9.6.2013 Pawtucket Red Sox v Rochester Red Wings - Maximum Big Surprise

Red Sox defeat Red Wings in Pawtucket, 5-1. Steven Wright gets the win for the RI Sox.

Wright pitched 6 1/3 innings. The Red Wings got six hits off Wright, but could not translate them into runs. Wright walked four and struck out five.

Starting pitcher for Rochester was lefty Pat Dean. The PawSox assaulted Dean with eight hits, including a double and a two-run homer by designated hitter Mark Hamilton. Dean took the loss for the Red Wings, giving up four runs through five innings. Reliever Trevor May pitched the balance of the game and allowed the fifth run in the eighth inning when shortstop Heiker Meneses hit an RBI single.

Pedro Beato was responsible for the sole Rochester run. Lefty Ryan Rowland-Smith had yet another solid relief appearance, nailing the last five outs of the game without giving up a hit.

flim flam and judy:
1. In the post-season, Heiker Meneses has certainly been more productive than you would expect.

2. Bryce Brentz was the only home team player to go hitless.

3. "Pat Dean, 24, has been the pride of Naugatuck since he graduated from Naugatuck High School in 2007 and went on to play for Div. 1 Boston College on a scholarship. The left-handed pitcher soared to success with the B.C. Eagles and was drafted in the spring of 2010 into the Twins organization in the third round. At the end of the 2011 season, he was called up to double-A ball and pitched one game for the New Britain Rock Cats in front of a large Naugatuck fan base." - Paul Singley

4. Steven Wright threw 117 pitches.

5. Listened to the end of the game on the radio and I was impressed by both teams' managers' commitment to winning, displayed by the moves made during key innings.

Tonight at McCoy Stadium the PawSox will once more face Rochester. Righty Matt Barnes will get the start v Red Wings lefty Scott Diamond. game starts at six and I will be there!

The Durham Bulls are finished already after having swept the Indianapolis Indians (PIT) and chilling down south, maybe hoping they get to play Rochester. Who knows, maybe the Red Wings will shock us all.

Superlative work, Bulls. Good luck to everybody.

9.5.2013 Pawtucket defeats Rochester, 7-2.

And the Durham Bulls are 2-0. Feisty, feisty Rochester is not going to lie down for the Pawtuckets, nohow.

Starting P for the Red Sox was Clay Buchholz, who pitched like one inning and then hit the hottest discotheques in 'Chester. Five relievers really pitched this game and did not allow any Red Wings runs, unlike Clay.

Righty PJ Walters was the losing pitcher for this game, going 3 2/3 innings (just like Buchholz!) and coughing up five runs. Only two were earned, so Walters was probably all, no, that's cool guys, it happens, then went home and ripped the door off his refrigerator. Walters struck out two and walked three... See what had happened was...

WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS

Third inning, Heiker Meneses and Jackie Bradley Jr hit back-to-back singles and then Brock Holt singled to load the bases, no outs. Walters then faced Alex Hassan, who drew a walk that brought Meneses in for the first Pawtucket run. Mark Hamilton then grounded into a double play, bringing Bradley Jr home to make it 2-0.

Fourth inning, Hazelbaker led off and made it to first on a SS error (Eduardo Escobar). Whoops, made it to second base, meaning his hands were up Escobar's blouse. And then third base when Justin Henry grounded out. Then Hazelbaker scored on a sac fly by minty catcher Christian Vazquez. And then Meneses and Bradley again, hittin' and makin' all the plays happen, singled and doubled respectfully. Brock Holt, god bless, singled to score both boys and changed the run total to 3-0. That is where Walters got the hook and Logan Darnell, who says crap like "Just found out the mexico passed the u.s. as the fatest country! wonder why? Mayb cause they invented the chips and salsa?" came in.

Darnell got Hassan out to end the inning, then Rochester scored a pair of runs at the bottom of the fourth. 

Fifth inning, let me quote, "Mark Hamilton reaches on a missed catch error by pitcher Logan Darnell, assist to first baseman Chris Parmelee. Mark Hamilton to 2nd". So whatever that looked like. But Bryce Brentz was the next batter and he hit a big double to right, scoring Hamilton. Brentz later scored on a single by Vazquez. 7-2. 

Bullpen bros Brayan Villarreal, Alex Wilson, Chris Martin, Ryan Rowland-Smith, and Anthony Carter banded together and did a rather nice job tamping down the Red Wings. Win went to Smith, who pitched two innings and got three strikeouts. He made an error, but no one cared. Those bullpen guys love each other. Fuck Buchholz, really. I never liked his face.

two things:

1. I don't know about Bryce Brentz. I suspect he's close to his plateau.

2. I have to admit, these PawSox guys' sarcasm flew completely over my head! "Had 2 rent the whole place out just 2 get away from the #playoffbuzz."

" Rochester: Scenes outside @PawSox hotel hit feverpitch over @AlexHassan27 @hyphen18 @BrockStar4Lyf #minisox #y2cup"

"this city is electric right now" "Walking around Rochester with @JustinHenry1 @AlexHassan27 @BrockStar4Lyf U can definitely feel the buzz in the air for the playoffs!"

" it's like nothing I've ever seen or felt. #playoffs"

Sorry, that's way too many hashtags and @ and 4Lyf's. 

TONIGHT. Your special boys are back in Rhode Island. I can't go, so why don't you go instead of me and then write everything down and keep an eye on the bullpen and let me know who's charting pitches and what Wright looked like and who made all the smooth defensive plays? That would be terrific.

9.4.13 Post-season's Greetings From Rochester!

New York is beautiful this time of year! Pawtucket got crushed, 7-1, mostly thanks to Ranaudo having an off night. He only pitched two innings on account of sucking. In fact, after the game he found a note on his hotel door that read, "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!"

Rochester scored four runs off Ranaudo. Meanwhile, blindingly white righty Cole De Vries (from Minnesota, of course) pitched six terrific innings, only giving up a solo home run to Bryce Brentz. Oh, Bryce. You try so hard.

Red Wings relievers Aaron Thompson and AJ Achter wrapped up the remainder of the game.

Rochester second baseman James Beresford, who is probably not British, went 4-5 with a double. DAMN SON.

A bunch of relievers finished the game for Ranaudo: Zinger, DLT, Carpy, and Webby.

two things:
1. Nicholas RW Henning talks about Beresford and his older brother, who did some pitching in the Brewers system.

2. "The Wings played as if the weight of the baseball world was off their shoulders. They had scratched and clawed just to make the postseason, clinching on Monday only after polishing off Scranton while wild-card leader Norfolk fell to Durham." (Mandelaro) I'm impressed by the Red Wings appearance in the post-season. The team has not been good for a few seasons, so it's great to see them. I always dug Rochester. Great park, too.

3. "PawSox starter Anthony Ranaudo struggled, and was chased without recording an out in the third inning, and reliever Brock Huntzinger didn't fare much better, as the duo combined to allow six Red Wings runs over the first 3.2 innings, while throwing the rather incredible total of 105 pitches over that span." - Jay Miller! Where the hell's he been all season?!

4. Brendan McGair is not a fan of the IL playoff format: "Common sense suggests that this is a flawed system, not mention that it flies in the face of conventional playoff wisdom. Cutting to the chase: McCoy Stadium should be open for business Wednesday night." It's kind of a ranty article and all I see is McGair feeling stuck at his job.

TONIGHT. Clay Buchholz pitching for Pawtucket, still in New York. PJ Walters will do his thing for Rochester.

Pawtucket has no fear of the underdog. That's why they will not survive!

9.2.2013 Ending of everything, the ending is everything.

PawSox win, 4-0 over the Lehigh Valley IronPigs over there in Allentown, where there's corn and airports and affordable housing and the star of Bethlehem and lager. And Lager. This country was promised to me from the start.

Charlie Zink started for the PawSox, went four innings and gave up only one hit, striking out two. Comfortably adequate relievers Alex Wilson, Edgar Gonzalez, Craig Breslow, and Fernando Cabrera pitched the remainder of the game, held the Red Barons scoreless, saved their generation.

Starter for the Phillies was lefty RJ Swindle, who gave up ten hits through seven innings. There is plenty to criticize. Like the picket fence of runs in the core innings. But not the relievers, who Pawtucket could not score on.

The Red Sox scored their first run in the fourth inning, when Jonathan Van Every and Travis Denker hit back-to-back singles to lead the inning off. A sac bunt by third baseman Gil Velazquez advanced the runners for Bubba Bell, who hit a sacrifice fly to score Van Every. One nothing, I want to call you and tell you that I'm a fan.

Fifth inning, Jeff Bailey led off with a single and advanced to second on a balk by Swindle (a near miss or a close call?). And then hopped over to third when Chip Ambres grounded out. Josh Wilson walked, Van Every singled to get the run across.

Sixth inning, third run for Pawtucket. Sean Danielson singled to right with one out. Catcher Carlos Maldonado doubled to put two runners in scoring position. Aaron Bates singled to center, scored Danielson, but the torpid feet of Maldonado could not quite get over the dish and he was thrown out at home, shot down like a juggernaut. 3-0.

And run for cover, there's a big one coming: The Fourth Run. Seventh inning. Alejandro Machado led off with a single. Swindle got the next two batters out, but then Jim Pankovits singled. Rodney Nye also got a base hit, but his led to the fourth RBI. 4-0.

How can I do this better? Are you out there? Do you hear me? Can I call you? Do you still hate me?

drank a beer, felt the chill of fall:
1. DON'T RUN ON DANIELSON!

2. Kris Johnson, I hope you fucking die.

3. Bostucket. Sheldon. Gil Geronimo. Man, is he tall! Hessmania. Handsomery.

4. "Have you ever been to a game, and some guy on the visiting team just annihilates your team? Like gets on base 3 times, or hits a crucial home run off your reliever, whatever. And you think, wow, that guy's awesome!

Then like a few months later you meet someone who's a fan of that visiting team and you're like, hey, what about what's-his-name? He's a killer!

And the fan is all, what are you talking about? That guy sucks! And sure enough, you look it up and the player is terrible. It just so happened that he had a good night v. your team."

5.  "Matt Mantei has also retired. Again. He's excited about going home for good:

"I'm cool with it, though. I'm going home to be a dad again. My son doesn't know I'm coming home yet, so he'll be pleased. Plus he's only 5, can't read yet, so he won't read what I'm saying now. It's going to be a surprise. That will be fun."

He's only five. It's going to be a surprise because he's not reading the sports page over coffee and eggs in the morning.

He can't read yet!"

No game tonight, but then I guess tomorrow is the first playoff game v Rochester. No way, that can't be right. Wait... Yes, the lowly Red Wings are the Wild card winners. Chris Basak must be so excited!

PAZ AFUERA.

9.1.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Alex Hassan Will Never Die

Pawtucket wins, 5-0, in a game that got rained all over so they only played six innings. Or five and a half. The IronPigs essentially said, you know what, it's shitty rain out and who cares and we're not even going to finish the rest of the inning. Good night.

Starter for Pawtucket was Steven Wright, who pitched five scoreless innings. Wright got the win, since no one else pitched and, well, you know how baseball works.

Righty David Buchanan, who says crap like "This cab driver said he used to pitch fast pitch softball at 85mph...... Ummm no you didn't", started for the IronPhils. Buchanan only gave up one run until the sixth inning, when everything started to fall apart.

Sixth inning! Alex Hassan, like go to bed already Hassan, led off with a single. Buchanan walked Mark Hamilton, struck out Brentz. Dan Butler hit a sharp line drive double to left, scoring Hassan.

Next up was Hazelbaker, who got the IBB to load the bases. But then Buchanan hit Heiker Meneses with a pitch, bringing Hamilton in for another run. And then Diaz grounded out, but that scored Butler.

                   >>>>>>PITCHING CHANGE<<<<<<<

Jay Johnson! Johnson faced Jackie Bradley Jr and guess what happened? HBP is what. And then Johnson walked Brock Holt, forcing another run in. Happily, Johnson struck Hassan out to end the game. That was painful.

two things:
1. Buchanan went to Georgia State U, and someone kind of interviewed him? It's paraphrased.

2. "The 24-year-old Buchanan was on his way to his sixth straight solid start Sunday night when he allowed two hits, four runs, walked two and hit a batter in his final inning of the season as Pawtucket claimed a 5-0 decision in a game cut short by a heavy thunderstorm after 51/2 innings.

"I didn't like the way the season ended today, obviously, but that's just the way the game goes sometimes," said Buchanan (4-2), whose final Triple-A ERA shot up from 2.11 to 3.00 in that last inning. "But overall, I'm happy with it. But I got a lot of work to do and a lot of things to get better at." (Schuler)

In a related story, I should take like five minutes to thank all the Noise Nation people for being so great and welcoming when I was in Allentown. I had such a great time hanging out and meeting everyone (EVERYONE) and not only does their ballpark smell like warm cinnamon, but it's fun and friendly and just terrific. I want to go every year. STROGANOFF STRONG!!!

TONIGHT. Today? Charlie Haeger v Greg Smith. And that's it for regular season baseball. In the minors. On the plus side:

"When the dust settled from the draft, Spicy Monster Mash were left on top. Their starters project out to score more points than any other team this year. Coach Jen S. made some savvy pickups in BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Greg Olsen, and DeMarco Murray. Green-Ellis was Spicy Monster Mash's best pick in the draft, adding the expected value of a pick taken 40 spots earlier."

Master Drafter! That's me! SPICY MONSTER MASH!!

Me and you, BenJarvus. Me and you.

8.31.13 Pawtucket v Syracuse - It's just a shame that's all.

The Syracuse Chiefs take it, 2-1. Sorry, Syracuties, you missed it by 12.5 games. It's all Cole Kimball's fault.

Starter for Pawtucket was Allen Webster, who threw 67 pitches and split. That has nothing to do with September call-ups, right? Webster gave up a solo home run to first baseman Chris Marrero.

Caleb Clay started for Syracuse, only gave up one run through six innings. Bryce Brentz scored on a wild pitch, so... It was an earned run, I guess, but nobody got an RBI. Kind of a weird baseball black hole. Bryce Brentz, who says crap like "Yup it's official @DanButler_12 and I are addicted to Game of Thrones. Crushing season one in the hotel.", had hit a line drive ground-rule double to right and advanced to third when Justin Henry singled.

Brock Huntzinger, Brayan Villarreal, and Pedro Beato finished pitching the game but whatever, the PawSox already clinched the division so it's purely academic. Although none of the other games really matter, either, and I guess they only have minor-league playoffs for the fans.

So Pawtucket's playing its last pair of games on the road in Allentown and I'm dying inside because I would love to be there, for that and for the Championship game. But I have to work, firstly, and in terms of money I have no money.

That's all I have for you today. I would say congratulations to the PawSox but what have they done for me lately?

8.29.13 Pawtucket v Syracuse - Jackie Bradley Jr Takes It Like a Man

Pawtucket wins, improbably, 2-0. Zany. Freshie Matt Barnes gets the win in his Triple-A debut, so thanks for this, Meat.

Barnes pitched 5 1/3 innings, was replaced in the middle of the sixth so lefty Ryan Rowland-Smith could face the switch-hitting Danny Espinosa. Barnes gave up three hits, walked two, struck out seven. Pitch count was 86, right around that Pawtucket magic number that Gary DiSarcina likes to push against. JUST DO YOU, GARY.

Yunesky Maya, who's been around a bit and probably slept with a lady, started for Syracuse. Maya struck out nine batters, but gave up two paltry runs and therefore lost the game. This is the kind of thing that leads to gang warfare on teams... Pitchers v Position Players, the original baseball cliques. Maya should probably be most angry with right fielder Eury Perez, who thrice came to the plate with two outs, RISP, and did not get a hit. YOU BASTARD HE'S JUST A BABY!

The Red Sox scored both their runs in the first inning. Jackie Bradley Jr, Brandon Snyder, and Ryan Lavarnway hit consecutive singles. One RBI for Lavarnway, one for Bryce Brentz, whose groundout was productive.

Rubby de la Rosa, Chris Martin, and Anthony Carter went on to stymie the Chiefs offense for the remainder of the game. Somehow this whole thing lasted three hours. I tried to dig up some quality stuff on Anthony Carter, as I maybe wanted to actually learn something, but he is a phantom. All I got is that he's from Georgia. Just want you to know that I tried.

two things:
1. Jackie Bradley Jr, HBP. How do you treat all those ball punches? I've seen what your skin looks like, has to hurt pretty badly. Right? Can someone find out for me?

2. Oh, here's something! Anthony Carter tied the Pawtucket saves record, set in 2007 by the Mighty Travis Hughes! Hughes was a tank, remember?

3. Hey, Chris Hogan! I love you, but you spelled "Quintin" wrong not once, but twice. And Danny Espinosa.

4. Speaking of Espinosa, I tried to dig up more trade stuff, but the internet cares more that he a) has a beard and b) has a sexy wife. BOOOOO!

5. Jason Benetti is the man. That is all.

Tonight, Clay Buchholz. I'd go, but I have my fantasy football draft. Baseball's slipping right out of my hands.

They Saved Ryan Lavarnway's Brain (Didn't They?)

This is real live stuff from someone purporting to be Lavarnway, who last I heard attended a prestigious New England school. And maybe had a lobotomy.

"Never give up! Never surrender! That was incredible!"

"Had a blast at Camp Harbor View this morning! What a great program for Boston kids."

"Off day today means I'm watching hockey... Go Bruins!!"

"Walk-off wins are always worth staying up for!"

" Happy Cinco de Mayo! Any big plans?"

"It was great hearing "Sweet Caroline" in Fenway today!"

"Game rained out today... What to do...?"

"Big thanks to everyone who came out to McCoy this weekend."

This is either a LavarnBot or his wife handles the account or Lavarnway's been bowled over one too many times at home plate.

Contrariwise, Ryan Kalish comes off as just completely baked:

"If I am a breakfast spot and serve pancakes I serve banana pecan pancakes forever. Why don't you have pecans!!? Why don't you have pecans?!!" (because i'm stoned)

" Hello Mr. Helicopter!! Thanks for coming over me and saying helloooo!!" (because i'm stoned)

"do you ever see two similar things and wish that you could combine them to create one perfect result? I do all the time" (especially when i'm high)

" I think favoriting a tweet should actually be called intrigued by a tweet.. So you'd have retweets and intrigues" (hashtag i'm so high)

"I have been doing a little painting so I asked my mom what she wanted me to paint her and she said a cow"

"6 hours later... I love you mom enjoy your cow!" (because i'm stoned)

"I like the nighttime because then the frogs come hang out with me" 

When's he coming back, anyway?

8.28.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs - She Scratches His Beard

Pawtucket defeats Syracuse, 5-4, thanks to Drew Sutton and no thanks to Pedro Beato. Win goes to De La reliever, save goes to IL All-Star Anthony Carter.

Starting pitcher was Charlie Haeger, who god damn, pitched five innings, gave up seven hits but only one run. Lucky bastard. Haeger got seven K's, three BBs, and hit catcher Kris Watts. Classic Charlie.

Lefty Danny Rosenbaum pitched six innings, gave up four runs, struck out six. The Red Sox scored one run in the first. Bottom of the second, Heiker Meneses tripled and it was so exciting that some fans had spontaneous orgasms. Jackie Bradley followed that with an RBI single. 4-1 Pawtucket.

Seventh inning, reliever Pedro Beato pitching his second inning of the night. The Chiefs loaded the bases against him and all those runs scored after Jose De La Torre came in. DON'T LIKE IT PLAY BETTER.

And so it came to pass that the game was tied 4-4. Bottom of the eighth, Drew Sutton hit a solo dong off reliever Mark Lowe, no relation to Peter.

PawSox, you guys are unbelievable. I am going to put your picture in a sparkle frame and sing Air Supply songs to it. JOE, TAKE US TO THE PLAYOFFS!!!

happy birthday to My Family:
1. Chiefs 2B Danny Espinosa went 3-5 and they are trying to trade him maybe.

2. Welcome back to this game, Tony Thomas, but then go back to Portland and play with JC Linares. Maybe go get a truck stop breakfast. Then bring back my Tony to me. Oh and Matt Barnes is in Rhode Island, which is almost like Massachusetts except Dirty.

3. Eddie Pannone talks a lot of Pawtucket, like he's been there: "Even if the team qualifies for the playoffs, September call ups will change the make-up of the team’s roster." First of all, Eddie Baby, it's happening.

4. “We were in New Hampshire playing the Fisher Cats when I found out,” Barnes said of his promotion. “After the game Boles called me into his office and just said congratulations you’re going to Pawtucket.” - (ibid.) Congratulations! You're going to Pawtucket!

TONIGHT. Matt Barnes gets the start, and I would go but I have Media Club. Yunesky Maya will oppose and don't I love Maya? I forget.

8.27.13 Scranton Wilkes-Barre @ Pawtucket - Zinger

Scranton Wilkes-Barre wins, 2-1, so another tight little game. Win goes to Graham Stoneburner. I'll bet these teams are really sick of each other. Poor Drew Sutton, having to make awkward small talk with all the Scranton baserunners. (WHAT BASERUNNERS? HAR HAR HAR.)

Mister Rubber Burner pitched six innings and gave up one little run, which was a home run made by Hazelbaker, who bakes hazel. Jeremy is sweet and simple, like a baker. I would not be surprised to find out that he had worked in a  bakery before coming here.

Steven Wright also gave up a run, which is great, but the Pawtucket position players couldn't drive anyone in to get him the win. Bastards. Wright struck out six and walked two, which is better than Charlie Zink usually did.Wright also didn't hit anybody at the plate. Like Zink regularly did, in a record-setting fashion.

So the losing pitcher was Brock Huntinzer, reliever. Huntzinger, sorry. Isn't that a micro-brew? No, more like a German beer that nobody likes. In the seventh inning, right fielder Neil Medchill hit an RBI single off Huntzinger. That was it, Pawtucket could not make anything happen after that. Jonathan Diaz tried, though, hitting a double off Dellin Betances. Diaz is a good guy.

Rubby and Brayan finished the game off. Thanks, lads.

two things:
1. Dellin Betances hit Jackie Bradley Jr with a pitch. Bradley's tied for first on the team for HBP. He shares this honor with Jonathan Diaz. I wonder if they're friends in real life? I'll bet they're always at the park on a bicycle built for two.

2. Bryce Brentz is back. So Bryce and two dudes named Brock. This team is so 'neck it hurts. Yee haw? OH DUDE I was doing trivia Sunday night and this guy warily walks into the bar and I was like, oh, hey, that's Brandon from the PawSox. And he's with this guy who I think is Brock Holt. And a woman. And I said to my team, that is Brandon from the PawSox and I cannot remember his last name. And then I left and in the parking lot were two ridiculous gun-rack Texas trucks. All the confirmation I needed.

3. In 2007, Huntzinger was 19 years old: "He is a scouts dream. He stand 6'3" 215 lbs and can afford to put weight on. He is an extremely athletic kid that was great both ways in High School. He will be a pitcher for the Red Sox and has some great treats to start with. He has a smooth delivery, that will require very little tweaking." - Red Sox Outsider

4. Both RailRiders runs were unearned.

5. Clayton Mortensen's been traded for KC's Quintin Berry, light-hitting outfielder. "Berry is not currently on the Sox 40-man roster but should be for September call-ups. The Sox look at Berry as potentially being used to help out on the base-path if that need arises in September or beyond. Berry has 28 steals in 32 attempts." - from Fenway Refugees. That's too bad, Mortensen was pretty successful as a minor-league starter.

TONIGHT! Charlie Haeger v Syracuse's Danny Rosenbaum.

Okay turn it off now.

8.26.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v SWB RailRiders - Fukú v Zafa

Pawtucket wins 2-1, when Scranton held a 1-0 lead until the ninth inning and all signs pointed to a win for them. Allen Webster pitched great but Jose De La Torre got the win. The game was so well pitched overall that it lasted two hours and 19 minutes.

Webster pitched eight innings. Left fielder Corey Patterson hit a solo home run in the first inning, but that was it for the remainder of Webster's appearance. He only gave up one other hit, a single to second baseman Addison Maruszak in the eighth.

Righty Brett Marshall also pitched reasonably well, going seven scoreless innings. Only Jackie Bradley Jr was able to scrap out a couple of singles, so nicely done, kid.

In the ninth inning, lefty Cesar Cabral was on the hill to start pitching his second inning of the night for the RailRiders. It was cloudy, not terribly warm. Cabral faced Hazelraper, walked him. Hazelbaker's been the number nine batter lately, I don't know. Bradley was next and he doubled, probably because he was wearing an enchanted jockstrap. Brock Holt was the subsequent batter and Cabral hit him. "OH SNAP," said Stephen Holder. So thanks for loading the bases.

Enter Jim Miller to replace Cesar Cabral and face Ryan Lavarnway. This one time I was walking through a cool, dark wood with Lavarnway and we were having a great conversation until we emerged from the trees and he remembered who he was and ran away. Lavarnway drove a ball deep to right, Neil Medchill caught it but Hazelbaker scored to tie the game.

And then Hamilton. Line drive to right. Jackie Bradley Jr booked it home, 2-1 PawSox and joy all over the place, all over your mom's face.

Sorry, Brett Marshall. You just can't stop the PawSox right now. THEY ARE A RUNAWAY CONESTOGA WAGON.

two things:
1. In case you're wondering, "But how does any of this relate to A-Rod?", seems when Cesar Cabral was rehabbing in Double-A Trenton, he bought a spread for everybody. Rodriguez also rehabbed in Trenton, bought nothing. Cabral has never played in the big leagues.

2. “Earlier I was jerking balls out of the strike zone down and away, and then shooting them up and in. It was hard to get good timing,” Webster said. “Now I've got a good rhythm where I’m staying behind it, and if I do jerk one, I fix it the next pitch instead of four or five later.” - Tim Britton, Providence.

3. GAAAH ENORMOUS GRINNING BRETT MARSHALL HEAD! The eyebrows, the eyebrows! TURN IT OFF, MAN!

4. Chris Wise over at Watching Durham Bulls Baseball has created this magnificent graph entitled "International League North/Wild Card Race." You can see Pawtucket's rise charted very nicely. I love it so much.

STEVEN WRIGHT PITCHES TONIGHT I HAVE TO GO NOW!!!

Um, yeah, no shit David Pauley was on drugs.

Although I'm sure it came as a surprise to people who have never seen someone on drugs before.

A few years ago, I was watching a Red Sox post-game interview with the starting pitcher. (Have I talked about this before?) And the pitcher was very clearly tweaking from some kind of amphetemine use, twitching and licking his lips and so forth.

Sportswriters must notice this, yes? What are they going to say, really? It's super-taboo to even hint at crap like that. Oh my god.

Pauley's problem was obvious when he was on the PawSox and I'm pretty sure I hinted at it a few times. I first noticed it at a Pawtucket Hot Stove Party.

I find this subject endlessly fascinating. I guess it's only okay to point out drug use if you're a young, female celebrity.

Saturday Night Fight! RED SOX BABIES V YANKEES BABIES!

Clayton Mortensen is MY KING O HEAVENLY FATHER WE SING YOUR PRAISES AH-MEN!

Just kidding, I believe in evolution.

Pawtucket won 5-4 in ten innings, Clayton Mortensen pitched seven scoreless innings and it only took 88 pitches. He was later spotted at the bar nursing a glass of milk. WHOLE milk, you fucking clowns.

HOWEVER. Beloved reliever Anthony Carter got the win.

See, Pawtucket was ahead 4-2 going into the ninth, but Jose De La Torre ruined it. Could it be his De La Clothes?

In the tenth inning FrankenHenry and Heiker Meneses combo'd up to score the winning run for the PawSox. Heiker Meneses is the only player to ever toss me a ball... That I caught. In New Hampshire. So thanks for this.

I would have written about this sooner, but do you know how early I had to get up today?

Why can't I go to the championship game?

By the way, Jeff Levering can get it.

8.23.13 Red Sox @ RailRiders - Jonathan Diaz Batted Leadoff

4-1 Scranton, Caleb Cotham gets the win.

Starter for Pawtucket was Charlie Haeger. Haeger gave up three runs on seven hits through six innings. Brock Huntzinger was Pawtucket's sole reliever in this game, pitching the last pair of innings and giving up the fourth run.

Caleb Cotham gave up seven hits just like Haeger, but the Red Sox weren't able to bring anybody home until the last inning. They came very close to being shut out, but for some reason after righty Dellin Betances struck out the first two batters in the ninth, he started losing it. Jim Miller had to take over and get the final out.

Justin Henry drove in the only Pawtucket run. Don't you think he has a weirdly-shaped head?

Hazelbaker got a couple of hits. He's so gross.

Scranton catcher JR Murphy drove in two runs.

Derek Jeter didn't get any hits and drew a walk. In case you care about Derek Jeter.

Let's talk about Caleb Cotham!

let's talk about caleb cotham:
1. "Raised in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, Cotham went to Vanderbilt and was drafted by the Yankees in the 5th round of the 2009 draft. He signed for $675,000. His first season as a pro he re-aggravated a knee injury and was shut down for the season. He did not pitch again until 2011, when he served as an effective reliever in Staten Island." - Good stuff from Bronx Baseball Daily.

2. From 2011: " Cotham was a three time all-district selection, and two time captain of his high school team in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee. He drew attention from the major leagues after striking out 84 in 79 sophomore innings at Vanderbilt, and producing a 0.00 ERA in the 2009 Cape Cod League. It was also because of his excellent fastball that can reach 92-95 mph, and his promise of having good secondary pitches. His out pitch may be his slider, which has natural bite. The Yankees thought enough of Cotham to sign him at well above the slot for his draft position." (The Baseball Historian)

3. Commenter "nycsportzfan" (groan) has this to say on River Avenue Blues: "One of my fave sleeper prospects since hes signed has been Caleb COtham. I love the smart vandy kids and he knows how to pitch. The injuries have derailed him but he getting it done now. I’m telling u, this dude will be better then Warren and Phelps if he stays healthy. Cotham can flat out pitch!" This commenter's a total plant, right? Probably his mom.

4. From 2008: "I’m a fastball guy. I like to establish my fastball both sides of the plate and once I do that, I like to throw a slider for a strike and then have a slider that I can throw in the dirt as a chase pitch. I also show a change up to keep them in check."  - The Sports VU

5. The last time Cotham started against Pawtucket, it didn't go very well and it inflated his ERA to 7.-something. What was different this time? "I think the difference right now is I’m not making too much out of a hit here, a walk there,” Cotham said. “I’m able to get back on track a little quicker. I’m definitely pitching with confidence and it’s nice to have the results.” - Dave Rosengrant, some newspaper.

6. "Cotham opened the '13 season with Trenton in the Eastern League. After going 2-1 with a 3.72 earned-run average in seven appearances, six of them starts, he was called up to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders of the Class-AAA International League." That's a rundown of this season. (Andy Reed, Lebanon Democrat)

7. Donnie Collins, who is like seriously so great and I love him and I wish he were my son, believes the Yankees minor leaguers aren't currently ready to contribute.

8. And finally, here is the comprehensive profile on Cotham, with scouting report/outlook/background/video/comments from River Ave Blues again: "His bread and butter is a heavy low-90′s sinker that he can command to both sides of the dish. He’s flashed mid-90′s heat with tremendous sink working out of the bullpen. A sharp slider that has touched the upper-80′s serves as his second pitch. Cotham has also shown some feel for a curveball that’s more 11-to-5 than 12-to-6, as well a changeup, the latter of which will be his primary focus in 2010. He projects best as a power late-inning reliever, though starting isn’t out of the question."  Very nice indeed.

Bonus: Here's a picture of Brock Huntzinger wearing a drug rug. Will there ever be a wordly, sophisticated baseball player? Where are the Wade Blasingames of the world? Is it just a series of rednecks and rubes and meatheads? Have you ever overheard baseball players talking about women? It's pretty nasty and... I mean, if some of their girlfriends only knew.

Not you, Brock. I'm sure you're up on current events and Carl Sagan's philisophies.

8.22.13 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Scranton RailRiders - So hard, so bad, and wicked bad.

Pawtucket wins again, 5-2, even though Derek Jeter tried really hard to help the RailRiders.

Beefy knuckleballer S. Wright pitched six innings and gave up two runs, only one earned though.

Starter for the Pennsylvania Yankees was Graham Stoneburner, of the Virginia Stoneburners, great-great grandson of tobacco baron Meriweather Stoneburner. Probably. Stoneburner, who has never tried marijuana in his life, got through the first couple of innings without pissing himself but the third and fourth innings were not so simple.

Stoneburner pitched 3 2/3 innings and gave up five runs. Cesar Cabral had to take over for him.

Scranton scored first in this game! With one out, Derek Jeter in his little RailRiders outfit doubled to left and then scored when first base guy Dan Johnson doubled.

Third inning, Hazelbaker singles, steals second, advances to third on an error by the catcher, Bobby Wilson. Not that it mattered much, because Wee Willie Winkie Brock Holt hit a home run! It was darling. 2-1 Red Sox.

Fourth inning, three singles and an error by the shortstop led to three more runs. Jonathan Diaz drove in a run. Diaz has been so hot lately.

Bottom of the fifth, Jeter hit an RBI single. Pawtucket relievers Chris Martin, Ryan Rowland-Smith, and Pedro Beato allowed no further run-scoring nonsense from the Scrantonians. Thank you, boys!

FOR THE RECORD, Jeter did not "dive into the stands" to get that ball. He'd caught the ball already and his running momentum carried him into the seats. AND NO I WILL NOT LET IT DIE ALREADY.

two things:
1. Donnie Collins: "Pawtucket has won all six of its games at PNC Field this season, and even though the RailRiders have played them better-than-even at McCoy Stadium this season, it has been a lopsided series in the big ballpark at the foot of Montage Mountain."

2. "Moosic Woman Sings National Anthem to Stadium and Jeter" is the headline. And, really, the whole story, but I guess this was news? MOOSIC!!!

3. Jeff Schuler doles out compliments disguised as facts: "Pawtucket is suddenly the hottest team in the IL, winning 11 of its last 12. The PawSox, who won at Scranton 6-3 Wednesday night, play the RailRiders the next six nights, the last three at home to statt a seven-game home stand before coming to Allentown for the season's final two games." (sic)

4. Keith! That's all you got? "The Pawtucket Red Sox have now won five straight games, following its 5-2 win last night over the Scranton-Wilkes Barre at PNC Field"

So now Pawtucket's in first place in the IL North, with the Rochester twins a half game behind. The other division leaders are the Durham Bulls (nice work) and  the Pirate Indians. Durham's already clinched their division, so that's pretty impressive.

Do you know how badly I want to attend the AAA Championship Game in Allentown? And yet I cannot? BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?

See you guys...

8.21.13 Pawtucket @ Crap Part of Pennsylvania - What year is it, Bubba Bell?

Yankees lose, 6-3, and the PawSox are ONE HALF GAME OUT OF FIRST PLACE in the IL North. Don't dive into a swimming pool of liquor just yet, though. Still twelve games left!

Starter for the Pawtuckets was Allen Webster. He threw 104 pitches. Gary made him do that. Gary is REBEL MANAGER.

Webster gave up three runs, struck out seven, got a couple of outs in the sixth before he was replaced by the mysterious Chris Carpenter.

The RailRiders' starter was Brett Marshall, who says crap like "@MarissaBoulos is the best girlfriend ever! Surprised me by coming to see me this weekend and had no clue! Love you!" (HAAAAAAAAA!!!! LOLOLOLOL). That really reads like he's sending a covert message to his side piece(s).

But enough about Marshall. Pawtucket was the first team to score, when Hazelbaker hit a two-run double in the top of the second. Scranton picked up a run in the bottom half, but then the Red Sox scored again in the third, by way of a sac fly by Mark Hamilton. 3-1 Pawtucket!

Top of the fifth, Pawtucket loaded the bases with three consecutive singles. No outs. A force out and a sac fly scored another pair of runs. Bottom of the fifth, Scranton scores a third run.

In the sixth inning, RailRiders manager Dave Miley was ejected. Let's dig into that! PawSox killer Melky Mesa walked with one out, then stole second. Webster followed that by walking Dan Johnson. Mesa stole third base. Then Randy Ruiz, not sure where they dug him up but Ruiz struck out.

Enter Chris Carpenter! (Don't mind if I do!) (Ew, sorry.) Ronnier Mustelier hit a ground ball to short, scoring Mesa. Catcher JP Murphy was the next batter, and at some point tried to check his swing but it was called a strike by HP umpire Sean Barber. Dave Miley disagreed vehemently and got the boot.

Ashley Teatum explains: "On an 0-1 pitch, Murphy thought he had checked his swing, but home plate umpire Sean Barber said he went around. Murphy stepped out of the box and had some words with Barber, and the umpire turned to toss manager Dave Miley, who had shared some words of his own from the dugout. Miley emerged from the dugout to spend a good two minutes explaining his dismay, and left shortly after."

Murphy K'd to end the inning.

Hazelbaker scored on an error in the ninth. Lots of cheap scoring in this game. Scoring on a ground-ball out is the lamest thing in baseball, although balks are pretty close.

two things:
1. Brent Lillibridge? Dan Johnson? Randy Ruiz? RANDY RUIZ PLAYED FOR THE OTTAWA LYNX.

2. Sexy relievers Rubby de la Rosa and Anthony Carter also pitched. So is Carter the closer? Kinda? Anthony Carter's life before baseball success was not easy...

TONIGHT! Derek Jeter's rehabbing in Moosic, so that'll put bums in seats. Steven Wright will pitch, Graham Stoneburner will pitch. Maybe Jeter's girlfriend will show up and surprise him so he can loudly say, "OMG LOOK EVERYBODY MY GIRLFRIEND IS HERE! THAT I LOVE VERY MUCH BECAUSE SHE IS AMAZING! YES SIR, MY GIRLFRIEND IS HERE!"

8.20.13 PawSox Win 1-0 Plus Baby

I'm back from my time in Beverly/Gloucester/Ipswich/Essex/but mostly Gloucester. I was waiting for a baby to come and then finally it did yesterday morning while Al Roker was opening colorful gifts on television. And do you know how hard it is to find good pizza up there?

Pawtucket defeated Buffalo 1-0, how exciting. Starter Anthony Ranaudo was good again, pitching into the seventh inning and only giving up three hits, all singles. Ryan Rowland-Smith snapped up the last out in the seventh, then Jose De La Torre and Anthony Carter handled the rest.

The Buffalo Bisons starter was Drew Hutchison, who was nailed with the loss after he gave up one stinking run. Drew Sutton hit an RBI single in the fourth.

Former PawSox legend Justin Germano pitched the last three innings of the game, so I guess he's a reliever now? Germano should have started, that's what I say. He only threw 29 pitches, 22 for strikes.

two things:
1. I've been really disappointed with the traditional news coverage of the PawSox this season. More and more I've been relying on blogs for that stuff. But even then, slim pickings. There was a time when competition made me uneasy, but WHERE HAVE YOU GONE JOE DIMAGGIO?!

2. Not you, Over the Monster, with your consistent and insightful ways: "Through 20 innings in Triple-A, Anthony Ranaudo has a 1.93 ERA. Fewer true outcomes, either good or bad, but he's getting the job done after it looked like fatigue had set in." - Plus Marc Normandin is so fucking classy.

The Red Sox are in Pennsylvania tonight, Montage Mountains, fencing v the Scranton RailRiders. Allen Webster will parry and thrust v Brett "US" Marshall. Dig that groove, baby!

8.16.13 Pawtucket v Louisville - Hamilton's IBB

Pawtucket wins again, 4-2, two games out of first in their division and in first place for the IL wild card! Do you even care about minor league playoffs? You don't, because I've never seen you there.

Anthony Ranaudo, thank you very much, pitched almost six innings and gave up a run. He didn't get the win, though - Ryan Rowland-Smith did, because he's been so god damn handy! He's working with everyone to stay in Pawtucket while he seeks work in the big leagues or something. Whatever, I think he's mad cute. HOW YOU DOIN, RR-S?

Greg Reynolds started for the L. Bats. I don't know who he is, either, so read this stuff here. Reynolds' reliever, Nick Christiani, blew the game and took the loss.

Hat tip to Luxury Brand First Baseman Drew Sutton for swinging a big bat in the eighth, driving home a pair of runs and breaking the tie.

That's all I have for tonight! Going to the game and such... I'll be gone for the weekend so see you Monday.

8.14.13 Clayton Mortensen Mines a Win for the Red Sox

PawSox, what, win again, 6-5 over the Louisville Bats. HUH?! "Let him that hath known himself unto thine truth walk therein."

ClayMor, who is not a starter if you haven't heard, pitched six innings, gave up a run. So that was good. Jose de la Torre came in to relieve him and nearly ruined Christmas. I'll get back to that, though.

Chad Rogers started for the Louisville Bats. He gave up six runs. He pitched five and 1/3 innings. He allowed two home runs. He maketh me to lie in green pastures.

Xander Bogaerts hit a home run in the third inning. That was after Jeremy Hazelbaker walked to lead the inning off... Then Hazelbaker stole second. Advanced to third on a groundout. Jackie Bradley Jr walked. Then this: "Xander Bogaerts homers (9) on a fly ball to left center field. Jeremy Hazelbaker scores. Jackie Bradley Jr." ... ... Jackie Bradley Jr what? JACKIE BRADLEY JR WHAT?!

3-0 Pawtucket. In the fourth, shortstop Kristopher Negron hit an RBI single, changing the score to 3-1.

And here's something! Sixth inning, one out, Bogaerts and third baseman Jonathan Diaz hit back-to-back singles for big boy Mark Hamilton. Hamilton drove one to right, WAY BACK! GONE!

(By the way, watching David Ortiz hit bombs at Fenway Park has been one of the greatest baseball delights I've experienced. It's indescribable.)

So it's 6-1 going into the seventh inning at McCoy Stadium. Here's De La Torre, who right off gives up a pair of singles. And then Derrick Robinson hit a line drive to right that turned into a ground rule double. RUN. Neftali Soto then doubled... TWO RUNS. Then Felix Perez singled... RUN. STOP I'M GONNA PEE!

But Gary DiSarcina kinda wants to maybe win sometimes. Also, he's aged very nicely. Not that he's old, he's not. Just saying he's very, very good-looking. In a way that he wasn't in his younger days. Am I out of line?

Pedro Beato, who's pretty foxy himself, took over for De La Torre. Allowed no further runs. Good work.

That's it, right? Brayan Villarreal and Anthony Carter pitched the rest of the way. Thank you, gentlemen.

two things:
1. Jose Diaz pitched the last of the Louisville Bats side. You remember this guy? Dirigible? He's like Walter Young out there.

2. "Kevin Mitchell is Batman" misses Derrick Robinson: "Derrick Robinson, big league ball player, is a sign of a healthy baseball ecosystem.  He's the remora cleaning the Great White.  He's the Oxpecker that sits on the shoulders of a rhinoceros, eating the flies that would otherwise plague the beast while simultaneously being kept safe of any predator that may want it for lunch. He's the Gari you eat after your sushi." (Red Reporter)

3. So Chad Rogers, starter for Louisville, is an up-and-comer fresh from Double-A. Also he was bitten by a shark this one time: "When I pulled my foot out, I was bleeding all over the place. I was kind of freaking out. I never thought I would get bitten by a shark." Jesus.

4. Mormon Baseball has a thing on Mortensen: " [H]e is likely good enough to again make the team’s 40-man roster when the roster is expanded ahead of the end of the season. Of course, Mortensen might also be a strong enough prospect that the Red Sox will trade him in search of high calibre players that will keep them at the top of the American League East." Are there any Atheist balllplayers? I'm asking for a friend of mine who is going to roast eternally in the fiery pits of HELL.

TONIGHT. Anthony Ranaudo, for all you prospect-horny freaks. The Bats will counter with Greg Reynolds. THE Dooley Womack?

PAZ AFUERA!

8.13.13 Louisville Bats (CIN) v Pawtucket Red Sox - Of All the Charlie Haegers in the World

Red Sox win, 5-1, in the merriest matchup you'll ever see!

Winning pitcher and early pioneer of the Great Knuckleball Resurgence Charlie Haeger pitched six innings and only gave up one run. And RESPECT! to catcher David Ross, who allowed 0.00 passed balls. Such a pro.

Chad Reineke started for the Bats, got a couple of outs in the game, but hurt his arm and had to split. He'd thrown thirty pitches so something was amiss from the get-go. Five relievers had to come in and try to make a game of it, but Kevin Whelan gave up three runs and he was slapped with the loss.

In the first inning, third baseman Xander Bogaerts singled and later scored on a groundout. 1-0 Pawtucket. The Bats tied it up in the fifth by way of a sac fly by third baseman Neftali Soto. I was really hoping it was a Mike Hessman home run.

Fifth inning. With two outs, Jackie Bradley walked. Bogaerts singled and Alex Hassan walked to load the bases. This precipitated a pitching change and Zach Duke came in to get the last out. Mark Hamilton, Designated Masher. Lefty-lefty. Strike one! And then SHA-POW! Grand slam! ALRIGHT, HAMILTON!

Chris Carpenter pitched some meaty innings, going 1 2/3 with a bunch of zeroes and one K. Ryan Rowland-Smith and Jose Contreras finished things up and the three relievers combined did not give up any hits. Or walks. No one got on base. Not even on-base machine Nevin Ashley, who says crap like "God bless USA and God bless all the men and women serving to keep this nation the greatest nation in world. Happy Fourth of July"

two things:
1. Jonathan Diaz also went 3-4.

2. I just looked and the Louisville Bats are last in the league for OBP. More like the Lousiville Bats, amirite ladies?

3. Brad Emons has a pretty good thing on Haeger: " We were on hole 15 or somethin and I got a call saying ‘you’re pitching tomorrow. That’s just part of the gig. I had to take a 6 a.m. flight and a couple of hour layover in Philadelphia and I didn’t get in 1:30. I had about two hours sleep and had to pitch that night.”

3. Tim Britton is informative: "It was Ross’ third rehab game." "Rowland-Smith and the Red Sox agreed to alter the left-hander’s opt-out clause in his contract last week. Instead of opting out on the deadline date of Aug. 5, Rowland-Smith remains in the organization, with the option to opt out if another team is willing to put him on its 25-man roster." "[Iglesias'] tendency toward flashiness has drawn critics. DiSarcina, who was the organization’s infield coordinator when Iglesias first signed in Boston, isn’t one of them." Thanks!

4. Unfortunately, I know very little about Chris Carpenter. I don't even have a sense of who is is as a player and as a human. His local paper provides insight, though! "Bryan native Chris Carpenter tossed 1 2/3 innings of scoreless relief in Pawtucket's 5-1 victory over Louisville in the International League on Tuesday."

That's it. That's the entire article. Thanks, Byline Goes Here!

TONIGHT. Clayton Mortensen v Chad Rogers. Disfrute!

8.11.13 Pawtucket's Last Night in Syracuse

7-1 Pawtucket, and if you don't care about pitching, then you probably only needed to see the third and fifth innings.

Red Sox starter was Steven Wright, although I may have said it was someone else. Mortensen? I saw Wright on television recently, pitching poorly for Boston, and I had  no idea he was such a burly dude. Wright pitched seven innings and only gave up one run on seven hits. He threw 98 pitches, and this kind of going deep into ball games stuff doesn't ordinarily fly in the Boston org, but it's knuckleballin'.

Ryan Tatusko took the Chiefs' loss. He wrapped it in funereal burlap, went into his backyard as thunder rolled, dug drenched in the dirt and buried it like a beating heart. Lesser men would have screamed at the furious sky, but Tatusko went inside to play video games. Five innings, seven runs.

So in the third inning, CF Ronald Bermudez led off with a single. Tatusko hit the catcher with a pitch... No, not Jean Nate Solano, but the catcher who batted. Alberto Rosario.And then: "Jackie Bradley Jr. doubles (22) on a line drive to right fielder Chris Rahl. Ronald Bermudez scores. Alberto Rosario scores. advances to 3rd, on a missed catch error by shortstop Danny Espinosa." I think you a word, Minor League Ball!

Mark Hamilton hit an RBI single later in the inning and it was 3-0 Pawtucket.

Bottom of the third, perky third baseman Josh Johnson scored on a passed ball. Could have been worse, Wright gave up three singles. 3-1 PawSox.

Fifth inning, catcher Alberto Rosario led off with a single, then later scored when Xander Bogaerts grounded out. Mark Hamilton doubled to center, scoring Jackie Bradley Jr and Alex Hassan. Hey, where did those guys come from? An error and single, respectively.
inzger

Jose De La Torre and Brock Huntzinger pitched the remainder of the game. Simultaneously, it was crazy! You should have seen Mary Tyler Moore in the box, flailing at two balls.

Enormous lefty Tyler Robertson pitched three innings for Syracuse then gave way to Michael Crotta.

two things:
1. Bud Poliquin rhapsodizes about Josh Johnson: "Josh Johnson, who has to be in the conversation when it comes to identifying the perkiest Chief -- like, ever -- spent his nine innings looking like a kitten bouncing around the living room with a ball of yarn." Oh, my.

2. And Josh Johnson's dad was an Expo, which is the same organization in case you forgot. Remember when they played all those games in Puerto Rico?

3. Donnie Webb: "Pawtucket manager Gary DiSarcina said it was not Wright's best performance of the season - he has two complete-game wins this season for the AAA Red Sox - but it was solid, especially coming back from the tough outing against Houston." - Oh, snap! Wright has a couple of CG's? That's what I get for sleeping for two months.

4. And here is Ryan Tatusko eating a giant sandwich with the Syracuse radio guys. I listened to the whole thing, it's killer. One day I will meet Jason Benetti and... Nothing, never mind. I missed my chance.

5. Justin Henry tripled!

Off day today for the PawSox, then tomorrow will be a Louisville Bats homestand. Charlie Haeger will pitch v Chad Reineke. Maybe if you get there early enough you'll run into Tim Wakefield. But probably not.

8.10.13 Red Sox @ Chiefs - Surprise! It's Ohlendorf!

Pawtucket wins, Allen Webster wins, and in a very small way Ross Ohlendorf also won. 3-1 PawSox.

Webster pitched 5 1/3 and the one Syracuse run is all his fault. DH Tyler Moore hit an RBI double in the top of the sixth. Webster then struck out left fielder Corey Brown, but Gary told him to hit the bricks. He was up to 95 pitches, anyway, which is pretty high for a Pawtucket starter. Organizationally.

Fortunately, Jose Contreras is on the PawSox. El Duque. In Pawtucket. You may remember him as the Yankees' Jose Contreras in '03 and '04, trying to kill Millar and Trot Nixon and Johnny Damon and Manny Ramirez. Well, that was a hundred years ago and here we have him on our little team. You never know who will turn up!

Contreras came in for Webster, finished the inning, allowed no further runs. Chris Martin pitched the seventh and eighth and Anthony Carter, former White Sox boy, knocked out his three hitters in the ninth. Thank you, Anthony. Tony.

Ross Ohlendorf started for the New York Nationals, even though I said it would be Ryan Tatusko. I even found this great lunchtime conversation between Tatusko and Jason Benetti! Jason Benetti, YOUR TALENTS ARE WASTED IN SYRACUSE BY ALL MEANS COME TO PAWTUCKET.

Ohlendorf's rehabbing, and by all accounts having a decent season in Washington. Sweet, crazy baseball. Ohlendorf was on the PawSox, you know. In this game, he pitched three innings and gave up a home run to Jackie Bradley Jr. Seems legit. Could have been Bermudez or something. Bradley Jr was the first batter in the game and he hit a home run to right. 1-0 Pawtucket.

Cole Kimball was Ohlendorf's relief, but after he got Jonathan Diaz to lead off the fourth by striking out, he gave up singles to both Tony Thomas and Jeremy Hazelrapist. A fly out to right by Bermudez advanced Thomas, and a wild pitch advanced Hazelbaker. Kimball then walked JBJ and Xander Bogaerts hit an RBI single. Jeremy tried to make it home, but the Rahl/Watts relay was just too damn good. 2-1 Red Sox. KIMBALL!

Seventh inning, Xavier Cedeno was pitching and Jackie Bradley Jr scored on a wild pitch. Bradley Jr had a good game last night. He needed that.

two things:
1. "If you had asked me which player would be one of the brighest spots on the Nationals season, I probably would have listed a couple dozen players before I came to Ross Ohlendorf's name. None the less, the pitcher known as "Dorf" has filled many roles for the Nats this season, including long reliever and spot starter. He's posted an awesome 1.85 ERA and 2.89 FIP this season from the bullpen and in his spot starts, and he's amassed 0.6 WAR in just 10 games. Unfortunately for his Ohlendorf and his resurgent season, he's been placed on the 15-day disabled list with shoulder inflammation." - Joe Drugan, The Nats Blog.

2. Another Immaculate Inning sighting! Ohlendorf accomplished this in 2009.

3. Other Chiefs Radio Guy Kevin Brown talked to Ohlendorf in May. Not sure if any giant sandwiches were consumed.

4. Kimball Crossley. DUDE. I was just kidding around but all of a sudden everything ties together.

5. I used to get annoyed when sportswriters would constantly mention how players like Craig Breslow went to prestigious/Ivy schools. I get it now. I, too, find it incredible that there are some baseball players that aren't borderline special ed. HERE'S TO YOU, PRINCETON'S ROSS OHLENDORF. Thanks for the ten starts last year!

6. This game was 3 hours, 20 minutes long? With a 3-1 score? Hmmm. What does it mean? Deep counts?

TODAY. Keith Couch, Ryan Tatusko. Tatusko, good, I can post that link to his lunchtime conversation. JASON BENETTI FIRE OIL!!111

8.9.13 Red Sox @ Chiefs - Caleb Clay is Wild, I Swear

Syracuse takes it away, 5-4. Darn it! And now Pawtucket's four games out of first and only a little bit of a wild card contender. COME ON YOU BUTTHOLES.

Anthony Ranaudo was the losing pitcher for Pawtucket. So he's 1-1. I'll bet he likes winning a lot better. Ranaudo pitched five innings and Syracuse got eight hits off him that led to five runs, four earned. Good work, Chiefs.

You all remember Caleb Clay, right? Says crap like "@BrockHuntz24 everything is better in the south bo! Faster you learn, better off youll be! #atsrightbruther"? Evidently I last saw him in New Hampshire, closing a game out for the Fisher Cats. It appears I had a swell time that day. Clay's been pretty successful so far in his first Triple-A season, but I'll get into that later on. In this game, Clay gave up three runs through five innings. He struck out nine batters...

A LIST OF BATTERS THAT CALEB CLAY STRUCK OUT LAST NIGHT IN NEW YORK:

1. Xander Bogaerts, in his first at-bat of the game.
2. Middlebrooks. Out on three pitches.
3. Mark Hamilton, called strike called strike swinging strike. Three pitches.
4. Hassan, out looking.
5. Jackie Bradley Jr, K's swinging.
6. Bogaerts again! Strikes out swinging, four pitches.
7. Middlebrooks again, called out on strikes.
8. Jonathan Diaz strikes out on a foul tip.
9. Hamilton again, strikes out looking. MAYBE TAKE A SWING, HAMBONE.

Ranuado actually came out to pitch the sixth inning, but after a walk, a couple of singles, a sac bunt, and an error by the catcher Dan Butler, he gave way to Ryan Rowland-Smith. Rowland-Smith stapled down the last three outs but Pawtucket's 3-2 lead magically became a 5-3 deficit. So it goes.

Ninth inning, Syracuse reliever Erik Davis came in to save the game. And he did, but Pawtucket really missed an opportunity to beat Davis bloody. Jonathan Diaz and Tony Thomas hit back-to-back singles to kick the inning off, and then a sac fly by Bermudez scored Diaz. Bradley Jr struck out, Thomas stole second, Bogaerts worked up a full count but ultimately flew out to left.

Nuts!

two things:
1. Tony Thomas went 3-4. I do so love him.

2. "Terrific since his promotion from Harrisburg, RHP Caleb Clay has won three straight starts for the Chiefs and is 3-2 with a 1.62 ERA in five games. The 25-year-old former Red Sox prospect has allowed just one run over his last 19 innings. He went 6-3 with a 3.46 ERA for the Senators before earning his promotion." - Says it all, I suppose.

3. Mayflies and Big Flies has a tidbit on Clay also.

4. By the way, Pawtucket was swept in Thursday's double-header v Syracuse. Read all about it here.

5. "Caleb Clay continues to impress; how did he not success in Boston’s organization?" - I don't know, Todd Boss. He should have successed.

6. "Continuing their thrilling offseason, one that rivals the Blue Jays’ in terms of excitement, the Nats have signed Caleb Clay to a minor league deal. Clay is one of the only players in MLB history to be a compensatory pick for a team losing Bill Mueller. What an honor, perhaps even a Hall of Fame worthy accolade." - The Zimmerman(n) Telegram is really going to miss Collin Balestar. 

7.  In 2007, Over the Monster smushed some information into a post about Clay and it was informative. Informative information, as it were. God, we were all so young.

TONIGHT! SYRACUSE! Allen Webster v Ryan Tutusko, a righty. 

8.6.2013 Jose Contreras Opted Not To Check Out Downtown Buffalo

Bisons "win", 12-8. Keith Couch's first Triple-A start was not as glamorous as Ranaudo's. The world is a circle without a beginning.

Couch, who I'm sorry, it has to be said, probably gets fucked a lot, lasted one inning. He was just throwing a lot of pitches and getting worked over pretty good. He gave up four runs, but don't cry for him. That's his job. Four relievers came in to finish the game off, but I'll get to that.

Ricky Romero started for Buffalo! Still in the Toronto org, I see. Romero was doing okay, I guess, until the fourth inning, when he gave up a couple of home runs and other RBI hits and Pawtucket scored seven runs off him in one inning. Buddy Carlyle had to come in and get the last out, striking out Middlebrooks. Don't feel bad for Middlebrooks, he's one of the dudes who homered off Romero. Plus he's handsome and athletic and that will take you far! Next day on his dressing room there'll be a star!

Old Man Carlyle got the win, by the way. I'm sure he'll cherish that moment forever, the Middlebrooks K. I'll bet he woke up the kids when he got home.

Do you like the letter "C"? Jose Contreras, Chris Martin, Anthony Carter, and Chris Carpenter pitched the remainder of the game. Contreras is the old one, Martin is the tall one, Carter is the asshole, and Carpenter is the one who resembles a lesser Muppet. Contreras gave up six runs in two innings and got the loss.

Talented center fielder Anthony Gose hit a home run. Ryan Goins and Clint Robinson had three hits apiece, with Robinson hitting two doubles and knocking in three runs. Every man on the Bisons got a hit.

Jeremy Hazelbaker hit two home runs. He's got one of those punchable faces, doesn't he?

two things:
1. "After 17 years in pro baseball, the Carlyles are used to rapid shifts in the foundation of their family’s life. That’s why their family supporters are so precious to them, and that's why when the earthquake shook Japan on March 11, 2011, the Carlyles pitched in to care for the single mom who had cared for them, and for her community that suddenly, desperately needed help." You really must read this Buddy Carlyle story about his time in Japan!

2. Carlyle has also pitched an Immaculate Inning.

3. GROANER HEADLINE: "SEA DOGS KEITH COUCH GETS COMFORTABLE AT FENWAY".

4. Joseph Wolken wrote a human interest thing on Couch. People still name their kids "Keith", huh?

NO GAME TONIGHT! After that... Syracuse and a double header. Charlie Haeger, Mortensen. So tomorrow I will talk of cabbages and kings.

so precious to them, and that’s why when the earthquake shook Japan on March 11, 2011, the Carlyles pitched in to care for the single mom who had cared for them, and for her community that suddenly, desperately needed help. - See more at: http://saportareport.com/blog/2012/03/atlanta-braves-pitcher-carlyle-helps-japan-quake-victim/#sthash.jccH5zgM.dpuf

After 17 years in pro baseball, the Carlyles are used to rapid shifts in the foundation of their family’s life. That’s why their family supporters are so precious to them, and that’s why when the earthquake shook Japan on March 11, 2011, the Carlyles pitched in to care for the single mom who had cared for them, and for her community that suddenly, desperately needed help. - See more at: http://saportareport.com/blog/2012/03/atlanta-braves-pitcher-carlyle-helps-japan-quake-victim/#sthash.jccH5zgM.dpuf

After 17 years in pro baseball, the Carlyles are used to rapid shifts in the foundation of their family’s life. That’s why their family supporters are so precious to them, and that’s why when the earthquake shook Japan on March 11, 2011, the Carlyles pitched in to care for the single mom who had cared for them, and for her community that suddenly, desperately needed help. - See more at: http://saportareport.com/blog/2012/03/atlanta-braves-pitcher-carlyle-helps-japan-quake-victim/#sthash.jccH5zgM.dpuf

8.5.2013 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons - Alex Hassan Played First Base

Pawtucket pushes it out, 5-4. Ryan Rowland-Smith gets the win in relief. Rowland-Smith could have exercised his opt-out, but he really wanted to see that dandy exhibit at the museum.

Starter for the Red Sox was Allen Webster. Webster pitched five innings and gave up three runs, left the game in a 3-3 tie situation. Ricardo Nanita homerunned off him, all over the place. NANITA!

Chien-Ming Wang had a decent start for Buffalo. He went deep into the eighth inning, threw 102 pitches, gave up four runs. Could have gotten the win, but as soon as reliever John Stilson came in Dan Butler decided to hit a home run with what's-his-name on base. Poor Wang.

There was a little back-and-forth to all the run-scoring in this game. Pawtucket was up 2-0 after three innings, but then Buffalo picked up a pair of runs to tie it. The Red Sox picked up a run in the top of the fifth, Buffalo matched it in the bottom. The Bisons even pulled ahead in the seventh, when left fielder Mike McCoy hit a solo home run off Alex Wilson. But then Dan Butler did his thing and Pawtucket wound up winning. Everybody hurts... Sometimes.

Pedro Beato got the save. Pedro, I think I can help you get through your exams.

two things:
1. Alex Hassan leads all Pawtucket's active players in OBP and OPS and AVG. Dan Butler leads in slugging. PUT IT ALL TOGETHER AND WHAT HAVE YOU GOT? DING DONG!

2. If I were Hassan, I'd be frustrated with my stagnant career. Who knows, Boston may give him a shout. But it's never really a good sign when they have you learn a new position.

3. Wang did in fact start this season in the Yankees org. The lovely and delightful Donnie Collins wrote some stuff about it.

4. This happened a long time ago, but Bob Socci split the Bucket and is doing his football thing. Like I needed another reason to resent football's big... Foot. And so we have gadabout Jon Meterparel for the summer to hang out with Jeff.

5. I'll bet Jeff Levering gets mad ladies. He's very seductive. Those little pantsuits.

TONIGHT! In Buffalo! Keith Couch's big debut. It sure looks good on you. He'll be opposed by fan favorite Ricky Romero, whose record is 3-5, 5.57.

I feel really good.