Pawtucket Red Sox v. Ottawa Lynx - What, again?

I did not ever once say, 'Please let Pawtucket win today and I will never make fun of baseball players ever again'. Imagine if I had!

Final score 6-3 Pawtucket. Kason Gabbard goes six innings and gives up five hits and two runs. Gabbard struck out five Lynx...es. Can I say Lynxes? It sounds cute, like I'm in first grade. The box score says he gave up a home run and since when do they use that statistic? Have I never noticed? What does that have to do with anything? Breslow and Hughes pitched the rest of the game. Travis Hughes' ERA is down to .98 but he also drinks domestic beer from cans.

El zurdo Eude Brito started for Ottawa. I've seen him pitch before. The thing I remember most about Brito is how cool his name is. Brito gave up five runs so he didn't get to pitch past the fourth.

That crazy bitch Brandon Moss homered AGAIN! They call him Candle Guy (why because he is on fire). Jacoby Ellsbury doubled and stole two bases. Yes, Ellsbury, we get it. You're speedy. David Murphy tripled and gloated internally. Veteran Presence Michael Tucker also homered.

Kevin Cash was the catcher today. Sometimes when I look over to the Pawtucket bullpen and squint, I think I see Keith Foulke. I smile and raise my hand a little bit like I'm going to wave to my old friend, but then I realize... it's just Kevin Cash. And then I awkwardly put my hand down and glance around to see if anyone noticed. One of these days I am going to abduct K Cash and keep him prisoner in my apartment and beat him and make him underhand baseballs to me while I sweat and cry.

Dusty Wathan was Ottawa's catcher. He vaguely resembles Corey Koskie.

Danny Sandoval hit a two-run homer off Gabbard. It has not yet been determined whether it was majestic.

Two things:
1. Dusty Wathan's hobbies: spending time with his kids. Sure. He also named his son 'Huck'.
2. Okay, seriously, what the hell happened to Keith Foulke? I love how when he retired, it was via a Cleveland official statement. The man himself never said, 'It is with great regret that I have decided to retire from baseball. I will always treasure my time in the majors, especially with the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox.' He just disappeared. No exit interview. Nothing.
3. I was looking for some Ottawa Lynx information via a search engine and I came across some Pawtucket Red Sox... um, how can I put this? Fan fiction, I guess? I'm completely flabbergasted after reading it. I would post it but it seems so lovingly written that I don't want to make fun.
4. The plasma center is only open on Mondays and Tuesdays. And Wednesdays and Thursdays and Fridays. Saturday and Sunday they're closed.


1 comment:

Jere said...

John Wathan played in our day....

Was a Red Sox coach for a year, too--you feel old when a player from your childhood's kid is talking about spending time with his kids.

But you feel young when you look at a really old person with a cane, so it evens out. No complaints. Except for the feeling old part.

But I'd rather be old than stupid.