice that some people should resolve to either use spellcheck or, say, review their work before submitting it. Come on, everybody. Step it up.


12.07.2012

Drew Sutton dreams about liverwurst.

Damn, I am rusty. Do safecrackers lose their touch if they put their life of crime on hiatus? Because I'm pretty sure I can open a safe or two. I still don't want to write about Papelbon, but that has to happen sooner or later.

Good news, ladies: Drew Sutton is returning to Pawtucket! Don't get any ideas, though. Sutton is probably not down to clown, since it's family first with him. Unless the old saying is true.

Mitch Maier was also picked up by Boston. Maier is an outfielder and he's 30 and he comes from the Kansas City org. He's a brunette... A little on the scatback side but oh, sexy.

Mayhap you've never heard of Terry Doyle. Formerly White Soxy, now Red Soxy. Doyle is a righty big-boy pitcher from Concord, MA, which means he has access to some killer apple cider. Unless he's from Rhode Island, which could also be true because Ben Hill never lies.

Please also welcome relief pitcher Oscar Villarreal.

I'm opting not to get too in depth with these guys, because I've seen many minor-league signings evaporate. Scott Patterson for example. That dude with the red hair, Adam something. Bernero!

RIP Nate Spears, alleged bestie of Jose Iglesias.

2012 PawSox Annual Christmas Party

Tomorrow is the PawSox Annual Christmas Party. Arnie Beyeler won't be there, possibly because he was promoted. Does a major-league first base coach make more than a minor-league manager?

This year Ryan Lavarnway will be there, possibly because he can drive there from Connecticut. Wait, is Lavarnway from Connecticut? Why is he going? Isn't he a big star now? I'll bet he's all fat and drunk.

Tony Thomas will be there because he is wonderful.

Also Jeremy Hazelbaker and his hiked-up pants. Hazelbaker is built like John Olerud and resembles a younger version of the farmer from American Gothic. JEREMY MY DAUGHTER HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU WILL YOU STEP AWAY FROM FIELDING DRILLS AND SIGN THIS CREASED INDEX CARD?

And Santa Paws. And Santa Claus. SANTA CLAUS? I don't recall seeing Santa Claus at McCoy before. Will there also be a nun there with a collection of switches? 

My invitation also says there will be games. Is that new? It also says boldly at the top 'Looking to get into the holiday spirit!!!'

The event lasts from 11:00- 2:00. I will not be able to attend and even though it's SSDY, I am disappointed. Please go and take lots of pictures for me.

I miss you.