7.17.06 PAW v. TOL (DET) - Baby, I Got Your Money

Pawtucket WINS! 8-6

Winning, like money, is one hell of a cosmetic.

Jason Johnson, who everybody hates, started for Pawtucket. The first batter he faced was Tike Redman. Tike Redman hit a double and things didn't get too much better after that. Johnson gave up 9 hits and 6 runs through five. The fifth inning was definitely the most awesome, because JJ gave up four runs... one of them walked in.

Sixth inning, here comes Marc Deschenes. Deschenes pitches not one, not two, but three innings and looks great doing it (4 K's). He should have started this game. At least he got the win.I'm circulating a petition to get him back as a starter. Check out my website, letsgetmarcdeschenesbackintothestartingrotation.org.

RJ must really hate me. Jermaine "Jermanie" Van Buren pitched the ninth. But it's okay. Nothing happened. JVB led the IL in saves last year. I know.

Colby Lewis started for Toledo. He had a few problems of his own... Kenny Huckaby managed a double off him. One more thing Huck cannot do: run. He is dreadful. Lewis pitched 6 innings, giving up the bulk of the runs in the third.

Jeff Bailey had another big game, going two for four with a double and a pair of RBI's. David Murphy homered in the first and hit a double off his first pitch in the third. David Murphy has been great in Pawtucket.

Two things:
1. A lot of the Pawtucket batters have been heating up. Pedroia and Machado most notably.
2. Wily Mo Pena was very, very nice in Pawtucket and signed a million autographs. He didn't do much on the field, however.
3. Dmitri Young played first base for the Mud Hens! Young went 3-5.
4. Dustan Mohr played center for Toledo. Good thing he got the hell out of Boston!

I want to so bad and I try but I can't.

I was gonna use this photo for my profile but it's too ...big. Complicated. It exceeds the capacity or something. I'll figure it out, eventually.

Will I still be perfect tomorrow?

In lieu of posting line-ups, I'm going to keep scanning my scorecards. I think this is a genius concept. Why didn't I think of this a long time ago?

7.15.06 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Charlotte Knights: Running Around Advancing Behaviour

Pawtucket WINS! 7-4

I realize that this game was a few days ago. It's very hot in here on the third floor and I'd really just like to leave but I haven't done a game summary in quite a while.

I bleed for you.

David Pauley started this game. He was somewhat red-faced and ineffective. He lobbed the ball to 30 batters in six and gave up nine hits and two walks. Oh, yeah, he hit two batters and gave up 4 runs. Exceptional performance. Definitely major league caliber.

A mysterious sox-up fellow came in to relieve Pauley. His number, 33, was not on the roster and I at first thought it could be Hertzler. (Abe Alvarez has changed his number a couple of times.) But it wasn't! It was Phil Siebel, who I forgot existed! Wow, what a treat! Phil S. was sincerely effective and crisp, a nice change from Mr. Messy. Two innings, 4 K's, no walks and no runs.

Jermaine "Man" Van Buren immediately gave up a lead-off single in the ninth. I hate JVB in late innings. But he got the last three outs after that and everyone was happy. Van Buren is uncomfortable for me to watch and he is probably going to die soon.

Lefty Valerio de los Santos started for Charlotte, a bad-ass IL team. He held Pawtucket to one measly run and two cheap hits through five. Andrew Lorraine pitched the sixth and hit Wily Mo on the tarsal rotator quad-cuff lat. Then came Dustin Hermanson...you remember him. He no longer looks like a member of Rascal Flatts but he pitches much like a washboard player. Hermanson cordially invited members of the Pawtucket Red Sox to load the bases around him. Then came Jeff Farnsworth who allowed 4 more runs. Yes.

Offensively: Once again, I don't know anything. The score was 4-1 after 6 and I had written the PawSox off.Then Handsome Jeff Bailey swooped in and did some dramatic RBI stuff. And Pedroia? My gal is red hot. DP busted .300 recently. And with the infielding!

Luke Allen report: Luke did not play. I thought he might come in and PH for Yuck-aby but no. At this point, I feel kind of bad for Ken Huckaby. All his homies were getting on base and he is just hopeless at the plate. RJ is probably yelling, "Yeah, Huck! Git you some!" and Ken is dying inside.

Back to Luke Allen: sometimes when people ask for his autograph, Luke will ask if his son can sign one. Is that cute? I think it is.

Two things:
1. There are two players on the Charlotte Knights named Josh Fields. Fortunately, one is a pitcher, else I don't know what.
2. The manager of the Knights is named Razor Shines. Come on!
3. There was an unmistakable smell coming from the visitors' dugout/clubhouse area. I'm just saying. I was sitting right there.
4. The Hess Express / Change-Up stand at first base sells Willow Tree brand Chicken Salad. It is true what they say about Willow Tree: it spoils you off of any other chicken salad. It is the Cadillac of chicken salad. Can I please get a what what on Willow Tree? They also have vegetarian stuff.
5. I'll probably be at the park tonight. Then karaoke!

What I like about me.

Eating and baseball, baseball and eating. Hell, yeah.

A friend of mine pointed out last night that people who love Mexican food sometimes act like it's their dirty little secret. Well, not me. I was at Rancho Chico in Plainville, Mass last night having a mariachi experience. Their food's SLIGHTLY gringo-ified but not in a Texas, dripping with cheese kind of way. It's so good. The waitstaff is exceptional.

Burrito Max is closed. That place in Kenmore Square. I found this out on A Red Sox Fan in Pinstripe Territory (a blog). I have never felt such despair. Like, oh, all of a sudden I'm supposed to go eat at that horrible Pizzeria Uno on the corner??? What happened? I don't get it. I just don't get it.

she could steal but she could not rob

I did two bad things at Fenway Thursday night.

The first thing is that I paid for parking. You have to understand something. I never, EVER pay for parking. I would sooner park in Brookline and walk the 2.5 miles than pay $30-$90 dollars for a 5'X 12' patch of asphalt. But it was something of an occasion and I got there a little late and the secret little road I sometimes park on was horsed off. I'm sorry, I blacked out.

The second thing is... I spilled beer on someone on my way back to my seat. So awkward and shameful.

By the way, a big F-YOU to the medicated woman sitting near me who said, "Going home to beddy-bye? Gotta work tomorrow?" as I was heading to the restroom between innings. I'm sorry about the head trauma, sweetheart, but please don't talk to me.

By the way, Pizza Man in Cumberland, RI has the best Greek-style pizza around. Plus it's oblong!

How to lose $500 in one night.

Um, I'm kind of all set with Fenway for now. I do have the Futures Game coming later this summer, but that's it. I was at the A's game the other night and yes, I had a good time. But holy crap, I might as well have strewn 20's on my living room floor and then vacuumed them up with all the crumbs and cat hair.

Since I'm a horrible jinx, Boston lost. But it's kind of okay because I like Oakland a lot. And if you needed yet another reason to love Mike Lowell... his at-bat song is "London Calling" by the Clash.

Tonight I'm off to see those Pawtucket crumb-bums play the heavenly Charlotte Knights. I had my choice of excellent seats but I stupidly chose to sit on the first base side. With the kids and the screaming. Eh, could be worse. Could be raining.

you're on my mind like a song on the radio

I just bought a six-pack of Lone Star beer. Makes me feel pretty tuff. Hand me a six-shooter and a badge, Margaret!

Lucky's coming tomorrow. And baseball...

I'm not braggin' on myself, baby.

I haven't been doing too much Pawtucket Red Sox stuff lately. It's mostly because I'm lazy and irresponsible.

I've also been wondering if PawSox players ever Google themselves. And that makes me feel kind of bad. Especially when it comes to Ken Huckaby, because I've frequently pointed out how useless he is.

Conversely, other players may be frightened and disturbed by some of my leering observations. One of these days, Tim Bausher (a mediocre, unreliable relief pitcher) is going to overhear me saying, "YEAH, baby, WORK IT! Shake that thing!" as he walks past me on the way to the bullpen. That is unprofessional and inappropriate. And it detracts from my feminine credibility.

I am going to try and refrain from commenting on players' physical attributes in future game summaries. As much as I'd like to Rank the PawSox In Order of Hotness, I won't do it.

There was a program on Spike TV last night about the insanity of sports fans. Johnny Damon and Curt Schilling were featured. As it turns out, Curt Schilling is afraid of us. He probably should be. I've seen the way some fans behave. And I'm probably in the minority, but I feel bad for guys like Schilling and Manny and other superstars.

Okay, gotta run.

JS jumps the shark.

Yeah, that's right!

Remember how I won a major award? Well, I made a quick phone call to the airline and threw out the phrase "Green Love". I'm going to Petco Park!

Listen to this: I called the park to get tickets the other day, not knowing what would be available. As it turned out, I could have sat anywhere in the park. WHAT? It's the last homestand of the year! And last I checked, the Padres are still contenders. Yet, on a Saturday night, I was able to get seats right above the home dugout. Does that seem strange to you? Is no one going to Petco?

I've never been to California before, either. It's gonna be good. Yes? No?

I'm going to Peabody, Mass for a couple of days. That's weird.

PS Fucking Detroit Tigers. I am so thrilled for them. If they don't make it to the WS, I don't know what.

If I have to hear "Centerfield" one more time.

What I did know about Brooksie's Pub: It's great on St Pat's, it has an above average beer selection, it's friendly, it's reasonably priced, the patrons are somewhat normal.

What I did not know about Brooksie's Pub: they have a SLAMMIN' pizza there. I don't know if I was just drunk or whatever, but I swear. I got a pepperoni and garlic. Thin crust. Hell, yeah.

The funny thing is I was sitting at the bar with my longtime "sister" and some guy in baseball pants, half drunk, sidles up to me and says, "You wanna come play softball? We need another girl."

I could have said yes. I had my glove in the car. I probably should have done it. But I was a little tired and sort of intent on drinking and watching the game. Which sucked, right? And the other TV was showing the stupid Yankees game.

At approximately three a.m., I barfed up all the pizza and Narragansett I'd consumed at Brooksie's. That's Brooksie's Pub, Smithfield Ave, Lincoln, RI.

Wake, just admit it.

Preface: I love Tim Wakefield. I love The Dancer. I love his WS Ring. I may even love his facial hair. God from God, light from light, true god from true god, begotten not made, one in being with the father. For reals.

And I know how much Wake does for The Kids. I know he's always got his cleats on. I know he gave up his Game Four start to try and salvage Game Three. I know he shaved his head with the rest of the guys in '03. I know he loves his son. I know the Russians love their children, too.

I'm just a little tired of his endless do-gooderism and humility these days. Am I the only one who remembers how he'd get a little snippy after a bad start? Not any more, I guess. Every time I see him on TV, it's "I'm just blessed to be playing a kids' game" and "Don't get mad at Josh Bard, it's my fault" and "I couldn't have done it without my teammmates picking me up" and how special everything is. How many Roberto Clemente awards can one guy amass, anyway?

PawSox return July 13th. Until then.

"I'm on Melrose Place!"

you know

if you break my heart, I'll go

But I'll Be Back Again

You're out.

New season of Project Runway starts July 12th.

Empanadas are better than crack whores.

A couple of days ago I noticed they'd put up a billboard at the Barton St / Dexter St intersection. The message: No Soliciting. Meaning "JOHNS GO HOME!". Now all you Blackstone Valley Girls know that there's a long-held tradition of hookering at the Central Falls / Pawtucket city line. The Barton Street Community wants you to know that they're fed up and the cops will bust your soliciting ass.

I love that they put up a billboard.

Also at that intersection (aside from a crummy, tacky little flea market) is Panal Chicken. There is nothing there that is not unhealthy and delicious. The empanadas are a dollar apiece and so so good. Deep-fried perfection. And when you order arroz con pollo, they totally mound it up in one of those styrofoam clamshells. Hot, greasy goodness.

Is that all you got?

This is some shit, here.

Here's your standard PawSox lineup. Dig those numbers.

1. Adam Stern: .279 OBP, .232 AVG. Weak! Normally, would he lead off? Probably not, but there's precious little alternative. I'll be generous and say he's in a slump.
2. Dustin Pedroia: .368 OBP, .269 AVG. One of your top offensive players. Please don't bring up Eckstein around Pedro.
3. David Murphy: .315 OBP, .273 AVG (slugging .436). DM's been so fresh and so clean in Pawtucket. You'd think he'd rouse the other bats. You'd think.
4. Hee-Seop Choi: .359 OBP, .214 AVG. Choi walks a lot. He's such a big strong guy... wouldn't it be great if he were a power hitter? He always leaves me wanting more.
5. Jeff Bailey: .357 OBP, .254 AVG. Bailey's on-base plus slugging is .855. Sweet. JB's an IL home run leader.
6. Ron Calloway: .380 OBP, .309 AVG. Remember my blind assertion that Ron I. couldn't hit? Well, don't. I hate being wrong. I love you, Ron Calloway.
7. Enrique Wilson: .322 OBP, .253 AVG. Meh.
8. Ken Huckaby: BLEEEAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Please just quit baseball, already. I can't stand it.
9. Alejandro Machado: .369 OBP, .255 AVG. He's getting on base... yeah.

The Professor and Mary Ann:

Luke Allen's off the DL and when I saw him Monday, he went 4-6. Looked pretty good. I still see him striking out a lot, but he'll crush mistakes. He sort of looks like an oversized toddler what with his pudgy physique and baby face. I like making fun of him! Four eyes!

Corky Miller gets half the playing time as Huck. I cannot see how Corkscrew can be any worse. Get him back there!

Trent Durrington plays every single position, which is sort of useful. I guess. His average is like .204, though. I say we kill him.

I have no idea what happened to Rodney Nye.

Got most of these numbers from soxprospects.com. Indispensible.

6.26.06 PAW v. Ottawa Lynx - Joy! Pain! Sunshine! Rain!

Ottawa WINS! 9-8 (12 innings)


I made the lineup on the Windows "Paint" feature. It's so easy, even a caveman could do it!
I also tried to scan my scorecard, but it didn't work.

Kyle Snyder started this game and did a pretty good job.
(6 innings, 2K, 1BB, 5H, 1ER )
Craig "molecular biochemistry" Breslow had a hand in the ruining of everything when he gave up 4 runs in the 7th inning. I'm not going to dump on him too much because generally, he does a good job.
Barry Hertzler gave up another run in later innings, but the worst offender of the evening was Jermaine "Jermanie" Van Buren. There he was, trying to nail it down in the ninth... and Tracy goes yard with a runner on and one out.

I am SO tired of seeing Van Blow-Me in the 8th and 9th. He just walks too many runners. No mas! Use him MAYBE for long relief or mop-up or something.

Miscellaneous bullpen guys came in and filled out the remaining 3 innings.

John Stephens started for Ottawa and remember him? He was that Australian guy from last year or the year before. What a wealth of knowledge I am! Stephens matched Snyder's performance, giving up 2 ER in six. Then this Winston Abreu guy comes in and he's one of those little scrawny guys who can inexplicably throw the ball like 98 MPH. You know what I'm talking about?

Eddy Rodriguez in the 8th was a good friend of Pawtucket's, giving up 5 runs without getting ONE OUT! And here's the thing: the Ottawa bullpen looked like crap and Pawtucket should have won this game. GUH.

Offensively, Pawtucket put a hurt on the Lynx in the 8th. I would like to note that Ken Huckaby actually got on base in the 5th and even made it home. He must have been completely bewildered when he was standing on third base, since I doubt he's ever seen it before. Lynx catcher B. Marsters was charged with 3 passed balls in that inning, which led to 2 Pawtucket runs. You should have seen how mad he was!

Ottawa's Marsters atoned for his PB's in the 12th by doubling in the winning run offa B. Baker.

Two things:
1. Like to take a second to recognize Dustin Pedroia. He's a slick little infielder... know how you kind of hold your breath a little when the SS runs down an infield hit? Pedroia seems to get it every time, and then zip it over to first for the out. Brilliant. Gives a good 6-4-3 also.
2. Eddy Garabito, Lynx leadoff guy, got ejected in the 10th for the usual.
3. Timmy Kester's on the Lynx! Awww! I miss you, Chandler Bing!
4. Enrique Wilson chugging along the third-to-home basepath at full speed... really, you have to see it. I read on an autograph hound's web page that he's a wicked nice guy. Glad to hear it.
5. Dirty Liarhead Pitchers: Tim Bausher is listed at 6'4", 200. Marc Deschenes is listed at 6', 200. Okay. Bausher may be 6'4", but he's got some junk in his trunk and is likely closer to 215-218. Or more. And Deschenes is maybe 5'10", 5' 11". I'm onto you guys.
6. YEAH PEDRO!!!!!!

I'll be at the park Thursday, weather permitting. Ciaocito.

shoes

I couldn't come up with a sufficient title for this post. I just looked to my left and saw my shoes... so 'shoes' it is.

I fired up the radio at work so I could hear Pedro. I got a little emotional, I can't lie. But were you not transfixed? I miss him so bad.

One of the highlights for me was Pedro's impression of John Henry. Genius. And talking about pouring water on Jon Miller to "wash away" his negativity... and then wishing he'd gotten Shaughnessy extra-specially soaked. I can't go on.

Times change. People change. Hairstyles change.

Back in the dizzz, we used to make fun of all the Red Sox jocks when we went to shows on Lansdowne.

Years later, we'd go to Red Sox games and make fun of the losers hanging around the Evanescence tour bus.

One thing hasn't changed: I still wouldn't be caught dead at the Cask n' Flagon.

if they don't win

Had lunch with my brother Tom the Yankee fan yesterday.

Tom pointed out that the Pawtucket Red Sox were not a team to follow and root for, but a team to be enjoyed as a singular baseball experience. He said the only reason I go is because they're so close to my house and it's cheap and easy, not because I actually enjoy them as a team.

I was at first indignant. I do enjoy myself when I go to the park. And I think the PawSox could be a team you could root for.

But then I realized he was mostly right: I have groused before and at great length about the artificiality of the Pawtucket Red Sox as a competitive team. The fluctuant roster, the development of a pitcher over a pitcher winning a game, the prevelance of rotting meat in the lineup. Enrique Wilson, Ken Huckaby, Trent Durrington, Jimmy Serrano. And so on.

On the other hand, the PawSox seem a little flat this year. Was last year's team more interesting? I think so. Do I have a groovy time at every game I go to? Hell, no. A lot of the games I attend are lackluster. And, yeah, it is more fun when I go with a few other people and get the Hee-Seop love going. But Lima's not coming to town every other Thursday, now is he?

Tom, you're mostly right. OKAY?!

K, that being said, I'll be at the park tonight. Maybe something cool will happen. Bye!

the butterflies of march

"If I chose, I could extend a hand, touch buttons and engulf myself in the balanced clamor of eight loudspeakers, obliterating the moment without restraining the clock or calendar. Beyond my bedroom door a manila folder lurked, pregnant with overdue portrait commissions. Canvas awaits brush. Brush awaits mood. Mood waits.

That cracked it. Does the vodka martini induce disaster? Or does disaster induce the vodka martini? It had been a singular night. She behaved like a woman with a claim, as if we had already explored deep secrets. Her possessive babbly perplexed and irritated me, but she wanted to come home. I tuned her out and brought her along... "

If you guessed that these were some of the opening words to a book "written" by a baseball player, ding ding ding! It's from The Way It Is, Curt Flood's book. A little grandiose for a meathead, n'est ce pas? Sure, you can blame the ghost of Richard Carter, but maybe Curt Flood is one of those chaps that actually talks that way.

Unlikely for a jock, but remember: Curt Flood was exceptional.

i want to dive into your ocean

More beloved rain. Should I even bother going to the park today?

I know I'm bored this morning because I just applied for membership to a Pittsburgh Pirates message board. I certainly hope I have the qualifications to be accepted. Because I don't want to live in a world where I don't.

6.23.06 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Columbus Clippers: Wouldn't it be funny if...?

Columbus WINS!10-2

First and foremost, I need to apologize to Marc Deschenes. It was not my intent to imply that he intentionally distracted me by being hot with a radar gun. I blame myself for being highly unprofessional and for being somewhat creepy with the binoculars. I don't want to talk about it anymore, actually.

Abe Alvarez SUCKED last night. And of course, no one's getting any hits in Pawtucket. Especially when JB's not in the lineup.

Around six, when I got to the park, the rain was pretty solid. I saw one of my favorite green flies and he said he doubted the game'd be played. But at around 6:45 I was shaking off my Love-brella and admiring the rainbow in foul territory. Not a bad night for a ball game, but the park was not quite full. We were in Calloway's house and we showered him with love until he threw me a ball. Of course, I didn't use both hands so it just kind of smacked off my palm and landed in the lap of an undeserving chap a few seats over. That's what I get for leaving my GLOVE in the CAR! I LOVE YOU, RON!!


The anniversary ceremonies were simple and dignified and not marred by long-winded speeches. Nice work, guys. A little awkward when Boggs skipped over to third base and made like he was fielding grounders.

I wasn't really working last night... it was a social-type occasion so I just drank beer and had a good time. I'll be at the park tomorrow working very diligently. Yes, I said working. This is almost like having a second job, sometimes.

Nighty-night!

Pawtucket v. Columbus Clippers - Guh.

Columbus WINS! 8-2

I'm not happy with the way tonight turned out and I'm not talking about the losing the game part.

Marc Deschenes was sitting right next to me. And when I say "right next to me", what I mean is several sections away. At any rate, he was looking so fine that I could not stop gazing at him through my binoculars. Pauley was hucking balls all over the place and not getting any outs and I was just transfixed by Deschenes holding a radar gun while wearing an ugly shirt.

The whole evening quickly became pointless and I left early. I blame Deschenes for all this. Last year he was so uninteresting. This year.... damn it. I should be impervious.

It's so hard to be a lady sometimes.

pedro deliver us from evil

Just found out that Pedro is definitely going to pitch against the Red Sox. I think my head just exploded. I'm furiously debating on whether or not to go to this game. Probably... not. I have a game coming up mid-July and that's too much Fenway right there. I live in Rhode Island, people.

Did you guys ever have dreams about Pedro? I know I'm not alone in dreaming about major league baseball players.

He needs to win. I wouldn't mind an ass-drill or two, either. Kevin Youkilis seriously has it coming.

And congratulations, Boston Red Sox. You just swept the Expos. Bully for you.

I never stopped loving you, Pedro.

6.21.06: North Shore Spirit v. Brockton Rox - Then roast beef!

North Shore Spirit WINS! 5-4

And, whoa, the drama! Brockton called in some ineffective inbred kid to close out a 4-2 game and he just... couldn't... do... it. Send hate mail to Jon Koch, RHP, Brockton.

Know what? I'm into it! Sometimes you go to these minor league games and it gets a little amateurish. But these guys are pretty good. I'm impressed. Word on the street is that there'll soon be a team in Plymouth called the Plymouth River Eels. Got that? And it looks like it'll be an addition to the Can-Am League. So all you Plymouth kids... baseball soon!

The Spirit plays at Fraser Field in Lynn, MA, which has been described as "the worst" (see below). When I head about the trailers, I was expecting rusted tin-traps with wobbly hitches. The trailers actually look quite nice and would not be out of place at one of your better community colleges. The stadium itself is a little tawdry, but there's lots of space around to meander and a playground for the kiddies. The beer selection is awful, though, and I swear on everything I will never again attempt to drink a Miller Lite.

Some kid was sitting in my seat when I arrived and when I pointed this out, his mother stood up all flustered and started telling me they HAD to sit there because her daughter had lupus. Which... you know, hey, I'm sorry about that. But just don't. It makes everyone look bad.

One of the guys on the Rox, Eugene "Gino" Julien, is actually a resident of Brockton. I love this guy. He probably went to an open tryout and landed an infield position. How can you not love that?

I forgot to tell you that when I went to Campanelli Stadium for that 10:30 a.m. game, it was sold out completely. I had underestimated the popularity of the Rox. They're doing extremely well in that respect. Performance-wise, they're not playing well, but they're a draw.

BJ Weed played center for the Spirit. Uh huh huh huh.

I swung by Revere Beach on the way home. Revere Beach is the one Massachusetts thing I think is cool. I'm jealous. And where have I been that it costs three bux to cross the bridge? I almost didn't have enough money! I felt so stupid!

I'll be in Pawtucket tonight as I mentioned before. It's supposed to be pretty wild.

Return of the Fly

I got to come home early, so here I am. I'm heading up to Lynn, MA for a North Shore Spirit game. Yes, I am gonna plow through mid-Boston I-93 traffic. WHAT?! I wanna go! I almost went to a Tornados game instead but I was disheartened by their ballpark dimensions. It's 375' to center and that's just so small... I mean, come on. I have been there before but I guess I didn't realize.

OH! Apparantly Peter Gammons reported that a former North Shore player described the park as being the worst in the US. He said they didn't have a clubhouse, just 3 or 4 trailers parked out back. Okay! Can't wait!

One more example of why McCoy Stadium is wonderful: I went there earlier to buy a ticket and when I was offered a choice of seating, I asked the ticketeer who was pitching. She actually made a quick phone call to find out for me so I could decide which section I wanted. I like the third base side usually, but if a lefty's pitching (like Alvarez), I sometimes like the first base side so I can get a better look. That kind of service is remarkable.

So Can-Am tonight and tomorrow Pauley. Then Friday's the big anniversary shindig. I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.

one last thing (long way down)

Okay. As you know, and as Force puts it, I have a "thing" for Mike Lowell. I do. I dug him on the Marlins and I love him in Boston. So I'll tell you this. I searched on line for a back issue of People En Español because Mike Lowell was named one of Los 50 Mas Bellos. I found one, ordered it... and it was the wrong year. Whoops, my bass!

I got the one from '06. So today I looked and found the one from '05. I can't wait to get it in the mail. You cannot tell ANYONE about this.

LOVE ML for hitting a double as a PH tonight in Atlanta while maintaining a casually handsome expression. But I feel SO bad for the Braves, a team I used to couldn't stand (ya). Awwww. I'm glad Edgar's doing better... I wanted so badly for him to do well in Boston.

My posts have been excessively slumber party lately. Coming soon: hard-hitting baseball journalism.

See you when I get back!

imitation vinegar

Pawtucket played the Richmond Braves today and won in 17 (!) innings. I hope the fans stayed hydrated, else they probably looked like jerky by the final out. And 'member Richmond's Scott Thorman? I said he was big and burly and cute and could hit? He's playing his first MLB game today in Atlanta. He looks smokin'.

I'm going away for a few days. Please entertain yourself with the following:

MLB NICKNAMES
Please provide the actual player name for the stupid nickname.
1. Sexy Space Alien
2. Man Sandwich
3. Mask
4. Pudgy Boy (hint: it's not Ivan Rodriguez)
5. Tonto
6. Douchebag
7. Pumpkinhead
8. Good For Nothing
9. Uncle Todd
10. Rootin' Tootin'

Bonus: What AL East player's curves are kickin'?

You should sleep late, man, it's just much easier on your constitution.

I'm going to a ballgame tomorrow at 10:30 am. Baseball before noon! Imagine!

And then I'm going to the Connecticut Defenders game where I'll collect my FREE Andy Pettitte bobblehead.

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life!

6.12.06: Pawtucket Red Sox v. Richmond Braves - Ridin' Dirrrrty

Pawtucket WINS! 8-6

And I'm winging this one because I left my scorecard in the car.

Normally, this is something I'd footnote, but I have to mention that as soon as I sat down, I noticed David McCarty sitting right in front of me on the field holding a microphone. I was way more excited about this than I was about Gabe Kapler rehabbing in right field. Because, let's face it, Gabe Kapler cannot pitch.

I remember going to Red Sox opening day in '04. They were playing Toronto and losing. Of course. Things were getting pretty hairy towards the end and David McCarty came in to pitch, which delighted my sisters and I. So much so that the old Boston grouch sitting in front of us turned around and asked, "Why you so big on that guy?"

Later that year in Baltimore, Derek Lowe was removing his socks in the bullpen and ranting and raving to D. Wallace about his roster exclusion. Pedro was also inexplicably hanging out in the bullpen, messing with a fungo bat. And the Orioles game was crammed with second stringers, including one Mister McCarty, who stopped singing "Danny Boy" long enough to pitch a pair. Again, the sisters were delighted at the neat eggrolling of a season.

Yeah, so, back in Pawtucket, McCarty was doing commentary or something. No Big Team last night meant NESN coverage of the Pawtucket Peasants. And, whoa, it was Seat Cushion Night! Hotchka!

Marc Deschenes started this game. He is totally falling in love with me. He was uncharacteristically erratic, giving up 7 hits and 3 runs over 5. He also walked 3 guys. Don't you think that normally, his stuff is electric? In fact, you MIGHT say he is an electrician! You MIGHT even say he does his own wiring, at home AND at work!

Relief: Holtz good, Hertzler gave up two runs, Baker fine. Hertzler kind of sucks.


Ricardo Rodriguez started for the Braves. Dude, you know your starter's got nothing when Corky Freaking Miller is 2 for 4 against him. And Enrique Wilson grannied. Come on.

I felt like I was holding my breath any time Gabe Kapler was not standing perfectly still. I kept waiting for his ankle to wrench out and send him tumbling. It just seems way too early for him to be running like that. I don't like it one bit. And I know the ladies like Gabe... I get it, I really do. I like him, too, but not because of his sculpted, glistening torso. I like his warm, gentle, nurturing ways. I like him in glasses, trying to look smart. And I like him UNINJURED.

Earlier this week I commented on Scott Thorman, Atlanta Braves infielder. I mentioned that he was hot or something. I can't believe I forgot to tell you the most important thing. He totally mashes. I think he got about 8 hits last night in 5 at bats. You see a guy like that and you think, wow, he's gonna BE somebody someday! But it doesn't work that way, does it? Two words: Phil Plantier.

I'm gonna stop right about now. Four games and out, eh, Pawtucket? See you in ten days. But not you, Luke Allen.

Faster, faster, Johan Santana!

I love this game! I was thinking about this game at work today and it's exactly what I hoped it would be. So far.

It's a treat to see Santana pitch. When do I ever get to see Twins games? Let me put it this way: if the Red Sox lose, I won't be too broken up.

I'm a million different people from one day to the next

I knew it. I knew it right away. I was getting a coffee this morning at a coffee-type establishment ( not the pink and orange one ) and their radio was playing "Bittersweet Symphony". And I said to myself, great, now THIS is gonna be in my head all day.

So over twelve hours later I can't stop hearing that insipid violin riff in my head... and I can't help but think, doesn't this always happen, and ALWAYS with this song?

My sister and I play this game... I'll call and sing a lame mid- to late-nineties song on her voice mail one day, and another day she'll sing a song on my machine. The object is to get the sister to have a shitty song stuck in her head all day.

Remember this one?
And I don't think I have ever seen
a soul so in despair...

Yeah. Thanks, Lucky. It's all about the workplace!

Thanks also to Nelly for a) calling it and b) getting me a chair so I could stand on it and hold the telephone up to the loudspeaker in the middle of the store so Lucky could hear it.

try to make ends meet
you're a slave to the money then you die...

Oh my god, I am so sorry!

You know what, I'm really sorry! I just now realized that Yard Work is... wow, I don't use the word "perfect" very often, but, wow!

Anyone that makes fun of Bronson Arroyo is okay with me!

6.9.06: Pawtucket v. Richmond Braves - Enrique makes a contribution!

Pawtucket WINS! 2-1 in ten

It turns out I was sitting right over the Pawtucket dugout. Which would have been swell, but it was Bat Night at McCoy and every kid in the park was right in front of me, dangling their bat over the side for an autograph. Bastard kids!

Wouldn't you know it, Jimmy Serrano started tonight. Every freaking time! But, oh! Seven shutout innings! 7 K's and one walk!
Barry "EP" Hertzler was The Lucky Reliever. Jermaine Van Buren threw the ball in the general direction of home plate, walked half the park, and gave up the tying run.

Kevin Barry started for the Braves. One run over 6 2/3 innings. Sometime major leaguer Wayne Franklin took over for a few outs, then tall cool woman Manny Acosta couldn't stop the rain in the tenth.

You know what the best part was? Enrique Wilson doubling in Jeff Bailey from second to score Pawtucket's first run. You should have seen the look of childish wonder as he stood on second base!

Trent "Thundah" Durrington singled in D-Murph in the tenth for the dub. I never knew he had it in him! I was kind of anticipating a strikeout!

Hairballs:
1. 'member Cesar Crespo? He was fun in Pawtucket but wretched in Boston. He's quite the little fielder. And he wears glasses now. It's kind of cute.
2. You have to see this Richmond guy, Scott Thorman. He's big, strong, Canadian, and so, so hot. He looks like a complete a-hole, but damn.

3. The Braves have a pitcher named Will Startup. Are you kidding me? That HAS to be a fake name!
4. Michael Ryan's on the R-Braves, too. I like that guy. I'm a closet Twins fan.

See ya Monday?

I can't always put it aside

I'm sure all of you have seen this by now, but here's Bill Simmon's Nomar/Pedro article. Would you think less of me if I told you I busted a tear when I read it?

Thanks to Lucky for sending it to me. And for her miscellaneous good deeds which helped Boston win.

By the way, when you're in an airplane and you're flying over a baseball field, do you squint and look real close so you can see what's going on? "Oh my god, the bases are loaded!"

don't call me highness

So I hear tell it's gonna rain buckets tonight. Awesome.

As a seamhead, I have conflicted feelings about rain. While I understand that rain is essential and beautiful and circle of life, it fucks with my shit when I'm jonesing for a home game. As I am today. It's only a four game homestand... help me out, here.

The last time I bought tickets, the salesperson said there were no box seats available for the entire month of June. The salesperson made an error.

By the way, have you ever been trying to look up information about a baseball player and somehow stumbled across something very personal about them? It's both exhilerating and shameful.

On the bakery tip (I love bakeries)... if you love shortbread like I love shortbread, you know that most bakeries don't touch it. Bachini's in Pawtucket has all kinds. Today they were featuring white chocolate shortbread. Git U Sum!!

And I WILL BE AT THE PARK TONIGHT!!

Taking the Can-Am League for granite: Part Deux

Ever have one of those baseball zen moments? You know... mild beer buzz, sharp green infield, and an exquisite sense of well-being and perfection?

I had my second such moment last night in Nashua, New Hampshire at a Pride / Rox game. Baseball in New Hampshire seems so incongruous and impossible. Kind of like Pawtucket, right? But anyway, the park there (Historic Holman Stadium) is teeny-tiny and stoney gray. One concession stand, one ladies' room, one mini-souvenir shop. But the best part is the long pines that circle the park... when the lights go up, they look so shadowy and patient. Gorgeous.

As I was driving up through Massachusetts, it was so wet and miserable that I very nearly turned around... I didn't see any way a ball game could be played. But right near the New Hampshire line, everything lightened up and it was good to go. Sweet double header action! (Two sevens.)

Believe me: nobody but NOBODY was at that game last night. No wonder they seemed so amused when I called ahead and bought my ticket over the phone. It was so quiet and intimate... I heard all the infield smack, the manager's encouraging words, the ball and strike calls, the bitching, the clatter and crash of a pissed off pitcher throwing shit in the dugout, all of it.

When the first game started, there were maybe 20 people in the stands. I was surprised to see that Butch Hobson was the manager of the Pride. Okay! He still looks athletic and handsome and like a swaggering asshole. His most frequent managerial tactic was yelling, "Fuck 'em!" from the third base box. The Pride won that one, but it was way taut... scoreless through the bottom of the seventh. One run batted in with two outs made it 1-0, Pride. Go, team, go.

Before game two started, the audience (such as it was) was treated to a LIVE! musical performance by the incomparable William Hung. Maybe the less said about that the better? I wonder how he felt about this gig? Neither the sparse crowd nor the soft rain seemed to dampen his limitless enthusiasm. He banged, baby.

The Brockton Rox took game 2 10-4. They led the game off with three batters, three perfect little bunts to load the bases. Nashua seemed kind of baffled by this. The Rox, who are adorable, were tickled by the effectiveness of their bunt-fest. Their manager, Chris Miyake, has a largish chin but is kind of hot and stuff. Shut up! He got kicked out for a ball/strike gripe. It was the first time I'd heard such a rant in crystal-clear Memorex. So dramatic.

At one point, Nashua threw this reliever out there... I swear, he was someone's dad they dragged out of a Bud bar somewhere. Worst pitcher I've ever seen.

Speaking of beer, Holman serves Stella and Red Hook. Very nice!

So today I'm pimping the Can-Am League. Unaffiliated and sincere... and wooden bats! Go Rox!

Taking the Can-Am League for granite

Okay, I'm going up to Nashua, New Hampshire for a Can-Am League double header. (Nashua Pride v. Brockton Rox). Am I reading this right? William Hung is going to be there? And "Bullpen Karaoke"? I certainly hope that doesn't mean the relievers perform between innings.

Speaking of "Pride", June's Pride month. So if you're gay, gayish, gay-like, gay friendly, pseudo-gay, have gay friends, have gay family, are curious, or just like to have fun... do something nice! Attend a parade or something!

Sammy:: Maw!
Vicky:: I’m right here, son.
Sammy:: Ma, I have to tell you some... thing. I am a homo... sexual.
Vicky:: Oh... Christ. Is there a support group that I can join to help me come to terms with my own homophobia?
Sammy:: Yes, there is a group which is named PFLAG. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
Vicky:: Oh... Oh, PFLAG. I’m beginning to like the sound of that.

6.7.06: PAW @ IND - Bailey's humdinger

Pawtucket WINS! 7-4

Marc Deschenes started this game. I don't get it. Sometimes he's a starter, sometimes a reliever. That's life when you play for those wacky PawSox! He did well, of course, pitching 5 scoreless innings and mesmerizing the opposition with his intense, ice-blue eyes.

Big Baush got the win in spite of giving up three runs. Cause guess why? (ans. later on...)

Jason Roach started for the Indians. He pitched seven innings and gave up three runs. Pawtucket pitchers almost never pitch more than six innings.

Jeff Bailey hit a grand slam at the top of the ninth whilst pinch hitting for Corky Miller. Bailey just keeps getting better and better looking. Sometimes when he's playing first base I try and imagine what he'd look like with no shirt on. And that's how Mr. Messyball got the win! Yay Tim Bausher and such.

"Ryan Schroyer" pitched an inning for Pawtucket. I need to look this guy up. I'll let you know. Also, the Indians have an infielder named Gookie Dawkins.

6.6.06: Pawtucket @ Indianapolis Indians - Every Single One of Us

Indianapolis WINS! 5-4

I've actually been to Indianapolis. I remember... train tracks and fields of goldenrod and Willie Nelson helping me put air in my tire. But enough about me.

Pawtucket was just cruising through this game, 4-0 until the seventh, when starter Abe Alvarez gave up three runs. So Barry Hertzler of 1205 Maplewood Dr, E Providence, RI comes in to get the final out and instead gives up the tying run. Love ya, Bare!

And because THEO AND BEN DON'T CARE, they left Barry H. in... and he coughed up the winning run in the 8th. Because of course Pawtucket is not going to score any runs in the top of the ninth.

Hee-Seop Choi homered in this game, not that it mattered. And I'm sure if any PawSox fans were in the stands, they were gouging their eyes out with toga pins by game's end... and then they probably capped the evening off by pouring sulfuric acid on their genitals when they saw the rundown of the Boston / NY game. I'm angry on David Pauley's behalf!

In a couple of days, everybody's going to be back in Pawtucket for the Richmond Braves series. And if one of your most horrifying nightmares is swarms of children with Louisville Sluggers in hand, stay away from the park Friday night.

PS Notice I didn't mention any Indians players? That's because I'm lazy!

Hell is for Children

I'm going to fly a helicopter in the general direction of Rudy Seanez and watch from behind the controls as the whirling blades slice through his thick, bullfrog neck and decapitate him.

RUINER!!!

Pauley, I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you! TYRA was rooting for you!

This game is pissing me off.

CJ Nitkowski has a web page.

It's a little sparse and (surprise, surprise!) a little Christian, but if you're feeling freaky, check it out.

Pedro vs. the Red Sox

I'd be rooting for Pedro. Because you don't understand.

6.2.06: Connecticut DEFENDERS! v.Portland Sea Dogs

Sea Dogs WIN! 0-0

No, for reals, I was sitting there watching the rain collect on the tarp and listening to the announcer reassuring the fans that, yes, the game was going to be played... dude, the only thing being played was the audience. I gambled and left but I kind of knew they weren't getting this game in.

While everyone was waiting for the game to start / be called, I kept seeing Sea Dogs players around odd corners in various states of uniform. That's also a good sign the game's not gonna be played... the players have not even bothered to get fully dressed.

I just know the makeup day for this game is going to be July 4th or 5th, when I absolutely cannot go. And now I really want to.

Doin' Time in the 860

I went to Mystic today, forgetting how dull it is and how much I dislike it.

I'm going to Norwich tomorrow to see the Connecticut Defenders (formerly the Norwich Navigators) play the Sea Dogs. Genius. Norwich is about an hour from me, so much closer than Portland!

Rat Problem in Pawtucket

There seems to be an awful lot of renewed, "artistic" interest in Pawtucket. I understand that they're trying to "revitalize" (I hate that word) Pawtucket's downtown... but it's mildly insulting when non-natives are slinking around, taking pictures and talking about "potential" in some of Pawtucket's "glorious old buildings".

Why should I care? Technically, I don't even live in Pawtucket. But I'm uneasy about the impending flossiness of the real estate down by the Mill. And the new kids are all, "Pawtucket's ugly... let's work together and change everything!"

I have a link to The Bucket Blog, which was the only Pawtucket-style blog I could find that didn't involve kittens. It's an informative and well-written outsider perspective on Pawtucket and all its flaws, problems, and soiled/sullied architecture. I can't say I align myself with the author's beliefs 100% of the time, though. It's usually not a good idea to insult an entire city's population, even if it is to make a point.

Look, I'm all for renovation and change... I'm not one of those farty purists who want everything to remain as it was during the Henry Ford Era. But come on. Pawtucket is, for the most part, a moderate to low-income city. Don't get too crazy downtown, Newbie.

And by the way, Woneffe, I've been taking the same photos for years now! Get your hands off my Feldman Furniture sign!

Keep Boston out of Pawtucket!

It has become increasingly apparant to me that Boston does not give a rat's ass about the Pawtucket Red Sox as a competitive team in their league. I see the visiting franchises and there's such a huge difference in the way their teams are run. These teams, for the most part, want to win.

I don't see that in Pawtucket. What I see is a Petri dish of player and prospect development. I see them focused on guys like Lester and Murphy and screw everyone else on the team. Rodney Nye? Come on! KEN FREAKING HUCKABY? It's filler like this that's got Pawtucket firmly lodged in mediocrity as a few shooting stars take precedence over the team being successful. And winning.

Last night, I saw the Tidewater Tides making great use of their bullpen. And I was jealous. I'd LOVE for them to be my local team.

I love the Pawtucket Red Sox, and as I've said before, it sucks that they're not a team you can root for as a whole (unless you're a child). It's become a place for Boston Red Sox fans to cheaply see marquee players rehabbing or hot hot hot prospects.

I want them to be a good team. I want to know that Ron Johnson does not feel handcuffed by Boston's regimens and guidelines for the players. I want them to be MY home team that I can root for. I want a little love for Jeff Bailey and Marc Deschenes!

Maybe I'll write a letter to the paper. Or Jerry K. This is going to be my ongoing summer bitch topic.

Later!

Enrique Wilson

Dude, what the hell is Enrique Wilson doing in Pawtucket?

Okay, we've all heard that Manny got him the slot. But come on. Enrique Wilson occasionally puts a glove on and plays the infield. But you really should see him... he is dogging it worse than Daubach did at the end. And when he's not playing, he's just kind of hanging out. He's barely contributing anything. And I'm sure he himself wonders, where the hell am I and what have I done to deserve this?

Where does he go after the game? Where's his apartment? Where does he get his bling? Does he really think that Boston's going to call him up any time soon?

I'm going to go ask Ron Johnson.

5.30.06: PawSox v. Tidewater Tides - Lima Time!

Tides WIN! 3-2

Pawtucket is offensively offensive. Not one player is batting anywhere near .300... even Choi is just mustering a .252. They just cannot score runs and it's really killing them. They should not have lost this game. The Tides relief was weird and shaky and yet the batters could not take advantage of this. It's sort of pissing me off. Anyway...

I attended all four games of the Louisville Bats visit. Pawtucket split the series and that's all I have to say. I didn't write anything about it because I was suffering from a near-fatal case of ennui and laziness and the games were almost social occasions. I'd gotten used to attending the games by myself, but I think my constant yammering about my adventures at McCoy has sparked some interest in people I know. Nowadays, everytime I turn around someone's saying to me, "Hey, guess where I went last night?"

But enough about me. Dustan "Dustin Moore" Mohr is back in my neighborhood, and you can just about see the tender light of joy in his eyes. More on Mohr later. He batted 4th in the lineup. David Murphy, who is exciting these days, batted second. The remainder of the 9? The usual Pawtucket detritus. Oh, except Pedroia, who's been one of the better Sox. Choi did not play.

Trent Durrington played an uncomfortable third base.

Jimmy Serrano started for Pawtucket. Who the hell is this guy? He's really one of the least interesting pitchers I've seen in Pawtucket for a long time. At least Deschenes has intense, ice-blue eyes. Two runs over six innings, blah blah blah. That Kid From EP pitched a pair and gave up an unearned run. Hertzler. Yay and such.

And now, Lima Time! Jose Lima pitched for Norfolk and I was so excited. He did a great job, admittedly against hapless minor leaguers with noodle bats. And he is still psycho, hollering at his infielders, at the umps... and what is it with him and Dustan Mohr? He walked him three straight times and exchanged words with him. Perhaps an old grudge? But, yeah, Jose Lima! In Pawtucket! And I didn't bring my camera! And I sat right above the visitors dugout! I'm so stupid!

Lima pitched 6 innings, and then Norfolk ran like their entire bullpen out there... it was almost as if they wanted to win. It's a different organizational philosophy, I think. Old Pawtuckian Juan Perez showed up as a LOOGY in the 7th. Juan Perez is a doll and such. Some kid (Mike Adams)who had the loose threads of the former player's name on his jersey pitched like a frightened rook in the 8th and was sort of adorable. He wasn't on the Tides roster so I have no further information. Lefty Royce Ring got the save for Norfolk.

Lastings Milledge did not play, damn it. I did see Tagg Bozied and Chris Basak. And Offerman, who is inexplicably still in O.B. Basak hit a nice triple for himself.

Luke Allen Report: Luke Allen is still injured or something. He sits in the dugout in his weird librarian glasses and looks pudgy. This may be the final Luke Allen report, as he is not terribly interesting.

The P-Sox have split town for a spell, but they'll be back... hey, they're not coming back until June 9th! Oh my god, it's too much pressure!

Rock Bottom Remainders:
1. Lima Time!
2. Friends of visiting players are awful, especially their stupid jockhead buds from back home. I love how they hang over the railing and shout, "BRA! Where we goin' after?!"
3. I sat near some of Lima's crew. I knew something was up because normally you don't see people THAT wealthy at McCoy. They were pretty funny, giving Offerman the business.
4. Some Mets kids sat behind me. College age and rich and sort of awful. One guy was talking about breaking into someone's apartment and he said that if you're stealing a TV, make sure you take the remote, too, because otherwise you can't sell it. That is genius.

i ain't missing you at all

What I'm thinking about this morning... hmm... really, how much I hate Jason Mraz. It's been a long time since an artist has been that abrasive to me, so much so that I almost react physically to the sonic porridge spewing out of that kid's mouth.

It's completely horrible, like some lame local act you have to sit through on a dinner cruise or some shit. He kind of reminds me of the Josh Dodes Band, except you know that Mraz thinks he's got the music in him. Dude, you are not funky. Go away. And take your stupid hat with you.

PawSox stuff coming real soon!

Hiatus

Oh.

5.23.06: P-Sox v. Louisville Bats - The Cabbage Incident

Pawtucket WINS! 2-1

The Hee-Seop Choi Contingent was STRONG this evening. I'm talking signs and chanting and clapping... "CHE HEE-SEOP! CHE HEE-SEOP!" I don't know if Mr. Choi's close, personal friends were sitting behind us, but by the end of the game, most of Section 1 was chanting along. Hee-Seop, however, chose to ignore us.

It was a typical Pawtucket line-up: Stern leading off, followed by Pedroia, Calloway, and Choi. Machado is still stashed down at the bottom of the order, but I can't imagine that Huckaby's doing much better. Switch-hitting Enrique Wilson played third tonight.

John Lester started for Pawtucket and was not terribly crisp.... 5 innings, 3 K's, 4! walks, 2 hits, 1 earned run.

Tim Bausher was surprisingly good for the 6th and 7th innings, aside from hitting Gutierrez with a pitch. Manny Delcarmen was flakey but ultimately successful in the 8th. Jermaine Van Buren heaved the ball at the catcher in the 9th with great results. Uno, dos, tres!

RHP Joe Mays started for Louisville. Remember him? From the Twins? Aside from the two runs in the first inning, he was decent. Or maybe he was only mediocre. Pawtucket's still not big in the scoring runs department.

Ron I. Calloway, who I was entirely wrong about, drove in Sterno and Pedro in the first inning for what turned out to be the only runs Pawtucket needed. Adam Stern also hit a triple, and YKHIFAT. Pedroia was 3-3 with a walk.

Remember Andy Abad? Earl Snyder? Well, the two of them are aging rapidly and playing in the Cincinatti system! Abad walked. That's it. Earl Snyder walked. That's it. Nice to see you boys again. Ray Olmedo's picture on the jumbo screen is darling. He laughs like Buddha.Chris Denorfia drove in the only run for the Bats.

Luke Allen report: Luke Allen is "on" the "disabled" "list". If Ramiro Mendoza taught me one thing, it's this: the disabled list is crammed with more bullshit than a Texas rodeo.

And now, Idiots:

1. The Pawsox scorecard is altered slightly, to provide helpful pronunciations of the players' names. "Bausher (BOW- as in take a BOW-sure)"
2. I thought I'd be a cool kitty and get the tickets ahead of time and surprise everyone. When I went to see KP, she'd already gotten the tix. And hers were better. I gave mine to a sweet family of four just because I'm keeping it real.
3. I bought beer from Bob C, my former boss at McCoy. I have to give him credit - he managed to keep control of a dozen restless and occasionally difficult kids for an entire summer. He's a good guy.
4. Today I picked up my original commemorative Longest Game poster, which I'd dropped off to be framed. It looks bitchin'. I also went and got bagels from Mr B's in Seekonk. Mr B. occasionally slips me a few extra bagels, so I have to give him a shout-out. Not to mention the bagels are the best around, which is why I drive all the way to Seekonk to get them.

I'll be at the park Thursday and Friday and Saturday! And maybe Sunday! Tomorrow night I'm sending one of my minions.

PineTarHelmet meets Artpad

Rhode Island Red Sox gadabout PineTarHelmet recently posted several of her Red Sox artpad stuff on redsoxnation.net. If these little drawings do not delight you immensely, may God have mercy on your soul. Enjoy.

Seems like old times.

You know, I look back at the games... the summers... and I think, where the fuck was I getting the money to spend on tickets? Like, hello, we'd just head up to the park with twenties crammed into our pockets and buy from scalpers. It's just so funny to me now. And Lucky calling me at work and just saying, "I blacked out... I don't know what happened... I used my emergency MasterCard."

And we always seemed to get pretty good seats! We always found ways. Behind home plate, on the Monster, in Manny's House. It was easier back then, in the BeforeTime, in the Long Long Ago.

Then came Curt Schilling and 2004 and now it's 200 dollars just for Grandstand.

I've been neglecting the PawSox away games but they're back at home now and I'll be at the park.

I'm on my way to Catalina!

I'll miss Abe Alvarez in Pawtucket, but I hope he gets some action with the big team. Damn you, Boston, for the ongoing pilfering of Pawtucket good guys!

Can-Am League baseball starts in a few days! I seem to remember them using aluminum bats. I hope they rethink that soon.

5.17.06:PAW @ BUF - Eh.

Buffalo WINS! 3-2

And I'm asking myself... why am I bothering to write about a 2 day old game? And I answer myself... compulsion.

Jon Lester, who I allege is leaving soon, started the game and gave up 2 runs in 5 2/3 innings. Note: 5.2 is not the same thing as 5 2/3. I don't know why such an innocent baseball notation should bother me, but it does.

Pawtucket tied the game in the 8th, but Craig Breslow allowed Buffalo to score a run which went unanswered by Pawtucket in the 9th. So he gets the loss.

Bisons starter Jeremy "Arlo" Guthrie held Pawtucket scoreless through 5. Very nice.

Luke Allen report: Luke Allen doubled and GIDP. I'm sort of sick of Luke Allen. He looks like a blondie Kewpie doll.

I hate away games.

Before I go, I'd like to congratulate Danielle from America's Next Top Model for being the winner. I do so look forward to her many runway shows and fashion spreads and cosmetics contracts... sorry, can't keep a straight face. But, seriously, sweet kid. At least the heinous Jade didn't run away with it.

5.16.06:Pawtucket Red Soxes @ Buff Bisonses! - Good riddance, Merloni.

Bisons WIN! 6-2

This article covering the game is gushingly giddy and sort of adorable. Kind of like me. And actually, I am going to leave it at that.

Carl Crawford just tripled for the Devil Rays, and I hope they stomp the piss out of Chicago. Carl Crawford is great. Don't you like rooting for him? I know I do.

I like baseball.

PS... That's Ozzie Guillen with the casually splayed legs. Typical baseball player.

Tippicanoe and Minges, too.

Okay, I found Tyler Minges. He was "transferred" to Portland (AA).

And, this one time? On the Springfield Cardinals? Minges was being interviewed and asked the interviewer for a date... on the air. He was brutally rebuffed, but insisted that he was just playin'. Oh, man, I love that. I love asking people out and when I get turned down, I say, "Psssht... I was just playin'!"

Work it, Burkett!

I must confess: I was a Burkett fan. Sure, he was a ball-scuffing geezer by the time he got to Boston, but I thought he was a cool kitty. And... okay, I thought he was hot. Not much of a starting pitcher, but I dug him.

We all pretty much assumed Billy Bob Burkett would be bowling after he retired, and we assumed correctly. I think it's a perfect fit for him.

Hot, naked Warwick.

I thought I'd enter the All-Star game sweepstakes because I would love to go to the park in Pittsburgh. But it looks like it's sponsored by supervillain Gillette so I ain't touching that. I do think that sometime this summer I'll try 'n get out there.

I have to drive to the Warwick UPS to get a pkg and it might as well be Siberia. I'm just happy my computer's working again.

Still hate: Tom Caron
Still love: Mike Lowell

what started out as friendship has grown stronger

Craig Hansen's start was a one-shot. I was critical for no reason. He just needed to get some innings in after three straight rain-outs.

5.15.06: PAW v. S/W-B RB's - Game Two!

Pawtucket WINS! 4-0

Game two was definitely the better half. Game one could quite possibly have been the dullest game ever recorded, a let's-just-get-this-in affair. Sorry, Jimmy Serrano.

Craig Hansen started this one. I do not understand this move one bit. Does he even have a starter's repertoire? Last I knew, he didn't. That being said, he did well... 4 innings, no walks, 4 K's, 5 hits, no runs. Also, Craig Hansen isn't exactly an oil painting, but he looks a lot better in person. He got a lot of love from his teammates and RJ. And you know what? I love Ron Johnson. I wish Ron Johnson was my friend in real life. I'm going to meet him soon.

Breslow pitched the 5th and 6th and did very well. Manny Delcarmen put a cap on the night. He got his hair braided and he looks very handsome. I like Delcarmen and I'd like to see him succeed, if not for the Red Sox then for another major league team.

Big Jim Crowell started for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons. Christ, that is one unwieldy team name. He gave up half the runs. Then Dan Giese, a legitimate prospect, came in and gave up the other two.

Hee-Seop Choi tripled in the first, and you know how I feel about triples. Okay, they're not always better than HR's. In the 2nd, Machado stretched a single into a double on an error, and Enrique Wilson ran all the way home from first. I was not alone in finding that hilarious. Just the fact that Enrique Wilson is playing in Pawtucket is reason enough to get the giggles.

Did you know that McCoy Stadium also has a Green Monster? Yep, except it's 1/10 the size and occupies the space behind home plate. Catcher Ken "Jeter Smasher"Huckaby crept up the wall Torii Hunter-style to catch a pop-up in the 2nd and it delighted his teammates.

Luke Allen report: Luke Allen did not play in Game 2, but instead sat on the bench and moped for the entire 7 innings.

John Lester made a brief appearance in the stands. Don't know what that was about. He took a few notes then split. Also, has anyone seen Tyler Minges? Did he die? Why don't I know this?

And that's it! Pawtucket has left the building for a week-long road trip. I'll try and keep everyone posted.

5.15.06: Pawtucket v. S/WB Red Barons - Game One

Pawtucket WINS 3-2

Double header!

I cannot tell a lie. I missed the first 2 innings of this game because I didn't think they'd be playing. But then I heard the broadcast and hied myself to McCoy. Two innings in and there was still parking available. No one was at the park! WOW!

David Riske started for Pawtucket and pitched probably 2 innings, giving up 2 runs. I truly wish I could tell you who started for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, but they rather stupidly neglected to put uniform numbers next to the players on the scorecard. So number 32, who could be Travis Minix, started. Unless it was Clay Condrey. (Pawtucket has the best scorecards around. Yes, you have to pay a dollar for them, but they're printed on non-slick paper and are formatted simply but not sparsely.)

Offensively, Pawtucket got their act together in the 6th, making Ryan Cameron look like a bird flu victim. Stern, Calloway, and Choi all hit doubles! Hee-Seop Choi is great. He always looks strong and happy. If he's still in Pawtucket come autograph night, I'm gonna bite the bullet and have him sign my PawSox lunchbox. And I HATE getting autographs.

I look at the S/W-B roster and I think, who are these people? Is this the Phillies farm system? Whoa. Coming into last night they were first in the IL. I can't imagine how. One player stood out for me: Joe Thurston, infielder. He's the kind of balls-out player who will run from second to the outfield wall to back up a play or knock down the outfielder to catch a fly. You know, the aggro guy all the other players hate. But, yeah, he hit a double. Joe Thurston, nice to meet you.

Jimmy Serrano took over for Riske in the third and the Red Barons didn't score off him. Jermaine Van Buren was interesting in the ninth. I don't know anything about anything, but you look at Van Buren's form and how he just hucks the ball in there... his arm is going to fly out of the socket. Plus he's physically Sabathia-esque. I don't get it.

Luke Allen report: Luke Allen sucked. Luke Allen swings at everything. I would say he was visibly chagrined by his poor performance, but I think he has that perpetual look of disquiet and poutiness. Like Maxwell Caulfield or something.

There was some kind of flaky play at first where Pedroia was called safe but the sitch was hotly contested by various Red Barons. Enraged players look like they're pantomiming fury when you can't hear them, what with the pointing and huffing and stamping... it looks exaggerated and theatrical. The coolest thing I ever saw was former manager Buddy Bailey getting down on the ground and methodically covering home plate with infield dirt, sweeping it atop the dish in a neat yet disrespectful pile.

Onto Game Two!

5.13.06: Oakland A's @ Yankees - Wow, there sure are a lot of Yankees fans here.

Saturday I got up disorientingly early and drove to Stamford, CT (which, sadly, looks like it's either deteriorating or failing at being a destination city) so I could go to Yankee Stadium for an A's game.

I thought I was all over hating the Yankees. I think I thought wrong. I think I thought I saw you try. I almost projectile vomited when what's-his-name hit a three run homer in the first inning.

Since we got to there so very early, we decided to get the hell away from the park and find somewhere to eat, completely forgetting that it was still a time where people are eating scrambled eggs and such. Fortunately, I ell-oh-vee-ee breakfast and was pleased with my modest omelette and home fries. Hash browns are for whores.

Our seats were decent and loge-style. The park was not full. Which is funny because when I tried to buy tix for that game through the Yankees, it was sold out. You cannot tell me that 3,000 people changed their minds and decided not to go. Or can you? Anyway, I'll say this for the people in my general area: mellow. Yankees fans seem to be more Just Folks than Boston fans. People like me.

Oakland lost, in spite of coming very close to tying it in the 9th. Tanyon Sturtze sucked 5 kinds of ass and was deservedly booed. Barry Zito, who did not start, was in full view before the game, prancing around in his baseball capris and signing autographs. Oh You Kid.

And Eric Chavez, who DH'd, was a flailing mess. He was...gosh, what's the word?... whifftastic! Yeah! It's not too much of an exaggeration to say that he cost them the game. Oooh, burn!

I have a few pictures but I don't feel like messing with that, son. I had a great time and I hope you did, too.

Tonight's game was rained out.

I'm going to Yankee Stadium tomorrow to see the A's. I'm so excited... but I really wanted to see the PawSox tonight.

KP's story.

I truly love KP. She's such a great friend and a success at love and humanity. She's also one of the grittiest and most dedicated players on our team.

Anyhoo, I ran into KP after the game today and she informed me that she, too had been at the park. Damn it! It never would have crossed my mind that she'd have been there. There we were, each of us sitting by ourselves at opposite ends of the park.

She told me a hilarious story.. it seems an infielder was blowing her kisses during the game and then later approached her and asked if she'd driven to the park. He told her to meet him at a specific place in the park after the game and she agreed to do it... except she didn't. KP has a boyfriend. She slipped out after the game and did not hook up with cutie-pie.

She was pretty surprised by the whole thing even though she was admittedly encouraging it. In her words, "I KNOW he must have seen me shoving fries into my mouth..."

This is the second player in Pawtucket that's tried macking on KP. The first one was last year during the Hot Stove party... the guy was signing autographs at the time. He's now in the majors and doing very well.

KP, you GO GIRLFRIEND!!!

6.11.06: Pawtucket Red Sox v. Syracuse Sky Chiefs - Tewks!

This game was awesome for so many reasons.

Firstly, Pawtucket WINS 8-4, proving once again that I know absolutely nothing. You see, once I caught wind that the Sky Chiefs starter was a hulking blonde lefty (David Purcey) I was sure they'd never be able to scratch out any runs against him. Ha.

Jon "Short Time" Lester got the start for Pawtucket and went five innings, 6 K's, no walks, 6 hits and 2 runs. He was relieved by Breslow (3 innings, 2 K's, no walks, 2 hits, NO RUNS). Jermaine Van Buren pitched the ninth and looked horseshit. C'est la merde! Syracuse got 2 runs off him but, hell, we won anyway so JVB's off the hook.

The aforementioned Purcey couldn't get out of the third inning. I don't know this guy's story but he pitches like he's a first-timer at Arthur Murray's School of Dance. He was all, "One and stretch and two and coil and arm up and release and four". So Tallet comes in and he's that freaky sideburnsy guy I saw pitch in Toronto about two weeks ago. Remember? Remy was wondering if he was into Civil War re-enactments. Yes, Tallet. Gave up a run.

But the best part of the Syracuse bullpen was Ben Weber. I was so excited when I saw him. I was really hoping I'd get to see him pitch and I did. He doesn't throw very hard these days, but as all aging relievers do, he got wiley. Just changing speeds and location and still very effective and still very ugly. Excellent vein-popping relief pitcher face. You should just see him... he's awesome. I love you, BW.

Offense: I am no longer Jeff Bailey's Jinx. First at-bat: yard. Second at-bat: yarder.

RodNye also went yard and made another neat-o play at third. Eternally darling A. Machado tripled in the 8th but didn't get batted in. Triples rule. Triples are cooler than home runs.

Ken Huckaby stole a base. No, seriously.

Former Pawtucket Good Guy Luis Figueroa doubled in the 9th off a very sloppy Van Buren. No real offensive standouts, but Ben Weber!

Clean-up, MRR style:
1. As I mentioned in my previous post, some interesting McCoy attendees. Abe Alvarez was charting pitches tonight and again I wonder, do they get a little extra $$ for doing this? It looks totally boring and tedious. Or is it some form of punishment?
2. Mike Bumatay's license plate says "4BOOMRS", which is so cheesy I could ralph.
3. The between-innings music coordinator played a Buzzcocks song. The Buzzcocks and My Bloody Valentine at a baseball game. I must write this person a thank you letter.
4. I think I almost caught a glimpse of some gruel-thin sunshine. I tried calling the sun today, but all I got was the machine.
5. Jerry Kapstein was in the house. I'm telling you, something is going down.
8. The Sky Chiefs jackets are FLY. I am going to try and buy one off of a marginal player. God knows these kids need cash. You HAVE to see their jackets.

I'll be at the game tomorrow night where I usually sit.

Lester to be traded soon?

Oh, what a tease. But that's what I think. If I'm right, how genius am I?

All I'm saying is that McCoy was CRAWLING with scouts today... J-Kap was in the house, too. Quite a clutter of video cams and radar guns and legal pads and portfolios and tanorexic baseball guys.

Oh, and Tewks. Bob Tewksbury was there looking way more relaxed and cool than he ever did on NESN. I guess the camera also adds ten pounds of dork.

5.10.06: Pawtucket v. Syracuse Sky Chiefs: Quan's Kitchen

Syracuse WINS 5-2

Vinnie Chulk was kicked downstairs by Toronto but apparantly is good enough to win in AAA. Good for him.

I wangled a day off from my boss (that would be Force) so I could attend tomorrow's day game. Ah, a Thursday day game and I'm attending! Lucky for me, it'll be more of the same wet dreary weather we've been blessed with all this week! And guess what? It'll be raining in NYC on Saturday, which is my Big Very Special Visit to Yankee Stadium. God hates baseball.

I'll be at McCoy Friday night, too, coughing wetly into my trembling, anemic fists.

Aaron Small: The Chin That Ate Gotham.

I mean, seriously.

5.8.06: PAW @ Rochester Red Wings:" I desire... macaroni pictures."

Rochester WINS 9-4

Marc Deschenes renounces his loveliness and gives up 9 runs in 4. Hey, you can't be funny all the damn time!

Finicky, finessey Henry Bonilla gets the win for the Red Wings, but probably would not have if Marky D. hadn't blown it all over the place (4 runs through 5). Come to think of it, this year's PawSox have not exactly been a runs-producing team, so they probably would have lost anyway. I'm just sayin'. Bonilla has the distinction of being the guy who pitched the opening day game at McCoy. I wish I could remember more about him... oh, just read this.

Not much Pawtucket offense (surprise)... Enrique Wilson had a couple of hits. Nye and Wilson with their 4 RBI comprised the runs scored. I like R. Nye. To my admittedly unschooled eye, he looks like a good fielder.

Luke Allen report: Luke Allen grounded into a double play.

And what did I tell you about Rochester SS Jason Bartlett? This koo-koo kid was 4-4!

Tonight's game was rained out and I'm getting all anxious because I don't know if I'm going to be able to go to any games aside from Friday and it's going to be raining all week and I'm FIENDING! Tomorrow'll be a double header and I have to work, obviously. Nuts.

maybe wheeze

I'm not going to do game summaries for the past 3 or 4 games. That's all there is. It's a lot of work for very little payoff and yeah, I'm being lazy. I'm hayfevery and I had a VERY BAD DAY AT WORK and I ate biscuits for supper last night.

So in lieu of keeping track of Pawtucket while they're on the road, I'm going to make a list.

RED SOX PLAYERS THAT I HAVE SEEN CRY ON TELEVISION

1. Nomar, when Ted Williams died.
2. Brian Daubach, postgame when he hit a HR offa Wakefield in Chicago. Aw. How much did you love Daubach?
3. Johnny Damon - I don't remember the circumstances. It was subtle, though.
4. Tim Wakefield after you-know-who did you-know-what.
5. Bill Mueller in '04, sobbing in Francona's arms. AHEM. HRRMBLE.
6. Wade Boggs in 86, copiously and unashamedly.
7. Orlando Cabrera, his first visit back when he was with Anaheim.

5.3.06: Pawtucket @ Syracuse Sky Chiefs (TOR) - This Is Not the Bathroom!

Syracuse WINS! 7-6 in 11 innings.

And Deschenes should have gotten the win, too. He pitched five scoreless, two-hit innings while striking out 4. Can Deschenes pitch seven innings? Is he working up to this? I need to ask RJ.

Hansen gave up 3 runs in the bottom of the 8th to tie the game at 5-5. Pawtucket scored a run at the top of the 11th, but then Syracuse's John-Ford Griffin homered offa Bumatay and Rob Cosby batted in Wayne Lydon to win. Damn you, Rob Cosby! Further damnation upon YOU, Bumatay!

DH Jeff Bailey was Pawtucket's big offensive star, for what it's worth, with 3 RBI and a home run.

Tonight's game has been postponed. I'm assuming it's because of rain, but it could be a bomb threat. May 9th the PawSox come home and put an end to antiseptic game summaries.

Shut up! This is my last picture!

I wasn't gonna talk about baseball this evening, but I really need to sift through my feelings about Marc Deschenes.

I'm angry with myself for being easily manipulated into celebrating Cinco de Mayo, a Corona-fueled pseudo-holiday. In the US, I mean. The past few years I've been going to this little Mexican restaurant in Attleboro, MA and pounding margaritas and tamales. We used to go there a lot, too, after playing ball. It's so cheesy.

I'll be there tomorrow night!

In Syracuse RIGHT NOW!

Here's Syracuse's line-up tonight:

Figueroa (Figgy!) 3B
Roberts 2B
Barker DH
Mottola CF
Griffin LF
Phillips 1B
Cosby RF
Mahoney C
Santos SS


Josh Banks (1-1, 3.54 ) is pitching.

Banks is a 22-year-old righty and allegedly has an astounding 5-pitch repertoire. I find this difficult to believe. As in, BULLCRAP!

5.2.05: Pawtucket @ Ottawa - My Cat Jolly

Pawtucket won 5-3 and I'm really annoyed because I had my post done all nice but Blogger malfed and it's gone.

Suffice it to say that My Pal Alvarez is 4-0 with a sub-3 ERA. Attendance at this game was below 700.

Machado had a triple and a HR and he's heating up like a heater.

Hasta.

5.2.06: Paw @ Ottawa - Abe leaves 'em loaded.

Pawtucket Red Sox WIN 5-3

Abe Alvarez got the start and went "6.1" innings. I object to the use of 6.1 to mean 6 1/3. It's mathematically inaccurate, although I suppose baseball might be opting to use an alternate decimal system. One not based on tens. But then, shouldn't they reconfigure all player statistics such as ERA and Batting using this system? I don't like it.

Seven hits and three earned runs, two of which were allowed to score when Bausher took over in the 7th. Geez, Baush, have a heart. Van Buren got the save. Abe's 4-0 now, 2.55 ERA. I just absolutely love Alvarez. And as far as him being somewhat of a space cadet... come on. He's from California.

Cory Morris (0-3) ruined the hopes and dreams of Lynx fans everywhere, including the 772 people at the park. Christ. Hey, Baltimore, get your AAA team the hell out of Ottawa. And step on it.

Machado is finally heating up! He's still batting ninth but he had a triple and a HR in this game. He also played left field for unknown reasons. I need to get on the horn with RJ.

Coming up: Sky Chefs reheat the rivalry.

paraphrasing

"I love Mike Lowell!

Not the way you're thinking... I wanna have SEX with Mike Lowell!"

May 1st: PAW @ OTT

Pawtucket wins, finally. 5-4

Read about it here. Who needs to know who Pawtucket's starting pitcher was, anyway?

I listened to the radio of this game a little and the guys mentioned that the crowd numbered about 900. Whoa! I also heard some Ottawa weather horror stories, like the tarp being frozen to the field and a lake forming in the outfield. Word on the street is that the Lynx will be moving to Allentown, PA. I think that's a great idea!

The lovely and talented Abe Alvarez starts tonight.

pardon me

Re: Mirabelli rolling in with a Statey.

I hope that was paid detail. I do NOT in any way approve of the State Police muscling their way through traffic to bring a baseball player to work. I am completely serious. The Boston Red Sox had better have paid for that service.

If not, that is BULLCRAP!

4.30.06: PAW @ Ottawa Lynx - Insufficient fun

Ottawa WINS 4-3

Is there no one owning and operating an Ottawa Lynx blog? The pawsox.com game summary does not even mention who pitched for Pawtucket. The Ottawa Lynx official web site is MLB cookie-cutter and kind of useless. In fact, does anyone know for sure if this game was even played? I can find no evidence of it on the internet.

Okay. Jimmy Serrano started for Pawtucket. N. McCurdy gets the win for Ottawa.

Sorry, I'm a little pissy. I hope I have better luck with the Sky Chiefs series.

San Diego is having the Best Week Ever!

Oh, to be the Padres. To have the one little thing that some rich club wants, a key to their success dangling in their faces. Imagine that kind of leverage. Boston got rightfully reamed on this one.
Josh Bard AND Cla Meredith AND PTBNL AND cash. Good for them. I wonder if they could have squeezed anything more out of the deal? Free Dunkin' Donuts coffee for life?

Oh, Cla Meredith. How I'll miss you. Hope you crack the big club this year.

Dear Doug Mirabelli: I'm not a True Red Sox Fan.

I'm not really a real, real Red Sox fan. I said it so you don't have to. At one time, I was. And it was before they won it all, when they weren't playoff contenders. But I've gotten sort of bored with them since then, bored with their ubiquitousness and overmarketed presence and Red Sox Nation and the unceasing flood of merch.

So, yeah, I'm not a True Red Sox Fan. I hear it all the time and I'm cool with it.

So why do I write about them so much? Because I can't ever truly extinguish the obsession. Because of my fierce, undying love for Trot Nixon and Mike Timlin and David Ortiz and Tim Wakefield. Because even though I KNEW it was for the best, I cried a little when I heard Shea was traded for BK Kim. Because I got my heart broken in '03 when in spite of shaving their heads, the Red Sox couldn't get past New York. Because of Pedro. Because of shitty beer in plastic bottles at City of Palms Park.

Because I get giddy when I hear THE FUCKING BACK-UP CATCHER IS RETURNING TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON THE KNUCKLEBALL.

Everyone knows that Dougie is secretly an asshole. Sean McAdam mentioned the other day that he was not one of Tito's favorites because he was kind of "too big for his britches". But this is a man who seizes the ash with his bare hands and hits bombs when the call arises.

Hell, yeah, I watched the game last night. I was couch-ridden and medicated and drifting in and out of consciousness and when the game was tied, I headed off for bed. But I came back. I couldn't miss it. And I'm so glad I didn't. This game's been coming in epochal increments since Opening Day. Like a luxury liner keeping its date with an iceberg, it came.

I wouldn't have booed John Damon, though. The Kinks say 'Give the people what they want'. The bible says "Thou Shalt Not Horn in on Thy Neighbor's Racket". JS and Baby say, "You were right, Johnny! You can't win no matter what you do!"

New Hampshire Fisher Cats v. Connecticut Defenders - Otis M. Awareness

Road trip! I took a quick jaunt up to Manchester, NH today for some AA ball. The Fisher Cats are the Blue Jays, the Defenders are the SF Giants. And, yeah, YOU'D BETTER DEFEND CONNECTICUT! (Connecticut was once voted 'US State You'd Most Like to See Eliminated' by several of my friends and family.)

I saw the Defenders when they were the Norwich Navigators when I was in Portland last year. So I was kind of rooting for them. And they won, 3-0. Their pitcher, lefty Patrick Misch, totally stymied the Fisher Cats. He had 6 strikeouts, but know what? I don't think K's are as meaningful at the AA level, because those kids'll swing at anything. At any rate, he held 'em to two hits through six.

Ismael Ramirez took the loss for New Hampshire. Guess those rosary beads weren't much help. OH, SNAP!

The park was... functional. I don't have a problem with that. I'm not one of those fans that needs schmancy. What I do find stupid is the name: Merchantauto.com Park. Are you kidding me? Do they really think people are calling it that? That instead of saying, "I'm going to a Fisher Cats game tonight", people say, "I'm heading over to Merchantauto.com Park after work" ?

Let's talk about something else.

1. LaBatt's beer at the park! Isn't that nice?
2. I love love LOVE the "I Just Made an Awesome Defensive Play" poker face. How can it be that when an infielder leaps and snares a smoking line drive all Pokey-like, he just tosses it in for a little around the horn without breaking stride? How can they not turn cartwheels or clap their hands or do the Cabbage Patch? Cool as hell.
3. How can there be more than one ceremonial first pitch? I understand that little Jenny and Jeff should both get the honor, but wouldn't that include the ceremonial second pitch? This is really getting out of hand.
4. The Rules and Regs often use the phrase "family friendly" at ballparks. Whose family? Obscene language is cause for ejection most times. Geez, my family always used profanity in front of the kids. Usually we just giggled. I think the people most bothered by swear words are adults.
5. Speaking of which, if two women go to the ballpark and one of them says to the other, "I fucked my husband last night", can she get kicked out?
6. I don't think I saw a single non-white person at the park today. It probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. It's creepy.

4.29.06: Paw @ Ottawa - You Can't Do That On Television

Ottawa WINS 5-2

Matt Ginter gives up 3 runs and 10 hits in six innings.

That Australian guy that was in the Boston system... John Stephens. He got the win for Ottawa.

I obviously was not at this game and cannot really comment further on it. I'm a little tired, Frau Blucher.