So earlier today I had lunch with Alex Rodriguez. Derek Jeter was there and was supposed to join us, but he had other things to do. He was lucky.
I could tell right away that A-Rod had anxiety problems... I felt bad, I tried to be nice, what the hell? We get to this tacky-ish restaurant with white tablecloths and shared a table with some other woman who wanted to talk about her kids.
The worst part was A-Rod kept getting stressed over every little thing. No salt on the table? OH MY GOD. I don't even know what else. He was so uptight and I kept saying, relax, dude. It's not that big a deal. RELAX.
Anything that might have been remotely interesting about having lunch with a MLB superstar went right down the toilet. I stopped feeling bad and started feeling annoyed. I wasn't an A-Rod fan anyway... thought it wouldn't be so bad to break bread with him he's human, right? No. NO.
So my alarm went off and it's all a dream I had, but I feel like it was a pretty accurate representation of what lunch with A-Rod must be like. Oh my god.
My dream was that I was in LA and it was scary and I couldn't get anywhere. Then I saw Marty Scorsese and Marty Short. I wanted to go up to Short first, but worried Scorsese would get offended if I didn't go to him first. I think it's just a coincidence that they were both guest stars on Curb Your Enth. Also, I'm referring to them as Marty because that's how I was thinking it in the dream. If I lived in LA, I'd move back here.
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