6.28.2011 A clown's nose. A matador's cape. Luftballoons. Sox and Wings.

Pawtucket WINS! 8-6. Don't crow too loudly, though, because Rochester is not Scranton Wilkes-Barre.

Hey, look, Kevin Millwood is on the PawSox. This never gets less bizarre. Who's next, Paul Lo Duca? Mark Ellis? Enrique Wilson? Oh, wait...

Mill the Thrill pitched four innings and seriously, it wasn't impressive. He gave up six runs on nine hits, including a home run by Trevor Plouffe. TREVOR PLOUFFE IS STILL IN ROCHESTER? Oh, Trevor. Millwood had six strikeouts, though, so... Trevor Plouffe's high school was Crespi Carmelite? Sounds like a British candy bar.

Andrew Baldwin only outperformed Millwood in one one aspect: He pitched six innings to Millwood's four. Also, he outperformed him in bed. I heard, I don't know. Some people were talking about it at the gas station. Okay, so Baldwin got one extra K. Ooooh, take that, Millwood. Baldwin gave up two home runs! Sure one was Hector Luna's joint, but Brent Dlugach? Skinny boy infielder?

Millwood's most painful and degrading inning was the second, when he gave up five runs to the Red Wings. Shortstop Steve Singleton tripled with one out. So hot, Steve. Catcher Jair Fernandez followed it up with a double, Singleton scores. Toby Gardenhire singled and made it to third on some Nate Spears error. Fernandez scores. CF Brandon Roberts, sac fly. Gardenhire scores. Plouffe walks, Dustin Martin doubles. Roberts scores. God, if I'd been there I would have been disgusted. Or I would try to be amused.

Hey, look, it's Adam Bates! Aaron, whatever. Maybe I'll just call him 'Master', like I did when he was a Pawtucket kid. Bates singled, scoring Dustin Martin. Millwood finally buckled down and got Brian Dinkelman to ground out, but 5-0 is pretty unattractive in the second inning. TIME TO GO TO WORK, RED SOX.

But first the Red Wings scored a sixth run in the fourth inning, when Trevor Plouffe hit a solo home run to lead it off. Not only does he make killer meat pies, but he hits bombs? I am going to call him and then hang up when he answers!

Bottom of the fourth is when things started looking up for Pawtucket. Lin Che Hsuan led off with a double, Nava singled. Lavarnway singled, scoring Lin. Anderson singled, Nava scored. Baldwin got a couple of outs with Luna and Spears, but Dlugach hit a 2-run single! Like I always said, Dlugach brings to mind, say, a 1999 Joe Randa.

So after four it was 6-4 Rochester. By the way, Rochester is allegedly a nasty, deteriorating city. And I know from deteriorating cities, because I live in one, just a few blocks from the maximum security prison! They fired all the high school teachers, they're closing the library and the rec center, and Pawtucket does not want us. That being said, I think Rochester is a-okay, and the ballpark is great.

Hector Luna homered in the bottom of the sixth to bring things up to 6-5. And then Dlugach's homer in the top of the seventh, which resulted in Baldwin being replaced by Cole DeVries, who is absolutely adorable in his roster photo with his little glasses and cutie-pie smile. Outside of that, nothing to write home about. Maybe he used a stand-in for that snapshot. DeVries got a couple of outs, but gave up a single to Lin and a double to Nava to give Pawtucket the 7-6 lead. Some people are heating up nicely this month, wouldn't you say?

One last thing! (Long way down.) An eighth run. DeVries still pitching. Anderson and Luna lead the eighth inning off with singles. Matt Sheely (bless him) sac bunted, then DeVries IBB'd Dlugach, which I'm assuming was rather flattering for the little guy. Luis Exposito, doing a rare useful thing with a bat, hit a sacrifice fly, scoring Anderson. There you go. Randy Williams shut it down in the ninth and walked through the silent town.

That was nuts! My heart goes out to Rochester and their struggles.

two things:
1. Brent Dlugach, three RBI last night. Savor it, for it will not soon come again.
2. WTF is this Red Wings jersey that Joe Nathan is wearing?
3. Millwood's gonna stick around in Pawtucket. Unless Pawtucket annexes CF, which Millwood's vehemently opposed to. Still, he came to PawSox bowling, which is a pretty slick move. He's tight with Duckworth and Randy Williams, I think.
4. Yeah, I was there. And I was knocking down pins like a mofo. TAKE THAT, PAWS!! If I bowled against everyone in the Pawtucket infield, I would crush them all. Or my name's not Dylan Axelrod!
5. Aaron Bates is a better player as a Red Wing, I guess. Can we say something like, Lars Anderson is essentially a left-handed Aaron Bates? What I am saying is that I hope Anderson's developed a taste for coffee milk and the Atlantic Ocean. How much do you want to bet that Anderson starts 2012 with Pawtucket? HOW MUCH?
6. Nate Spears left the game. Let me see if I can find out why.
7. Nope. Nothing.

TONIGHT! I think I'll go to the park! Kyle Weiland v Eric Hacker. Weiland again? Maybe I'll just stay home.

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