4.12.2010

4.12.10 Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs come to town, are greased.

Pawtucket WINS! 6-5

Michael Bowden started for Pawtucket and did reasonably well. Bowden only tossed 45 pitches. 30 of them were for strikes, so enjoy that. Bowden kicked off the second inning by walking big boy Andy Tracy. Tracy advanced to second on a Cody Ransom groundout, then ran home for a run when John Mayberry Jr hit a very exciting triple. And that was Bowden's only run.

Drew Carpenter started for Lehigh Valley. Carpenter was responsible for five Red Sox runs. Sidearmer Ehren Wassermann relieved him and surrendered the last run.

Pawtucket relievers included Randor Bierd, Dustin Richardson, Robert Manuel, and Alan Embree, who shut the door in the ninth.

Except Embree did not really get the job done. He managed to get hit machine Andy Tracy to strike out, but he subsequently walked the law offices of Ransom and Wise. Mayberry rolled up next, and you know all about his power. Mayberry was clutch and singled, scoring Ransom.

Embree then walked Hoover and Bocock, the bottom of the order. DeWayne Wise walked on home. BASES LOADED ONE OUT EMBREE NOT GETTING IT DONE.

Enter Fernando Cabrera. Next batter Chris Duffy sac flied Mayberry home, but Cabrera struck Maza out to end the game.

cositas:
1. Aaron Bates hit a three-run homer.
2. Josh Reddick 0-5.
3. I left the game around inning six. It was cold and kind of the opposite of fun.

Tomorrow! Day game. You should go.

4.10.2010

4.10.10 Red Sox, Red Wings (game 1)

Rochester does not win. 1-0 final after seven innings.

Daisuke Matsuzaka pitched well. Well, he should.

Rochester starter Jeff Manship gave up the solitary run when Aaron Bates batted Kevin Frandsen home in the second. It was Mister Bates' first RBI.

small things:
1. Jacque Jones is hot so far, going 2-3 with a double.
2. Josh Reddick is still searching for his first hit. All the fans are really worried about this. Looks like his career may in fact be over. What happened to the prospect who did so much in the low minors? Reddick is a shell of himself. And the front office is whispering about possible trades.
3. Matsuzaka hit Brian Dinkelman and Brock Peterson. With a mace. Or a breaking ball, whatever.

Game 2 later on.

4.8.10 Pawtucket Red Sox v Rochester Red Wings - I don't think I am ready for this.


Red Sox WIN! 11-3

I didn't 'work' this game, as it turned into a social event. Fine by me. It was great to see everybody! PARTY IN SECTION 2!!! So my impressions of the game are not crystal clear.

Boof 'Bronson', as my sainted mother refers to him, got the start for the Red Sox. Bonser pitched 4 1/3 innings, which is EXACTLY what I predicted. And you can even look it up. Johnny B gave up three runs on six hits and two walks. And you can credit him with four K's. (PS: I also accurately predicted Bonser's runs and walks.)

Opposing pitcher and lover of 'yak Anthony Swarzak took the loss.

Tug Hulett and Darnell McDonald were excited about opening day and were offensively notable. That is, they were both triples shy of the cycle. Hitting a triple is as difficult to acheive as getting Yahtzee!

Everybody had something to say about opening day. I am going to keep my remarks brief.

brief remarks:
1. McCoy PA guy Jim Martin referred to Fabio Castro as 'Castro Fabio' during the player introductions. Geronimo Gil and D'Angelo Jiminez understand this sort of thing.
2. Having Darnell McDonald in Pawtucket is a dream come true for me. It must have been strange for him to play against his old team. He is my favorite.
3. Former Twins baldy Jacque Jones hot a solo home run. I got pretty close to JJ one spring training. Not the way you're thinking. What I mean is, I jumped on top of him at a gas station.
4. Swarzak had a tough time last year. He's looking forward to working with his new manager.
5. OH HELL YES: Another Rochester Red Wings blog! Rochester has the best coverage in the IL. I wish the other teams would pick it up.
6. More good stuff from Wings Things: "I pointed out yesterday that an amazing 19 of 24 players on the Wings Opening Day roster were originally drafted and signed by Minnesota. To take that point a step further, of the 13 players who saw action for the Wings last night, all but Jacque Jones have spent their ENTIRE CAREER in the Twins system. That just doesn't happen in Triple-A in this era."
7. Superstar (that I am already tired of hearing about) Josh Reddick did not get a hit.
8. Good work, Gabe Paley!
9. Human burrito Chad Paronto pitched two scoreless innings. Righty Joe Nelson got the in relief.
10. The PawSox official website is fucking garbage.

I was going to go to the game today, but it seems cold and I hate going on crowded weekends. Especially when there's a megastar in town.

Two new PawSox blogs.

First, this one, which I don't even know if it's a blog. It doesn't seem to have a title. It looks like Rebecca Berta is cranking it out. Berta works for the PawSox, I'm pretty sure. It contains photos and video and other ballpark information. Very informative, in a PR kinda way.

Secondly, there's 'Sox on Cox'. 'Sox on Cox' contains free video content. Hot, wet, naked video content! 'Sox on Cox' is all alone and waiting for you.

I guarantee neither one will link back to me. But I'm happy to see some Pawtucket action on the internet.

Well, I got one right.

4.07.2010

How can we lose when we're so sincere?

Go here and watch the heartbreaking Brandon Moss video. He is so earnest. It's hard to watch, too, knowing what lies ahead for him.

When you see Moss in Pawtucket (April 28th!), give him a man-hug. He needs it.

Tomorrow's Rochester lineup.

I cannot express how much I love Rochester's Jim Mandelaro. He is my favorite IL blogger/journalist.

CF Matt Tolbert
SS Trevor Plouffe
2B Luke Hughes
C Wilson Ramos
DH Erik Lis
1B Brock Peterson
LF Jacque Jones
3B Danny Valencia
RF Brian Dinkelman

SP Anthony Swarzak

Since I'm unable to find a lineup for Pawtucket, I humbly submit my own:

CF Josh Reddick
RF Darnell McDonald
DH Tug Hulett
LF Daniel Nava
C Dusty Brown
1B Aaron Bates
2B Kevin Frandsen
3B Jorge Jimenez
SS Angle Sanchez

ANGEL! ANGEL!! NOT 'ANGLE'! I made this fucking typo all last year with Angel Chavez. I'm better than this!

Boof Bonser is starting, Bowden is in the middle, Alan will get some work in as well. I retract my Bonser chagrin from yesterday - he was on the Twins, so he's cool.

JACQUE JONES!!!

Jose Vaquedano is a free agent.

Please enjoy this brief video featuring Jose Vaquedano and Sandy Madera. Geez, even I speak better Spanish than Vaquedano.

Fabio Castro and Ivan Ochoa are pretty much the same guy.



This thing happened at lunch today which was exciting: Alan Embree sat at our table for a few minutes. (photo credit: Vanessa) I should have said something, but instead I just laughed a lot. He was all, "Hi, I'm Alan" in that irritating way that wicked famous people use a lot. (Hi, nice to meet you! I'm Liza.) ("How you doin'? I'm Keifer.") Embree was very nice, though.

Steve Hyder, who is the King of Pawtucket as far as I am concerned, introduced the players. When he called out lefty Fabio Castro's name, Castro stood on his chair. Because he is little! He's a pocket reliever! Castro has stolen my heart right out of the gate.

In a related story, Josh Reddick looked like a complete tool. He is really trying too hard. What an athlete!

Tommy Harper was a great guest, so that was good. And the drug is going non-prescription, which is good.

HYDER!!!!!

4.06.2010

2010 Pawtucket Red Sox roster (+Bubba Bell)

I can't do it any better than this, you guys. Another Angel in the infield, too. And Carolyn... and Carolyn... and Carolyn.

These kids had a few problems in Pawtucket last year:

Bubba Bell
Aaron Bates
Kris Johnson (A lot of people disagree with me. They're like, hey, just look at the numbers and this advanced formula! To that I say formulas are for babies and besides, like you've ever been to Rhode Island in your life.)

Also returning: LHP Dustin Richardson (awesome), Randor Bierd (excellent), C Mark Wagner (looks like Bert from Sesame Street), Bowden, and Fernando Cabrera. And Devern Hansack, if you can believe it.

And then there's Maude: Ryan Khoury.

The Pawtucket opening day pitcher is Boof Bonser. WHY NOT JUST SHANK ME WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? It's like winning a yacht made out of burritos and silver dollars, but you have to listen to Maroon 5 on an endless loop while you're out deep sea fishing.

Bonser will pitch 4 1/3 innings with 3 runs, 5 hits, 2 walks and a strikeout. I used an advanced formula to figure that out. Wait, I take that back. I don't want to be one of those jerks who scoffs at statistics... I think they're great. The truth is, they're way too advanced for someone like me. I can admit that. I'M TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND MOST BASEBALL METRICS AND MY BRAIN IS TOO LIMITED TO EVER GRASP THEIR RELEVANCE. ME LIKE STRIKEOUTS AND BEER AND TRIPLES. I tip my cap to the message board kidz and their charts and graphs. Maybe one day their spirit will enter me and I will become Allular.

Daniel Nava will bat third. Leadoff hitter will be Darnell McDonald. Dusty Brown will bat 6th. It may rain. I'm so excited.

See you tomorrow, I guess.

4.04.2010

Drive Caffle

Although Jeff Bailey had a monster spring, they still gave him the business and sent him to triple-A Reno. WHAT.

I used to live in Reno, but I don't think they had a baseball team back then. And now I really want to go, even though all my friends are gone at this point. Come on. This was when 'Valotte' was a smash hit. AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

Also, former PawSox jerk Jeff Corsaletti has been released by the Pirates. Not because he's a douchebag, but because he can't do anything right. Except walk... he did get his fair share of those.

Later, JC! Escribeme pronto!

4.03.2010

It's lose-win!

Quickly: righty reliever Fernando Cabrera was finally sent to minor league camp the other day. I only mention this because Cabrera is the best looking guy in PawSox history. I must figure out a way to sit near his table at the welcome back luncheon.

Luncheon is a weird word.

LUNCHEON!!

roly poly baby

Carlos Maldonado update: Carlos Maldonado's on the Syracuse Chiefs. I may have mentioned this already.

Please enjoy this video of Maldonado going after former PawSox reliever/starter/failed catcher Edgar Martinez (2007-2008) during winter ball. I have never seen two more unlikely brawl partners. Martinez looks totally helpless. You will laugh, I swear. Especially since both guys seemed so mild-mannered and pleasant during their stays in Pawtucket.

In a wildly unrelated story, the Durham Bulls are kicking their season off today, including their ring ceremony. You can even watch it on the internet! What a time we live in!

The Durham Bulls come to Pawtucket once a year and I would not miss it if I were you. July 31st til August 3rd, which is a million miles away.

4.02.2010

Jeff Natale

Jeff Natale has been released. I always thought he was so uninteresting.

So why do I feel kind of bad about it?

I should have seen it coming but I didn't. Remember when he batted second after Jed Lowrie and then it was the mighty Jeff Bailey batting third? Jeff, Jed, and Jeff?

No, that never happened. It was Jeff, Joe, and Jed in 2008. Bailey, Super Joe Thurston, and Lowrie.

This is the point in the post where most people would say, "Good luck! We will miss you!". I cannot do that because I hate saying nice things about PawSox players. God damn it.

Can we keep this between us? I'd hate to lose my pitching job.

Do you remember Mike Burns? Of course you don't! Burns pitched over 100 slop innings at McCoy back in 2007. The only two pitchers that got more work in were Devern Hansack and David Pauley.

Burns was just released by Milwaukee.

Do you remember Julio Lugo? I don't want to refresh the pain or anything, but Lugo's been acquired by Baltimore. So we could be seeing a lot more of him. Lugo came to McCoy last year for a little rehabilitation. I know this kid who has one of his bats so I brought her to the park to see if Lugo would sign it. It didn't happen. Sean Danielson offered to go get him, but... anyway, the kid still has the unsigned bat.

If Julio Lugosi winds up on the Tides, she could get it done in 2010. Heh, I said 'if'.

2010 PawSox Promotional Calendar (upated)


Friday April 23rd - Zoomobile!

Sunday April 25th - Star Wars Day

Friday May 14th - Zoomobile again!

Saturday June 12th - Stadium Climb for people who have conquered lung problems and the people who support them. Evidently they run up and down the Stadium stairs, even though 'Stadium Climb' sounds like it should involve rappelling wires and helmets.

Tuesday June 15th - Legends Night featuring Alejandro Machado and Ken Huckaby. Special guest: Dustan Mohr!

Sunday August 8th - Ladies T-shirt Night! I'm sure that meas it will be a regular t-shirt, except it's pink! I hope it matches my sparkle barrettes and tacky logo status purse!

Monday August 30th - Piggybank night! First 3000 fans 14 and under. Dude. I WANT THAT PIGGYBANK.

I've omitted fireworks nights, egregious sponsor giveaway nights, and other stuff I thought was boring.

3.30.2010

hallucinogens

Remember last year's Carter/Wilkerson/McAnulty/Bailey saga? And how Chris Chriscarterson got the job and MOM WAS MAD? And then Brad Wilkerson came to Pawtucket, saw how much it resembled the best parts of Flint, and retired? And then he went ahead and got a job with the Phillies? Who then released him? HUH?

Well, I thought I saw his fat face on TV last night. But it must have been his brother, Shannon. And then I saw this Maplehurst kid. Wait... not Maplehurst. Hazelbaker. And I don't pretend to be an expert or anything but WHO THE? WHAT? When did any of this happen? I could look it up, but who has the time anymore?

I did watch Fernando Cabrera pitch after Alan Embree put a bunch of starving children on base. Nandy's got an ERA as swollen as the Blackstone right now (seriously, this rain MUST CEASE) but he did a good job. Because he's exciting.

I'm just really ready to get things rolling.

BABY GORILLA!!!!

soup IL

A long, long time ago, the Syracuse Sky Chiefs were the triple A team of the Toronto Blue Jays. In 2006, former PawSox infielder Luis Figueroa visited McCoy Stadium as a member of this team and got to fulfill one of his long-standing wishes: Trying to score ladies in the park's front rows during game time. Scoundrel!

It's four years later and LF is back in the Toronto minors. Fortunately for female fans, Figgy's in Vegas. Syracuse is Nationals territory now. Hope Stephen Strasburg likes urban decay!

And how about this? Pirates DFA-ing Brandon Moss. Moss was like the son you never had, a true-blue paper boy. He'll probably end up in triple-A Indianapolis, which gives him the opportunity to visit Pawtucket and see people like Ben Mondor, who's like the father you never had.

Dusty Brown's been sent to the minors. I just saw him last night with the big club! This will be Brown's tenth year in the minors. I hope he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

3.27.2010

Brian Shouse can put his clothes on and go home now.

Lefty detritus Brian Shouse RELEASED! I worked really hard on his post, too. Jerks.

The Marlins shuttled professional grouch Hunter Jones to minor league camp. Hunter Jones in New Orleans? This story talks about his titanium rod... and "Rod" Johnson. Jones needs to work on his breaking pitches and getting a good night's sleep for once.

Fernando Cabrera is still hanging out with the cool kids. I'm sure he'll eventually fall to earth and be an overachieving triple-A closer. Oh my god, please make that happen.

I just graphed out my games for the year at McCoy. I put a lot of thought into it and ojala que it all works out. Things fall apart. It's scientific. In even more exciting news, I went ahead and booked my Pawtucket away game trip. Can anything be better than Norfolk? Most fucking assuredly.

3.19.2010

More bad stuff about Craig Hansen, thank god.

Remember Craig Hansen? Of course you do! Believe it or not, Captain Disaster is STILL rehabbing in the Pirates org.

I found this great article that touches on Hansen's relationship with Manny Delcarmen and their wacky Pawtucket hijinks... and RJ's post-Stinko de Mayo smackdown. Beavis and Butthead, indeed.

You know what pisses me off so much? That guys like Hansen can be drunken assholes but no one's ever supposed to say anything about it. I read something on an esteemed Boston message board about Hansen's downfall and one member dared to mention his heavy partying. A slew of other people piled on the guy, essentially telling him to shut up about it. Why should he have to? God forbid anyone be called out on their loser behavior.

In a related story, sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez has an injury involving some kind of bone and shall be missing a few weeks. Casey Kelly is displaying some seriously restrained elation at this news.

It won't be long, I promise.

3.16.2010

I cried when I wrote this song. About Bryan Corey.

Bryan Corey played in Pawtucket for part 0f 2006, all of '07, and part of '08. Corey also compiled 36.3 innings of work in Boston. And yet, he's been lost in the sands of time.

Well, if you'd ever bothered to read anything I've written, I was a pretty big fan of BC. Sure, I couldn't help but point out that he looked a little like Ed Gein, but he was a serviceable reliever at McCoy. I liked him a lot.

Bryan Corey is currently playing for the Chiba Lotte Marines. It is his second year in Japan. I hope his wife decides to go outside and do stuff!

3.11.2010

Angel Chavez will make you strong.

Tampa Bay has signed former PawSox inf(ielder) Angel Chavez to a minor league deal.

Chavez was a souped-up silver spaceship in the McCoy infield, especially over at third. Too bad he couldn't hit. But can I tell you one more time what a killer defensive guy he was? No? K, I won't.

In a related story, Nomar. I don't have any good NG stories, but I'm currently enjoying a vortex of nostalgia.

Yup.

3.10.2010

that suit is you

Don't ever take your PC for granted. Or your laptop, if you are that fortunate. Just remember that not everyone has the resources to replace their whole home internet kit.

Was that preachy? Maybe a little.

While I was disconnected, my social life burgeoned and I was more productive. I slept better and got more exercise. Thank god all of that is coming to an end!

It also appears to me that I need to moderate comments. Shiftless assholes.

I'm sure you all felt my absence more than you ever felt my presence. I'm gonna resume the brilliance and verbal acuity in just a few minutes.

Until then... I love you.

2.08.2010

He's French Polynesian!

Righty Devern Hansack has somewhat miraculously been resigned by Boston. Hansack is great. I can't wait to see what he's up to in 2010.

I'm still stymied by my virus-detroyed home computer, so please enjoy these trade test transmissions from OPC's. I really want to do more work here, but I suppose it will have to wait.

I love you.

2.03.2010

so i will have this stuck in my head for the rest of my life



This chant is for Val Pascucci, who I loved on the Iron Pigs.

I also have a wicked bad computer virus! It killed my computer. Watch out for those malware programs,ladies!

2.01.2010

Mets Fans React to Chris Carter

How's that for a snappy post title?

Let's hear how Mets fans really feel about Tha Carter (all items, sic):

1. From Mack's Mets: "In a mini-camp report for Mack’s Mets, Mack Ade writes of his time watching and talking with Carter, who, he says, ‘really, really wants to make it with the Mets.’ According to Rubin, 'Carter does have a minor-league option remaining, so there’s also a pretty good chance he’s with Triple-A Buffalo.' In regards to Carter’s swing, Ade writes, 'I haven’t seen a minor leaguer with a sweeter power swing since Ryan Zimmerman came to Savannah.'"

2. "But this is what frustrates me about Omar and the Mets is the fact that here we have Chris Carter, who has been a proven power threat his entire minor league career, and should be allowed to compete for the platoon spot at first base or as a reserve outfielder, and what do they do? The sign Fernado Tatis !...I feel that if given a chance, Carter could prove to be a pleasant surprise in a lineup that sans Beltran is starved for power... plus he would be that home run threat coming off the bench that we are looking for. I feel that if Carter shows that he can play in the big leagues he can be flipped next off-season for a pitcher, or whatever hole that needs to be filled since Ike Davis is expected to be penciled in at first in ‘11. But as usual the Mets in my opinion didn’t try to work outside of the box and Carter’s will languish yet another season in the minors . Give the kid a chance !!!" (The Real Dirty Mets Blog)

3. "The Mets in the meantime, have signed Fernando Tatis which ensures that 27 year old Chris Carter will spend his fifth season in a row mired in AAA." (Mets Merized Online)

4. "I believe that Carter still falls into the "potentially useful major leaguer" category. His bat is not the problem; the fact that his best defensive position is to the right of the water cooler is what's holding him back." (Oooh, what a burn, Productive Outs and Crackerjack!)

5. "Carter sat for a week in late August at Pawtucket while in limbo, before asking to re-enter the PawSox’s lineup—knowing he couldn’t get to the Mets by the season’s end thanks the Yankees’ maneuver. In his final two Triple-A games with Boston, he went 7-for-8." (You might as well read the whole article.)

6. "Instead of keeping Billy Wagner, offering arbitration, and getting two first round picks when Wagner goes to chase the closer's job he wasn't getting in New York, the Mets trade him to the Red Sox for Chris Carter ... a AAAA power hitting first baseman ... and in the process save over two million bucks. Then, the Mets take most of that two million dollars and give it to Tatis to play first base. With Ike Davis most likely hitting Queens in 2011, they've basically insured that Carter, their big haul from the Wagner trade, will never spend any significant time with the New York Mets. They've also proven that their main concern with the Wagner trade was to save money ... and they didn't even do that right."
(The Musings and Prophecies of Metstradamus)

7. "So far in the Venezuela Winter League Carter is putting up an OPS of .814 OPS with 3 homers and 10 RBI. These types of numbers don’t make Carter a future star, but are just as good as Jeff Francoeur and only behind David Wright, Carlos Beltran, and Gary Sheffield on full time 2009 Mets production." (Mike Silva's NY Baseball Digest)

That's all for now.

1.30.2010

Everybody Ray Chang tonight! (sorry)

Ray Chang is a 26-year-old shortstoppy guy who is not a mash machine but he IS a great defensive infielder.

Chang came to be a baseballer when the Padres signed him as an undrafted free agent after an open tryout. He moved around the Padres minors for a while but was released mid-season in 2008. The Pirates snapped him up and he played mostly in double-A Altoona.

let's go:
1. Ray Chang played for the Chinese national team in the 2009 WBC.
2. Watch Chang strike out here. Also note the absence of fans at the Bowie BaySox game.
3. Jiqiu! Leon Xie is the MLB guy in China. You should absolutely read this.
4. Chang is a hitting and fielding instructor in the off-season.
5. Chang is an ABC!
5. Chang played with former PawSox asshole Jeff Corsaletti on the Altoona Curve last summer.
6. Chang also played on the 2008 Olympic baseball team for China.
7. Chang has done some emergency pitching. Like JV!
8. Would we... call Chang a ringer in the WBC?
9. Whoa. "Ray Chang. Why was he so good? because he wanted it more then those CPBL Meat Feet. It's time for Taiwan Baseball players to put up or shut the fuck up. All those "Should have won" Bullshit, and all the blame game. Chinese Taipei Players needs to realize that the game is played on the field, not running your fucking mouth."

Okay, I guess that's all I need. I did all this during VWR time. It's now time to exit my pajamas.

Coming soon: Christian Colonel and Gustavo Molina.

1.29.2010

Baby Chris Carter is concerned.

"Thanks to McCoy Stadium's new million dollar scoreboard, the players won't get a per diem increase this year. What the hell!?! Those foot-longs won't be five bucks forever! Maybe I'll send Natale my Ricotti's Sub Club card."

Kelvin Pichardo is not your freaking charity case, man.

New PawSox-type guy Kelvin Pichardo is a 24-year-old righty who, so far, has not pitched above double-A.

Here we go!
1. Pichardo was Giants property when he was suspended 50 games for PEDs. He was on their 40-man roster when it happened.
2. There's a possibility that I saw him pitch with the Connecticut Defenders!
3. Oooh, Pawtucket tie-in: Although Pichardo was originally signed by the Phillies, he was traded to San Francisco for OF Michael Tucker in 2005. Tucker was a PawSox guy in 2007!
4. Pichardo has "a very live arm with huge potential".
5. Please enjoy Pichardo's '07-08 stats. They look like Greek to me.
6. From June 2008: "Pichardo has a big arm that he uses to run fastballs into the mid-90’s and a curveball that can be a plus pitch for him at times. He blew through the lower levels of S-K, Augusta, and San Jose before making it to AA Connecticut in the second half of the ‘07 season. He struggled with control, walking 16 hitters in 21 innings and the Giants left him at AA to start this year. He’s still had some control problems this year — BB% of 12% — and his K% has dropped to 18.8% when it was at a ridiculous 36% in San Jose." (Bay City Ball)
7. Kelvin Pichardo is thickish. Watch him pitch in the AFL here!
8. "San Francisco submit pitcher Kelvin Pichardo on the 60-Day DL with a fortifying spread." Mmmmm... fortifying spread.
9. Picho is the man!
10. When Pichardo returned from his drug suspension, the Giants DFA'd Patrick Misch to open up a roster spot for him. They must have wanted to hang onto Pichardo a little bit, right?
11. Well... about a month later, Pichardo was on the 60-day DL with a right shoulder strain. After that, he was outrighted to the minors and released in November 2009. He is "hoping to be ready for spring training".
12. MLB held Pichardo out of winter ball due to "extreme fatigue". I don't know, maybe your Spanish is better than mine.

A lot of the stuff I found on Pichardo was related to his suspension. I am willing to overlook that and accept him as a Red Sox bullpen member. Also, as a side note, I like getting my information from blogs rather than established news sources.

That's not to say that many blogs aren't established news sources. Furthermore, I avoid local Boston-area Red sox fan blogs and try to get an outsider's perspective.

Coming soon: Ray Chang! He was born ready. He's Ray Fucking Chang.

1.27.2010

Lowell, Portland, Pawtucket, Boston... Wait, how about Greenville?

I read about this Cleveland Indians Around the Horn ticket package over on Ben's Biz Blog (which I love long time). Essentially, the package includes tickets to all of Cleveland's minor league affiliates. AND it includes bleacher seats at Jacobs Field!

If Boston did this, I wonder if they could omit Fenway? At any rate, I think it's a terrific idea. LeLacheur's a nice park... Haddock Field's a little dull. And what can I say about McCoy and its new zillion dollar scoreboard that I already find ostentatious and irritating? DID THE NEW PAWSOX SCOREBOARD SIPHON MONEY OUT OF THE PROMO BUDGET? IS THIS WHY THERE IS NO POSTER NIGHT? I want answers!

I've never seen the Greenville Drive play. And I don't think I want to. I will occasionally go to a Sea Dogs game, but I always feel a little guilty about it. Must. Concentrate. On. Pawtucket.

By the way. I know it's early, but I think I hate Ryan Kalish. But I love Lovullo.

Bulletin, bored.

Sometimes I like to look back upon these past few years I've spent at McCoy and wonder, hey, whatever happened to guys like Luis Figueroa and Dustin Pedroia?

Well, what about this update: 2005 PawSox outfielder Dave Berg has risen from the dead to play for the Texas Rangers. I know! He is 39 years old. The funny thing is, Berg retired three years ago and was just released from the Rangers system last week. So what is this all about?

According to everyone's transaction list, Berg was released on 1/20 and was reinstated on 1/25.

In a related story, 2009 PawSox outfielder Chris Duncan has been signed to a minor league contract by the Nats. Please read this recycled eulogy.
I barely remember Duncan, since he was only around for a month. He got screwed hard by the Cardinals.

Tonight! UConn! See you there, students.

1.25.2010

Scott Patterson is tall and had pneumonia.

Scott Patterson is 30. He's six-and-a-half feet tall. He's a right-handed reliever from Pennsylvania. Patterson was an indie ball guy for years and then the Yankees came calling. Scottie hung out in the New York System for a few years until the Padres claimed him off waivers in '08. Last August, Oakland purchased his contract from San Diego.

quants?
1. Patterson has his own website. I watched his little video. I am not convinced that he is not brain damaged.
2. Excerpts from Patterson's Saber Scouting article: "He denies a lot of conventional wisdom and allows most of his weight to come forward and prematurely lifts his rear leg, but what this also allows him to do is release the ball even closer to the plate than he normally could...
..."Even before his front foot is completely planted, Patterson’s hips are beginning to aggressively rotate. Might this be costing him some velocity? He has such exceptionally long, yet fast arm action that it is enough to make up for that lost power in his lower half. What is pivotal for him though is how well he firms up his front leg and uses it to drive over. He does this as aggressively and as violently as anyone you will find in baseball."
3. Patterson was the West Virginia Intercollegiate Athletic Conference pitcher of the year in 2002. I cannot even make fun of that, because i don't think I've ever won an award in my life.
4. Patterson is a flyball pitcher with long arms and legs and a deceptive delivery.
5. S. Patterson made his major league debut in June 2008 with the Yankees. He pitched 1 1/3, gave up a run, and struck out two batters.
6. Here's a really great profile on SP.
7. "Scott Patterson's delivery is disturbing as it resembles Cosmo Kramer trying to give Manute Bol a high-five." (WasWatching)
8. In 2006, former starter Patterson stubbed his finger on a door and as he healed, his manager asked him to work out of the pen. SUCCESS!
9. While on the Portland Beavers last year, Patterson was selected for the PCL all-star team.
10. Patterson is doing Venezuelan winter ball.

I had to plunge into the unsavory world of Yankees bloggers for a lot of this stuff. I am willing to make those kinds of sacrifices for my art. I am for real.

Oh, and I could not find any good Ryan Patterson shots (too many pictures of an actor with the same name) so please enjoy this enjoyable and pleasurable shot of Fernando Cabrera enjoying himself. Enjoy!

1.24.2010

Dustin Richardson Chart Observation

from TK's Baseball Blog

"Richardson is a 6-6, 220 pound lefty. The 25 year old has a big frame that can add a little more muscle, but is close to maxed out. He came from an over the top release with some interesting mechanics that are definitely max effort. He has a very exaggerated opening of his shoulder and it looks like his arm is playing catch-up. He lands hard on his front leg and puts all his body weight on this landing leg, likely something that may end up causing injury to that leg. Also has a fairly violent head jerk. His fastball is a pretty straight 4-seam. His change has good fade from righties. His curve is a good looking 11-5 with good late break and slightly above average depth. Should be a solid lefty reliever for a long time, or at least as long that he is healthy."

Okay, seriously. WHO?

Boston has signed Chad Paronto, Scott Patterson, Kelvin Pichardo, Ray Chang, and Christian Colonel to minor league contracts. Kelvin Pichardo is the only one I think I have heard of.

In very basic terms, "human burrito" Chad Paronto is a big, right-handed 34-year-old reliever. He's been up and down... mostly down these past couple of years, working for the Houston org over there in Round Rock.

no one good is named chad:
1. Paronto is a New Englander! He's from New Hampshire and went to UMass Amherst. Somehow, I doubt he's ever owned a copy of 'Doolittle'.
2. CP has also had jobs with Baltimore and Atlanta. Mexicans have a problem with the way gringos pronounce 'Atlanta' because we do not pronounce the 't'. They have a point.
3. Paronto strained his left hamstring last September. Astros interim manager Dave Clark 5 held him out of the last few games and Paronto was kinda pissed about it.
4. Paronto is a sinker kinda guy and likes to get a lot of work in. Quoth he last Sep: "At the point I am I want to pitch every game until the end of the season. But I've been playing long enough to know what you want doesn't go very far with the trainers."
5. Here's a 2007 interview with CP when he was on the Braves. Paronto talks about Manny, Renteria, Tim Hudson, and Beckett's incredible stuff. He sounds stoned.
6. Chad idolized Larry Bird! His favorite baseball player growing up was Don Mattingly.
7. Check Paronto's Real American/Hulk Hogan clubhouse act. Yeesh.
8. CP's scouting report from TK's Baseball Blog: "Paronto is a 6-5, 285 pound righty. The 34 year old righty has a big frame that is maxed out with quite a bit of bad weight and he has a gut. He probably needs to get his weight down to about 270. He came from a high 3/4 release working predominately from the stretch with solid mechanics. His fastball has some run in on righties and some sink. His slider is a 2-7 with a hint of bite. His change has some fade from lefties and a little sink. 4-A pitcher at best."
9. Paronto made the PCL's all-star team last year but did not play because his shoulder hurt.

Okay. I cannot take any more Chad Paronto. He's starting to look more and more like former surfer/substitute teacher Mike Burns.

Coming soon: Scott Patterson!

1.23.2010

for free

I got to see Randor Bierd today. He seems to think he is gangsta. It's all in his jaunty gangsta cap. But I like him a lot. He said he was surprised when the Orioles traded him. He thought he was doing a good job.

Yeah, Randor, they always pull the rug out from under you!

In my free issue of (respected baseball periodical), there was a ranking of each team's best and worst prospects of the decade. Boston's worst prospect? CRAIG HANSEN! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

McCoy Stadium is going to have a new scoreboard. This was mentioned repeatedly. Do they think this is a reason people go to baseball games? Because of high tech scoreboards? Are they trying to hype it? I do not know.

And that was the Hot Stove Party. See you all next year!

RANDOR!!!!!

1.22.2010

anti-manifesto

I'm shocked and hurt that I was not invited to the PawSox media event today. Whatever. I'm way more interesting than Junichi Tazawa and I'm much more fascinating than Brendan McGair. At least I know how to spell Zach Daeges' name.

I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!111!

That's what I get for being irreverent and edgy. I started something more than a faded sticker on a skateboard.

This is all gonna be so killer this summer. I am confident. Baseball Heavy is gonna hit the heights. And oh, what heights we'll hit!

It's exactly what I wanted! : Number seven

I told you there'd be more of this! Arizona has also signed Adam LaRoche, who's more likely to play first than J Bailey. Unless Bailey has a monster ST. Jeff is probably so pissed off right now!

Here's what some other kidz are saying about Jeff Bailey:

- "Bailey might have a decent shot of making the Diamondbacks bench in 2010 if he has a strong spring." (generic insight courtesy of Diamondbacks Locker)
- "Like a right handed Whitesell. Walks, homers, strikeouts, the whole package. CHONE was on it quickly, adding him to our team page and updating his projection to .258/.360/.444 For comparison, our 1B hit .228/.321/.396 last year and Allen is projected to hit .256/.317/.441 (14 runs difference)
He’s about average defensively (let’s say a bit below) at first, and can play an OF corner, though my bet is not that well. And if he doesn’t work out, we lost nothing." (comment by 'paqs' on AZ Snakepit)
- I couldn't really find anything else. Looks like Arizona fans are collectively yawning.

BYE.

2010 Pawtucket Red Sox Hot Stove Party

Ryan Westmoreland is NOT going to be there. This is because he would likely be stampeded and hogged up by tangential acquaintances. You can see guys like Casey Kelly, Felix Doubront, Kyle Weiland, Josh Reddick, Ryan Westmoreland... whoops! I meant Ryan Kalish.

I am not going for any of these guys, although YOU might be. I want to see the new manager and also Randor Bierd. And Jeff Natale, perhaps. And the sawhorse people!

It will not be the same without Ron Johnson. I heard he was marvelous at the baseball writers' dinner.

It seems like a lot of these guys 'get recreational' before they start signing for the masses. I do not blame them one bit.

1.17.2010

Search term Sunday!

This is a new thing. I may or may not ever do it again.

1. "cosmopolitan Indianapolis" (Oh, REALLY?)
2. "curtis thigpen wedding" (you're not invited)
3. "dig your own grave zombie baseball" (This is a real game and I played it.)
4. "cherokee jokes" (Not funny!)
5. "someone who gets bored easily"
6. "virons levitation walk imitation dog doo souvenir" (I hope they found what they were looking for.)
7. "carsenio" ("Red Hot Chili Peppers are in my house!")

And inquiring minds want to know if the following dudes have girlfriends:

Matt Tolbert
Van Every
Wes Whisler
Luke Allen
TJ Large
Mike Rabelo
Sean Danielson
Mike Morse

See you next Sunday!

1.15.2010

it's exactly what i wanted!

Here's what the other side has to say about the recent Pawtucket detritus:

1. Charlie Zink
- "Don’t expect much if anything out of Zink in 2010." - Cardinals Locker
- "...I think mediocre pitchers are generally more interesting as relievers than starters, and I think that's especially true of the ones who throw a single pitch. That is currently an unusual plan for a knuckleball pitcher, but given the Cardinals' current unusual bullpen construction, I think they're exactly the team to try it." - Viva El Birdos
- "A lot of teams like to try and take these high ERA specialty pitchers, fine tune them and have them become the great guy in the pen. It hardly ever works. I suppose it's worth a shot though." - from the Cardinals forum at GoTeamsGo
- "I think Zink could make an nice find as a 5th starter. He was very solid for the Red Sox in AAA over his career and never really got a shot. Have to feel bad for some of the AAA lifers in their system -- Jeff Bailey, Zink, etc. all deserved better shots then they received. " Holy crap, I could have written that. But no, it's 'GW2380' at stltoday.com's sports forum.
- "FWIW, while the article only points out his poor 2009 season, they don't mention that in 2008, also pitching for Pawtucket, Zink went 14-6 with a 2.84 ERA and only 49 walks in 174 1/3 IP. He's been pitching professionally since 2001...Of course, the big question is whether Yadi can catch the knuckler." - from GatewayRedbirds.com
- " Possible bad news for the Reds, the Cardinals have signed Charlie Zink." - C. Trent Rosencrans

More to come... I love you.

Pawtucket has certainly had its share of visitors.

Some more International League roster filling who we'll probably see at McCoy:

1. Frighteningly wild and gigantic male model/former O's pitcher Daniel Cabrera will probably be on the Charlotte Knights.
2. Freddie fucking Bynum: Syracuse Chiefs.
3. DJ Carrasco (zzzzzz)
4. Mark Grudzielanek (Columbus Clippers)
5. Pitcher Bobby Livingston (Buffalo Bisons)
6. Mike Maroth (Rochester Red Wings)
7. Mike Cervenak, AGAIN??!!? (Buffalo)
8. Russ Adams (Buffalo)
9. Former Pawtucket asshole JV (Indianapolis Indians)
10. 2009 IL home run leader Shelley Duncan (Columbus Clippers)
11. Former Minnesota Twins closer Eddie Guardado! (Syracuse Chiefs)
12. Former Pawtucket shining star Joe Thurston (Gwinnett Braves)

And in a long shot so incredible and unspeakable that I almost can't mention it: AROLDIS CHAPMAN, LOUISVILLE BATS!!! That potential homestand would be June 12-15th. That would bring down the g.d. house. It would be like heroin.

1.14.2010

Baby Chris Carter is giddy.

"Carlos Beltran is a class act and great player and competitor. That being said, CRISITUNITY!

I'll bet you forgot I was on the Mets, didn't you?"

1.13.2010

Brian Shouse's dad was not in the FBI.

Boston has signed ancient lefty reliever Brian Shouse. Shouse looks like the same guy as Javier Lopez, inasmuch as he is a one-out lefty with a sidearm delivery. He does not, however, resemble Jay Leno as much as Lopez did.

Shouse was last spotted as a Ray, where he declined arbitration and became a type B free agent. Tampa Bay is not getting compensation for this because Shouse signed a minor league deal. The fans are not digging any of this.

Brian's House:
1. Shouse has an unofficial fan club. The website has a naked picture of him and it is marvelous.
2. This blogger's opinion was apparently written by a robot.
3. Shouse made the Brewers All-Decade team. He was a cult favorite in Milwaukee... kind of like Curtis Leskanic. (??)
4. Some people think Brian is neat.
5. Other people want to punch him!
6. Shouse tore his left flexor muscle last May and missed some time.
7. Barry Zito WISHES he were Brian Shouse!
8. Shouse puts Christ in front of baseball, possibly behind bacon.

Good work, Over the Monster.

In other news, Charlie Zink's been signed by the Cardinals. Zink seemed like a nice guy, but I am glad he's gone. I had his hat for a little while... his dirty PawSox cap. I wore it now and then even though it was too big for me. Then I gave it away.

Pawtucket Red Sox Latino Night

In May of 2007, the PawSox hosted a Latino Night. I have no evidence of this happening either before or after that date. There was dancing and music and Rhode Island's first all-Hispanic Boy Scout Troop (from Central Falls!).

I wish they would bring it back, because it was so cool. I get the feeling that it wasn't a well-attended thing so they didn't repeat it. I'm not implying xenophobia or anything.

The Pawtucket Red Sox should try this again. They should have done it last year, what with Carlos Maldonado and his posse. Maldonado was THE KING! Or 'El Rey', if you will. But yeah, they could probably throw something together this summer. I would seriously love that.

Click here to read a very dry and boring article about the effects of promotional events on baseball attendance.

2010 PawSox schedule: August with a chance of September.


I probably should have done one big post, but I like to BREAK ALL THE RULES!!!!

The September home games are as follows:

9/1 Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs at 7:05
9/2 Iron Pigs at 7:05
9/5 Syracuse Chiefs at 6:05
9/6 (Labor Day) Syracuse at 1:05. Last game unless they make the playoffs.

2010 Pawtucket Red Sox Schedule: JULY


This is when you can go see fireworks. I already told you when, so go look it up. This is exactly why I hate you sometimes.

SWB - Yankees
LVY - Phillies
ROC - Twins
SYR - Nationals. What, again?
TOL - Detroit Tigers
COL - Cleveland Indians
DUR - Tampa Bay Lucifer Rays

By the way, don't go for the Ellsbury bobblehead on the 31st. Go for the Durham Bulls, who are always an exciting team and only come once a year. Like Latin Night! Oh, whoops, that's right. Pawtucket doesn't do that anymore.

Plus bobbleheads are worthless and stupid.

2010 PawSox schedule - JUNE!!!



CHA - White Sox
LOU - Cincinnati Reds
IND - Pirates
COL - Cleveland
SWB - Yankees
SYR - Nationals

Gee, I hope it doesn't rain too much in June. The Yankees ballpark isn't man enough to handle all that moisture.

2010 Pawtucket Red Sox Schedule - May!



GWI - Braves
CHA - White Sox
SYR - Nationals (Strasburg watch)
NOR - Orioles
DUR - Tampa Bay Satan Rays

Things they have at the Family Funfest: free hot dogs, pitch speed things, face painting, that kind of crap. Promo giveaways. I think you get a player or two.

PawSox 2010 Schedule - APRIL!!!

Home games are in yellow. Not red. OKAY?


Last year my schedule looked like FREIGHT TRAIN V MOTHRA!!! So please enjoy this cleaner version. Not as cute as I would have liked it to be, but dig my grave.

ROC - Minnesota Twins
LVY - Phillies
BUF - Mets
IND - Pirates! Should be a good team this year.

1.11.2010

PawSox 2010 Special Events Schedule (Fireworks!)

Looks like all seats have gone up a dollar, too. (Now $11.00 box/$7.00 general admission).

April 8 7:05 - Opening Night Celebration
April 25 1:05 - STAR WARS DAY!!!
April 30 6:15 - FIREWORKS!!!11!

May 16 1:05 - Principal Family FunFest (after the game)
May 30 6:05 - FIREWORKS!!11!!!

June 18 7:05 - Bat Night, first 4000 (age 14 and under fans). Children must have BIRTH CERTIFICATE TO RECEIVE THE FREE BAT! Please present proof of birth at the gate.
June 30 7:05 - PawSox #1 Foam Finger for the first 3,000 fans age 13 and under. Sorry, 14 year olds!

July 1 6:15 - FIREWORKS!!!!ZOMG!!!1
July 2 6:15 - FIREWORKS GAAAAHHH !!!!
July 3 6:05 - OH MY GOD MORE FIREWORKS!!!!! ELEVENTY!

August 18 7:05 - PawSox cheesy notebook (wide rule, of course) (first 3000 fans age 14 and under)

September 5 6:15 - LAST CHANCE FIREWORKS!!!!
September 6 1:05 - Last Regular Season Game celebration

All fireworks begin post-game, natch. No word yet on Poster Night or Legends Night or Latin Night. Oh, wait, that's right! The PawSox don't have Latin Night anymore!

By the way, I was kidding about the birth certificate thing.

1.09.2010

yes, pete, it is.

Charlie Zink rumor: Milwaukee. So he could possibly be reunited with Kottaras. And Chris Smith, I suppose.

Zink finished his year in Pawtucket with these stats:

W-L % .286
ERA 5.59
IP 135

134 hits and 93 walks (WHIP 1.677)
Zink hit 30 batters. Yup.

6.2 BB/9 (Guh.)

Painful memories.

And this may have happened a long time ago, but Trot Nixon has officially retired. And maybe Pokey Reese. Ramiro Mendoza retired a while back. Mirabelli never got another job... and this Padres/Kevin Towers story still cracks me up.

Also on that 2005 Padres team? Dave Roberts, Alan Embree, and Mark Bellhorn.

Next time, I'll start off talking about Bubba Bell and wind up talking about the 2002 Oakland A's 20-game winning streak.

Jeff Bailey likes sushi, breakfast, avoiding traffic, and money.

Read all about it here. Article also states that Bailey wanted play in Japan and make some bank. Can you imagine?

The article also claims that Bailey was the IL MVP in 1998. The actual year is 2008, but I can see how you'd confuse the two.

Here are some marvelous things I said about Jeff Bailey:
1. "Jeff Bailey went 3-4 with a double. Word on the street is that he is only rehabbing in Pawtucket, although I overheard him say he wasn't exactly sure what was going on. To be fair, though, he also wasn't exactly sure what day it was or where his shoes were."
2. "What I am trying to say is that Hyder sometimes hangs out with Jeff Bailey and listens to the Who and the White Album."
3. "I wish I could erase every bad thing I ever said about Bailey in the past. I know I called him dumb more than once. Hyder asked him post-game about the team's success and he attributed it to the pitching. Because he is humble and ordinary and you totally love him."
4. "Jeff Bailey's not driving the ball. He's hitting worse than Chad Spann and I fear for his life."
5. "Jeff Bailey strapped it on and caught Timlin's warmup tosses. Just like old times."
6. "Jeff Bailey looked bigger. Like he did chin-ups during his break at the Washington paper mill. Unfortunately, he struck out during his only at-bat. I hope he figures everything out and doesn't get K-happy like he did in Pawtucket last year. Also, he has a beard, which does wonders for him."
7. "One of the greatest baseball moments for me in 2007 is Jeff Bailey getting called up to play a weekend in... Chicago, was it? I don't know but he did end up hitting a home run and it was his sole production."
8. "JEFF BAILEY had ten errors and he almost ALWAYS plays first base. There is no way you should have that many errors at first."
9. "Abe Alvarez and Jeff Bailey have switched places. Bailey's now a bored Rastafarian lefty starter and Alvarez is a good-natured first-base lummox." (Bailey had replaced Alvarez on the DL.)

God, ENOUGH! I once said that the thing most etched on my brain from McCoy is Bailey standing on first with this glove out, ready to receive the ball from an infielder after a groundout. He catches it, starts the around the horn. A thousand times.

NUMBER SEVEN!!!!!

Jim Martin, private investigator.

I have a different car now that has radio only. Sometimes I listen to Bruins games.

Recently I wondered if the Bruins' PA guy was the same guy who did it at McCoy. It was hard to look up without a name and I found nothing.

Turns out I was right! It IS the same guy and his name is Jim Martin. And all I can think is, how come Pawtucket does not put him in their annual program? I mean, they have 'Assistant Trainer to the Visiting Clubhouse Manager' and 'Vice President of Bullpen Cleaning Services'. Put the PA guy in there! He's earned it!

Martin got to do the PA at the recent Winter Classic.

By the way, the official scorer is Bruce Guindon.

1.08.2010

The following statement is true.

Picture these guys in Pawtucket next year. Well, in McCoy Stadium, specifically, unless you run into one of them at Luke's Record Exchange or something.

RHP Edwin Moreno (probably the same guy as Enrique Gonzalez)
SS Angel Sanchez (not Angel Chavez)
INF Nate Spears (Played with the I-Cubs last couple of years.)
Boof Bonser, possibly
RHP Ramon Ramirez
LHP Fabio Castro

We were slated to get righty reliever and former Norfolk Tides guy Bob McCrory, but he failed his physical. Meaning... I don't know, maybe he can't raise his right arm above his head. That happens to righty relievers all the time, sweetheart.

Hang on, says here B. McCrory had labrum surgery and his right shoulder hurts and Boston did not dig his MRI results. His family feels bad for him, I bet.

I think Kaveman Gabbard is back, too. Looks like his lobotomy scar is healing nicely.

Alejandro fits right in with hallelujah.

Alejandro Machado played a great deal of second base and a little short when he was in Pawtucket in 2005.

He was with the Twins org after that, and then I lost track of him. I saw him at McCoy on occasion with visiting teams, and he would walk up to season ticket holders in the stands and say hi and stuff. Wicked nice guy and adorable-ish.

Machado has been signed by the Mets to a minor league contract, so he'll be back at the park with the Bisons.

12.29.2009

George Lombard is laid back.

Former PawSox strikeout guy George Lombard has been hired as hitting coach for the Lowell Spinners.

You know how sometimes, in baseball, you just like guys? They might not be the best player, or the most interesting, but they seem reasonably cool and you're kinda always rooting for them.

I hated Lombard! Not really. I like him. At any rate, he's back in the system.

Lombard was in Pawtucket for part 0f 2004 and all of '05. He played along such stars as Dave Berg, Adam Hyzdu, and Roberto Petagine. And Cla Meredith! Lenny Dinardo! Geremi Gonzalez!

"True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories."

Dan Hoard is not afraid of anything.

Pawtucket Red Sox radio guy Dan Hoard occasionally subs in for the Cincinnati Reds. And guess what? Reds TV announcer george Grande has retired. Hoard probably could have gotten the job, but Thom Brennaman did. As in, Marty Brennaman's son.

Here are a few comments from around the world regarding his gigs:

1. From John Kiesewetter's TV and Media blog: "Hoard has done a great job on Reds broadcasts. He was my choice to replace Steve Stewart, when nobody knew that Thom Brennaman wanted to come home and work with his dad. Hoard can do play-by-play for TV or radio (if needed), and he’s proven that he does his homework and can weave in stories about players ala Marty, Thom or the Dodgers’ Vin Scully. Hoard is very good and deserves the chance. Between 150 Reds TV games (when Thom isn’t working), and the UC football and basketball on WLW-AM, Hoard would have year-round work to bring him back here full-time. Hoard has done AAA Pawtucket Red Sox games waiting to be called up to the majors. This should be his chance." Damn it.

2. Comment from 'Redleg Nation': "I don’t mind Kelch, but why not Dan Hoard? I think the Reds missed again on the radio broadcasting hire, kind of like in the Steve Stewart deal. I guess it’s nice they rewarded a guy whose been in the organization, but I think Hoard is a better all around announcer."

3. From the Wight Pages: "Dan Hoard, voice of the Triple A Pawtucket Red Sox, has a history in Cincinnati. He broadcasts football and basketball for the University of Cincinnati and has filled in several times for the Reds. In my opinion, Hoard would fit in perfectly as the Reds full-time television play-by-play man."

I should have written this back in October.

The female anchor's fists finally clenched.

After spending a million years with Pawtucket and playing game after game versus the Iron Pigs, after abandoning his catcher position, after ripping up the International League in 2008... Jeff Bailey is gone.

I could say, without Jeff Bailey there is no 'Baseball Heavy', but that would be false. It doesn't help, though.

Since he's signed with Arizona, we won't even see him in the Grapefruit League. He may as well be dead!

I'd do a retrospective, but what would be the point? Maybe only his parents would enjoy that.

12.19.2009

Someday, I will be assassinated.

Newsflash: LHP Jennifer Lopez is a Pirate. I said he quit, but I suppose that's what I get for trusting internet reference sites that any jerk can access. I thought he might still be in the IL but it looks like he's the Pirates only lefty reliever on the 40-man, so we shall see.

VIS: "Being in Boston, it was a great experience, but it's a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately kind of place," Lopez said. "I got off to a rough start and, when you're in a division with the Yankees and Rays ... hey, I can't blame them. They had a guy in Bard who was throwing 100, and I was the guy who had his roster spot."

And, uh, Lopez seems to think he can do long relief. "I look forward to that type of role," Lopez said. "That was yet another reason why Pittsburgh seemed like a great place: I knew the opportunity was there to pitch not only to multiple batters, but maybe multiple innings. I was able to show that in Pawtucket this year, going three innings twice." SEE? He pitched three innings TWO times!

From now on, I'll just wait until I can confirm everything. Hey, I've only been a freelance sports journalist for a couple of years!

Merry Christmas, Santa Claus.

12.17.2009

you'll never walk alone again

You are totally not gonna believe this, but sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez is COMING BACK to McCoy Stadium. My feeling is that Boston is uneasy about their shortstop sitch, but don't forget: I know next to nothing.

In a very sexy related story, Fernando Cabrera is also returning. It's a Christmas miracle! You may recall Cabrera as the Pawtucket All-Star reliever who was the kind of guy you wanted to watch take a shower. Also, he was scandalous.

Marcus McBeth, another very good reliever, has been signed by the Oakland Athletics. He was terrific all season.

Pawtucket second baseman Travis Blutarsky has been signed by the Mariners. Joey Gathright was like the wind - I'm pretty sure he only played a few road games - and he is now up in Toronto.

Sean Danielson and John Otness have been released.

Finally, some things are happening.

They say he was 'worldly'.

Word on the street is that long-time PawSox kid Javier Lopez has decided to hang it up. I'm sure he could have gotten a job somewhere, but I guess he was sick of those 6-hour bus rides. Lopez was original acquired from the White Sox via a trade with David Riske. This was in 2006. Long time ago, right?

A lot of baseball players are meatheads who can probably only play baseball. Lopez was reasonably smart and can probably do other things, such as teach or enter politics or make jewelry.

Javier Lopez got a bad rap, but remember: He did get a guy out here and there. One of my favorite Pawtucket kids of all time.

While you're up, here are some other former PawSox players who've retired:
1. Catcher Andy Dominique (remember chanting his name at Fenway?)
2. Australian sensation Trent Durrington!
3. Marc Deschenes, who I was totally in love with.
4. Jim Buckley (used to split catching duties with Jeff Bailey back in 19-Dickety-2.)
5. OF Luke Allen, probably. I used to do daily reports on him as a joke.
6. Mark Malaska (He now lives in RI!)
7. Lee Gronkiewicz (now coaching) - Damn, he was great for the 3.4 seconds he was in Pawtucket!
8. Tyler Minges, who I found easily. He's a real estate agent in Ohio.
9. Rootin, Tootin, Shawn Wooten. Was on the World Champion Los Angeles Angels in 2002.

Other people who have vanished: Jimmy Serrano, Dave 'Ice' Berg, Tim Bausher, Earl Snyder, Adam Hyzdu.

More to come.

12.09.2009

What people said about the Connecticut Defenders.

from a website I would prefer you didn't visit:

1. "Connecticut Defenders have the schmaltziest fans! Connecticut Defenders game disingenuously a very cozy lasting impression on my family and me. Connecticut Defenders have the perkiest cheerleaders!"

2. "Connecticut Defenders festivities kept my family entertained throughout the entire evening. Connecticut Defenders was the dingiest live sporting dispatch I have ever been to! I love watching Connecticut Defenders live."

3. "I took my children to Connecticut Defenders game last week and they’re already begging to raise again! Connecticut Defenders inspiredly take care of their fans! It was forbearing and fast-paced, but I missed some of the jokes because the words weren’t coming out of the actor’s mouth fast enough. Being on bike through traffic makes it hard to hear the tour guide."

They're right about the cheerleaders, though.

12.05.2009

I just want a bit part in your life!

Since I was denied access to Rhody college basketball, I have a little time to kill.

I came across this piece of heaven right here. It's from a sports radio blog. Normally, I avoid that stuff. But this is right up my alley!

Excerpts from Gary Marbry's 'Red Sox Reviews - The Bit Pitchers #1'

1. Fernando Cabrera's first pitch was a ball to 50% of batters faced in 2009. Don't I know it!

2. "None of the 28 batters that Cabrera faced put the first pitch in play last season." Cabrera only faced 28 batters? How is that possible?

3. "When opponents put the Hunter Jones' first pitch in play, they went 6 for 9 with 2 doubles and 2 HR (and a HBP), good for an OPS allowed of 2.156. That’s the highest such OPS allowed by a Red Sox pitcher since they began tracking the stat in 1988 (min. 10 such batters faced)."

4. "Javier Lopez finished his Red Sox career ranked 20th in games pitched in relief as a Red Sox with 172. He finished 5 appearances behind 19th place Dick Drago, 1 game ahead of Rheal Cormier, and 2 ahead of Keith Foulke." EAT IT, FOULKE!!!

Remarkable.

And one more quick thing: No, two things: Wait.

1.A couple of years ago I wrote a post called 'I Hate Marco Scutaro', but it looks like I deleted it. He may have been on the A's at the time. I suppose I could have written a similar post called "I Hate Jeff DaVanon".
2. I'm heading down to the park to pick up a few items.

12.01.2009

Cherokee name: Laughs at Own Jokes

I just read this from back in May:

"Zink threw 100 pitches and complimented his defense: "I was jamming guys, which is what I'm looking for. My defense played great. I got a little tired. There was a little humidity. We haven't had a lot of warm weather." Zink went on to say "The NASDAQ is looking healthier. Did you see that new Supreme Court lady? Kentucky is a commonwealth. Dude, why you still holding that?"

I'm so glad I find myself hilarious. I can't stop laughing. At myself.

I read a book.

A book arrived in the mail the other day. It was about a pitcher who doesn't quite fit in with his wacky, less intelligent teammates. He worries about his ability to get outs. He shares bullpen conversations and agonizes over his playing time.

Sounds like Ball Four, right? I know, it's essentially the same book. But it's that Yale kid's book with special guest appearances by Craig Breslow.

It wasn't too bad, but the whole White Players vs Uncultured and Annoying Dominicans angle was a little much.

This is as close to a book review as you'll get from me.

Salvatore is gonna love Atwells.

New manager in Pawtucket: Former Bisons/Clippers skipper Torey Lovullo. That seals it, I guess. No backsies. RJ is gone forever.

I'm glad it's him, although Stan Cliburn would have been cool, too.

Let's also welcome back Gerald Perry as the hitting coach. GP was in the hizz back in 1998. If I were you, I'd look up the team BA/OBP for that year to see what we're in for. Because it's not the players who generate the stats, it's the managers and coaches! That's why Morman got the axe, after all.

Imagine! Lovullo and Van Every reunited! Wait... JV's gone. Never mind. I thought I saw him in my peripheral vision, walking past an open door slowly while suspenseful music played. And me, terror stricken with dead phone lines.

My only prior mention of Torey L came here. It's a brief post, but it's really funny and kind of encapsulates the 2009 PawSox.

11.25.2009

i need to know

So, who is this mystery douche who played on the Indians (seen here outside the visiting players' hotel in Pawtucket)?

I thought this was Jordan Brown at first, but it's not.

notrod

PawSox trainer and good guy Greg Barajas got kicked upstairs. That is so great! Have fun at Fenway and enjoy your away parks being in places like Chicago and Tampa Bay instead of Syracuse and Lehigh Valley.

George Kottaras is gone. Ha!

In Jeff Bailey news, DAMN he has been busy. Bailey's been skiing in Vail, coaching high school football, coaching girls' soccer, representing student faculty, and playing bass in a jazz band.

Former PawSox superstar Sandy Madera is leading the Mexican League in HR's with twelve. I miss him so much.

By the way, Ellis Burks should be the new Pawtucket coach.

"A ring is a ring, it's a material thing."

"And I'm gonna get one." - PM

So this is the end of RJ. All I have left is Jeff Bailey, and he's likely gone like Saharan sands. They should make him the manager. It would a give a whole new meaning to coaching "sessions".

No, seriously, is Todd Claus going to take the job? Bob Tewksbury? Merloni? AGHCK. I don't like Merloni very much.

former Red Sox players who could manage in Pawtucket:
1. Bill Mueller. YES!!!! This would be beyond BEYOND.
2. Curtis Leskanic... I guess not. Pitchers don't usually get this job.
3. Mirabelli? No. NO WAY.
4. Trot Nixon? Probably not. But that would be killer.

It'll probably be Gary DiSarcina or someone equally as boring. What about one of the Cliburn brothers? I would be all over that. Or Eric Wedge. Or Bob Zupcik.

How about Mo Vaughn?

In a related story, I was listening to a Bruins game on the radio and I swear... I SWEAR!!!... the PA guy is the guy from McCoy Stadium. Please, if someone can confirm this I would do anything. This poor guy gets no pub. He's not even listed in the annual PawSox program.

Chris Carpenter has a hungry heart.

We had a great time at the GSBD. Nothing warms my heart more than watching some stuck-up millionaire in a tragic suit jacket bid thousands of dollars on an autographed guitar. I'm sure it holds a lot of meaning for him. As in, name more than three songs by this man. Go on. And then go home and lick your CY.

Okay, I no longer want to keep this brief. It's been too long.

Jim Rice signed for everybody. You would have seen the contempt in his eyes if he'd bothered to make eye contact with his fellow human beings.

The Papelbon brothers are far less ugly than their lobotomized brother.

Heidi Watney is flawless and slicker than goose shit. She handled the Q&A like the pro she is. HW is beautiful and poised. She is Forever Heidi. She cannot, however, go out and get shitfaced with her friends. She probably can't wear shorts. She can't go down into the basement at a party and do bong hits with the seedy kidz. I feel so sorry for her.

I think Tom Curran was there. I see him everywhere lately. He's not bad.

Former lady baller Mary Pratt OWNED the hotel function room!! Her brief speech and tough-girl baseball song put the other piles of clothing to shame.

Ricky Romero won some kind of award. His acceptance speech was so boring.

snake party:
1. The drinks were pretty weak and I did not get salad because I was not in my seat and my table companions didn't fight for my right to field greens.
2. I told the poor kid selling raffle tickets that the Armory was a better place for the dinner. The expo center is probably a flea market on weekends, with the industrial cracked cement floor and exposed water pipes.
3. When I saw some guy with a pair of boxing gloves next to his dinner plate, I wondered what the hell was going on. Turns out Angelo Dundee is a rather important boxing guy. Even I was impressed.
4. Tom Signore, Fisher Cats pitching coach, is... friendly.
5. Sam Fuld could not attend because his wife was pushing a kid out.
6. I didn't see Tewks, either.

One final thing: Blue Jays starting pitcher Jesse Litsch was possibly the most intoxicated guest of the night and easily the most entertaining.

God bless!

11.06.2009

It's not over, Hunter Jones! It's... no, it's over this time.

Good riddance, I guess.

No, I take that back. Jones has certain capabilities. He will be an asset to the Marlins.

Stay tuned.